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:iconsoma-to-form:SoMA-To-FoRM posted a status
Its hard to believe that 9 months have gone by already. Nine months without drowning in anxiety or sadness every day. Its been a real change.

But now, after some rather complicated events in recent days, I've had to go back and think about things again. 
When I was little, I always felt like I had this big block in my head. It always felt like it impeded upon everything I said and thought and did, and all the way up until this year, it had always been a major stone in my shoe.
Now its not there anymore... So I've gone back to thinking of old plans and ideas.

Maybe go back to school and work towards my old goal before the days of affliction and bereavement ever took play in each day. But I need to figure out now if I really am up for that and not just fever dreaming on some good feelings that the thoughts bring up.
Going back to school would set me back on the path that I always envisioned myself going down, call it fate maybe.
I'd be able to live out on my own someplace where I do't have to shave or be approachable, and I could be away from people enough that I could forget how to speak.

That really is what I've always wanted, before everything went downhill with affliction.
A hermit.

However, all this could only happen if I could finally give up the ghost and stop giving a shit about old wounds.
Trash my identity of being known as a sweetheart and truly go back to old ways, because all that ever did was make me soft and vulnerable.
Live for myself and only myself.

Call it dark, or dreary, but I always have been an odd one

Devious Comments

ZanciiKitty Featured By Owner May 31, 2016
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary.
Going back to school sounds cool, maybe part-time could be a tool. 
Start off slow, that way you still have income if things go bad you won't be so low.
A hermit without friends? Please don't be such a fiend!

... if being a hermit is what you want. By all means! I'm sure you'd be sorely missed. I could also be misunderstanding... Going back to school sounds interesting. Hope it works out. 
SoMA-To-FoRM Featured By Owner May 31, 2016
Alright Zecora

I still have no clue what I'm gonna do...
Just have to try again with a few classes to test the waters.

But as for being a hermit, it's just the most likely scenario I can see myself in down the road a couple years.
I just want to close old wounds and then shed my old skin so I can put up with being alone all the time. It's how it is now, and no matter how hard I try to get myself out there with others, it always flops on the other party's part. I'm tired of it.
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