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Warning: This might get kinda depressing and stuff, so don't read it if you don't want to

So I got home from school earlier today and I went to my room to change my clothes. When I'm done with that, I leave my room and head towards the kitchen. I stop walking for a moment to listen to my mom talking to my brother about something that brings a tear to my eye.

My mom had to put down our 16 year old tabby cat, Apollo.

Apollo has been a part of my life since I was born. He was my first pet ever. He's also the first pet that I've had die. After my mom and my brother stopped talking, I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal. As I was doing so, my mom asked me if I overheard what they were saying. I didn't feel like talking. I couldn't. If I did I would've burst into tears right then and there. So I didn't say anything. My brother walked by me and whispered "Apollo's dead." Those words made me so angry, I don't even know why. "I get it," I replied. I took my cereal and walked back to my room. I put the bowl down on my desk and went to my bathroom. The tears were already flowing. I wiped them away but they just kept coming. Once I calmed down I went back to my room, opened my laptop, and started to watch YouTube videos. Those always cheer me up. I ate my cereal calmly and watched videos for about 20 minutes or so. I cleaned up my bowl blah blah. I did my homework, blah blah boring stuff. Then I sat down in my computer chair and thought for a few moments. When I found out about Apollo's death, I don't think it fully registered in my mind.

I would never get to see him again. Never get to pet him again. Never hear him meow or purr. But then I realized that he was in a better place. No more suffering for him. Poor guy had so many health problems. He was incredibly skinny, blind in one eye, going senile, he was just suffering so much. And then I realized something else: I didn't feel sad. At first I felt angry, so angry. But now I just feel empty. Hollow. But whenever my mom or my brother brings it up I feel angry again. This is the first close family member for me who has died. And to add to the pain, the past few weeks have been absolute shit for me. I've got other problems that I don't need to share right now, but they're there. And this, man, this just crushed me completely. I still can't really wrap my head around the fact that Apollo is actually dead. It's so hard. I'm even crying while I write this, just the mention of his name makes me upset.

He was such a cool cat. Well, I mean, he did hate me for a while when I was younger. But that's only because I used to pull his tail all the time. My family really liked him. But when he got older, he became an annoyance to everyone. He was originally my mom's cat, but even she got annoyed with him. I think most of my anger stems from the complete lack of sadness from my family. My mom and my brother just brushed it off like it was nothing. And they think that I just don't care. But in reality I'm completely shattered.



I know I never post journals like this, and I'm sorry if I made any of you upset or anything lol. I just really had to tell someone. Just vent a bit as well. So if you read that whole thing, thank you. Also, to my commissioners: your commissions will probably take a while to get done, considering I'm going through a really hard time right now. I'm really sorry about the delay, but I'll try my best to get them done as soon as I can c: Thank you so much for understanding and listening to me whine, and have a nice day/night. uvu


R.I.P. Apollo - October 22nd, 2014
I'll miss you, old friend <3


Filename by spiderliings
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:iconvixygamingwarrior:
VixyGamingWarrior Featured By Owner Edited Nov 1, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
OMFG
This made me cry... Just remember that he loved you
And you loved him. And many cats never get that! Many cats aren't even recognized. He is a lucky cat to have a family and home. I can understand your pain I recently had my cat die... Im sorry you had to go through this. Stay strong.
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:iconspiderliings:
spiderliings Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much ;; <3 This was really a great message, your comment made me teary eyed. I'm so sorry for your loss as well vv
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:iconvixygamingwarrior:
VixyGamingWarrior Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You are so very welcome <3
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:iconcitypng:
citypng Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
OH MY GOD THAT CAT WAS ONE BEAUTIFUL MOTHERFUCKER I HOPE YOURE OKAY SAM OMFg

IM SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS OKFSDFKDSFSF YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN TO GO THROUGH DEPRESSING ASS SHIT, SAM, LIKE I SWEaR
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:iconspiderliings:
spiderliings Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
He really was omg ;;;

But thank you Becca-sama <3 I am feeling a little better now, so hopefully I'll be back to my normal self again soon :'D
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:iconcitypng:
citypng Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
im glad youre feeling better yo! <3 samu-senpai, dont let anything get you down, because youre fuckin perfect and i dont want anyone or anything making you feel otherwise.
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:iconspiderliings:
spiderliings Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww omg you're so nice ;w; <333 You're the best Becca-sama <33
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:iconcitypng:
citypng Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
np yoo <33 im just doin my job as dorky gay trash to help you huhu ;w;
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:iconpolterqueist:
polterqueist Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Awwww, I'm so so sorry to hear that!
I've had a pet be put down before too, so I understand the pain. I really hope that you find peace soon as well as acceptance. He was a great cat and he loved you as much as you loved him. I wish you the best and I hope that you find solace in that he's in a better place now.
He was beautiful and I'm sorry for your loss, but always keep him in your heart he will never truly be lost <3
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:iconspiderliings:
spiderliings Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much Ossu, you're awesome ;;; <3 It's been 3 days already but I still can't really believe it. I'm sorry for your loss as well, though. Thank you again for the support <33
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:icongrvmp:
grvmp Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww, such a sweetheart... I lost a cat back in July, my baby named Patches. I know exactly what it feels like, I'm really sorry to hear this. I hope you feel better soon. <3
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:iconspiderliings:
spiderliings Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much <3 It's really hard, man. I've never lost a pet before, and I knew this was coming but I guess I still couldn't really believe it vv
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:icongrvmp:
grvmp Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. And yep, it is terribly difficult. :( It's hard to imagine what it feels like if you haven't experienced the pain for yourself. If you ever need to talk, you know I'm here. :heart:
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:iconspiderliings:
spiderliings Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I realize that now ;;; Thank you for all the support, it really truly means a ton <3
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:icongrvmp:
grvmp Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It's no problem at all. <3 I'm glad I could help, even if it was only just a bit.
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:iconfoomey:
Foomey Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm so sorry to hear. I hope you get through these tough times and seeing how much you care for Apollo, you must've taken great care of him. So I know he had a great life, and was lucky to have you
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:iconspiderliings:
spiderliings Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you ;;; <3 I'm feeling a bit better about the whole situation this week. I really miss him, but it's okay because I know he's not hurting anymore vv
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