This, coupled with a few tiffs with people whom I ordinarily would not get upset over, made me wonder if I have changed. I really feel different, and do not think it's necessarily due to the stressful situation that I bit back. Ordinarily, I let a lot of things slide, as I feel they're not worth my time feeling negative over. But lately, I just feel that this gives rise to a lot of misunderstandings, as people do not realize that yes, I -do- have a temper, and I certainly do not give leeway when I feel that I'm being treated unfairly. I learnt a very difficult lesson a few years back where I lost the only close friend I had, just because I chose to let her negative behaviour slide, and we all know being rewarded for bad behaviour just means they think it's alright to keep behaving the way they do.
I used to think that it was my fault. If I'm all tetchy I don't necessarily voice it out. I am rather expressionless, as many have told me means lots of room for misunderstandings. I don't know why it is I am the way I am, as I have really a lot of emotions and thoughts teeming which always feel as if I'm dying to burst out, but the rational side to me keeps everything in check. Given the familial and physical pressures I'm always under, I thought it wise for me to keep the temper in check, and to pick my battles. However I'm really feeling rather taut lately. Socializing also saps all my energy, and I think I've been doing that too much the past few weeks.
Perhaps it's age, perhaps it's stress, weather, whatever the reason, I just don't want to keep controlling my emotions and being 'perfect' anymore. I'm sick of feeling as if I were taken for granted, and if people are expressing ungratefulness, I fucking damn well will tick them off. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense, I don't want to be anybody's punching bag, and I bloody well have to stop letting them think it's okay to treat me as one.
Also, given the person whom I confide in the most is also under a lot of pressure, I don't feel he needs to bear the brunt of my rants and ramblings, and actually, I do feel much better a lot faster if left alone to sort things out, as I have now.
And I'm feeling all the better for it

Thanks for reading.