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About Literature / Hobbyist Sarah NicoleFemale/United States Recent Activity
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Literature
Like A Fish
Going with the flow means being dragged under by the current,
Swept away with no and submerged under water,
You watch the fish and wish you could swim with ease like them,
So you try,
But you don't know which way to turn, as the water churns,
And as you try, your energy is expended,
Your lungs start to burn,
Until you can't hold it in anymore,
You become nothing but a bloated corpse,
Going with the flow.
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 11 1
Literature
Navigating the Binary
How can I be bittersweet,
In a world of happy or sad?
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 6 0
Mature content
Leave Me Be :iconspockliveson:spockliveson 3 0
Mature content
Have A Good Life :iconspockliveson:spockliveson 1 0
Literature
The Helpful Don't Preach
Don't tell me to love my body when it has tried to destroy,
Don't tell me my scars are beautiful,
Don't tell my trauma is made me strong,
Because you are telling me I am self made by defining me by my pain,
Do not praise me for surviving,
For standing after I was pushed to the floor,
When I look in the mirror, I see what I have become,
And a ghost of what I could have been,
Every moment is negotiation,
Between who I am and who I want to be,
And the continual of death of a person I could have been before it all began,
I have seen the edge,
The theoretical limit to sanity and the inevitable end to my humanity,
I have seen my demise, where my body becomes a living corpse,
I have seen how far a can be pushed, How have learned the strength to pull myself up,
Except, I have not fallen off the edge, I did not die, literally or theoretically,
Not because I was strong, but because it my not the real edge,
The edge where I fall and will be unable to get up,
Everyone has an edge, and the push is
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 4 0
Literature
False Borders
Break me to pieces,
Just to steal my soul,
You grab it with no intention of letting go,
Tears of blood stream like rivers,
From which you find gold,
And you will not let go,
You, you, you, is what I push back against,
Because it is from you that my "I" is defined,
And "I" want my soul,
But you will never let go.
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 7 4
Literature
Question of Obscurity
I remember when you started out, so promising and energized,
And when I listening to your music, I can pinpoint where your soul dies,
Pitch perfect, the melody is on point, yet something in the delivery seems flat,
Oh, and did you hear that!
The sound of defeat, where you wish the end was near,
You don’t know it but I can hear,
It all rising in the back of your mind,
Wondering where did the love go after all this time,
And when the silence breaks at the end of the song,
Your wondering where it all went wrong,
In the silence is where the truth lies,
And it says more than all that noise in the background that tries to hide how your passion dies,
I pop my head along because the tune is catchy but deep down I know I am listening to a zombie,
And I wonder if I will be that way, one day, and I think maybe it would be better to keep music as a hobby,
Because it seems the payment for success is a tombstone,
I am not sure I want to be in a graveyard for the chance of being well known,
And
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 8 0
Literature
*Sigh*
Frustration is overwhelming,
I know I need to get this done, but the motivation is just not there,
The deadlines is fast approaching but I no longer care,
And I sit idle, watching the time,
Every hour is a revival,
But I quickly die,
I can no longer tell which is more of a waste of my time,
The assignment or my procrastination
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 11 2
Literature
Again, we go
Physical fatality, mental depravity,
I fall into your trap so nonchalantly,
Even I can’t tell if this is my master plan,
Or I am falling under your spell yet again,
I don’t know where we stopped or where we began,
I tap the lifeless corpse,
Wishing is would move yet again,
Over and over, as you stare in contempt,
As you have given up yet don’t have the decency to tell me so,
And my rage only grows,
As that tap turned to slaps,
Slaps turn to punches and kicks,
Physical fatality, mental depravity, I finally turn to insanity,
And I try to the wake the corpse out of a sleep it does not know,
Crimson splatters the ground and air,
All I see is what was,
Can no longer comprehend what is,
Until I pay a closer attention,
And see all the crimson is my hand,
I finally notice,
The corpse does not move, does not care,
It mocks me as I realize,
The corpse is not bleeding,
Rather the crimson comes from me,
As I was trying to wake the corpse of our relationship,
You were trying to ki
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 5 0
Literature
Valley of Ashe and the Two Eggheads
On the East Side of the Egg,
You carried me around with you like a good luck charm,
And I followed after you believing you were my protector,
Not understanding you saw it the other way around,
I think back to night time strolls we took after you barked your orders,
You leaned on me, but I could not take the pressure,
And I cried when you realized I was not your savior of evil,
And died a little inside when you decided to spend all your time somewhere else,
I am reminded of high school English, all I can think of is Tom and Daisy,
They aren’t bad people, just careless and live a wreck in their wake,
And now I have to disagree with you Mr. Fitzgerald,
Because carless people are bad for the careful,
On the West Side of the egg
All was well as long as I did what you wanted me too,
I planned a future for two, yet somehow, we turned into you,
You counted love as a checklist, did it once and then you were done,
But without continual maintenance, love turns to bitterness,
And I tried my
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 5 0
Literature
Sorry, I am so Sorry
I'm sorry,
"It's fine, there was no harm",
At least this time,
I am sorry,
"I don't believe you mean it",
I do more than you could ever know,
I am sorry,
"I don't trust people who say sorry a lot",
I am sorry you feel that way,
I am sorry,
"Stop saying sorry",
I wish I could and I am sorry I can't
I am sorry
"Why do you keep saying sorry all the time"
Because that word has been ingrained in my brain,
In my muscle memory of pain,
Sorry is the forever uttering of all the wrongs I wish to do right,
It all started at sorry,
Sorry for your anger,
Sorry for your pain,
Sorry I have my known needs and wants that get in your way,
Sorry everything is my fault,
Sorry, I take up space,
Sorry you have moved on and left me in this horrible place,
Well, I am finding my way out,
Sorry is no longer filled with pain,
It is numbness that I no longer realize holds the truth,
For I will always be sorry for everything,
Even what i didn't do
And I wish I could tell you,
And I hope you would understand,
But a
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 13 5
Literature
Scapegoat
You write your sins on my skin,
And they burn like the heat of the Sahara,
I wander the desert of your lies,
And thirst for the truth I will never find.
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 8 0
Literature
My Advice: No Such Thing As Stardust
You deserve the moon and the stars,
Don't let anyone give you dust and call it good enough,
Because Dust has mites,
That you won't notice they're there,
Until a part of you is lost that you didn't know existed,
Until it was gone,
it takes more time and effort to rebuild,
Than it does to say a bitter goodbye
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 9 1
Literature
Wildfire
    Anger is my sedation,
Otherwise all I would feel is pain,
So overwhelming it shocks my brain
into numbness that comes in waves,
      Breaking my psych into pieces,
And you don't even acknowledge your participation in my melt downs,
Try to define my life in terms of politics,
But all I ask is for consideration,
which seems to be hard because all you can think of is politically correct,
You feel entitled to everything that surrounds you,
But you own nothing,
And no one owes you,
All your friends are strangers,
Because people who get to know you, know to run,
You don't ever pretend to care,
You never want to be there,
And yell at my attitude never questioning if I am justified,
Because the only right is by your definition,
And if you don't approve then
it was a waste of space,
Just like you make me feel,
          And I need my anger,
Just for a short conversation with you,
        Anger is my sedation,
Otherwise a
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 19 5
Literature
Lies In the Smile
When you walk the path of her tears,
Remember that the river has dried,
And when you intersect with her laugh lines,
Remember she has cried.
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 15 8
Literature
Why Can't I Sleep?
Why can't I sleep,
I sit staring at the wall instead,
Wishing the words rings around and around my mind would cease,
So i can finally get some fucking peace,
Everything is slanted with no form or shape,
Everybody is rancid making promises they can't keep,
Nothing stays together and when it all falls about,
I am stuck in the middle of the mess because everything was broken from the start,
Why can't I sleep?
I did nothing wrong yet this guilt feels so right,
Uncomfortable roaming the halls cause even though the switch is on there is no light,
Racing in my head, is every word you ever said, and everything I have done that has marked what is wrong,
Everything we worked so hard for is gone
Everything is slanted with no form or shape,
Everybody is rancid making promises they can't keep,
Nothing stays together and when it all falls about,
I am stuck in the middle of the mess because everything was broken from the start,
Why can't I sleep?
And I know I share the blame,
And I know I should't co
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson
:iconspockliveson:spockliveson 15 5

Favourites

Literature
Hate and Grief
Help me
learn to
love myself
:iconVivyi:Vivyi
:iconvivyi:Vivyi 3 4
Literature
Poem - Was It Worth
Was it worth it to persist
in a world prone to hate
when a span manifests
between the norm and deviance?
this is the question of the ages
the freak persists no matter what
judged peculiar for their ways
even though they’re genuine
the lack of reference is a source
familiarity lost in a rush
between surviving life’s travails
and opportunity to see the world
this is biased by the need
to hold with dogmas ages’ deep
reinforced by hoary texts
damning by the ancient words
one or the other is enough
to turn society against the one
asking them to double down
if completeness will be preserved
the answer to this puzzlement
seems contrary at first blush
presentation of a friend
a frequent face to contemplate
still the world will seek to hate
this is resisted by amity
experience shared with the one
finding worth to carry on.
© 2018. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20181203.
:icongreensh:greensh
:icongreensh:greensh 1 0
Literature
Explain Away
A labyrinth with a minefield, secrets around any turn
a graveyard on a fault line after an earthquake
I was fool enough to think and brave enough to burn
but not wise enough to consider, fear you would forsake
and not care, interest in what it would take
the metaphors are cuts, and nothing I've done can make up for
the hollow ache of this empty grave, pulled under to pummel the better
spit out a bloody person, hurt and insecure and sore
vomitous, vile, viciousness, aimless, hurtful and bitter
I was a fool to try to navigate your maze, broken by the breadth
and the overwhelmed as lesser as I am by the sheer depth
truly the explosive nature is mine, you are just a mountain farther from clouds and closer to God's own breath
that reaching feels like an exhausting and frustrating climb, survival requiring fortitude, I gave all I had and kept going when there was nothing left
I wanted you at your peak, and as I spiraled down in confusion because you are always the top of my world, I saw the
:iconEvilhappy:Evilhappy
:iconevilhappy:Evilhappy 3 0
TIE-X by OliverInk TIE-X :iconoliverink:OliverInk 149 35 Last Man Standing by OliverInk Last Man Standing :iconoliverink:OliverInk 123 29 Taun We's Naivete by OliverInk Taun We's Naivete :iconoliverink:OliverInk 134 17 My Ink by OliverInk My Ink :iconoliverink:OliverInk 29 14 Falcon 2.0 by OliverInk Falcon 2.0 :iconoliverink:OliverInk 51 16 Adoring Yavin 4 by OliverInk Adoring Yavin 4 :iconoliverink:OliverInk 48 8 Tears Of The Sun by OliverInk Tears Of The Sun :iconoliverink:OliverInk 84 7 Graf Roboter Halten by OliverInk Graf Roboter Halten :iconoliverink:OliverInk 24 6 It Was The Cat! by OliverInk It Was The Cat! :iconoliverink:OliverInk 27 5 The Good Count by OliverInk The Good Count :iconoliverink:OliverInk 46 7 The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress by OliverInk The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress :iconoliverink:OliverInk 101 17 Enchanted Glade by OliverInk Enchanted Glade :iconoliverink:OliverInk 93 26 Bridge Of Sighs by OliverInk Bridge Of Sighs :iconoliverink:OliverInk 55 27

Groups

Activity


Going with the flow means being dragged under by the current,
Swept away with no and submerged under water,
You watch the fish and wish you could swim with ease like them,
So you try,
But you don't know which way to turn, as the water churns,
And as you try, your energy is expended,
Your lungs start to burn,
Until you can't hold it in anymore,
You become nothing but a bloated corpse,
Going with the flow.
How can I be bittersweet,
In a world of happy or sad?

Mature Content

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I don't want your half-assed apologies,
Finding me on the street, in my house, or around my friends to fall on your knees,
Beg me to forgive something you did,
But if you take a second to listen instead of cry,
You would've known to watch yourself this whole time because like Aretha,
Respect means something to me,

I am tired of hearing you whine all the time,
I don't want to hear no apologies that you don't mean,
Because if you paid attention, these mistakes wouldn't be a thing,
If you hurt men then leave me be, because my self-respect is more important than your selfish words,

Please don't compliment me to get me to let you off the hook,
don't notice how fabulous I am, after you caused me to hurt,
Because I know all about how great I am and I don't need to hear it from you,
Someone who obviously didn't appreciate it enough to think your action through,

Take some responsibility for your own practices,
Stop placing the burden on me to accept them as who are,
You are what you do, not what you say,
And I am tired of your whiny as words that mean nothing after a day,
So fuck off and leave me be and please stop whining to me.  

Mature Content

This content is intended for mature audiences.


or, enter your birth date.*


Month

Day

Year*
Please enter a valid date format (mm-dd-yyyy)
Please confirm you have reviewed DeviantArt's Terms of Service below.
* We do not retain your date-of-birth information.
I don't hate myself even though this is not who I am supposed to be,
Just like I don't hate my body even though it is out to get me,
And the worst and best gift you ever gave me was PTSD,
Because I know how to remake me,

And I am done with your lies, your bullshit, and denies,
This is going to be our last goodbye,
I am better without you and deserve better than you
So take the strong hit and have a good life,

When I call I won't answer back,
I don't care what you say because I am never coming back,
You can yell and scream and call me names because I was mean,
Honestly, that sounds like a personal problem to me,

And I am done with your lies, your bullshit, and denies,
This is going to be our last goodbye,
I am better without you and deserve better than you
So take the strong hit and have a good life,

Hell yeah I'm ungrateful,
Sure I am a stupid child (even though I am legally an adult)
Fuck you and your inflated ego,
Cause I am done with your asshole shit

And I am done with your lies, your bullshit, and denies,
This is going to be our last goodbye,
I am better without you and deserve better than you
So take the strong hit and have a good life,
Don't tell me to love my body when it has tried to destroy,
Don't tell me my scars are beautiful,
Don't tell my trauma is made me strong,
Because you are telling me I am self made by defining me by my pain,
Do not praise me for surviving,
For standing after I was pushed to the floor,
When I look in the mirror, I see what I have become,
And a ghost of what I could have been,
Every moment is negotiation,
Between who I am and who I want to be,
And the continual of death of a person I could have been before it all began,
I have seen the edge,
The theoretical limit to sanity and the inevitable end to my humanity,
I have seen my demise, where my body becomes a living corpse,
I have seen how far a can be pushed, How have learned the strength to pull myself up,
Except, I have not fallen off the edge, I did not die, literally or theoretically,
Not because I was strong, but because it my not the real edge,
The edge where I fall and will be unable to get up,
Everyone has an edge, and the push is different for everyone,
But the real edge, the real fall, may never occur but it always there,
And I feel the threat,
The constant anxiety of waiting,
For when I will the edge,
When I have no choice to give up,
Because I will no longer be able to get up.

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spockliveson's Profile Picture
spockliveson
Sarah Nicole
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I am a graduate student studying International Relations, Women's and Genders Studies and Arabic. I love writing and music. I used to play drums for a rockband. Since I started college I have lost a lot of time to writing, so I started Deviantart as a way to continue.

Comments


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:iconvaragka:
Varagka Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2018  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav!
Reply
:iconthe-shifty-lion:
The-Shifty-Lion Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the :+fav: on Time to let Go
Reply
:iconanqueetas:
Anqueetas Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconthxfavplz:
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:iconhopefulzero:
HopefulZero Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you very much for the faves! I really appreciate it! ;w;

I hope you have a great weekend! :heart:
Reply
:iconsakura-araragi:
Sakura-Araragi Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2018  Student Digital Artist
:iconkittyglompplz: Thanks so much for faving Through the Clouds~! :+fav:
[AT] - Through the Clouds by Sakura-Araragi
I appreciate it :heart:
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:iconsara-arasteh:
Sara-Arasteh Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the fav!light cherry blossoms c 
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:iconbarosus:
Barosus Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2018   Writer
Thanks for the fave on Isolated, Sarah!  Croaking frog emoji v2 
Reply
:icontmkahz:
tmkahz Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2018
Thanks for the favorite :)
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:iconviolet-petunia:
Violet-Petunia Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the :+fav:!
Reply
:iconrevscottfultz:
revscottfultz Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2018
thank you for the fave I'm writing a book currently and need people to donate to a go fund me so i can self publish I'm aiming for Christmas donate if you can but please share it and get the word out. www.gofundme.com/poetry-book-a…
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