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Hopelessly Optimistic
Why I am so hopeful?
There's no reason to have hope--
It's better to accept
The nightmare that takes center stage.
Have I read too many
Breakable fairy tales and comics?
Why do my eyes show light again
In the despairing darkness?
I know I'm just treated
& be forgotten like an insect
But I still believe that humans
Would come to love each soon.
Am I just crazy?
Is there something wrong with me?
Where did this hope in my heart come from?
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 2 1
Should I smile? Should I laugh?
Of course,
Everyone wants the truth with the most smiles.
"It's fine. It's okay. It'll be alright. It will end soon, keep pushing on."
What if all those words fail?
Have I placed my heroes
On the wrong person?
I don't know how
Good-hearted people
Who had to compromise with bad
Or be a liar?
I've searched for happiness
But it's easily brought as a poison.
If riches can show a smile,
Why does this gem show my frown?
Will this addiction ever end?
I'm not lost or have forgotten--
I've been sealed off.
Collect all the philosophical
Works you have memorized
Made you any wiser?
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
Yearning for Cliches
Cut out the composer's songs,
Take out the editor's pick,
This is not a movie with
A satisfactory ending.
There's no drama more painful
Than real life.
The second star on the right
Shoots me down.
Waiting for a superhero
To save the day
But in the end no one came.
The knight in shinning armour
Destroys even the weakest child
For the sake of some hallow victory.
The big brother is so bad
So we have to be worse.
I never knew how much lust
Could hurt a person beyond repair.
There's no crueler director
Than godless chance.
The good Samaritan
Had his hand in his wallet.
In the end,
It's a whimper.
Is this worth an academy award?
I still wonder when I lost hope.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
I need this,
I should need this,
I really want this & that
But as cliche as it sounds,
I found no happiness.
"Suffering is the result
Or desire,"
The Buddha once said as well as
"All good things must come to an end."
Loneliness is my wisest teacher,
Never giving me direct instructions
Or meaningless punishments,
Just letting me be in thought.
Wealth is worthless
For the sake of kindness & enlightenment.
For life,
We've been addicted
To worthless things
But afraid to act our morals
In uncomfortable situations
OF the real world.
Does that person really believe their faith
Or just wears it like a mask.?
What is the need or wisdom of want?  
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 2 0
I'm told we're to find
Our other half,
But people seem to
Forget who they are
Each sunrise.
There's safety in numbers
But they're straggling me.
I'm lonely and empty
But I never felt
Those feelings as bad--
It's were its crowded
That hurts me the most.
As I bloom into a hundred colours
That I can't name,
I'm told I'm too similar
To so many others.
I don't feel lonely when
I hear that
But at the same time I feel outcasted.
When I try to blend in with others,
In order to belong,
I just wither myself to pieces
Until this numbness kills myself.
We try to be different
& unique in new found ways
Without losing our connection
With each other,
But we fell in love in
Dividing each other
In lonely groups &
Warp our differences
Into monsters that don't exist.
We seek comfort in continuity and commonality
And fear of meeting ourselves individuality.  
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
An Honest Reply From an Autistic
Everyone keeps expecting me
To become a drooling retard
Who needs the same day everyday
Or a misfit genius or artist
Like Einstein, Grandin, or Van Gogh.
I know how to become those
Kinds of people everyone wants me to be,
But every time I try,
I fall short--
And for that I'm glad.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
Under feathered wings,
Superiority is justified
For crushing who isn't
A certain type of pure.
Under leathery wings,
There's a unity for
The misfits who had
Everything betray them.
I'm lost but
I never wander
To someplace that's nothing.
I'm not the one on either side,
I just reflect on what the heart bleeds.
Lost track of the path
Destined to be someone else.
Don't call me a devilish poison
When I could be an angelic cure.
If the world
Has turned upside up
In an upside down universe,
What is upside down in the first place?
In your vision,
I revolt against the natural order,
I'm the start of chaos
But also the end of it.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 0 0
Think before you become a hypocrite
I've really thought
I had freedom--
But in reality,
I've had a cheap version
Of your freedom.
I can't help it--
I had no choice in my birth.
How can I be free?
How can I be equal to all of you?
Though I lost my faith in the heavens,
I haven't loosen my chains,
I'm burdened by more.
Ah, screw it.
I'm tired of putting up this farce
That you enjoy so much.
I'll self-destruct this stereotype
& sing my non-harmonious songs
And for once in you life--
Shut up!
If you hate my honest screams
Of the life of I've lived
And my tearful song of opinions long silenced,
Then you don't have the right to preach
The holiness of the freedom of speech.
Even if I unravel my honest self,
You still want me to return to that cage
On the breath of your uncharted hypocrisy.
I can never have your glided version of freedom--
I have to make mine own for others.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
It's time to say Goodbye
Stop your inhuman daydreams,
Hush your precious paranoia--
It's time to say goodbye
To the things you thought were right.
Those years of your
"Good old days,"
Your "Golden Age,"--
Those heavenly days
Were really hell's nightmares.
There's no time machine
That could jump in
To make yourself worse
Than you already are.
All we can do is run
Towards to an upside down tomorrow.
Just because you've got your throne
Doesn't mean the world is in order.
Every time you try to crush us
Or paint us the same,
We shatter your perfection.
If peace means inhumanity
Then I would rather burn in anarchy
Before I could kill the kind person I could be.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
For a day,
Every starving mouth is feed,
All guns run out of ammo,
The ill would walk out healthy,
The ice stop melting,
Plants and forests grow without fear,
Oil pit dry up,
The ocean is garbage free,
Hate & ignorance take a hike,
And equality is a born right--
Then you can complain for some shallow issue.
If my birth brought and
My death only adds to the misfortune
In the world today,
What should I do?
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 0 0
Rotting Cage
(Follow the script
But it's already gone).
I'm trying to
Live as myself
With no fairy tales
or nightmares
Weighing me down
But still bound to the duty
Of playing pretend in
A rotting bird cage.
I'm already out of tolerance and patience
Of this facade
That has lost its script.
Trying to touch the moon and clouds
Even under this shallow glass,
I break out of the cage
But to the you
Who continues to play pretend in that cage,
Please stop poisoning yourself.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
Panic Attack
Breathing out of tune--
Unable to control trembling hands--
Tears falling where they're not allowed--
Trying to focus in a spinning room.
I'm living a lifetime of painful chaos
In a second of time.
I know I'm somehow broken,
I just don't need confirmation again.
I'm trying to live my life--
Who made you Judge, Jury, and Executioner?
I'm following these unsaid orders and rules
Like everyone else,
But I am only one that breaks down
While I try to recall my sense of monotone peace.
I need help or control
But those helping hands just leave scars
As they approach.
& regretting--
These sudden actions
Of the fearful monster inside of me
Carry me away from
The story that would be my history.
I try to find calm
But it soon ends up as poison.
& breaking in impossible ways--
I'm used to wounding myself
For the sake of my own self
But I can't carry on the charade anyone.
This pursuit of happiness just
Suffocates me.
Liberation, freedom,
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
I'm a Demon (Shattering Glass)
I'm a paradox,
A fallen angel who
Hasn't lost heart yet.
Every step I take,
I cruelly destroy
An ancient set of "heavenly" status quo.
I act neither right or wrong--
I'm just trying to find
Who I could be.
I'm a poison to someone's sweet lullaby,
But I try to be kind in
Selfish world.
Call me demon, a monster,
For a part of me I can't help
Or had control,
But I said goodbye to those
Foolish cares.
I break the rules as I breath,
Bringing delusions of civilizations
To their knees.
I don't bring malice
(Unless you want it but I won't)
When I try to plant a few trees
Or help rebuild.
I'm unable to follow
Any other path except my own.
Who cares if I'm repeating failed, echoing words
& painful agonies--
This is myself trying to get better
And wasn't this the honesty you want?
I say I just don't know many things
--I still see the skies without any clouds.
I'm always alone but over time
I came to love strangers and then myself.
I'm still walking forward in this
Indecisive world.  
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 0 0
Broken Fairy Tale
Till the predestined "happily ever after,"
You've stayed stuck in this
Magical cage
Where dreams come true
But you could never understand those dreams.
The only dawn of the outside
Is through a keyhole
That's refuses to speak "Welcome."
"Curiosity got the better of you
Too many times,"
Those cruel--but kind--
Fairy godmothers used to
Scorn you when
You try to go against the script.
Tangled up--
Addicted to--
Chained to this facade,
You kept praying for the hero
With a flimsy copy-&-paste heart.
It's time for the ball,
It's time for the wish,
Everything is exactly as planned
To "your heart's" desire
But instead you walk towards
The sealed up cage door.
You know what's outside the cage,
You may not find your happy ending,
You'll might end up with more scars than knights
& shattered beyond repair.
But even then,
What's better than
The sweet poison of a cruel fairy tale,
& still you soar anyway.  
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 0 0
The Future With No Past
I've lost something too important.
My forgotten memory filled with darkness--
Surrounding me in darkness.
All my life is darkness.
Only one moment of my life
Was filled with light
But where and when that light
Shines upon
Does not give me comfort.
That light is the reason
My life is filled with darkness.
That light--
Torturous pain and unforgivable.
That light is my demon.  
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0
This Is My Survival
I'm the one
Who enters a conversation
Like it's a battlefield.
I'm the human
Whose mind is a mess
Of abstract pieces
That don't fit anywhere.
I have to
Bend to my opposite
To make everyone happy.
I'm the outsider
Who has to lose themselves
In order to survive.
I'm the retard
That's the screw-up and scapegoat
For everything.
I have to cope
With people that call themselves normal
But are more dysfunctional than I am.
I had to face obstacles
That are considered easy by everyone else.
I'm the one
Who had to fight everything
To find who I really am.
:iconsilencedbook9:Silencedbook9 1 0


Halloween kitties by Ailinn-Lein Halloween kitties :iconailinn-lein:Ailinn-Lein 522 32 Ray by Rurushich Ray :iconrurushich:Rurushich 61 4 Resin Cast Banana Slug Sculpture by PepperTreeArt Resin Cast Banana Slug Sculpture :iconpeppertreeart:PepperTreeArt 70 4 Get in Loser We're Overthrowing the Government by Alithographica Get in Loser We're Overthrowing the Government :iconalithographica:Alithographica 865 62
One Percent
One Percent
99% monster, 99% disgusting.
Our entire race is completely revolting.
But instead of lying here and throwing a fit,
It's time to take that last 1% and run with it.
And when we've lost our humanity.,
When we've abandoned eternity,
Surviving in the darkest night,
We have to pray that 1% will do what's right.
1% chance, seemingly no reason to fight more.
But we've beaten those odds before.
Seemingly impossible,
But only highly improbable.
Please, you have to just trust me,
There's so much more to this than we can see.
A 0% chance might seem impossible to you,
But don't forget, we've beaten those odds to.
:iconpetercaliver:PeterCaliver 4 0
Squad 266 banner character 1 - Hydra by supersmashzelda26 Squad 266 banner character 1 - Hydra :iconsupersmashzelda26:supersmashzelda26 5 2
Murmur of the Banshee
I think of my children often, adjusting their skulls upon my desk,
I think of my children often, oh their faces, ever so grotesque.
I think of my children often, as I hobble onto cobble, strands of hair in my palm,
I feel them in my fingers, I see them with sunken eyes, and think they’re ever so calm.

I think of my children often, I’m a good mother, their tiny teeth not a dent to the bone,
I think of my children often, with pride that we died together, but now I’m all alone.
I think of my children often, if life divine, then death is something to ruffle a mortal mind, 
I feel death in my fingers, I see it with sunken eyes, but I know not the ties that bind.
:iconblakegahan:BlakeGahan 12 4
can't slick the words with honey
Poets we find
A thousand and ten ways
To write stars and love and heartbrake
With body words of circulatory systems
The cacaphony of the morning
Accentuating the stillness of a blank
And early night
But I cannot fit into that two-letter 'we'
I cannot be the poet I want to be
Because I cannot find more than twenty-four ways
To compare my loved ones 
To empty rooms and dust and flowers
I cannot be the poet I want to be
For I am past the ages that we compose unsung lyrics
Most earnestly toward
Of desperation and classes and summer
I cannot be the poet I want to be
Because I fall asleep long before these mystic filled minutes
Before dawn when the world
Slumbers and minds are restless
I cannot be the poet I want to be
For I do not drink romanticized alcohol and will never smoke
And yes, I do believe in God
That people are good first
I cannot be the poet I want to be
Because I have found joy and I have people that will always
Take a second to listen
And I know that I am not alone
I cann
:iconrialovesfanfic:rialovesfanfic 8 14
Mature content
The Left and Right are out of balance :iconlightsthroughshadow:Lightsthroughshadow 1 0
MP100 - Me by rochichan MP100 - Me :iconrochichan:rochichan 19 0
Irony Isn't Ideal
Day by day,
step by tortured, dragging step,
the landscape is littered with crumbs and fragments,
remnants of my shattered selves.
Locked in an unending darkness,
hounded by an unquenchable thirst,
I seek that which I can never have.
It can't be bought, sold, or earned-
and even if it were offered freely, 
I would be unable to accept it.
This one thing I desire aside from Oblivion,
and because I am too broken, too hurt-
I will be unable to believe or trust
the one who offer's my heart's desire.
It's ironic that I want it so desperately,
seek it so earnestly,
and yet would destroy it should it come to me.
:iconkittysib:KittySib 10 10
Treasure boy by Picolo-kun Treasure boy :iconpicolo-kun:Picolo-kun 9,425 535 Heather and Chopper by Candra Heather and Chopper :iconcandra:Candra 1,044 50
making words
carry the weight
of small worlds
briefly perceived
by dreaming eyes
:iconcattservant:cattservant 7 14
Mature content
The Price of Peace :iconlordmep:lordmep 5 4




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Silencedbook9's Profile Picture
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
I love books -- either manga, graphic novel, textbooks, and fantasy/sci-fi/realistic fiction/fiction/etc. I like to read, write, and draw.
Please see some of my work before you decide to watch me, okay, because I usually submit a combination of fanart, poems, and other stuff and if you don't like either of them, please don't watch me. I really don't want people to be unhappy with my deviantions.
Hey people. Sorry I haven't been uploading stuff here lately. 
But there is a reason for that. 

You see . . . last fall I enrolled into a creative writing class at my college. I was able to gain great help in bettering my poems and stories. Additionally, I also got some advice on publishing my work. 

But the thing is . . . that most of the publishing places I want to send my work to require that I don't have any unpublished works. With that requirement in tow, at the best case, I may have to delete all of my poems and stories from this account or may have to delete this account from dA. 

As the journal title says, this hurts me more than it hurts you. I created this account in my second year of high school at the suggestion of some of my friends who already have accounts here. It felt wonderful to have people on this wonderful website read and critique my work, especially since I was writing poems for myself when I just signed up. I wanted to be an author and this website has helped me hone my writing skills and such. But, since I got this information from my professor about how some literary magazines will only accept unpublished authors, I may have to abandon this account.

If the good side wins out, I'll just upload some comic ideas, fanart, and possibly some poems that I think aren't that good on here so you won't lose me okay. 
But if doesn't turn out that way, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for the people who watched me from the beginning and encouraged me to write and draw. You gave me the things I need for the first part of this author's journey and I won't every forget you. For those who just recently added me on their watch list, I'm sorry that I have to announce this. I'll try to find some way to keep this account after I become published and such and will announce if any of my works get publish so you can own them and stuff. 

Thank you so much. 


Add a Comment:
unknownwolf1996 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2018
KittySib Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave!:sun:
lordmep Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for liking the Price of Peace
diddles25 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for adding "Electing the Seven Deadly Sins" to your favorites! What do you think?
Sharkwoman87 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you kindly for faving my poem. :)
Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2018  Student Writer
No problem.
diddles25 Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for adding "Puerto Rican Goddess of Hurricanes and Chaos" to your favorites! What do you think?
diddles25 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for adding "like we could not get enough bad news" to your favorites! What do you think?
Pepper-the-phoenix Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2017  Professional Writer
Thank you for the second fave!
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