Things fall apart real quick.
- you are all amazing people and have my deepest thanks. You carried on where I failed. I couldn't have asked for a better lot.
But that ain't enough to fix what's left undone.
I've not been depressed
. If anything, I've been doing pretty well for someone weathering college.
I've just been- what's the word- distant
? Afraid to take the first step to a return?
In hindsight, I oughta' have seen this coming. I become frightened of my own failures right quick, and it's all too easy to get stuck in one of those vicious cycles. I had a few chances to break out, but I didn't take 'em.
I've been on and off of Skype, checking in every few days but not having the willpower to make some noise. Then I hopped on today to see that those three fellows up there- Cloudbat, Aspen, and Corvus- had finished judging for the final round of Tourist Trap.
I'm proud of them.
Now I want to be proud of myself again.
It's been a while since I've done any proper writing. I've not been keeping up with the NaNos and my characters have gone dead silent. The real shame is how I kept saying I'd put an end to it. Every time I did, it didn't last long. Guess I never really made a big enough deal of it to make it stick.
Well, this's one way to do it, I suppose. No turning back.
I'm going to try and dust off a story or two. I don't think I'll be returning to OCTs any time soon- bad memories soured with time aren't going to turn sweet.
Can't just leave 'em either, though. It's a real quandary.
This is where most people would say they ain't looking for sympathy, but even that's
become a cliché of those who're fishing for compliments. So I suppose I'll just ride the waves and fight the ocean- face the music and then make things better.
Beats doing nothing