when the wolves come outWhen the wolves come out I am alone.As they tightly circle me, their jaws snapping, teeth white and glistening, you are not here. I am alone but I am not afraid. I used to be afraid but when the wolves are circling and growling you are not allowed to be afraid. You can shout the old words you told me and I will want to believe them, the wolves will want me to feel safe but these words aren't valid, they are outdated. I know you are not really here but today, that is okay. These wolves are teaching me to be strong, they are teaching me the meaning of alone. They bare their teeth and if I feel brave, I can reach my hand close enough for their breath to saturate my palm. Sometimes the wolves snap and are rewarded a scream for teaching me. At the end of the day, you come here. My finger tips look red and raw and shiny but you show no reaction as you offer your hand. The wolves stop circling and run long and low to the pine needles, away from your type of safety. One wolf stays and he grow
the things you didnt know.Was it a mistake that just as my heartache took over and I ended up crying in a break room that a misery song came on? You did always used to call me your misery girl. What a shame it was for your miseries and not mine. I am starving myself for you. I am starving myself to be beautiful for you.My walls are white and they're begging to be written on. They're begging me to write something that will stir your emotions because I've been happy too long and admitting my problems can change that for two days.Please read that book I gave you. I have another one for you about my struggles with anorexia, about my days where Ana won and days w
always was make-believei. you are the hair dye burning my skull, you are the numbers on the scale and you are the white walls of the room I sleep in.you are the insecurity coiling in my chest you are the casual sip of pop, you are the couch under my back and you are the paisley beneath my arms. you are the believer of always.ii. It could have been raining outside but all I remember was thinking about how I'm not a pretty crier and how for some reason you were getting choked up too. "I'm going to be alone." I said.
Day Four.Dear Dreams( the place I go when I sleep or my future?),I really have no sexual frustration. There's no need to grab random boys from school and string together a cute little make out session.Welp.Now that is awkward enough for an introduction to this letter.Dear Dreams,You believe that it will all work out in the end, don't you? That everything you have always wished for will just fall upon you and life will be mango slushies and nice nail polish colors? I don't think that's how it will work. But hopes are lovely things, so please keep dreaming.Love,Nichole.
Day Three.Dear Cordell, JP, and JaredAlthough sometimes I have to say I kind of really hate your guts, you guys can all make me laugh. Cordell: You are in the "sex" fairy. Don't let my boyfriend tell you otherwise. He'll teach you how to give a hickey to a girl sometime by the way, he told me. He said he was tired of watching you walking around my house sucking on your arm.Jared: Thank you for pushing me in the hall ways at school. I'm older than you by a year yet you are two times my size. Growing teenage boys suck.JP: I'm sorry I'm mean to you. I promise to be the best big sister on vacation though. We can draw together and laugh and splash each other in the lake. I won't get mad at you. Promise.To all you: I love you and I can't imagine my life without you.Love,Your Big Sister
Day Two.Dear Skyler,You always say you loved me first but that isn't true. I loved you even when you practically admitted your love for her. I had a crush on your for so much longer. I loved you, and still do, since the beginning.Love,Nichole