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About Varied / Hobbyist MaryAnne TranFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 6 Years
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Literature
Painting
I haven't written in a year
I know
But I'm at a point in my life
Where art has had to take a huge hard backseat
Because I changed my college direction
I'm floating in a sea where far ahead
I can see a storm,
But I can't tell how far off it is
He might leave soon
As soon as two months
But we aren't getting word for sure
I'm still struggling to find connections
That are worth building on
But it feels like I still need to reach out to find my niche
I want to leader others
And teach them how to find themselves and their (her)story
But I need to focus on school and dance
I'm going home soon
And I want to address how me and others are being treated
But I don't want to out myself as pans yet
If my life were a painting
I'd be me with my head tilted up and hair cascading downwards
But my eyes are closed with my face serene as darkness descends to cup my face
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 5 0
Literature
Internal Dialogue
I'm not okay
Because I'm thinking about something that happened last year
And still bleeds into now
Her telling me
The months that followed
The worry fo people finding out, especially with alcohol present
And according to my imagination
Playing some sort of drinking game and having someone ask who's slept with someone in the room
And either one of us reveals, we both reveal, we suck at exchanging subtle glances, or we just don't look at each other at all to avoid direct eye contact
Or something to reveal the number of sexual partners we've both had
And having to say whom, when, and where
Because that's just how college works
And
remembering the pangs of when I heard the final draft of the song for the first time
And how raw I was in that moment
Since it was while I was still a toy
And broken up with my sailor
And still running from myself
    (and probably still am at this point)
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 4 0
Mature content
Wait For It (Personal Remix) :iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 2 1
Literature
Stay or Go?
Silence
Passive aggressive frustrations
Glares
Emails when I'm sitting right there
Only talking to critique
Housing deadline coming up in three weeks
Fear of getting last year again
Longest ever
All because I didn't want to sound too bossy
Home isn't home anymore
Never says please or thank you
Seems to only care about self except for when she can insert herself into my narrative and hold it
Long drives
Singing in the car as we go
Saying that you're not as good at singing as I am
That expression you make when I hit that ooooooone note
Taking me out to movies and multiple places whenever we can
Working overtime and rearranging your schedule just to see me
Being forward about not liking the idea of sharing me with other people
Spending an hour cooking 4 quarts of chicken noodle soup because I'm sick
A little girl that looks like me and has his energy that bounces all over the place
Bedtime stories instead of the TV so then the brain does not rot to itty bitty pieces
A man I could ver
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 2 0
Literature
What is this?
I'm not sure what to call this
The constant need to want to exercise, just to make up for lost workout hours
Wanting certain foods, but not eating because it's your New Year's resolution to not have midnight snacks
    so sometimes you starve when you fall asleep, except tucking in a bit of breakfast in the morning has become better
Noticing how little your bigger roommate eats
Realizing that you're actually eating bigger portions than you did in high school, and that in itself is scary
Having your parents-from-a-third-world-country-where-good-food-is-scarce scream at you to eat more, even though you are full
    and they literally tell you more often that when you come home from college since your campus doesn't always offer healthier food options
    and they know you had to add meal plan money because part of your meal plan money from the beginning of the school year went towards cleaning supplies
Putting up with relatives saying that you're not ex
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 2 2
Literature
Storms
He's doing it again
He's not going off on me about my voice
    about how people look at me and see a woman but hear a child
    in front of the family of all times
But
He's talking about how it's bullshit that I want to go back to school early to study more
    and I somehow have C grades
He's saying that I want to spend more time away from the family and just play on my phone
Well
You always talk about self-improvement
And getting help I need
But
I've already tried getting help
And they concluded that I was alright and lead me into saying that I don't need any more help
And I do want help in being stronger
But the people I want to ask are too busy talking behind my back at how useless and unambitious I am
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 1 0
Literature
See-Saw
Strange
I'm failing Organic Chemistry
Biology isn't looking too good
My relationship with my Big is strained
I still haven't gotten around to my Secretary duties
Death surrounds me with people I know and people my roommates know
I STILL haven't gotten around to visiting temple on my own to pay respects to Nainai
I have to go home for Thanksgiving and put up with judgemental relatives that have no concept of individuality (and will most likely barrage me with "purple hair is      unprofessional" comments)
My uncle, whom I have slowly realized is a misogynist, will definitely be around when I come home, and will MOST DEFINITELY expect me to start talking with a          lower pitched voice the minute I see him
But...
everything
feels
calm
good
even
okay
Maybe
It's because
I actually do meditation
I downloaded concentration apps
I love my sailor with everything I have
I actually talk to my parents on a regular basis
I will no longer be cal
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 2 0
Literature
Hop
One year
Since everything
Went down
And
everything
Collided
...how things have changed
Because
they're
both
gone
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 1 0
Literature
Now
gone
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 0 0
Mature content
Cadaver :iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 2 0
Literature
The Monster Sitting atop My Spinal Cord
Messed work schedules
Then choir demanding so much more than I can give
    rehearsal times moved up and added but then forced to do more rehearsals
    and then after the concert is done and over with
    classes
    that are right during practices for Girls Modern
    practices that I'm already going to be missing
    but noooooooooooo
    I can't skip them because they're not classes
    and therefore not qualified for a makeup
    (and honestly I just now have a bigger reason to quit next year)
And
He said that we would talk
    about Snapchat behaviors when we get back to Seattle University
    but
    so far
    he's just spending all of his free time in the lobby
    "goofing off"
    even though I thought that I had made him promise
    (then again, he breaks them without second thought, or so it seems)
    (li
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 3 0
Literature
What Now?
Talked
"I think we're better off as friends.
We're just two different people.
We wouldn't have last long.
Something would have drove us apart."
Intimate.
"This is the last time we're doing this. You understand?"
Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?
Kept you inside the entire time I was with my soldier.
Thought I had finally escaped you when you came over to help me kill a mosquito, then you ended up grabbing and smacking my ass that night.
Told you I was going to have to smack you the next time it happened.
...only I never did.
Spent the next weekend vacationing with my soldier in a tourist spot.
Thought I could have my forever with him.
Thought you were gone from my mind.
Thought we could be just friends, like you wished.
Obviously didn't happen when I made out with you at 2 in the morning after you came up to my room to calm me down from a trigger (thanks, fam)
And
Realized
That
I
Never
Got
Over
You
So I go and break two hearts the next day:
My soldier's
And
My own
Hook up with you the n
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 3 0
Literature
Prompt #19: Creation Myth
Score across the sky
Run
Chase
Laugh
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 3 0
Literature
Prompt #18: Neologisms
Fandom
Noob
Cosplay
Fanfiction
Shipping
Ships
Pairs
AU's
(insert)stuck!
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 0 0
Literature
Prompt #17: Place you've been to
Literal copy of
a country 
I never want to go back to
(except to visit family property)
Friends
Beautiful landscape
Rich culture
A beautiful island indeed
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 3 0
Literature
Prompt #16: Inspiration Letter
Dear my mind,
Even though you've made some questionable declarations
Kept me up weird hours
Shoot for something that ended up breaking me
Conjure up a bazillion nightmare
Swirled around thoughts into blurs
And
Echoed the thoughts of others
I would like to thank you for
Helping me make some of the best decisions in my life
Calculating my next move
Keeping hope alive when I needed it the most
Offering new notions
And
Leading me to my Sailor
:iconSilentObserver14:SilentObserver14
:iconsilentobserver14:SilentObserver14 2 2

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Critiques

by AngeInk

The opening line interested me, mostly on how it made the character seem as though he/she was forgetful about things, adding about an o...

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I know last time that I had only asked for 100 points, but after figuring out how much each point costs (which is $.01, almost like how 100 Nepalese rupees is $1), 1000 seems more reasonable.

As for how I'm going to spend it, I'll most likely be giving it to other artists that need it more. Maybe I'll buy some pretty art for myself, but otherwise, it's going to be donated to others that need the points more. For example, I just noticed someone was asking for commissions to pay for an important surgery for her dog. I wouldn't buy art from him/her (don't really need art right now), but I would donate instead.

Again, I don't have a job and neither will my parents let me buy this sort of thing, so paying for points is out of my way. Thank you. :)

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Activity


I haven't written in a year
I know
But I'm at a point in my life
Where art has had to take a huge hard backseat
Because I changed my college direction

I'm floating in a sea where far ahead
I can see a storm,
But I can't tell how far off it is

He might leave soon
As soon as two months
But we aren't getting word for sure

I'm still struggling to find connections
That are worth building on
But it feels like I still need to reach out to find my niche

I want to leader others
And teach them how to find themselves and their (her)story
But I need to focus on school and dance

I'm going home soon
And I want to address how me and others are being treated
But I don't want to out myself as pans yet

If my life were a painting
I'd be me with my head tilted up and hair cascading downwards
But my eyes are closed with my face serene as darkness descends to cup my face
Painting
A mini-update. I haven't used poetry as a vice to write about my feelings in a long time, but I'm hoping to write more to get back into the habit while creating my own style. For those of you that still read my poetry, thank you. For those of you new to my page, welcome.
Loading...
I'm not okay
Because I'm thinking about something that happened last year
And still bleeds into now
Her telling me
The months that followed
The worry fo people finding out, especially with alcohol present
And according to my imagination
Playing some sort of drinking game and having someone ask who's slept with someone in the room
And either one of us reveals, we both reveal, we suck at exchanging subtle glances, or we just don't look at each other at all to avoid direct eye contact
Or something to reveal the number of sexual partners we've both had
And having to say whom, when, and where
Because that's just how college works

And
remembering the pangs of when I heard the final draft of the song for the first time
And how raw I was in that moment
Since it was while I was still a toy
And broken up with my sailor
And still running from myself
    (and probably still am at this point)

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I had my tarot card read to me
I recorded the person speaking it and took pictures of the card
Because something resonated deep within

It is time to walk away from the shackling hands of the past. Your pain isn't your identity, but a vestige of you as a victim. You carry the memories and histories of your people - they survived too.

But
The hands still follow my everyday life
It's
Why I care
Why I exercise
Why I constantly put the needs of others before me
Why I study to protect others that can't speak for themselves
Why I've stopped playing piano the last year or so
Why I think about my youngers and elders
Why I dance
Why I wonder, every day, if have I done enough to live out the legacies of my grandparents, exceed the expectations of my aunts, uncles, mum, and dad, care for my younger cousins while encouraging them to grow beyond what they've already done, love my sailor, stay ahead, preserve my already-dying knowledge of my Teochew culture, and stay alive

So tell me
How can I unshackle them from me
If they follow my every step
And counselors say they can't help me because I don't have the right insurance that lets me go to places besides super expensive outpatient mental facilities
Or that I'm doing fine because compared to my last appointment, I had more sleep, so I automatically must be doing better
All the while trapped in a culture where mental health disorders are dismissed as "oh it's just a phase, they'll grow out of it"
Silence
Passive aggressive frustrations
Glares
Emails when I'm sitting right there
Only talking to critique
Housing deadline coming up in three weeks
Fear of getting last year again
Longest ever
All because I didn't want to sound too bossy
Home isn't home anymore
Never says please or thank you
Seems to only care about self except for when she can insert herself into my narrative and hold it

Long drives
Singing in the car as we go
Saying that you're not as good at singing as I am
That expression you make when I hit that ooooooone note
Taking me out to movies and multiple places whenever we can
Working overtime and rearranging your schedule just to see me
Being forward about not liking the idea of sharing me with other people
Spending an hour cooking 4 quarts of chicken noodle soup because I'm sick
A little girl that looks like me and has his energy that bounces all over the place
Bedtime stories instead of the TV so then the brain does not rot to itty bitty pieces
A man I could very much lose sometime next year while he's under the sea serving us
  • Listening to: Moana Soundtrack
Usually I don't ask for support on school fundraisers, but given that I'm fundraising to help kids with childhood cancer, I figured, "why the heck not?" My goal is $125, which is the minimum in order for me to dance come February 18th. If I can reach my goal, that would be super awesome! Thank you for your time!

events.dancemarathon.com/index…
  • Listening to: SUPEROLD childhood Disney pop songs
Sooooooo... I'm basically going to do a large spam/collection of poems that are mostly written to preserve the memory of something extremely important to me that's been happening lately. Some of you may already know based on guesses and conversations with moi. Either way, you've all been warned, and if you want to clarify about something, don't be afraid to message me or comment. 

For me, this is also a long-needed purge of emotions since I don't have as many artistic outlets as I did back in high school. Back then I had varsity choir, dance team, and piano lessons to let me vent whatever was on my mind. But now that I'm in college and pursuing a scientific degree, I only have choir as an actual output, and while there are pianos in my residence hall, there isn't really a drive for me to practice since I'm not taking anymore piano lessons (both a blessing and a curse at this point). At this point, I'm expecting myself to have large publishing streaks whenever I am not super busy with other things like work, school, studying, etc. If anything, this account will probably just be a semi-public journal of my college years.

...
...
...

...yeah, just avoid the next ten poems or so if you don't want to read about college heartbreak and stress. In the meantime, thank you for staying with me after all these years of being a deviant!

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SilentObserver14's Profile Picture
SilentObserver14
MaryAnne Tran
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I mostly write. Poems, fics, stories, mostly literature stuff. I draw occasionally, but even so, they're kind of sucky. I'll learn how to do better though! :)
Interests

Commissions

Poetry
Basically poetry based on the theme or topic you give me. If you want to turn this into a special gift to someone, please describe what you are looking for in more detail. :)

Journal History

Comments


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:iconjennylizmanga:
jennylizmanga Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2018  Professional Digital Artist
Banner Watch by jennylizmanga and your support. Have a great day Pink Heart Icon
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:iconsilentobserver14:
SilentObserver14 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome!
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:iconbeckyandmrbiscuit:
BeckyAndMrBiscuit Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the watch! 
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:iconsilentobserver14:
SilentObserver14 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
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:iconwhitebonedemon:
WhiteBoneDemon Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2018   Traditional Artist
kaomoji set 1 6/19 
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:iconsilentobserver14:
SilentObserver14 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw, thank you!
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:iconlilyrjensen:
lilyrjensen Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2018   Digital Artist
Hi there!
I just wanted to say thank you so much for the watch! You just made my day! La love 


I'm so happy to know that you like what I do! I hope you have a wonderful day xx Heart
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:iconsilentobserver14:
SilentObserver14 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! :D
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:icongaiaxy-gazer:
GaIaxy-Gazer Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the watch! Hope you have a nice day!!
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:iconsilentobserver14:
SilentObserver14 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! :)
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