life update || updated feb 2020

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April
it's been a whole minute but hey, its been busy lately.
i've been very stressed lately and my state is under a lock down so i'm very stressed. my boyfriend is dealing with moving so like,,, life sucks imo. but its ok we are living and thriving.

school is kicking my butt, i just want to move out and never see anyone around here ever again. i may end up going to court after this is all over because my childhood has decided to show back up and torture bc of somethings that occurred (big tw there). i could discuss it but,,, its not a topic most people are comfy with. im just stressed out and very very depressed lately. my suicidal tendencies have skyrocketed the last week but have chilled out for the moment.

please bear with me guys, it is a difficult time and i can't socialize.

February
alright, i missed january. no big deal. its been rough this past month and i have been focusing more on myself.
some fast updates; i'm in a new decade with new goals and struggles. i have an amazing boyfriend who is supporting me so much. i've turned 19 and i'm closer to finishing college.. at my community college.
the struggles however are only just beginning, which in fairness is expected. i am suffering art block to some degree -- it is very difficult to feel motivated to draw on my laptop, i can only doodle in my school notes. i am also.. very very worried about everything going on with my health. i feel sick a lot and i'm worried if this is in part due to some bad decisions i made in december. they aren't quite worth discussing on site, so i will keep it at that. i am likely very okay.
i am tackling my art block by relaxing and doodling when i can. i'm more focusing on me though, so my art isn't a priority now.

to get to what i'm REALLY wanting to share -- i have plans for valentines day this year with the good boy!!! we spent the night together not long ago and now i'm just.. i bought promise rings because i am a love sick fool. i am spoiling my cute boy since he bought me a pizza and snuggled me the other night. MY BOY DESERVES THE GOODS !!

thank u for tuning in guys, i'll be back soon.

December
this month is almost gone already and a new decade is upon us.
i have been really busy and fighting a lot. november was one of the toughest months for me, i was in an out of a depressive episode and fighting feelings that lingered for my past relationship, which was abusive. i've lost a friend, and now i see he was just as abusive to me as a lot of people i have lost. i think better of myself, and i am getting out more. i feel free.
i have been seeing someone who is helping me up, helping me see i am a good person and i am capable of love.

my goals for the month:
  • start a ych
  • come out
  • save money
  • new fursona reference
  • relax and live a bit more

i am focusing on myself a lot more, and it feels good. for so long i have taken things as my fault always. i'm starting to let it go. after years, i am starting to grow. that is what this last decade was about; self growth. i went through tons of pain, but it was worth it. i am a new person, and i am worthy of love. thank you guys for supporting me, may 2020 be strong.


November
another monthly update, woo!!
this month has already been flying by, which is awesome, i'm ready for the latter half of the month already.
my next breaks for college are that Thursday for thanksgiving, then i am off from Dec. 10th to Jan. 13th, so i'm pretty busy for this last half of the quarter. this may mean delayed activity, and i'm already considering a hiatus for a short bit.

my goals for the month:
  • finish commissions | 3/4 done with one, need to review another
  • work on personal art
  • save money
  • start driving
  • come out to mom's fiance

since last month, i have started on a new antidepressant which has picked my mood up by a mile. it has helped me so much, alongside having a supportive counselor and coming out. yeah, i came out, finally! it was a big breath of fresh air and i feel so much more freedom in my life. it has helped me tons and i feel like i can talk to my mom a lot better.
       
        some art features:






October
howdy dudes
so this month is gonna roll by fast, im feeling it
just finished my first quarter of college yesterday and im exhausted
but im looking forward to my two weeks off!

my goals for the month:
  • finish commissions
  • work on animation meme
  • save money
  • get better sleep routine
  • be able to drive on main roads (sort of)
for the last few weeks i've felt myself getting better? as in i've been feeling a heck of a lot better lately
i'd been going through a depressive episode for a really long time -- i'm talking months here
now? it's over for the most part. my symptoms are very scattered and i've been a lot happier
this is partially because of my therapist (i love her so much)
my therapist is a literally angel and i love her so much gjdshgkjsdf she accepted me then came out as bi to me and we're just like,,, OKAY WE'RE GONNA LEARN HOW TO KICK DEPRESSION INTO PIECES WHILST BEING GAY


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