but i was visit dA everyday.
also i'm not dead.
well. i noticed i'm not normal person one i found.
i was visit hospital in this year and found i have illness.
but most doctors are not even know my illness name.
but one doc found i have illness and what it is surely.
oh crap. what? i have cerebral palsy?
it's not DNA problem. when i was in mother's belly or child. it happend.
actually i think when i was her belly stay, it happend i think so.
i was question then why my arm and leg moving is not problem or social things
and doc said it's another kind of cerebral palsy problem.
witchmeans, not normal one.
symptoms are like this
-pain. at feet mostly. when i my feet on ground or somewhere touch. it gonna hurt.
-pain at head every sec. but pain is kinda ignored coz i'm used to be this situation.
(but sometimes really gotta hurt)
-blackout happening. 0.5-2 sec i blackout. and try to remember what i doing or did
-pain at back when i standing -it's secondly effect.
and this pain can't ignored by anesthetic shot or drugs.
also i can't fix this illness and can't prove i have this damned sickness.
also i have army problem still. it sucks.
army still want me to go but look. even i can't get job or simple part time job.
mostly i can do is sit on my chair and do internet or lay down at bed is all.
endless pain makes me really insane but still i'm not mad yet.
but very tired i am. sometimes want die for end this damn pain but i'm living one and as u people know living things want live more.
so i'm keep living but i'm not happy.
in endless pain i am.
it makes me hate many people. someone who in happy situation but they not deserve to happy persons.
and unjustice things.
pains still same now and old time and will future too. it very sad things.
i hope i can prove i have cerebral palsy and people help me out this hell living.
i can't f---ing do anything myself if i stand or walk or something.
hard days. but hope torturing me so badly.
i'm not that lucky person. unlucky mostly. so everythings not going well as i wanted or calculate. it very sucks...
i want to be happy but still.. hope torture me.
if i can quit hope it would be better to live i think. purr
hard to live really. it's living hell to me.