Commission Examples: Iorveth, Faoiltiarna Isengrim, Yaevinn
Time and again life has proven me that I'm delusional. I tend to believe I'm worth more, that I'm worth better. But truth is, I'm not. I will never get anything better, no matter how much or how hard I work. I will never be happy, and I will never have anything that wasn't given to me by someone else.
Today I had a double scare. It's tax season, so the things I was slowly paying out, decided to roll in full force. There's no frauds or anything, from neither them, nor me, they're legally allowed to tell you to pay up full sum if you hadn't met the due date, it's just that for three years they allowed me to pass it, and pay as I could. Instead, today they froze all of the accounts of my family. One due to mother's debt that we've acquired after medical bills proved too much. It froze hers and father's accounts for 1300 euros. And then mine, for another 1300 euros. 2600 euros in total is at the very least 3-6 months, depending on how much I could work. But thing is, if you have no income, you can't pay for shit: your utilities, including internet via which I work, get disconnected, you literally starve, you die due to lack of meds, among which are the absolutely life-or-death required astma meds for my mother, and insulin for my father. And yet, they expect this will definitely get them their money back.
I was lucky. One of my very best friends was in a position to lend me such a sum with a couple years of delay in any paybacks. What would've I've done otherwise?
I would've died. I would've gotten into a hot bath, and slit whatever veins I had. Because even now a very big part of me wants that, and only that. I want to die, because there's nothing for me on this earth. I'm almost 30, and I've been proven I'll never have anything so very many times, that other people reach their deathbed before they get this many wake-up calls of: you're absolutely useless, worthless, and pointless.
You wouldn't bear me talking about myself here. Rather ask me about any of those personal-space pages, I have plenty. Soukyan [JRV]
Current Residence: Sugar Devil Swamp
Favourite cartoon character: [Anime] Mello, Ryuuk
Personal Quote: Choosers can eat beggars
Tumblr [personal]: kidonzydrate.tumblr.com
Tumblr [for art]: soukyan.tumblr.com/
Instagram @ Kidonzydrate