dear 2019

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dear 2019,

    you sucked. you were awful. you were full of abusive people who took advantage of me. though, isn't that what this whole decade was? people took me and threw me around constantly. so, in the end, you were just another year that was the same as everything else; awful and hurtful. the people who i have been with these past few years since i made my first deviantart account have all changed me and made me a better person. all of the pain, it changed me.
    every person who hurt me, thank you. you hurt me so much to the point i have evolved into a greater person. i am better now because of your criticism, your hatred. that doesn't entitle one to hate others, but it does show that the pain people give you will in fact make you stronger. although that is cliche, it is super true. what doesn't kill you does in fact make you stronger.
    i would like to give a special thank you to the one person who held me on a leash the majority of the year. he made me sob and cry, feel loved and happy. he made me feel euphoric when i felt nothing. and now he is gone. i am grateful. i have broken free of my chains, i will be happy. he hurt me to the point it was controlling. it was to the point where he was jealous whenever i caught feelings for others but refused to reciprocate those i held for him. often he said maybe, but never a yes, never a no. it was toxic and hurtful. it was not fun.
    i have had my heart into a million pieces this decade. people are mean and cruel, but that is apart of my life. i have done great things; i have made new friends, i have lost friends that were not good for me, and i have grown up. i may refuse to acknowledge it, but i love myself, if not entirely than just a little bit.
    these kinds of journals are super cheesy, but whatever. happy new year guys, i am hoping we all have a good one soon, as well as a good decade.


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