silenced-echo's avatar
hush, silence speaks...
221 Watchers26.8K Page Views117 Deviations
Artist // Hobbyist // Varied
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My Bio
Student in cognitive linguistics and self-taught artist ^^

Favourite Visual Artist
Klimt, Moreau, Mucha
Favourite Movies
Legend of 1900
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Secret Garden
Favourite Books
Invisible Cities
Favourite Writers
Léa Silhol, Italo Calvino, Alessandro Baricco
Tools of the Trade
colour pencils, ink, pens, watercolours, wacom tablet, paper, glue, beads, thread, wire...
Other Interests
drawing (of course ^^), reading, music, handmade jewelry

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Deviations117
Watchers221
Watching211
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Comments Made5.6K
Comments Received711

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Comments

Hello! Thank you very much for taking the time to write me such a detailed critique! :hug: I'm very glad that you liked this piece, and appreciate it tremendously that you tried to think about it the way you did ^^

I'll have time this summer to work on my drawings, so I hope I can improve ^^ !
Beautiful burdens
I am the one who is grateful for your detailed critique! :) I just came back from Prague, and it was utterly magical! I hope I won't get blocked too long before writing again...
Hello! Thank you very much for taking the time to write me such a detailed critique! I always learn a lot from critiques, and I love to hear the interpretations on my work :) Most of the feedback I get is usually about the visual pieces of my gallery, so I am especially glad when it is about my writing.

I will answer your questions in the same order ^^
Thank you for pointing out the colon to me! The space was indeed intentional, but only because I was taught to type in French, and it is standard to have a space before and after a colon ^^; I never noticed the rule was different in English...

This piece comes from thoughts that occurred to me on plane travels, during take off and landing. "Even clouds have shadows" is something I first noticed almost ten years ago, when I was going back to Paris after a visit to my hometown. When the plane was about to land, I was staring out the window and saw sets of shadows corresponding to the cloudscape we were floating in. At that time it moved me that even such embodiments of lightness and insubstantiality could cast great shadows so far down on the ground, and that while I stood on that ground, I never noticed them. I felt like writing something about it, but only that single line came out, and I could find no coherent expression of what I felt.

Taking off for Prague a few days ago, there were some little moments when the plane was gaining altitude and there would suddenly be something like a tiny free fall  during a few seconds. I experienced this on almost every plane travel, and have come to like it very much. It seems as though for a few instants, we were actually floating. This time, I was looking out also when it happened. My entire body seemed to be falling, and it would have felt like flying, except for the solid floor beneath my feet. And then my thoughts about clouds came up again, when I was thinking about things noticed or not, and the feeling of flight while standing on the ground. Flying was more beautiful in Baudelaire's 'Albatross'... When we have at last achieved the ability to travel by air, it is almost just like sitting in a bus, and when we fly too high to admire the details of the landscape below, we see that even clouds have shadows. 

Thank you for taking notice of the sounds in this piece. I never try to map out rhyme patterns, but I do try for musicality. I change words and move verses to try for "breathing" in the piece.

As to 'realise', you know by now that English is not my mothertongue. I learned it in a French school, and they prefer to teach the UK spelling, so 's' instead of 'z' in 'realise' or 'exercise', and 'colour' instead of 'color' :)
Awwww thank you! It's still at the same place : [link] I put the older one in scraps ^^
(Un)ladylike behaviour
Thank you so much :hug: I corrected the ear problem with my final edits ^^
(Un)ladylike behaviour