Just DanceHere's to a moment of nostalgia. I'm skimming through pages of ballet terminology and admiring the pictures associated with the movements. I find myself drawn to the faces of each ballerina. Some seem to be in no pain, as though the movement they are captured creating is second nature. Others don't hide the pain quite so well, and my heart reaches out to them. I long to tell them that it's okay not to be prefect, and that all that matters is the beauty of the art they create and the story they portray. But they know better. I know better.My brain is suddenly racked with invading memories I've kept stashed away and hidden for so long. As painful as they are, I succumb to the invasion. I've returned to that day in the hospital. I still vividly remember my conversation with a ballerina from the San Francisco Ballet. She spoke of her once-successful ballet career, and as I listened with much intensity I could not grasp why she didn't miss it. She didn't miss dance. She stated without hesi
Parallel UniverseThe streetlights pass by in a haze one after the nextLike military drones standing reluctantly in line preparing to saluteMy eyes are glued to the road yet they reflect nothing but a hollow void;A seemingly more desirable destination than my own chamber of dreadI'm miles away in that bastard land of make-believeWhere I won't have to drink to numb the pain corroding my heartWon't have to sedate my pounding brain and crumbling sense of selfA place where the torment just sort of.....drifts away with the burning clouds at sunsetThen all too quickly the sound of metal crushing, twisting, contortingPain and despair mixed with Jack and Jim overwhelm my eardrumsMy life and my insides rip apart in steady, painfully precise synchronyMy vision nothing but a blur as voices hover with all their taunting'I told you so's and 'could have been'sLaunch me across the universe and all those that lie parallelAnd land me right back in this heaping pile of rubble and stinking sulfurWhile I na
TormentThis weary soul of mine; conflictedThe torment of my heart; afflictedRapid breathing, lungs restrictedHands wrap around my throat, constrictedCeaseless repititious poundingAlarms refuse to cease their soundingThoughts become thus more confoundingInsides crushing and compounding
DizzyDizzy dreams elude my conciousnessAs I awake from restless sleepI was dreaming of you.I'm laying next to a manHe makes me rediculously happyWithout even tryingI can see in his eyes how much he loves meHe listens while I spill my countless dark secretsHe never judgesI feel warmth in his smileAnd safety in his embraceHe loves me in an unguarded wayAnd I love him...in ways I'm scared to admit, even to myself.But there's always you.Why do you persist on haunting my dreamsWith your smile and contagious laugh?We had our chanceThere was too much to riskWe hovered at the edge of disasterWith every kissI know you felt it..I couldn't go on that way.I couldn't keep begging for what you could never giveIt took far too long for me to unravel myselfFrom the the depths of youOnly for me to end up right back where I startedAll those years ago, when I first lost myself in you..But I can't chase you away, can I?