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I am officially a mommy..

Journal Entry: Thu Jan 20, 2011, 6:54 PM


And the journey hasn't been anything like I expected. My water broke in the early morning hours on January 3rd and we went straight to the hospital, checked in and got situated in a room I'd soon become very familiar with. I guess I sort of expected that since my water broke, that things would move along somewhat quickly once we got there. I also assumed that because my mother had very short, quick labors, that maybe I would too.. but I was wrong on both accounts! Luckily I had Vik and family there to support me, otherwise I don't think I'd have made it through. After 22 hours of grueling labor with a half-working epidural, my precious daughter Lily came into the world, on January 4th at 4:24am weighing 7lbs 13.6oz. The first thing I saw was her head of black hair, thick and gorgeous, and then I saw her face.. the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. They placed her on my chest immediately and I was too overwhelmed (and exhausted) to even cry.. I just stared at her, tried to memorize every inch of her.. she didn't cry as much as I thought she would, but when she did.. even her cry was beautiful. I just couldn't believe it. And then she looked at me.. straight at me, and it's as though she knew I was Mommy. She seemed calmed by my presence, and snuggled in close for as long as they would allow before taking her to be weighed and have her vitals checked, etc.

She did so good, was rated very healthy on the Apgar scale.. and she nursed right away. Everything was so perfect. And we were discharged two days after her birth, which was not nearly as stressful as I'd imagined.. she loves her car seat and slept the whole ride home. We had family there to help us out those first few days which was wonderful. Then Sunday I started to notice she was breathing funny, sort of rapidly.. not constantly, but frequently enough that I knew it wasn't normal. I also heard her wheezing a few times. I guess an alarm started sounding in my head and I called an after-hours clinic, reported the symptoms she was having, and they told me to take her to the emergency room right away. We did (through streets so icy we barely made it) and they immediately noticed her oxygen was low, so they began all sorts of tests while she was absolutely screaming at the top of her lungs. They did an EKG, all sorts of x-rays, a nasal flush (which is probably the worst sound I've ever heard) and a vast array of other tests. I couldn't even make it all the way through before I just absolutely fell to pieces. It was literally the most painful experience I've ever been through, watching her go through so much and not being able to tell her that this was all for her benefit, that we weren't trying to hurt her.. it's so hard, when she's so tiny and doesn't understand what's going on.

Anyway, we stayed in the hospital another 2 days for more testing, and finally were sent home, with her on oxygen. The doctors think she may have Central Apnea, which affects her breathing. She goes in Tuesday for an all-day sleep study to confirm or deny that diagnosis. She also has bad acid reflux (which is why she was wheezing) and is on medication for that. The last 2 and a half weeks have been nothing but hospital visits, doctor appointments.. it's been a rough initiation into parenthood for Vik and I, and a tough initiation into the world for my darling daughter.. but ultimately she is absolutely worth it.

I hate seeing her on oxygen, she keeps ripping it off her face and hurting herself in the process.. but for the most part it gives us peace of mind, because we have a monitor that tells us what her oxygen levels are at all times.. so we don't have to worry about her not breathing when she falls asleep. But it's discouraging because we don't know how long she'll have to be on it.

I kinda feel like I'm in the twilight zone. I'm running on auto-pilot, and very poorly, I might add. Sleep is non-existent, except in 1-3 hour bursts, if that. I anticipated the lack of sleep.. I guess I just didn't realize what recovery would be like. The pain is still subsiding, I'm finally getting some energy back.. I don't think I've been taking the best care of myself, being that I've been so caught up in my little girl.. but I'm trying. The weight is flying off me thanks to nursing, I've already lost around 30 pounds.. and Lily is gaining weight like a champ so that's a great sign. I guess I'm still just processing everything that's happened.. and how life-changing all of this has been. I knew it would be, I just didn't know the full context of HOW things would change. We are making things work, doing everything we possibly can for my little girl.. she makes me so happy, more beautiful than I could have ever fathomed.. so much thick black hair, gorgeous eyes.. I just love when she looks at me. I love when she lays on my tummy.. makes me feel closer to her. I had a feeling that I would miss the closeness of having her in the womb, and I was totally right. So holding her on my tummy helps me indulge that feeling in a way. I just never knew I could love someone so much.. so much it truly hurts in a physical, emotional way to think about anything happening to her.. to hear her cry, to see her in pain.. and it's only just begun. I know I can't protect her from the harsh realities of this life, but I sure wish I could.

It warms my heart watching Vik with her. I can just see how much he loves her, how he beams with pride when he holds her. This little girl just makes me love him even more. I appreciate everything he's done for me and all the support he's given me, especially during labor.. sharing that experience with him (as traumatic as it was for both of us, yet magical, too) just brought us closer together than I could have imagined. Things have been rough, and we've both struggled with adapting to these changes of parenthood (especially with the oxygen and other issues that many parents never have to deal with), but I think he's just the most amazing man in the world and I feel so lucky to have him in my life.

Ok, I don't want to write a dissertation so I'll just conclude but saying that I love my daughter, my man and all the people who have been by my side through all of this.. (deviant friends included!) we feel so incredibly blessed beyond words.

Bonding by skyeconnelly My little piece of heaven.. by skyeconnelly Her Binky by skyeconnelly This big, bright world by skyeconnelly My Angel by skyeconnelly All that hair by skyeconnelly She's Perfect. by skyeconnelly Radiant by skyeconnelly

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:iconilovekakashi28:
ilovekakashi28 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011
:aww: She is so adorable!! :heart: Congratulations!! :hug:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much!! :)
Reply
:iconilovekakashi28:
ilovekakashi28 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011
no problem :D
Reply
:iconjackemerald:
JackEmerald Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2011
Awww, congratulations! God, what a scare with that breathing crisis, I can't even believe what that must have been like. -_- Best of luck to all of you!

Lily is such a pretty name.:heart:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Professional Photographer
Yeah, it's definitely been a rough initiation for all of us.. but I'm determined
not to let it interfere with enjoying my little girl :)

Thank you for the encouragement and well wishes!
Reply
:iconjackemerald:
JackEmerald Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011
You're very welcome!
Reply
:iconmarmonica:
Marmonica Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2011
I'm overwhelmed for you. Many congratz. Enjoy your new family and your life through motherhood =)
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Professional Photographer
I appreciate that, thank you hun. It has been quite the journey
already, that's for sure, and it's only just begun!

Hope you are doing well, lots of love and hugs to you dear.. :hug:
Reply
:iconfailkat:
failkat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2011   General Artist
I just cannot tell you my dear, how happy I am for all of you!! I hope your beautiful daughter will be well!!
I am just soo happy for you!!:tighthug::happycry:
Take care dear!!!
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much, I hope she'll be ok too.. I'm believing and hoping for
the best.. Hope you are doing well also hun! :aww:
Reply
:iconfailkat:
failkat Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011   General Artist
You're so very welcome, I am hoping for the very same!:tighthug:
Thanks, and I'm trying -just takin it all one day at a time^ ^
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2011  Professional Photographer
That's all we can really do most days.. not always easy though..
Reply
:iconfailkat:
failkat Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2011   General Artist
Mhm, that is true.
By the way, I saw your videos of your daughter on your youtube... ahh tooo cute!
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2011  Professional Photographer
Ohhh was that you who posted a comment on one of them?? She is
so entertaining, I feel like I photograph/videotape her obsessively..
I don't want to miss a moment.

How are you hun? Hope all is well. :heart:
Reply
:iconfailkat:
failkat Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2011   General Artist
haha Yeah it was me :D
I don't blame you, she's sooo adorable! I loved the faces she was making too!

Im doing a bit better, thanks :tighthug:! Hope things are going well with you!
Reply
:icondani-the-naiad:
Dani-the-Naiad Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
She is so adorable!!! :dance: What a sweet baby! I am glad the labor went well, even though it went longer then expected. I hope she can be off oxygen and get all better soon! If anything, I hope they find the perfect diagnosis that makes her feel better. It truly is so life changing, isn't it! I'm so glad to hear that having her has brought you and Vik closer. Truly, there is nothing more attractive to a woman then her man loving her child. Seriously! But there will continue to be ups and downs - it only gets more complicated. I'm sure you and Vik will get through it though - you seem very good together from what you've said on here. CONGRATULATIONS on being a NEW MOMMY! So excited for you! :w00t:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Professional Photographer
I definitely hope for the best with this situation.. I'm trying to remind
myself that it's all in God's hands, not much I can do about it but trust
in Him to get us all through this and on to bigger, better things. :)

Thank you for the uplifting words Dani, it is so encouraging to hear this
from you.. it's definitely an ongoing journey I'm sure, lots of hills and valleys
to traverse but well worth it all, no doubt.. :)
Reply
:icondani-the-naiad:
Dani-the-Naiad Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers! :pray:

And yes, Jimmy and I have had hard times, but I think what keeps us going and getting back to the good times is just the commitment to each other and commitment we made to God to stay together. Really, it might not sound so romantic, but sometimes that is the only thing that holds us together and then once we get through it, it's like we're even closer then ever. It truly makes me see what people mean when they say that after being together for years and years they love each other even more then they had imagined before. Because it just grows through those hard times.

Enjoy these first moments with your daughter, because it passes SO FAST! Many times parents are tempted to rush because they're so excited to for the next milestone their child will reach, but even though it's exciting, once that baby learns how to roll, crawl, then walk - then they're no longer a baby and those moments are gone. That's my biggest piece of advice to new parents. Don't rush and try to cherish every moment while it lasts. I'm sure you do. :)
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2011  Professional Photographer
Oh my gosh, NO KIDDING about time passing quickly! I can't believe
just how much she grows and changes daily! It's so amazing! She's
gaining lots of weight so that's a really good sign.. however she's
already in 3 month clothing and almost in size 2 diapers already! She
didn't even get to wear all her newborn outfits lol! I can't believe it.
It's getting easier with each passing week too, I feel a little more
human lately, able to get out of the house and such.

How are things going with you, pregnancy and all? I miss talking to you!
I'm going to try to sign on at least once a week here now that things
are settling down a bit. Anyway keep me posted hun!! Lots of hugs!!
Reply
:icondani-the-naiad:
Dani-the-Naiad Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: Great to hear from you! Yes, it flies by. I'm glad to hear she's doing so well. :w00t: Growing so fast! It's such a fun time! I'm so happy for you! I'm also glad you're feeling better too. It does take quite an adjustment - a huge change! - for your body, your lifestyle, your home, your family...it's a lot of differences that can be a bit overwhelming. But you'll find the balance.

I'm doing pretty well. I'm finally poking out enough for people to ask me how far along I am and I'm just getting into my third trimester. :giggle: Yesterday someone at church asked and I accidentally said 37 weeks instead of 27 and they almost had a heart attack about it. It was pretty funny. Ten weeks makes a BIG difference. :rofl:

Don't worry too much about signing on all the time. I miss talking to you as much, but I know you're busy paying attention to that little changing child. I'm not on nearly as often as I used to be either, but I at least get on to answer comments whenever I can.

I just posted pictures of the jungle mural I painted in my boys' room. It's been a blast doing that! It's so fun- I was scared to do it at first, but once I got going it was so fun! Anyway- that's what I've been up to, next to school and the normal everyday chaos my boys make.

Sending my hugs! :blowkiss:
Reply
:iconalloendreams:
AlloenDreams Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011
Congrats dear! :heart:
She will grow up to be strong like her Mother, so what she's going through right now is just part of her passage for growing. We all have to go through rough things so we can grow as people, and your baby's just starting that journey a little early.
So don't worry too much about her, it will all end well in the end. :huggle:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Professional Photographer
I just wish she didn't have to start the journey so early! The upside
is that she won't remember any of this.. although I sure will. I'm so
protective of her already it's crazy. Thanks for the encouragement, I
do hope this comes to pass and she can breathe and sleep normally
soon..
Reply
:iconkezzat260:
KezzaT260 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Congratulations XD She is beautiful :) you must be so proud XD
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Professional Photographer
I am definitely proud to be a mommy, I just hope her breathing
situation gets better soon. Been a little rough.

Thanks for the kind words :)
Reply
:iconkezzat260:
KezzaT260 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah must be scary, but i'm sure i speak for everyone here when I say that we're behind you 100%
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2011  Professional Photographer
Well trust me when I say that I appreciate that more than words
can express.. :hug:
Reply
:iconkezzat260:
KezzaT260 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
any time :)
Reply
:icondarth-chunky:
darth-chunky Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Awwwww.... she's beautiful =) Congratulations ^^ Good luck for the future!!
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconyavaho155:
YaVaho155 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Congratulations! about the acid reflux, my little sister had it as well, but it turns out fine :)
the oxygen part should get better too (I found pictures of myself as a baby with a mask, wonder whether I had that too or whether it was something different...) Now suddenly I get this "fathery feeling" :D. She's gorgeous :)
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Professional Photographer
Well that's quite encouraging to hear actually.. it's easy to get
overwhelmed by all of this, so that helps a lot. Thanks for the
positive vibes!! :)
Reply
:iconbaronautumn:
BaronAutumn Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Congratulations! *raises mug of morning coffee as a toast* I'm glad she's gradually pulling through the breathing scare :D :hug: :party:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much, yeah, she's our little trooper! :)
Reply
:iconbaronautumn:
BaronAutumn Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:salute: Ma'am, get well soon, ma'am! :P
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Professional Photographer
I hope so.. :)
Reply
:iconbaronautumn:
BaronAutumn Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
How are things?
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2011  Professional Photographer
We're getting by, things are getting a little easier every day.
Thank you for asking, by the way.. it's nice to have someone
out there who cares!!
Reply
:iconbaronautumn:
BaronAutumn Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Good to know - and I'll always be here to rant/talk to :)
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2011  Professional Photographer
I really appreciate that. And likewise, even if I'm slow to respond!! :hug:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconfenris-kin:
Fenris-Kin Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2011  Student Writer
Congratulations! She is absolutely beautiful :)
I'll be raising a glass in your honour later.
Here's to you, Vik and Lily, with hope and strength for the future :ahoy:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thank you so much for the positive wishes hun, I really
appreciate that!! :tighthug:
Reply
:icondecembersdemon:
DecembersDemon Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2011
she's gorgeous!!
and i was glued to my computer screen while reading that entire entry. i hope with everything i have that she's alright, and that you and Vik are as well :heart:
don't forget to take a breath once in a while, eat somethin' and sleep. she'll need you like crazy, they both will.
i am so happy for you :heart:
:hug:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Professional Photographer
Firstly thank you so much for the encouragement and well wishes,
that really means the world to me. It's definitely been a tough first
few weeks but she is worth all of it. And you're right, taking a moment
for ourselves to eat or sleep sounds so simple, but it's absolutely key
to making it all work. Thank you again, you're awesome. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2011
:iconcaekplz: congratulations! :iconballooonplz:
She's so beautiful. what gorgeous photos.
I'm glad she's ok, the breathing scare must have been terrifying for you. :hug:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Professional Photographer
Definitely terrifying, but I'm just glad we caught it when we did
and that I followed my gut.. too often I second guess myself,
so glad I didn't this time. I just want her to get better fast, it's
hard seeing her on oxygen and not knowing how long she'll need
it.

Anyway thanks for the kind words, you're the best! :D
Reply
:iconsongs-of-flight:
songs-of-flight Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2011
Congratulations! :dance: :boogie: :dance:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thank you!! :boogie:
Reply
:iconsongs-of-flight:
songs-of-flight Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011
I'm so excited for you! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011  Professional Photographer
Thank you! How are you doing? (Sorry for the late response, things are
crazy hectic). Miss you!
Reply
:iconsongs-of-flight:
songs-of-flight Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011
:tighthug:

Oh gosh, I totally understand about being busy (though for different reasons than your busyness, of course) - I am so stressed out! :( So much still to do to get ready for China! (Did I tell you that I was hired to go teach English at a school in China?)

I miss you too! :(

How are you? How's your baby girl?
Reply
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