FFM 2020 31

“I’m going to need you to get rid of the squirrels in your hair before we get started.”

“Oh! I should have known that, terribly sorry,” says Freddie. “They live there for warmth. Guess it’s unsanitary or something. What was I thinking, bringing them to a dentist appointment?”

“Indeed,” says the dental assistant. “But the real problem is that Doctor Karwowski is allergic.”

“...I hope she has Allegra.”

One sneezy dental consult and a half dozen masks later, Freddie walks out of the dental clinic with explicit instructions to lay off on the Sun Carbon. They’re nuts if they think xe’ll actually do it. That stuff is clean and the best energy drink xe could find that doesn’t make xir heart race. It always loses, anyway, in its self-imposed half marathons.

There’s a vending machine in the nearby park. Freddie goes to it and feeds it some coins. The machine says thank you and spits out a Sun Carbon. Xe stares at its other offerings before buying a can of tomato juice as well for xir roommate. Irena will undoubtedly complain that it’s not as good as the fresh stuff. But it’s all she’s getting for now.

Freddie sits down at a graffitied picnic table with xir drink and watches the thirsty sun lean down to make out with the pond. Ugh, do those two have to be so overt with their romance? “GET A ROOM,” xe shouts to the tapestry of dusk.

The sun glares back at xem before sinking its tongue even deeper into the pond. Soon it settles into the depths of the pondbed and the dusky sky is made dusty with distant stars. An inscription appears brightly against the dust: “Don’t do it.”

“You’re a little late for that!” Freddie laughs, getting up and heading in for xir night shift.

The next day, Freddie finds Irena knelt over the toilet. A half-drunk can of tomato juice sits on the table. Freddie sniffs it; it’s rancid. Even the squirrels agree.