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:iconsnowowo:SnowOwO posted a status
i drew a few pictures but just ended up deleting them
idk what to even do anymore
i just end up laying in bed thinking about everything or just end up sleeping
probably just useless shit that im talking about
nobody cares because all i ever do is just annoy people and make their lives harder because i just get in the way
apparently im not good enough, all of the things wrong with me are also apparently my fault
all of the things that are wrong with me make me not good enough, they make annoying, they make me get in other peoples way, they make other peoples lives harder
"but your imperfections make you, who you are"
those imperfections make me the person that everyone hates, dislikes, ignores, tosses to the side, forgets..i could go on and on
but im not going to 
because its useless
whats the point?
whats the point of anything?
so we can enjoy or short and useless lives while we have them, just to be forgotten after 30 years?
why would someone ever care about me?
sure, i have friends on the internet who care about me
but will i ever meet them in person? be able to spend a day with them? actually get to talk to them face to face?
the answer is no
why would anyone who i met on the internet care about me
yeah
i have friends in real life
but hey
one of them lives 300 miles away, one of them lives in another city, and one of them only talks to me once every 4 weeks
why would they care about me?
i have parents
i havent seen my physically abusive father in 8 years, and he left my mom when i was 4
it would be nice if i could say "hi" to my mom without her somehow turning it into an argument, and making it to the point where i just want to say "shut the fuck up" turn around, and leave
why would they care about me?
"it may seem like they are being rough and mean to you, but they are doing it because they love you"
bullshit
explains my 4 and a half inch scar across my chest that my mom doesnt even remember
explains why i flinch and cover my face when my friend tries to give me a hug
and here i am
saying "its useless to go on and on"
but look at me 

god im disgusting 

Devious Comments

:iconbechillish:
bechillish Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2017   Digital Artist
No, you aren't. Just because you think you might never meet your friends on the internet in real life, doesn't make them less of friends, does it? You may not be able to see them face to face, or shake their hand, or hug them and embrace their physical body, there's always a person behind the screen. And tbh, you're not alone in this fight. I get it so much, and reading this I could really relate to you. I'm having one childhood friend move away this year, and another close friend move 3 hours away. Hell, the people I care about most live 1,500 miles away from me. Yet, you can still have hope. I know it's probably cheesy af, but you need to use your past to help change the world around you. You can always hope to meet your friends from the internet irl, and it doesn't matter if they live over thousands of miles away, one day, you'll be 18. You'll be able to either go to college and maybe meet them there, or save up your money to meet them. And don't you forking dare say that you're annoying. You really aren't from what I've seen at you. And while imperfections make us who we are, you're right about how we can't ignore them. Instead, focus on working on making them better. I recently told a friend in a similar situation this, and I'll tell it to you. If you focus on everything bad in life, then you'll never see the good. The bad will always stand out more, and it's evident everywhere, even at home or on the news. Life is too short to not try to make the best of it and to not be positive. Negativity will get you nowhere except a one way ticket to sadness. Stand up, reach out for a hand, rub the dust off you. You've got this
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:iconsnowowo:
SnowOwO Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2017  Student Digital Artist
it would be nice if there wasnt a constant voice in my head that forces me against my will, to do, or not to do, anything it says.
and theres nothing i can do to stop it because every time i try, it gets worse
so ive just given up
i dont want it to get worse because ive had enough
and trying to focus on the good things doesnt work for me
every time i try to make myself better, i make things worse, because its all i do

...and i was supposed to get help a long time ago, but hey, people forget huh
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:icongrofflin:
Grofflin Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
my cat was about to attack me
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