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:iconsmokeriver24:SmokeRiver24 posted a status
Well I'm back from my camping trip :0 in terms of activities it was really fun! I'd mention them but there is so much I did

I n terms of social situations and relationships with friends, it definitely wasn't the best however. I've known two of my friends who went there longer than nearly all my others, and have gotten really close to them! But then apparently they are closer to each other than I am to them?. They purposely leave me behind and talk about their fandoms and thoughts by themselves s taht they know I experience too?? idk?? It seems like literally no one actually believes in me and trusts me. First my parents started my word and making me self-conscious and depressed. Then my three actual friends at school I can barely see and talk to, so I'm left to chat with them online. My friends who I went with at camp I've known for half my life, and I've grown really close to them as friends and I'm honestly really shaken up and sad rn...even my mom mentioned that she feels I'm drifting apart from those I know, and that was before the camp. Now I kind of feel she jinxed my platonic relationships oml

it might actually be partially her fault?? it could be that the reason my two friends at camp talk to each other more because they text each other a lot in the group chat we share, and I'm only allowed to text others when it's something really important. At this point I feel like the third wheel that the owners are considering throwing out, and I really fricking hate it and get upset.

It could be my parents' fault partially because they literally took really valuable things from me in late December and caused me to become paranoid over their thoughts about my trust. They know how sensitive I am and how easily I can get hurt.

i mostly feel it's my fault. I keep talking about myself and feeling sorry for myself and not even paying attention to others' troubles??? I feel super selfish??? It feels that way??? I was talking to those friends and one of them is going through their parents divorcing and they had a bad car experience where they almost died and their troubles are bigger than mine. Parent divorce and near-death experience are so much bigger than parents not trusting you, you barely are with friends, and near-death experiences of you and your only sibling. 

One of the friends is super nice and amazing and they're almost always there for me?? I guess that reason is why I'm so hurt also something else which has to do with them but I'm not mentioning it because it's personal

just like everything else

maybe that's why no one trusts me

Now that I think about it they also asked me if I was okay when I was pondering over my small troubles and I told them I was fine and just tired

im so stupid oh my god 

i hate that I get attached too easily to those I know
im not even checking over this 
I'm crying hhh
nobody will even read this
it's pointless

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