No one believes, that i can do it, No one believes that i can stand alone.. When the world doubts you, because all they seem to remember is you when your at your weakest, it feels like you can just scream. I'm not an angry person any more, but this certain rage runs through my blood, i want to stand up and fight against the world that doesn't believe. I will not let their doubt harm me, i will not let their doubt waver me. I will stand alone. I can make it through this, through all the hurt and suffering, because there is no love without hate. Why do i feel like i must justify myself still? When i know that i'm not going to let myself down. I don't need to hear people tell me it will be alright, i don't need to flee or hide. I can do everything i want to do. I may just be a dreamer, someone that doesn't fit into this world. But i've been standing alone for a long time. People seem to think that i'm relying upon them, when i don't think i am at all. I don't ask them of anything, yet they seem to believe they're giving me something, they're helping me. It's bullshit. I keep getting pushed and pushed, yet i stopped shoving back. How am i to maintain this peace, when everyone seems to enrage me? Why do people think that they can judge me so? Why do they think they can talk about me behind my back? I know they do so, I walk into a room and it goes silent. People talk about honor, friendship, love. It's bullshit. I try and live my own life, then get dragged back down to this low level of life. But again i'll break these chains. So what if i'm homeless for a month? Worse things have happened. Yet they worry, i won't survive, they worry that i'll just fall over and die. It's bullshit. I'm already alone, just by knowing this and i accept that.
I accept where my life is leading me. I accept that. I look around my room, my room that isn't mine, that stopped been mine, so very long ago. I hate this house. I truly hate what has become of me in this house. I'm always alone, even when it's full of people. I feel like i give so much of myself to the world.. Maybe it's too much, maybe i should go back to that dark corner of my mind, where i am just invisible. But i cannot go back, i haven't been able to go back for a long time, so i walk forward, my head held high. No matter what this world thinks of me, i know i will get through this. Every time i promise myself that, i do. I'm not afraid anymore. I embrace this freedom. No more tears, no more fears, just me. Always going to be, just me. I've known this for a long time. No one will be my pillar, only me. Only ever me. For this moment, i will stop dreaming. I will do what has to be done. I will grow, I will survive. I will breathe and i will live. It is just that easy. Ahh.. its good to vent.. Even if no one listens..