I had a dream this morning that I had been moved away from everything I cared for, and the few things I had with me were quickly removed. I became angry and swung around like a child not getting things the way he wanted them, all while feeling forlorn.
Guess this is just a reflection of what I've become in a way.
Salty... unable to make and keep new friends.
But all that's my own fault.
I'm scared of getting too close to people, because I'm afraid they'll hurt me in some form or fashion.
And usually those fears are realized in the confines of the resulting abandonment. It's been that way ever since I lost my friend in 2012, and then worsened by having two more turn their backs on me... all three of them had keys to me and I would have told them anything.
...But now I'm too philophobic to give away any more keys... and I still wonder why people roll their eyes when they see me, and then avoid interactions.
Social malnourishment... though I seem sated, I'm not.
Just like how a stomach unfed seems satisfied because it's swelled and swollen.
Just... hoping I can find some peace in myself over this. It won't be stopping anytime soon.