I made a mistake recently that has tore me apart from the inside out. My stupid decision made me lose someone I cared about. I never thought twice about people's feelings and I should have. I decided to do something because I wanted to, not caring about what the other person thought half of the time, always thinking that the other person would get over it. And it was a stupid decision to even do that project in the first place. If I would have known ahead of time that it was going to end our relationship, then I would've never started writing it.
But the stress of wanting to make what I wrote good , made me give it up entirely. What was supposed to be fun, ended up being torture for me. After seeing something that tore my heart in half, I tried to hide my heartbreak by posting happy things on my account, but deep down I was a mess.
I tried to play it off like I never needed that person in the first place, but I would've just been lying to myself if I said that. That person was my favorite family member once upon the time, and now its like we don't even know each other. I was going to contact the person after all the drama was over, but I was too scared to face up to what I had done. So instead I decided to come to this website to see what the other person posted and that was a huge mistake. I would've texted them and apologized after a certain period of time went by, but after I saw something I regretted seeing, i knew all attempts at simply saying sorry were thrown out the window.
The other person clearly didn't care about the fact that I would've seen it. And didn't care about ruining the relationship we had. If it wasn't for that message, I wouldve talked to the person privately. I was going to, I just needed time to cool down.
I don't even know if saying sorry matters anymore, its not like it'll change anything. I've been trying for weeks to think of something to say to that person, but I realized nothing would've ever gotten through to that person, they would have never forgiven me. But it was also kind of stupid to fight over a book anyways, and saying the things they did really goes to show that the person never gave a damn about me.
But I guess I'll leave with just one message. I'm sorry. It probably doesn't even mean a thing to you, but I'm still going to say it. you thought I didn't care about you, but I did. More than you thought I did. And seeing you say that I never cared, really hurt. Because I did care. just because I made one stupid mistake doesn't mean I didn't care. I'm open to making amends in the future, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. the relationship we had was toxic anyways, always lying to eachother, always changing what we say so we don't offend each other. What kind of relationship is that if we can't be honest with each other? I felt like I couldn't even be myself half of the time when I was around you. I just couldn't keep that up any longer. so I'm sorry for anything I ever did to make you feel like I didn't care about you. But you have to realize you hurt me too. What you said really hurt me, whether you care or not.
But since I know you'll probably never see this, in the off chance that you do I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I should've taken into account how you truly felt about that story, not just throw it away when we were doing something good. If I would've realized and been patient with it, we could've made something great, but no, I just had to fuck it up didn't i. And if we never talk again, then I wish you luck on whatever dreams you go after, and wish you luck on finding your own friends that will understand you better then I apparently did.
Im open to making amends if you are, we don't have to hold a grudge for the rest of our lives. But it's your choice. Goodbye.