Am I a CanMy only purpose is
to provide nourishment for
you and your loved ones...
Here it comes.
I hear your shadow humming.
It sings to me. Tells me
pretty lies and ugly
Do you hear me crying?
Can you detect my
Are my screams not loud
enough for you?
Tear my scalp off.
Ravage my innards and
push them into your fleshy
I want to feel your teeth
crashing against each other.
I want to be caressed by
your soft, squishy tongue.
I want to be dirty inside you.
You murdered everyone I
ever cared for.
Why not murder me?
The Art of Being HumanThe Art of Being Human
by Jay Goldberg
INT- COLLEGE CLASSROOM
A well-dressed alien professor stands at the front of the classroom while the human students watch him attentively. Near him is a blackboard with the comic's title and credits on it.
ALIEN: "In regards to diet, the average human is particularly fond of a meat-based substance commonly known as the "hamburger."
ALIEN: "On special occasions, the average human may also consume large quantities of a substance known as the "corn dog." This substance does not normally contain dog meat, however."
AARON (loudly, off-panel): "ZZzzzZZZZzzz....."
AARON is asleep at his desk. His snoring has interrupted the lecture, and the nearby students have turned their attention to him, partly annoyed, partly amused.
AARON (loudly): "ZZZZzzzZZZzzZz...."
ALIEN: "Mr. Aaron Longwood, are you paying attention?"
This remark startles Aaron, and he begins to wake up.
AARON (groggy): "Whuh?"
AARON (groggy): "Y-yeah
The ClownThe Clown
by Jay Goldberg
1.1: EXT- Chris's run-down place
SFX: BOOP! BEEP! ZOOP!
CAPTION: Throughout history, mankind has been confronted with numerous challenges that have pushed its best and brightest to their limits.
CAPTION: However, nothing compares to what's presented by the infamous video game known as Clown Massacre.
1.2: INT- Chris's living room
Shot of a TV screen from Chris's P.O.V. Possibly showing Chris's hands holding the controller in the foreground. In front of the TV should be some simple gaming console. Feel free to add random trash and clutter to emphasize Chris's decrepit lifestyle.
On the TV is a primitive, Atari-esqe video game vaguely showing a pixeled protagonist killing pixelated clowns. Detail is not necessary; rather, the minimalism should add to the absurdity of the scene.
CAPTION: Clown Massacre was created in the early 80's by a fledgling video game developer called Slitwrist Studios.
CAPTION: Designed as a nearly masochistic experi
A Pretty Thing That FlewA Pretty Thing That Flew
by Jay Goldberg
1.1: EXT. Within the heart of the urban realm.
Skippy carries a heavy paper bag full of groceries along the sidewalk in a busy urban area. He's having considerable difficulty carrying the groceries home.
Unf! Urr! Ack!
TITLE & CREDITS.
1.2: INT. The interior of a run-down apartment building.
Skippy stands in front of a closed elevator. On the elevator is a handwritten sign that says, OUT OF ODER [sic].
* groan *
Skippy lugs the groceries up the stairs.
A hallway with various Skippies walking and loitering around.
SKIPPY (O.P., from around the corner)
Skippy carries the groceries while a second Skippy loiters in the foreground, apparently uninterested in the first Skippy's arrival.
The second Skippy trips the first Skippy, with a malicious look on his face. The first Skippy falls forward, spilling his