Hey there peeps. Today has been a weird day and I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things. I'll probably delete this post later but I just feel like I need to talk/type outloud and you all have always been great listeners. So, here we go.
For the past few months I've been trying to tell myself that I need to step away from doing so much fanart and focus on working on my ocs, stories, character development skills, etc. This doesn't mean that I won't ever draw fan art again by any means! But I feel like my art has almost been dependent on fan art... I've become known for things that are and yet aren't mine... if that makes sense? The art and ideas are mine but... that's about it.
And even though in my brain this sounds like a logical step it really scares me to put something I've grown as an artist doing on the back burner. I find myself wondering, "Will anyone like/care about my original stuff? And if they don't, what then? I can't just make fan art my whole life but in order to make a living drawing my own characters people have to be interested and want to support my art. What if my art isn't good enough? What if? What if? What if?"
Ugh. It's exhausting. And it's not like it makes me sad to think this way like it used to. It's just become a numbing source of anxiety. I know I'm as lucky of a person as anyone could ever hope to be. I have amazing family support, friends, followers who care and it is all so amazing I can't even describe it...
But I'm still catching myself wondering if my art is good enough for what I want to do with it. Doubting and judging myself far too harshly has always been a strong suit of mine.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I'm going to keep working on my state of mind and move forward... just somedays I can't shake my own insecurities.
Listening to: Devotion Soundtrack