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Just an odd observation coming to a head.

When I was active in the Metalocalypse fandom, there were some 'observations' that made me beat my head against a wall.

'I hate it when they draw Toki's facial hair like it's just attached to his face!'

*slams head against brick*

"What the fuck do you think facial hair IS?!  You've never touched a male you weren't related to, have you?"

And there were the reasons they thought Skwisgaar/Toki was canon:

"They were sitting next to each other in X episode and their legs were touching."

"When they saw each other in X episode they smiled."

"They were worried about each other in X episode."

Me: Okay, now I love ships and I won't deny anyone their kink, but you guys do know that men can experience friendship as well, right?

I belong to a group on Facebook that's devoted to Thorin Oakenshield. On Thursdays, they have 'Bagginshield Thursday' where they post pictures that suggest Thorin and Bilbo had a romantic relationship. A Thursday or two ago, they posted a few pictures that consisted of the two characters standing next to each other and a video that showed Richard Armitage and Martin Freeman in costume walking across a field. Richard Armitage stepped closer to Martin Freeman and said something.  If you weren't gagging for an excuse to have these two shagging, it would look like he was stepping closer so he could be heard clearly.  

Now I love Bagginshield, and I have nothing against Skwisski, but shit -- this kind of stuff would be classified as casual friendship if the characters were female. Are men not allowed to show the faintest fondness for another male unless they're family or want to fuck them?

That's toxic masculinity right there.

Guys, you can be bros.  You can be friends, you can be best buds, you can be chums,  you can even be brothers from another mother.  You can show emotion and feel, and hurst and yearn and nothing about that makes you gay.  
  • Listening to: Sabaton
  • Reading: Grimm Fairy Tales
  • Watching: Prep & Landing
  • Playing: With my dolls
  • Eating: Mixed Nuts
  • Drinking: Tea
So I'm getting back into my doll stuff. 

I'm making another self doll.  I don't know if I'll ditch mine completely or save her for dealing with the monster/ever after high crowd.  My new base is this gal: -----

The Made to Move Curvy Barbie (yoga version).  She's curvy (like me), pale (like me), has dark blond hair (like me), and in the picture I purchase her off of, it looked like she had blue-gray eyes (like me).  I was like: Sweet! I just have to add freckles and tattoos!  I am not one of those people who find a doll and turn it 180 degrees from where it was. I like to have something to work with.  In reality, her eyes are a light brown. But that's okay, I'm pretty sure I can deal with that. She does have a joint on her thigh right across where my thigh tattoo is, so I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to deal with that.  
  • Listening to: Sabaton
  • Reading: Grimm Fairy Tales
  • Watching: Prep & Landing
  • Playing: With my dolls
  • Eating: Mixed Nuts
  • Drinking: Tea
I have been in a real creative funk lately.  I've no idea why; things are going pretty well for me.  Comparatively speaking to former abodes and jobs, they are in fact, fantastic.  I just . . . . . don't feel like creating. I don't feel like writing, I don't feel like modding dolls, I don't feel like doing the doll comics, I don't even feel like knitting. 

I'm hoping this is temporary and I just have to wait it out.

Just a heads up.
  • Listening to: 50s
  • Reading: Wyrd Sisters
  • Watching: Happy!
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: French bread
  • Drinking: Milk

Mom always says she wants to come back as one of my dogs. Today I wondered if someone didn't get that wish.

I was burning a bunch of cardboard boxes in the backyard (toilets and lamps and toasters, oh my!) and since it was so nice out, I braced open the back door and let the dogs out. Missy came out and chased the flying paper bits from the fire and pawed them to bits when they landed. I've seen her do that before when she was younger and chalked it up to play.

"Aww, hers my little firefighter! You fight that fire! Beats it up!"

But Missy has gotten older and learned to conserve her energy. After the paper bits stopped flying, she sat by the fire and just stared at it while I trimmed bushes and dragged over branches. She didn't even want to leave to go visit a neighbor dog, even though we were only fifty feet away.

When the fire started to smolder, Missy walked around the edge, found coals, and dug them into the yard, growling.

Just when I'm at the point that this is a little beyond instinct, I grab the hose to douse the ashes before I go inside. The second I start dragging the hose towards the burn pile, Missy retreats to the porch. She doesn't go inside, she just retreats the porch. Bear, who is usually right by my side, has already gone back into the house. I hose down the ashes, then walk back towards the house. I say: The fire is out, Missy.

She BOUNDS back into the house, tail wagging madly. She runs over and starts chowing down on her soft food like she was starving. Mind you, the door has been wide open for three hours. After she stuffs her face, she finds the nearest dog bed and curls up on it.

And I'm just staring at her, like: Who did you used to be?

  • Listening to: Misbehavin' Maidens
  • Reading: Hobbit Fanfiction
  • Watching: Disenchantment
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Taco Bell
  • Drinking: Steel Reserve Watermelon
So I'm back in the Midwest!  My mother, trying desperately not to overpower me and give me my space so I don't take off for the other side of the planet, put me in a house in Hoopeston, IL.  It's not huge, but it's cozy.  Three bedrooms, one and a half baths.  Small deck and garden, one car garage and shed.  

It took me a minute to realize that this was a hobbit hole.  

My mother never threw away anything, so she kept a lot of my teacups and pots and pans and things.  Of course, after nearly three years, they were pretty dusty, so I was stood in the nearly empty house washing dishes.  I went to put some glasses away and I grabbed my one cognac glass and started to put it on the middle shelf of the cabinet, then thought, no, I won't use it that often and put it on the top shelf.  

And that's when I realized that I could reach the top shelf.

For those who have better things to remember, I am only five feet tall and this was mind-blowing realization.

I walked around the house afterwards and realized that the mirrors were all set to my height. The cabinets are set to my height.  Even the bathroom mirror was tilted downwards so that I could easily see my face in it.  

THIS IS A HOBBIT HOLE.

There is wood paneling in every room, which I like, so no fear there.  It's only got eight foot ceilings and cozy, cozy, coziness!  I have a grape vine in the garden.  Maybe I'll try winemaking. 
  • Listening to: Misbehavin' Maidens
  • Reading: Hobbit Fanfiction
  • Watching: Disenchantment
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Taco Bell
  • Drinking: Steel Reserve Watermelon
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way,
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.


Pretty sure I've quoted that same poem before here, so it's very fitting.  

So! I'm half-way home.  I started off last Monday, got half an hour into the trip and my transmission died. On the bright side, it dumped in the town I used to work in, so I knew exactly where the street with all the small auto shops was.  I managed to pull in to one.  He first tells me he won't be able to even look at it until this Monday because of his workload.  Then he got things done earlier than he thought, so it was locked, cocked, and ready to rock this morning.

Last Monday, I grabbed a suitcase out of the van, grabbed the dog food and called an Uber.  It was a $25 dollar ride just to get back.  I was paid up until the end of the month, so I just stayed an extra week.  At first I was pumped; I was like 'I get a whole week to hang out and write!' *looks at suitcase and dog food*

I didn't bring my laptop back with me.

Oh, well, I can get by with just my tablet!  It will be okay!

 . . . my tablet is in the bag with my laptop, isn't it?

So I had to spend a whole week with just my phone.  DA is funny about the things it lets you do on the phone.  Sometimes it will 'let' you comment and reply, but when you go back later, there's nothing there.  I know I replied to at least one person on Ao3, but not here.  That's why.

But I got my car and I'm heading back to the Midwest.  We're stopped in Parkersburg, WV right now, which is right across the border from Ohio.  I wanted to stay at a Comfort Inn Suites, which is a pet-friendly hotel chain.  I saw 'Comfort Suites' and 'pet friendly' and pulled it.  It wasn't until I was standing in the lobby that I realized that this was not the same chain.  Comfort Inn Suites doesn't charge a pet fee, but it's much more basic.  Comfort Suites does charge a pet fee, but it's a lot swankier and they give you goodie bags for each dog - you get poop bags, three or four treats, and a toy for each dog.  I'm debating on going and hanging out in the hot tub for a bit or just crashing.  I think I'm going to take Bear out (Missy might not want to come) for a last walk and be lazy, honestly. </span>
  • Listening to: Misbehavin' Maidens
  • Reading: Hobbit Fanfiction
  • Watching: Disenchantment
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Taco Bell
  • Drinking: Steel Reserve Watermelon
UPDATE!!!

So I got twenty minutes north of Portsmouth and my transmission blew.  So I'm stuck in Virginia for another week and a half. All my stuff is still in my trailer so I'm going to be inhabiting the marina lounge for the next week or so.


So very shortly I will be moving back to Indiana.  It's strictly a financial decision.  The pay and job market on the East Coast is absolutely horrible. So I will miss crabbing, but I will be able to actually afford to buy crabs, so there we are.  I also won't be brought low by the heat index.  I'm desperately cleaning and packing, but I still have to stop in the middle of the day because it's just too fucking hot - we're talking heat indexes of 106 (F).

I'll probably stay up until 3 am again because I can actually move then.
  • Listening to: Vinyl
  • Reading: Funeral Director Education materials
  • Watching: Asl videos
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Baby 3 Musketeers
  • Drinking: Mike's Harder Lemonade
I finished my funeral home certificate.  I'm now job-hunting.  I'm writing quite a bit these days.  I'd like some feedback, but---

Journals and facebook feed is loaded with tragedy and making me feel like a total bitch for wanting some attention.  

Logical me: Attention is a human need.  Don't feel bad for wanting some.

Emotional me: Everyone else is going through such trials and you want feedback for a self-indulgent Middle Earth fanfic you wrote?!
  • Listening to: Vinyl
  • Reading: Funeral Director Education materials
  • Watching: Asl videos
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Baby 3 Musketeers
  • Drinking: Mike's Harder Lemonade
Found out I'm losing my hearing. Like, officially.  Can't say how much or how bad it's going to get yet, because they have to take repeated hearing tests to see if it's still degrading but I have enough hearing loss in lower registers that I can't hear normal conversation in noisy environments.  I had a donor at work with a voice like Isaac Hayes ask me for a tissue in a nearly empty room and I had to ask him to repeat himself three times.

It's not at the point at the moment where hearing aids are really necessary, but we'll have to see how far it goes.  I'm trying to look on the bright side; like, I'll learn ASL and stop talking.  That way people will have to work to communicate with me and I think that will cut out a lot of bullshit.  I can cut to the front of boarding lines and if people protest, I'll be like: *signing* and I think most people will give it up rather than push the issue.  I'll push my way to the front of concerts and if people protest I'll be like: I have hearing loss!  I have to be this close!  I'll get away with murder!
  • Listening to: Vinyl
  • Reading: Funeral Director Education materials
  • Watching: Asl videos
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Baby 3 Musketeers
  • Drinking: Mike's Harder Lemonade

Interesting day. A slip neighbor and I just helped someone with a 62' yacht tie up. He gave us a beer and $20 for it and a tour of his enormous yacht.

The real hilarity was the 'crew quarters'.

He had three separate quarters up top, one of which just had a pair of twin beds in it and Tom (the neighbor) was like: this is the crew quarters. And one of the three men aboard said: Oh no, the crew quarters are down below!

So the owner took us out back on the deck, lifted up a cushion and showed us a ladder leading down to a flat bed with a sink and toilet both within arm's reach of it.

I flat out said, right in front of the guy: 'If this was my 'burial at sea' boat, that is where I would put the corpse.'

Tom about choked, but the owner then rounded on me and started asking me questions about being buried at sea. I answered them to the best of my ability. He seemed surprised by the fact that yes, fish will eat your body.

I said that if you wanted to be buried at sea, you should be okay with the fact that fish will eat your body. He laughed and said: Circle of life!

As soon as we left and started walking back to our dock, Tom was like: If you're bad, they put you in the hole! Get in your hole!

  • Listening to: Alestorm - Surf Squid Warfare
  • Reading: Funeral Director Education materials
  • Watching: Abroad in Japan
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Spaghetti Sandwiches
  • Drinking: Clubtails Sex on the Beach
First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for the nice birthday wishes!  :iconbutteredlemons: even made me some art!

A Gift of Martin Freeman by ButteredLemons

I have recovered a bit from my low ebb, even though I am infinitely frustrated with work and it's stupid bullshit.  On that note, I have gone back to school.  I am currently in trade school to be a funeral director. Working with the dead is something I've been interested in for a while, but I really, really, really, really didn't want to go back to school.  A tech school is a bit better, since they'll just teach me the trade and I won't have to pay $300 per credit hour for Underwater Basketweaving.

The weather here is crap, as I'm sure it is across most of the US.  So the crabs haven't come out of hibernation yet, so no fresh crabs for my birthday dinner.  I am making a strawberry cake, though, so yummy!

Art wise, I've been absolutely bingeing on Bagginsheild over at Archive of Our Own.  My new love is Modern AU where Thorin swears.  I don't know why, I can picture just about every other character swearing up a storm easily, but the idea of Thorin: You're a bunch of fucking idiots! or Dwalin, you fucking knob!  has me on the floor. 

Really weird when you consider the fact that he's the only character that swears in the movies!  He tells Thranduil to go fuck himself (in Khudzul) and in BoFA, he calls Azog a piece of shite.  Okay, it was an archaic swear word, but it still counts!
  • Listening to: Antti Martikainen - At the Gates of Babylon
  • Watching: Konohana Kitan
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Salty Nori sheet
  • Drinking: Clubtails Sex on the Beach
 I want something pretty for me. Something beautiful because I don't feel beautiful.  I don't feel pretty.  I feel old. And fat and unwanted and my skin is hungry. There's several guys around that would fuck me if asked, but I don't fancy any of them.  The lesbians across the dock barely speak to me. The trans gal on the next dock over screams profanity across the water if Bear barks more than three times in a row. 

I want to buy myself something pretty, but I've been conditioned since childhood that something that exists only to make me happy is fucking worthless. I could be helping my friends; buying things for the boat, buying practical shit.  Happiness belongs on the back burner.

My facebook feed is filled with bile and hatred -- mostly from my closest blood relatives.

I have a roof over my head and a steady job. I shouldn't complain.  But I am so sad.  

I found a doll I really like and is really reasonably priced for the size and quality but I can't help feeling guilty about spending that money on it.  And my crab trap isn't catching anything here and I'm just sad.

What else can I whine fruitlessly about?
  • Listening to: Antti Martikainen - At the Gates of Babylon
  • Watching: Konohana Kitan
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Salty Nori sheet
  • Drinking: Clubtails Sex on the Beach

We have otters at this marina, too. Here they're much more likely to climb up on the docks because we have floating docks. So they'll drag fish up and eat and nap. Otter shit is the most atrocious thing you ever smelled in your life.

But the funniest thing is how the dogs react to them. Bear and Missy have very distinct senses for if an animal is domesticated or wild. Domesticated animals are for hanging out with. They are never aggressive to fellow pets, even if a few cats don't realize that. Wild animals are for hunting and tracking. Even foxes and other wild canines are wild animals to be tracked and barked at!

But otters count as domestic.

Both dogs have run up on otters and they are never aggressive to them. Bear met one this morning and was just like: Hi, what's your name? Do you live here? I do. Going swimming, huh? Okay, bye!

I'm pretty sure they either think they are extremely competent water dogs or very large, water-loving cats.

  • Watching: Embroidery videos
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Pizza 'n' wings
  • Drinking: Pepsi
I am officially over living on a boat.  The East coast is getting some weird weather and today we have winds that would qualify for a tropical storm if it were, y'know, storming. It's quite bright and sunny, just with 43mph sustained winds and gusts up to 80. At 85, that qualifies as a hurricane force.  

That's what New Jersey is getting right now.

I actually called in today because I don't want to leave the boat unsupervised just in case something happens.  Bear certainly appreciates my presence.  He is hell and gone over living on a boat, much less when it's rocking and rolling like this. I ordered a pizza and I'm settled in.  It's supposed to die down tonight.

The poor pizza guy lost his hat!   

Bear is not happy about the situation but pizza and wings help.
  • Watching: Embroidery videos
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Pizza 'n' wings
  • Drinking: Pepsi
I am safe in my new marina!

I got in just before the cold weather hit, my boat is an absolute wreck now, and we're in the heart of downtown Portsmouth.

My old/new neighbors are complaining that they can't sleep because the boats don't move around enough.  XD  Let me tell you, after getting up at 4:30 am for work, working a ten hour day, running home to leap into the cockpit and head out before I lost the light two days after the Winter Solstice and manually pulling Options stern-in to the slip, I had no problems whatsoever sleeping. I got a ride back, got my van, stopped to get gas at Wawa, got one of their club sandwiches for dinner and a Steel Reserve Blackberry.  I ate the sandwich in the parking lot so I wouldn't have to share, then took the dogs out for a walk.  After that I took a shower in the new marina and their water was sooooooooooo hot. I pulled out the handicapped seat and just sat in the spray and soaked. 

I crashed out at about 9:30 or ten and slept until 10 this morning.

Another walk for the dogs turned up doggie neighbors! We passed a little cafe that had chairs out front and someone had tied their Scotty to a chair while they went in to eat. He was busy sitting in the chair barking at everyone and everything that went by, but stopped yapping to greet Bear and Missy.  On the way back, they'd actually taken him inside in the hopes that he would shut up.  He hadn't. XD

Then we met a beautiful Harlequin Great Dane who was okay with Bear but intimidated by Missy. XD  She was just so friendly!!!

Now I have to put the boat back together and do some laundry.  But the worst is over! 
  • Listening to: If You're Going Through Hell - Rodney Atkins
  • Reading: Dwarves
  • Watching: Bright
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Mini Pizza
  • Drinking: Steel Reserve Blackberry
I went full pirate today and I'm not sorry at all.
  • Listening to: If You're Going Through Hell - Rodney Atkins
  • Reading: Dwarves
  • Watching: Miraculous Ladybug
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Chicken Breast
  • Drinking: Redd's Wicked Blood Orange
 So I have a new home to go to!

Today six other liveaboards and myself went en masse to Ocean Marine to negotiate for slips. Not only were we welcomed with open arms, the manager cut us a deal so that we didn't have to pay a deposit or two months up front. So I'll be moving later on this month.  I've got to get a bottom job done and get some new batteries.

But this seems to be a pretty nice place, despite being downtown.  It won't be as quiet as Scott's Creek, but it has a lot more amenities and is a hell of a lot closer to everything.  It will be nice to be able to walk places. 
  • Listening to: If You're Going Through Hell - Rodney Atkins
  • Reading: Dwarves
  • Watching: Miraculous Ladybug
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Chicken Breast
  • Drinking: Redd's Wicked Blood Orange
You know how bright and chipper and positive I was yesterday?  How I was getting my feet under me and working my way up a bit at a time?  Today, as I was headed out to the DMV to do responsible, adult things, I found a notice in my mailbox that the marina was closing and all boats had to be out by Jan 31, 2018.

So in two months I will be effectively homeless.  Did I mention my boat doesn't run?  My boat doesn't run.  That's actually less of a problem than the fact that Scott's Creek is one of the only marinas (and when I say one of the only, I mean it's the only one I know of) around here that takes liveaboards.  I just found out a few hours ago, so I'm scouring websites right now.  The one on the other side of Scott's Creek doesn't.  I know because I stopped and asked. The office lady directed me back to this place. I informed her that it's closing and about a dozen liveaboards are going to be displaced.

I've got my towing insurance, so I can get Options to another marina.  It's just finding another marina to take us that's going to be the problem.  OR I could sell her for a little bit of nothing and just relocate. That might be the easier option.

But for tonight, I'm going to get drunk and binge watch Miraculous Ladybug.

That sounds like a solid plan.
  • Listening to: If You're Going Through Hell - Rodney Atkins
  • Reading: Dwarves
  • Watching: Miraculous Ladybug
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Chicken Breast
  • Drinking: Redd's Wicked Blood Orange
Last night: Man, I'm going to be so fucking lazy today; I'm not going to do a damn thing.

Today: *sleeps until noon* Everything is going according to plan! . . . I should wash these cushions; they're dirty. *Throws cushions in the wash* My water pump came! Better install that!  *installs that* Now I can wash dishes! *washes dishes* Hmm, this cabinet the dishes go in is nasty; I'd better wash that, too.  *washes that* Now my bilge is getting full from all the washing.  I never weighted down the switch for that, did I? Let's see; do I have a big piece of metal I can afford to lose? *digs through toolbox* A chisel!  Perfect! Now the bilge is humming away and I am doing mass cleaning and so much for my lazy day! XD
  • Listening to: If You're Going Through Hell - Rodney Atkins
  • Reading: Sense and Sensibility
  • Watching: Thor: Ragnarok
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Jalapeno Poppers
  • Drinking: Steel Reserve Spiked Punch
So I've decided to take the boat off of the market for the winter.  Fall and winter are not good times to sell a boat so I'm going to hunker down, keep repairing things and hope for a better market in the spring. 

So! Something I had planned on doing last year but the winter got too cold and I wasn't prepared for it. 

I'm gonna get some zebra finches!

When I was a kid, my mother loved anything with feathers on it. (Except parrots.  Parrots can eat a dick. And I only know that because I was exposed to them.)  But when I was a wee whelpling girl child of about 12, there was one Chinese restaurant we would go to on very special occasions.  They had an alcohol-free coconut punch I was allowed to order that was served in a tiki-style cup, and they had cages of zebra finches around the dining area. 

I don't know if you've ever heard a zebra finch sing, but it's something like a squeaky toy trying to sing opera.  It's adorable and soothing and I always loved it.

When I was 14, I saved money from my chores and bought a trio of zebra finches. 

At the time, my mother raised canaries, society finches, goulian finches, monk finches, and one I don't even remember the name of, but my mom unironically named her breeding male Prince Albert, because he had mutton chops.

I don't even think my mom knows what a Prince Albert is, but there we are. At the time, I vague idea that it was something naughty, but couldn't explain it.

Anyhoo.  My mother sneered at me for breeding zebra finches, because they were common as muck and only brought $10 a piece.  

But I always loved their song. And I told her as much. 

Now I'm trying to find some zebra finches 100% for my enjoyment and guess what?  Those little fuckers are hard to find on the East Coast. 

It's kind of like donkeys; once horses became cheap, everyone bought those.  So until you actually started looking for one, you had no idea how rare they'd become. I *might* be able to order a trio through Petsmart.  Craigslist has given me a collective shrug. Now I'm scouring bird-specific selling boards and having a hard time finding zebra finches.

But I will have my operatic squeaky toys!

Just you wait!
  • Listening to: If You're Going Through Hell - Rodney Atkins
  • Reading: Sense and Sensibility
  • Watching: Thor: Ragnarok
  • Playing: Smurfs Village
  • Eating: Jalapeno Poppers
  • Drinking: Steel Reserve Spiked Punch