Currently listening to music as I go about my day, so I thought I'd share. Nothing special going on there right now, just listening to my favorite playlist.
In other news, it's been almost two years since I've updated here, and there have been definite reasons. That two year period, by far, was the worst in my life. In that time, I've been working two jobs. 40+ hours at one, and anywhere from 4 to 20 at the other, every week. It's been a huge strain, and I've been trying to go back full-time at the current part-time one for about a year now. So far, that hasn't worked out. Also, the week of Christmas 2015, my mother was told that a mass had been found on her routine scans. She was a four time cancer survivor at this point (breast cancer twice, lung cancer twice. All four unrelated and not the same cancer coming out of remission), so we thought we knew the drill. This time, we were wrong. Less than two months after they found it, she was gone. The mass was large and in her trachea this time, not the lobes of the lung itself. There wasn't really anything they could do. A few months later, my father was diagnosed with bladder cancer. Two of his three doctors voted for removal of the bladder immediately, but the oncologist started spouting out numbers for survival rates and all that if he had chemo first. He didn't want to do it, but he finally let himself be pushed into the chemo. He reacted badly to it and ended up hospitalized in the middle of November. We spent Thanksgiving in a care facility while he went through physical therapy, then he got to go home for a week before the blood clots in his leg started and he had to go back to the hospital. He never got to go home again. He spent the last two and a half months of his life being shuttled between the care facility and hospitals and ultimately hospice because he no longer had the strength to fight the side effects of the cancer, thanks to the chemo. He also was no longer strong enough for surgery. He fought as hard as he could, but we lost him four days shy of the first anniversary of my mother's death.
This isn't something I've talked publicly about. The majority of people who follow me on Facebook don't know anything about any of this. Family only knows because we had to tell them. Co-workers do because they literally saw an impact due to how much work I was missing. They couldn't help but notice that I'd be gone for weeks at a time. Part of why I didn't talk about it was that I kind of felt like it was no one else's business. Also because I didn't WANT people's sympathy or pity or feelings. Condolences aren't to make the person who's lost someone feel better, not really. They make the person who's hearing the news and feeling bad about it feel like they've done something positive because there's nothing else they CAN do. It's just a way to help the feeling of helplessness. And it is an act of caring, don't get me wrong. They wouldn't feel the need to say it if they didn't care, and I totally do understand that part. But I didn't want or need to hear them when it happened. I didn't need the constant reminders from other people that I'd just lost one parent and then both of them.
And for the record, I'm okay now. I will always miss them, absolutely, but I'm to a point now where I'm finally sort of picking myself back up. Trying to do creative things again, in the small amounts of free time I have. I don't know that I'll have anything new to post, and after the last few times I've posted saying I'm finally going to be able to and it only being able to last a short time, I'm not getting my hopes up in that regard. I WANT this to be a big part of my life again, but I can't count on it being definite or consistent with the way the last few years have been. If things go smoothly enough, I'll post things as I can if I'm able to actually finish anything of note. The will is there. We'll see if life lets me actually get my way for a bit.
TL;DR version: Enjoy some music. My life has been a shit storm of misery, but I'm okay. Hopeful for creative works to happen, but expectations are low.