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Mask by Silkenray Mask by Silkenray
Life with depression, OCD and social anxiety. I put on a mask every day and pretend to be a real girl.
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:icondragonixa2:
Dragonixa2 Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Maybe putting a mask isn't a really good idea... Showing this art can help some people understand what do you feel. If you need some help or you have some problems you just can't handle with - send me a note, I will try to help or cheer you up...
Try talking to somebody who knows what to do. Maybe some therapy... But never take pills if you know that they can make you feel worse.
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:iconsilkenray:
Silkenray Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
Letting people see behind the mask is important, not just in getting support for myself but also helping other people feel like they are not alone in dealing with this sort of thing.  But I have bills and obligations, a job and people who are counting on me. So no matter how crap I feel I have to wear the mask for long enough to get stuff done.

I'm doing much better now. When I drew this I was recovering from a relapse triggered by my grandfather passing away suddenly last November. With time to process, as well as a medication adjustment, I am doing loads better.
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:icondragonixa2:
Dragonixa2 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
If it's better now... Then I wish you to be as strong as you are or even more, also better future and fortune :) I'm happy to see people dealing good with their problems... I'm less worried about them in that case :)
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:iconvortexsupernova:
VortexSupernova Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well that's really sad. I don't even know what should I do to my life with anxiety :(
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:icondragonixa2:
Dragonixa2 Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
If you also need help.... We really can talk. I just hate seeing people suffering...
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:iconvortexsupernova:
VortexSupernova Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well thanks! XD I don't expect this, and I am confused if I can start a conversation because 99.9999 percent of the time I won't speak unless someone told me to do so ;_;

Anyways, I expect gifted people have mental illness. The thing all I did is to believe that there is hope and...
*lags*

...everything will just pass (I'm saying them even I'm giving up). My memory became weak because of [it] and my feelings are not staying for long. It's just like 'I feel I'm alive but I cannot feel I'm awake'. Later, I noticed that if I don't have heavy feelings, the anxiety attacks would be prevented. For me, if I feel less emotions, I also feel less anxiety. Sad thing I also cannot feel the projects and assignments rushing at finals and I don't finish them.

The end of the school year marks my emotions' rest and the spawn of the hope. I really think I'm suffering more than just anxiety because I also avoid social interactions, parties, culminating activities and I feel people reject me. That's so hard to battle especially when you know the closer people on your life will just complain and scream at you if you told them about that instead of comforting you and relax you-- and they don't even know you're like that.
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:icondragonixa2:
Dragonixa2 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well, in that case I'm always being unexpected xd I'm happy that you actually want to talk :)

I can agree with you... Mostly depressed or sick people have possibility to show what's in their hearts and souls by just creating something, not only art as painting or drawing, but also playing an instrument or singing. I composed some songs about depression in my hard times and well, I have to say that they are much stronger than my compositions made when I'm happy, like now for example... I had one weird day when instead of painting or composing something, I wrote a poem and I almost made my friend depressed by this, so... I guess this is doing a great job o.o (if you want I can try to translate it and send you in a note, english is not my native language)

The good thing is that you still have hope, no matter what. I know that fighting fears is hard... I'm still fighting the fear that one day I'll be left by people I love, even if I know that I still have friends for me to help. I don't know if it's anxiety... But I think the only weapon to fight it is just moving on and not thinking about it at all. Just... living. Even trying sometimes to do something new, not just sitting in a room and drowning in own boredom and thoughts, that one day everyone will reject you - it won't become true if you stand up and try to build some friendships to make them stronger so you'll be more sure that you won't be alone. You're never alone, remember :)

School marks aren't telling anything about who you really are and even how intelligent you are, so you don't need to care about them at all :) I'm not saying that you can just leave the school without caring about it, but you don't need to worry that you won't pass becauce of some worse marks - you can still do better, just try to learn sometimes, listen to teachers and don't let anyone to distract you.

If you're afraid of people reactions - that's probably because you don't know their reactions. Even if you're afraid... Just try. Choose one who you trust the most and tell him/her... I'm not able to be close to you and hug you if you start to cry or comfort you if you're afraid, like anyone from the internet from far countries, so it's the best thing if you have someone near who just knows about your problems and mental illness, because that person can give you warmth almost every time you need it :) Not every human is a destructive monster... Who knows, maybe someone next to you has similar issues?
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