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Hopelessly Optimistic
Why I am so hopeful?
There's no reason to have hope--
It's better to accept
The nightmare that takes center stage.
Have I read too many
Breakable fairy tales and comics?
Why do my eyes show light again
In the despairing darkness?
I know I'm just treated
& be forgotten like an insect
But I still believe that humans
Would come to love each soon.
Am I just crazy?
Is there something wrong with me?
Where did this hope in my heart come from?
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 2 1
Should I smile? Should I laugh?
Of course,
Everyone wants the truth with the most smiles.
"It's fine. It's okay. It'll be alright. It will end soon, keep pushing on."
What if all those words fail?
Have I placed my heroes
On the wrong person?
I don't know how
Good-hearted people
Who had to compromise with bad
Or be a liar?
I've searched for happiness
But it's easily brought as a poison.
If riches can show a smile,
Why does this gem show my frown?
Will this addiction ever end?
I'm not lost or have forgotten--
I've been sealed off.
Collect all the philosophical
Works you have memorized
Made you any wiser?
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
Yearning for Cliches
Cut out the composer's songs,
Take out the editor's pick,
This is not a movie with
A satisfactory ending.
There's no drama more painful
Than real life.
The second star on the right
Shoots me down.
Waiting for a superhero
To save the day
But in the end no one came.
The knight in shinning armour
Destroys even the weakest child
For the sake of some hallow victory.
The big brother is so bad
So we have to be worse.
I never knew how much lust
Could hurt a person beyond repair.
There's no crueler director
Than godless chance.
The good Samaritan
Had his hand in his wallet.
In the end,
It's a whimper.
Is this worth an academy award?
I still wonder when I lost hope.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
I need this,
I should need this,
I really want this & that
But as cliche as it sounds,
I found no happiness.
"Suffering is the result
Or desire,"
The Buddha once said as well as
"All good things must come to an end."
Loneliness is my wisest teacher,
Never giving me direct instructions
Or meaningless punishments,
Just letting me be in thought.
Wealth is worthless
For the sake of kindness & enlightenment.
For life,
We've been addicted
To worthless things
But afraid to act our morals
In uncomfortable situations
OF the real world.
Does that person really believe their faith
Or just wears it like a mask.?
What is the need or wisdom of want?  
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 2 0
I'm told we're to find
Our other half,
But people seem to
Forget who they are
Each sunrise.
There's safety in numbers
But they're straggling me.
I'm lonely and empty
But I never felt
Those feelings as bad--
It's were its crowded
That hurts me the most.
As I bloom into a hundred colours
That I can't name,
I'm told I'm too similar
To so many others.
I don't feel lonely when
I hear that
But at the same time I feel outcasted.
When I try to blend in with others,
In order to belong,
I just wither myself to pieces
Until this numbness kills myself.
We try to be different
& unique in new found ways
Without losing our connection
With each other,
But we fell in love in
Dividing each other
In lonely groups &
Warp our differences
Into monsters that don't exist.
We seek comfort in continuity and commonality
And fear of meeting ourselves individuality.  
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
An Honest Reply From an Autistic
Everyone keeps expecting me
To become a drooling retard
Who needs the same day everyday
Or a misfit genius or artist
Like Einstein, Grandin, or Van Gogh.
I know how to become those
Kinds of people everyone wants me to be,
But every time I try,
I fall short--
And for that I'm glad.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
Under feathered wings,
Superiority is justified
For crushing who isn't
A certain type of pure.
Under leathery wings,
There's a unity for
The misfits who had
Everything betray them.
I'm lost but
I never wander
To someplace that's nothing.
I'm not the one on either side,
I just reflect on what the heart bleeds.
Lost track of the path
Destined to be someone else.
Don't call me a devilish poison
When I could be an angelic cure.
If the world
Has turned upside up
In an upside down universe,
What is upside down in the first place?
In your vision,
I revolt against the natural order,
I'm the start of chaos
But also the end of it.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 0 0
Think before you become a hypocrite
I've really thought
I had freedom--
But in reality,
I've had a cheap version
Of your freedom.
I can't help it--
I had no choice in my birth.
How can I be free?
How can I be equal to all of you?
Though I lost my faith in the heavens,
I haven't loosen my chains,
I'm burdened by more.
Ah, screw it.
I'm tired of putting up this farce
That you enjoy so much.
I'll self-destruct this stereotype
& sing my non-harmonious songs
And for once in you life--
Shut up!
If you hate my honest screams
Of the life of I've lived
And my tearful song of opinions long silenced,
Then you don't have the right to preach
The holiness of the freedom of speech.
Even if I unravel my honest self,
You still want me to return to that cage
On the breath of your uncharted hypocrisy.
I can never have your glided version of freedom--
I have to make mine own for others.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
It's time to say Goodbye
Stop your inhuman daydreams,
Hush your precious paranoia--
It's time to say goodbye
To the things you thought were right.
Those years of your
"Good old days,"
Your "Golden Age,"--
Those heavenly days
Were really hell's nightmares.
There's no time machine
That could jump in
To make yourself worse
Than you already are.
All we can do is run
Towards to an upside down tomorrow.
Just because you've got your throne
Doesn't mean the world is in order.
Every time you try to crush us
Or paint us the same,
We shatter your perfection.
If peace means inhumanity
Then I would rather burn in anarchy
Before I could kill the kind person I could be.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
For a day,
Every starving mouth is feed,
All guns run out of ammo,
The ill would walk out healthy,
The ice stop melting,
Plants and forests grow without fear,
Oil pit dry up,
The ocean is garbage free,
Hate & ignorance take a hike,
And equality is a born right--
Then you can complain for some shallow issue.
If my birth brought and
My death only adds to the misfortune
In the world today,
What should I do?
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 0 0
Rotting Cage
(Follow the script
But it's already gone).
I'm trying to
Live as myself
With no fairy tales
or nightmares
Weighing me down
But still bound to the duty
Of playing pretend in
A rotting bird cage.
I'm already out of tolerance and patience
Of this facade
That has lost its script.
Trying to touch the moon and clouds
Even under this shallow glass,
I break out of the cage
But to the you
Who continues to play pretend in that cage,
Please stop poisoning yourself.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
Panic Attack
Breathing out of tune--
Unable to control trembling hands--
Tears falling where they're not allowed--
Trying to focus in a spinning room.
I'm living a lifetime of painful chaos
In a second of time.
I know I'm somehow broken,
I just don't need confirmation again.
I'm trying to live my life--
Who made you Judge, Jury, and Executioner?
I'm following these unsaid orders and rules
Like everyone else,
But I am only one that breaks down
While I try to recall my sense of monotone peace.
I need help or control
But those helping hands just leave scars
As they approach.
& regretting--
These sudden actions
Of the fearful monster inside of me
Carry me away from
The story that would be my history.
I try to find calm
But it soon ends up as poison.
& breaking in impossible ways--
I'm used to wounding myself
For the sake of my own self
But I can't carry on the charade anyone.
This pursuit of happiness just
Suffocates me.
Liberation, freedom,
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
I'm a Demon (Shattering Glass)
I'm a paradox,
A fallen angel who
Hasn't lost heart yet.
Every step I take,
I cruelly destroy
An ancient set of "heavenly" status quo.
I act neither right or wrong--
I'm just trying to find
Who I could be.
I'm a poison to someone's sweet lullaby,
But I try to be kind in
Selfish world.
Call me demon, a monster,
For a part of me I can't help
Or had control,
But I said goodbye to those
Foolish cares.
I break the rules as I breath,
Bringing delusions of civilizations
To their knees.
I don't bring malice
(Unless you want it but I won't)
When I try to plant a few trees
Or help rebuild.
I'm unable to follow
Any other path except my own.
Who cares if I'm repeating failed, echoing words
& painful agonies--
This is myself trying to get better
And wasn't this the honesty you want?
I say I just don't know many things
--I still see the skies without any clouds.
I'm always alone but over time
I came to love strangers and then myself.
I'm still walking forward in this
Indecisive world.  
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 0 0
Broken Fairy Tale
Till the predestined "happily ever after,"
You've stayed stuck in this
Magical cage
Where dreams come true
But you could never understand those dreams.
The only dawn of the outside
Is through a keyhole
That's refuses to speak "Welcome."
"Curiosity got the better of you
Too many times,"
Those cruel--but kind--
Fairy godmothers used to
Scorn you when
You try to go against the script.
Tangled up--
Addicted to--
Chained to this facade,
You kept praying for the hero
With a flimsy copy-&-paste heart.
It's time for the ball,
It's time for the wish,
Everything is exactly as planned
To "your heart's" desire
But instead you walk towards
The sealed up cage door.
You know what's outside the cage,
You may not find your happy ending,
You'll might end up with more scars than knights
& shattered beyond repair.
But even then,
What's better than
The sweet poison of a cruel fairy tale,
& still you soar anyway.  
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 0 0
The Future With No Past
I've lost something too important.
My forgotten memory filled with darkness--
Surrounding me in darkness.
All my life is darkness.
Only one moment of my life
Was filled with light
But where and when that light
Shines upon
Does not give me comfort.
That light is the reason
My life is filled with darkness.
That light--
Torturous pain and unforgivable.
That light is my demon.  
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
This Is My Survival
I'm the one
Who enters a conversation
Like it's a battlefield.
I'm the human
Whose mind is a mess
Of abstract pieces
That don't fit anywhere.
I have to
Bend to my opposite
To make everyone happy.
I'm the outsider
Who has to lose themselves
In order to survive.
I'm the retard
That's the screw-up and scapegoat
For everything.
I have to cope
With people that call themselves normal
But are more dysfunctional than I am.
I had to face obstacles
That are considered easy by everyone else.
I'm the one
Who had to fight everything
To find who I really am.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0


Orc Magician by N-ossandon-Nezt Orc Magician :iconn-ossandon-nezt:N-ossandon-Nezt 593 25 First snow by AlviaAlcedo First snow :iconalviaalcedo:AlviaAlcedo 1,135 21
Shadows Cast
Shadows Cast
To the  farthest plains travel echeos of the past.
Along the whole journey shadows are cast.
Minds never forget the way things were before.
But the saddest part is, there's nothing left to restore.
The past is a monster that can eat you whole.
Though it eats and eats it's never full.
What you could've done isn't as important as what you should.
Spending too long in the past won't do anyone any good.
But remember what you've been through, and how it felt like forever.
And that despite how much it hurt you still refused to surrender.
You've made it this far, somehow you're still alive.
There is really some worth if you just survive.
We can fail over and over again if we still remain undying.
We all make the same mistake a million times but we keep trying.
We just have to keep improving a little bit at a time.
Who was it that decided making any little mistake is a crime?
:iconpetercaliver:PeterCaliver 2 0
Another Halloween kitty by Ailinn-Lein Another Halloween kitty :iconailinn-lein:Ailinn-Lein 716 14
Ah, the masks we wear just to survive this life
We rail against pretense while cloaking ourselves
In all the pomp and circumstance of fabricated civility
But we are all just skeletons dressed in formal wear
A mendacious façade  
The cold wind of truth chills us to the bone
So we dress up in our delusions and call it “success”
Pretend life is a contest and get our game faces on
Stoically kill our emotions and wonder why we feel
So bloodless and grim
Rattling bones just rattling our sabers on a battlefield
We robe despair in the familiar trappings of temerity
And weave our cocoons of lies to conceal the cold truth
That beneath our veneer we are just naked bones
Shaking in our closets
©All original work copyright Edward D Cates 2018
:iconbarosus:Barosus 24 13
The Real Me
I feel like a homunculus
Pretending to be one of us
Intelligence that’s artificial
And a mask that’s superficial
Look too close and you will see
That you will risk unmasking me
My empty eyes disguise the truth
Most of you would find uncouth
I have become that which I know
And all I know now lies below
This comic mask you see me wear
To shield you from my true despair
For what I know is what I’ve seen
Burning in my darkest dreams
But if I pray for what I feel
Long enough to make it real
Would you come and set me free?
Could you embrace the real me?
©All original work copyright Edward D Cates 2018
:iconbarosus:Barosus 16 37
Burning World
Burning World
Have you ever been lying face first on the floor,
And just been wonderin', what the pain was all for?
Then you think while you see a burning world,
"I hope someone fixes it." as your soul is furled.
Well, things only get better through sweat and blood,
So it's time to get your face out of the mud.
You're probably waiting for a "real" hero to save the day.
I'm sorry, but there isn't any "real" hero on the way.
The world is full of death and despair.
The world is full of people who'd rather not be aware.
How we've got to this point, well never know.
But the world doesn't really just need a hero.
We need insane solutions made with imagination.
We need them to come to life, through hours of dedication.
We need people who would just do the most that they could.
And it would already be far more than any normal hero could.
:iconpetercaliver:PeterCaliver 3 0
Like a schizoid Matryoshka doll
In the darkness dressed in pall
I learned phantasmal pantomime
Dark iconoclast of the sublime
The knife is slippery uncertainty
Wondering how to kill mendacity
My puzzle pieces join together
But do not form the same picture
I am both whole and incomplete
My idiom deranged and obsolete
Everything I try to hold is fluid
Liquid dreams now all polluted
An actor bold, without a doubt
But all I loved lies strewn about
Have I become my own antithesis
My achievements empty artifice
Desperate, cold and desolated
With evil power intoxicated
Behind my face within the mirror
Rorschach patterns growing clearer
Spreading like bloody angelic wings
Telling tales of vermillion things
Painted across the bedroom walls
Who’s the wickedest of them all
©All original work copyright Barosus (Edward D Cates) 2018
:iconbarosus:Barosus 13 4
I Don't Know
I Don't Know
I don't know who I am anymore.
A tiny speck on a distant shore.
I did things I never thought I would.
I've done things I thought I never could.
I no longer know what life is.
An endless cycle of something I won't miss.
We live, and then we die.
And yet we still don't know why.
I don't believe in what reality was.
Twists and turns everywhere, just because.
Reality and fantasy fill me with dread.
I don't know which one's just inside my head.
I don't know if this is what I should be doing,
But I'm definitely going to keep trying.
Screaming into the void, I could just be completely ignorant forever.
But I'm still going to do the most I can, to make everything a tiny bit better.
:iconpetercaliver:PeterCaliver 1 0
Halloween kitties by Ailinn-Lein Halloween kitties :iconailinn-lein:Ailinn-Lein 544 32 Ray by Rurushich Ray :iconrurushich:Rurushich 75 4 Resin Cast Banana Slug Sculpture by PepperTreeArt Resin Cast Banana Slug Sculpture :iconpeppertreeart:PepperTreeArt 73 4 Get in Loser We're Overthrowing the Government by Alithographica Get in Loser We're Overthrowing the Government :iconalithographica:Alithographica 873 62
One Percent
One Percent
99% monster, 99% disgusting.
Our entire race is completely revolting.
But instead of lying here and throwing a fit,
It's time to take that last 1% and run with it.
And when we've lost our humanity.,
When we've abandoned eternity,
Surviving in the darkest night,
We have to pray that 1% will do what's right.
1% chance, seemingly no reason to fight more.
But we've beaten those odds before.
Seemingly impossible,
But only highly improbable.
Please, you have to just trust me,
There's so much more to this than we can see.
A 0% chance might seem impossible to you,
But don't forget, we've beaten those odds to.
:iconpetercaliver:PeterCaliver 4 0
Squad 266 banner character 1 - Hydra by supersmashzelda26 Squad 266 banner character 1 - Hydra :iconsupersmashzelda26:supersmashzelda26 5 2
Murmur of the Banshee
I think of my children often, adjusting their skulls upon my desk,
I think of my children often, oh their faces, ever so grotesque.
I think of my children often, as I hobble onto cobble, strands of hair in my palm,
I feel them in my fingers, I see them with sunken eyes, and think they’re ever so calm.

I think of my children often, I’m a good mother, their tiny teeth not a dent to the bone,
I think of my children often, with pride that we died together, but now I’m all alone.
I think of my children often, if life divine, then death is something to ruffle a mortal mind, 
I feel death in my fingers, I see it with sunken eyes, but I know not the ties that bind.
:iconblakegahan:BlakeGahan 13 4




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Silencedbook9's Profile Picture
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
I love books -- either manga, graphic novel, textbooks, and fantasy/sci-fi/realistic fiction/fiction/etc. I like to read, write, and draw.
Please see some of my work before you decide to watch me, okay, because I usually submit a combination of fanart, poems, and other stuff and if you don't like either of them, please don't watch me. I really don't want people to be unhappy with my deviantions.
Okay, I know I said in the last journal entry that I would be not posting new stuff on dA but after giving A LOT of thought on the subject, I have come to the conclusion that I will be posting comics and occasional artwork--most probably fanart if I get better at drawing stuff--instead of poetry. I will be sending my poetry and short stories to various literary magazines and contests that will take them (hopefully), and, if they allow me, I will tell you if one of them gets published. I will say you don't have to buy them to read my work . . . but I think y'all are starved enough for my work already (sorry if that last line was rude, I was trying to be funny). 

For the past few months, I've been thinking of drawing some comics on dA for a while and I think most of them (in their initial stages) would be good enough or too weird for most comic publishers, so I think I will post their rough drafts here for critique because I REALLY NEED IT. PLEASE, WHEN YOU READ THEM PLEASE CRITIQUE THE HELL OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO GET BETTER AT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! 

So to recap, I'll be posting comics and artwork but not poetry. If you are watching me for my poems, I understand and don't mind if you unwatch me. Thanks for watching me for so long. 

Sooooooo, how's people doing? How's life, family, school, the universe, hell, everything going for you? I hope you had a good day. If not, here's a hug or a hand hug (handshake) for those who don't like hugs. 


Add a Comment:
Barosus Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2018   Writer
It seems you have been perusing my gallery.  Thank you so much for the favs.  I do hoe you come again.  In fact let me temp you with a couple, if I may be so bold.

Toward Solstice 

unknownwolf1996 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2018
KittySib Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave!:sun:
lordmep Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for liking the Price of Peace
diddles25 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for adding "Electing the Seven Deadly Sins" to your favorites! What do you think?
Sharkwoman87 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you kindly for faving my poem. :)
Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2018  Student Writer
No problem.
diddles25 Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for adding "Puerto Rican Goddess of Hurricanes and Chaos" to your favorites! What do you think?
diddles25 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for adding "like we could not get enough bad news" to your favorites! What do you think?
Add a Comment: