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A long-gestating piece brought to you by TheSoylentOrange, based on their collaboration with elek-tronikz!

TheSoylentOrange provided the following excerpt to go with this post:

"Anyoung haseyo!  Hi everyone, this is D.Va, coming at you live!  First of all, I'm okay! Okay-ish.  I'm alive and... healthy.  I know that last broadcast got kinda hairy, but you know me! Whether it's a Baneling swarm or an Omnic Colossus, I'm always good in a pinch!
    "Okay, I'm already seeing lots of questions in the chat about the video quality, and I'll get to that in a bit.  Thank you, StoneQueen27, for the comment about my 'new headpiece', I'll get to that too.
    "So, big thank-yous to all the fan clubs and shouts and so on for all the well-wishes.  You guys are great, and a big reason why I always play to win, because I don't want to let any of you down!
    "Oh, D.VaVidaLoca, I saw your donation drive, and it's very sweet, but all my medical bills are taken care of by the M.E.K.A. corps. But I've sent off a few messages to some of my sponsors who might be up for matching donations to go to an Omnic Relief Fund, so let your donors know and if they keep their pledges I'll be sure to thank all of them!
    "Er...  Okay, yes, the camera's cut off at my shoulders, and yes, I know it looks like I'm not wearing a top.  Again, I'll get to that.
    "Ahem!  So, ah, what does everyone know about nano-machines?  I know we've got more than a few techie D.Vines out there- you all helped me get my M.E.K.A.'s viewscreen to display chat without the UI overlaying it, after all- so maybe you can explain in chat while I, uh, get some stuff together.
    "...All right, yeah, thanks.  For those listening to this later on the podcast- and haven't been completely spoiled on the big reveal coming up- nano-machines are tiny robots, tinier than microscopic, tinier than the 'Toss edge in the new meta- sorry, I said it, no flame wars in the comments please- that can basically build things on the atomic level.  So, for example, a set of properly-programmed nano-bots could disassemble a cup, molecule by molecule, and re-assemble it into a plate!
    "So, what's this got to do with me, and the bad video quality, and everything else you've been asking about? Well...  Phoo... Okay, here goes, I'm gonna switch cameras now.
    "See that?  That's me.  No, it's not my M.E.K.A., it's me.  Yes, it does look like a snail's shell, Jwarud0, very observant.  Okay, well, keep watching the right-hand side of it, and I'll bee are bee."

    "...So, yeah, I'm back.  That wasn't CG, or some weird cosplay, or anything like that you saw on the external feed.  That's me now.  I live inside the shell, because I'm literally attached to it. Remember when I said 'properly programmed' about the nanobots?  Well, the specifics are classified, but let's just say that there are far worse hacks out there than map-hacks and lag exploits.
    "I... Okay guys, slow down a bit, chat's going bonkers, lemme scroll up and- oh, ew! Someone please ban that guy with the 'lube' comment.  Grow up, perv. Right, so, StoneQueen, I hope you still like my headpiece now that you know it's literally attached to me... as are my earphones.  No, I don't mean like with glue or anything, I mean these are my ears now, if you were to try and surgically remove the earphones I'd be left with a flat hole on the side of my head.  Like I said, it was the nano-machines. Imagine if two DVD's were put together, with one ring of data from each disc copied over at a time. There'd be absolutely no way you could then go and, say, solder over just one disc's contents, they're just meshed too closely together.  That's just what the nanos did, the parts that were me and the parts that were my M.E.K.A. are now so closely intertwined there's just no way to separate them...  Believe me, I've been asking around...
    "Oh, right!  So, yeah, the clothes thing.  Well...  No, I'm not wearing a top.  And PLEASE don't be skeevy in chat about it.  Go to slash-M.E.K.A if you have to, I know the kinds of photoshops that get posted there.  Anyways, no, no top.  And the reason why has to do with the other thing I said I'd address later, the poor video quality. It's actually not the camera or anything, it's actually surprisingly good given what the nanos did to it, but it's just...  Well, here, lemme just wipe it off.
    "Yeah, so this is... what'd she call it... 'A mucosal gel consisting of a polymer network for integument protection'. Or, you know, in layman's terms, slime. Snail slime. And it's everywhere.There's no way to clean it up, no way to get rid of it, because I just sweat the stuff out, constantly.
    "Hah!  You think it's gross seeing it, try living in it!  But thanks for the condolences, everyone. It's... I've started to get used to it, I guess. Oh, good question in the chat- no, it doesn't bother my eyes, lemme lean in and I can show you.  Yeah, see?  Two sets of eyelids, so I've always got something keeping the goo off.”
    "So back to the- wow, chat's blowing up, what's..."
    "..."
    "...Ugh, yes, all right, yes, I didn't mean for it to happen like that, but those were my boobs you saw at the bottom of the screen when I leaned in.  Yes, they're... considerably larger, and no, I don't know why the nano-machines did that.  I'd say they were designed by a pervert if I didn't know who the creator was. No, I can't order some for you! Good grief, who would want to be slimy and helpless forever just to get a bigger rack?
    "I... no, that's- ugh.  I suppose I should have known better than to ask that question to the internet...
    "Okay, okay, moving on, so we can get through this. No clothes because of the slime. Believe me, I've tried, but everything either gets loaded up with slime and super clingy and heavy, or else it doesn't absorb the slime and fills up like a water balloon. I guess the bottom line is, there's not much room in here for anything that can't side along the shell.
    "Right, so, I saw someone ask earlier if my antenna do anything, and yeah, they do, actually.  Lemme pull up the external camera again and split-screen it...  Okay, ready?  Look ma, no hands! That's right, I can control the canons, booster, and flight control surfaces without touching a thing.  Hahaha, I actually wouldn't know, BluePrintOm3ga, I've never tried to fly like this yet.  I agree, though, it seems about as aerodynamic as a breezeblock, so we'll see just how well it actually works.  Even if I can't get liftoff, though, I'd probably be the world's fastest snail, right? That's gotta be worth something.
    "Yes, the canons still fire just fine. If I wasn't, ah, a 'guest' in my current location, I'd show you all a test-fire. You wanna know something weird, though? The reload access for them is completely gone. There's just simply no way to access it from outside unless you cut into it, which as I've said before is cutting into me, soooo yeahno, not going that route anytime soon. Yeah, weird, right?  Except it's not.  I mean, yeah, it's weird, but that's just setting up the really weird part I wanted to tell you about. Despite being in a firefight before I got nano'd, despite having fired my canons since in testing, the ammo counter still reads full.  And it's not a counter issue, because they've x-rayed me and it shows it's all still in there.  The only explanation is that I'm somehow growing them inside me, the nanos taking the food I eat and refurbishing it on a molecular level into more ammunition while I sleep.  How crazy is that?
    "Hmm...  good question, again from Jwarud0. The answer is, I can sleep both inside and outside my shell, and I'm still not a hundred percent sure which one I'm 'supposed' to. Neither one is what I'd call super comfortable, but neither is uncomfortable enough for me to lose sleep over.  It'd be nice if I could have some pillows, but if they're slime-proof it feels like I'm sleeping on an umbrella, and if they're not slime-proof I wake up feeling like I'm snuggling up to a giant booger. No, I don't need a snorkel when I sleep, heh. I seem to be able to breathe okay even when my mouth and nose get totally sealed in by slime. Might be something to do with my M.E.K.A.'s old air recycling and filtration system feeding directly into me, the docs say."

    "Oooh... ooh, that's a good question, TossMeThrophies. I sure hope this doesn't cost me my Battlenet ranking.  I've heard of other people getting cybernetics after accidents and staying in the natural league if they were able to verify it didn't offer any performance enhancements, maybe I can get someone from Blizzard over at some point...
    "Heck yeah I'm still gonna stream!  Until we get this fixed or figured out I'm basically on leave from military stuff, so I'm gonna try and catch up on the games that've come out, read through all my fan mail- those who sent actual, physical mail, don't worry, it's being appropriately forwarded- and a bunch of other 'I'll get to it' stuff I always promised when I have time.
    "What if...  what if they never find a way to fix it, huh? Hmm..."
    "..."
    "..."
    "No, stream didn't freeze, I'm just thinking. Yeah, the outer eyelids don't blink on reflex anymore, just the inner pair, can be hard to see.
    "...I don't know. Really, I don't.  I kind of grew up a pro gamer, and I could probably keep doing that, but being in the M.E.K.A. corps has allowed me to do so much more, for so many people. I dunno... Like I said, the canons still work, so maybe just stick me up on a rooftop in Busan's port and I'll watch for rogue Omnics? I'd like to still do something for the people of Korea and the world...
    "All right, well, there you go.  The secret's out, I suppose, and thanks to everyone for being so kind and supportive.  It's been a rough week... But hey, you know me- I've never been one to gee-gee out of a setback, even when it might look hopeless!  I'll try and get a streaming schedule up in the next day or so, once I learn what my doc's schedule for me is.
    "Thanks again to all you D.Vines out there, you've really helped me feel better.  I'll see you all soon- D.Va out!"
Add a Comment:
 
:icondemyx-09:
Demyx-09 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2018
So D.va has three elbows on each arm?
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Edited Jul 8, 2018  Professional General Artist
She has (at least) two sets of arms. :ninja:
Reply
:iconkerdan:
Kerdan Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't play so there might be a reference I'm missing, but what's with the donuts?
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2018  Professional General Artist
I needed some visual filler so I grabbed a snippet of conversation on IRC, changed the names, and if memory serves I changed the food.  To be fully lore-compliant it probably should have been peanut butter. :giggle:
Reply
:iconenmesarra:
enmesarra Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2018
This D.Va Main approves :love:
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2018  Professional General Artist
:w00t: :dance:
Reply
:iconsrgntdrew:
SrgntDrew Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018
man this is awesome and I love it!
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Professional General Artist
Thanks! :heart:
Reply
:iconthepr0ducer:
thepr0ducer Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
This came out basically how I imagined it.  Looks great!
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Professional General Artist
:w00t:  Now that this is done I should hopefully start catching up on my backlog...
Reply
:iconthepr0ducer:
thepr0ducer Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Hooray!
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Professional General Artist
:w00t:
Reply
:iconprophettenebrae:
ProphetTenebrae Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018
Nerf this!
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Professional General Artist
Get through this!
Reply
:iconprophettenebrae:
ProphetTenebrae Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018
Oh, right. A quote from the game.

Uh... RADIOACTIVE?! THAT CAN'T BE GOOD!
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Professional General Artist
:faint:
Reply
:iconprophettenebrae:
ProphetTenebrae Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2018
You're right. That isn't from the game, that was from the notorious Doom comic - may its passing cleanse the world.
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2018  Professional General Artist
That one seems to have (thankfully?) eluded me. :faint:
Reply
:iconprophettenebrae:
ProphetTenebrae Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2018
Really? I'd have thought an old hand like yourself would at least have heard about it:

www.doomworld.com/10years/doom…
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2018  Professional General Artist
Come to think of it, it does look familiar...
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconwildace88:
wildace88 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2018
Omg even if its just her bust snail D.va in your style looks amazing! Love 
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Professional General Artist
If it was a full body shot I'd probably still be working on it. :ninja:
Reply
:iconsrgntdrew:
SrgntDrew Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2018
I think it would be so worth the wait if that was the case I feel... maybe an idea for later... eventually XD
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2018  Professional General Artist
Definitely eventually.  I need some recovery time after this one!
Reply
:iconsrgntdrew:
SrgntDrew Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2018
I would imagine so it would be a fun sexy project to see a full snail girl D.va in your style that I would even gladly fund when your rested and open for it!

So do send me a note or something if that opprotunity opens up!
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2018  Professional General Artist
Well, it's not my idea and the original concept I had based on the first description I got was completely different, so.... uh.  I don't know where I'm going there, really - I don't consider this "mine" and figure any further work on the concept would be largely up to the client.
Reply
:iconsrgntdrew:
SrgntDrew Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2018
well I did commission the original art that inspired the story and a few sequels to it so I may try and work out something with the client possibly
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2018  Professional General Artist
Neat! :thumbsup: :eager:
Reply
:iconwildace88:
wildace88 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018
She did gain quite a number of features haha
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2018  Professional General Artist
Indeed! :ohnoes:
Reply
:iconelek-tronikz:
elek-tronikz Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Awesome! Great job on the environment of what inside her shell would be like! Most excellent work! :D
Reply
:iconsolios:
solios Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2018  Professional General Artist
Thanks! :w00t: :D
Reply
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