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I didn't think I was ever gonna open up commissions again. I mean, the reason I closed them was because it got too much and became too stressful for me. However, the reason I am opening them is for some renovations in my home, mainly my bedroom, but other bits here and there too. So I figured I could do with a little bit of extra help to save up for them.

So, I've chosen some styles and took some things into consideration, just so I don't get stressed out again with my arts. Try and keep things simple, ya know?

However, all I ask is if you can please read everything carefully and understand that I may be slow, I may sometimes lose motivation, there will be times I just want to work on my own arts, etc. But I will try my best.

Also, please read below for more Info and the waiting list~
Also, also; You can claim commission slots (and give me info of what you want) and waiting slots now. However, please remember you will be waiting a while. As I will not be starting on anything until 2019. 

So whilst the journal may say 'closed' I'm giving everyone a chance to get slots now for when they eventually do open.

Arrow left Remember: I won't be opening/starting commissions until 2019. Arrow right 

Pikmin Flower Divider (F2U) by BlackForestCupcake
⚠ Important Info ⚠
The first and most important rule is;
Please do not rush me! I work slowly.
Bullet; Green 1 Character only
Bullet; Green PayPal only (No points, sorry) and I will not start your commission(s) until I am paid. (And since I won't be starting commissions until 2019, it's up to you if you want to pay me now or in 2019)
Bullet; Green Please be sure to provide as many refs of your character as possible.
Bullet; Green I'll only be doing simple backgrounds (No detailed backgrounds)
Bullet; Green I have the right to refuse commissions If I feel I am unable to do them
Bullet; Green Please be sure to provide me with specific info for; poses, Personality, etc.
Bullet; Green Each style has a various number of slots, this is to indicate how much I feel I can work with for each style (and how long it takes me)
Bullet; Green Please be sure to check this journal now and then for progress~

Pikmin Flower Divider (F2U) by BlackForestCupcake
✅ Will/Might/Won't Draw ❎
✔ Will Draw;
Bullet; Green Original/Fan/Official characters
Bullet; Green Anthro's
Bullet; Green Humans/Humanoids
Bullet; Green Animals
Bullet; Green Suggestive/Tasteful Nudity (No visible genitals)
Bullet; Green Animatronics/Some Robots

⭕ Might Draw;
Just ask me first to be sure and I will let you know~
Bullet; Orange Fetish stuff (Depends on the fetish)
Bullet; Orange Gore (Depends on how much gore)
 Bullet; Orange Overly detailed characters/Animals/Etc. (Depends on how much detail)

❌ Won't Draw;
Bullet; Red NSFW (Not Safe For Work)
Bullet; Red Hate Art, Discrimination, Racism, Etc.
Bullet; Red Chibi Ponies (I've not practised doing them as chibi's yet)
Bullet; Red Realistic

If you're unsure AND/OR something is not listed here, feel free to ask me~

Pikmin Flower Divider (F2U) by BlackForestCupcake
🌟 Cellshades 🌟

Mature Content

.: Halloween : Where The Rainbow Ends... :. by ShelliStar
  .: Trade : Hailyonn :. by ShelliStar  .: Fly In The Freedom :. by ShelliStar  .: The Wolf and the Butterfly :. by ShelliStar
💵 Price: $25
💵 Simple Background: $4

🎰 Slots Available: 2
Bullet; Purple :iconevilcarrotsauce: | (Paid) | 0%_Progress
Bullet; Purple 
Bullet; Purple 

Pikmin Flower Divider (F2U) by BlackForestCupcake
🌟 Chibi's 🌟
  .: B-Day Chibi : Refurbished Springtrap :. by ShelliStar  .: B-Day Chibi : Alex Bat :. by ShelliStar  .: Chibi Gift : Ruby :. by ShelliStar  .: Chibi Practise : Michelle Faine :. by ShelliStar
💵 Price: $15
💵 Simple Shaped Background: $3

🎰 Slots Available: 3
Bullet; Purple :iconevilcarrotsauce: | (Not Paid) | 0%_Progress
Bullet; Purple 
Bullet; Purple 
Bullet; Purple 

Pikmin Flower Divider (F2U) by BlackForestCupcake
🌟 Dark Touch 🌟

Mature Content

.: B-Day Gift : The Crimson Butterfly :. by ShelliStar
  .: SR Com 1 of 3: Evil Jyou: Dark Touch :. by ShelliStar  .: CE : Shiver x Flam :. by ShelliStar  .: Commission: Dark Shiv :. by ShelliStar
The style for these varies, so please be sure to tell/show me which you would like~
💵 Price: $18
Black Background only~

🎰 Slots Available: 2
Bullet; Purple 
Bullet; Purple 

🌟 Flat Colours 🌟
💵 Price: $14
No Background~

🎰 Slots Available: 2
Bullet; Purple :iconwindycitypuma: | (Not Paid/Private) | 0%_Progress
Bullet; Purple 
Bullet; Purple 

🌟 Inks 🌟
💵 Price: $10
💵 Simple Shaped/Simple Background: $2

🎰 Slots Available: 3
Bullet; Purple 
Bullet; Purple 
Bullet; Purple 

🌟 Sketches 🌟
💵 Price: $7
No Background~

🎰 Slots Available: 4
Bullet; Purple 
Bullet; Purple 
Bullet; Purple 
Bullet; Purple 

⚠ More info ⚠
Bullet; Green Please note me if you wish to commission me (It's easier for me to keep track that way)
Bullet; Green If you want to be added to the waiting list you can either note me OR comment on this journal
Bullet; Green I will note you with updates/WIPs
Bullet; Green I don't do commissions in any particular order, I work on what I feel at the time
Bullet; Green Please be patient with me and do not ask me constantly for updates
Bullet; Green I will give refunds if you feel I am taking too long with your commission(s)
Bullet; Green You will also get an non watermark version of your commission
Bullet; Green You are allowed to commission me for more than one style. For example; Cellshade and a Chibi (Also, the character doesn't have to be the same for both. You can have 1 character in cellshade style and another character in a chibi style) So, you're not limited to just one style.

🚥 Waiting List 🚥
If all slots are full, just ask for a waiting slot. BUT! Please also provide which style (Cellshade, Chibi, etc.) you would like. When a slot becomes free for that style, I will note you~

Bullet; Blue Cellshades:
Bullet; Pink Chibi's:
Bullet; Black Dark Touch:
Bullet; Yellow Flat Colours: 
Bullet; Black Inks:
Bullet; White Sketches:

Created at

Wishlist 2018

Mon Nov 12, 2018, 4:33 AM
I've never done one of these before, I saw everyone else doing one so, I thought, why not? x3

Anywho, one important thing I need to say;
If I tag you, do not feel like you have to draw something for me, it's entirely up to you. I will understand~
If I do not tag you, please don't feel hurt, I am a dumb and can be forgetful ;-; However! If you're not tagged, you're welcome to draw for me as well but, again, that's entirely up to you. ♥

I tag the following artists;

And here are the following characters you can draw/I'd like for you to draw;
.: Nasrin Rose : New Outfit :. by AstraAurora  .: Shellea Lynle : Jak and Daxter Outfit :. by AstraAurora  .: FNAF : Shadow Bonnie Ref (AU) :. by AstraAurora  .: Persona Ref : Shelli Unibun :. by AstraAurora .: FF9 FC : Iira Peyt :. by AstraAurora .: Asta Aura :. by AstraAurora .: Whizzer Belle :. by AstraAurora .: Revamp : Anu Urn :. by AstraAurora  .: Dragon OC : Jade Esmei :. by AstraAurora  .: Revamp : Vice Keera :. by AstraAurora .: OC : Aurora Nyota :. by AstraAurora  .: Skye Angelique :. by AstraAurora .: The NEW Michelle Faine :. by AstraAurora  .: BATIM FC : Tess Tindra :. by AstraAurora  .: Pokesona FC : Nyarth Meow :. by AstraAurora .: NC : Meet Cyma :. by AstraAurora .: NC : Yachi :. by AstraAurora
All info for them should be in their descriptions, however, here is some extra info;
Bullet; Purple Tess Tindra can be drawn in either her cute or sexy self (However, her sexy self is the Main one)
Bullet; Purple My persona, Shelli, can also be drawn in her mage outfit here; .: Mage Shelli :.
Bullet; Purple Anu Urn has a Halloween form (Thanks to HorsesFunn ♥ ) here; [GIFT] Anu Urn
Bullet; Purple Michelle Faine has an alt outfit here; .: The Wolf and the Butterfly :. and can also be drawn as her grown up warrior self here; .: Grown Warrior :.

I also have more characters to choose from here;
*~My Characters~*
*~List of My Characters

Thanks so much for reading this and thanks so much in advance~ ♥

Created at
I know I am late but, I did put up a status mentioning I would do this sooo, here it is! (Also, be sure to read to the end as there is other stuff I wish to mention/talk about or you can just skip the birthday stuff and go right to the end of the journal xD)
Anywho, first off, the following birthday pics I got~
Astra's Birthday Gift by FireballStardraco Happy Birthday, Shelly | 2018 by Victoria2037 [R.G.F.S/Random gift for someone] #16 AstraAurora by HorsesFunn
From left to right; :iconfireballstardraco: :iconvictoria2037: :iconhorsesfunn:
I still have yet to comment on them and will get around to doing so soon but I just wanted to let you know I have seen them, I love them and appreciate the kind words and such ;v;

I wanna thank everyone (you know who you are! ♥ ) who wished me a happy birthday, I'll also respond individually to you all soon, still, thank you so much for the wishes and kind words and all that jazz ;v;

I know the birthday part is short and sweet, however, I am tired and I'm sure this next part will be short and sweet too~

Thinking about commissions (again), but at the same time, still unsure. This is due to my lack of motivation and wanting to regain it before I even consider commissions again.

Speaking of Motivation...
It's coming up to one of my fave holidays; Halloween. And I've been thinking of working on a Halloween picture, more so, a remake of an old picture that I've been wanting to redo for some time. Now, I know some of you advised me to start small/start off with something small, however, I will be working on the pic slowly and just want to see if it'll help and how far I'll get with it. As for what that pic is...
I ain't tellin ;3 not yet anyways xD

Anywho, I had a lovely birthday and I will get around to commenting/replying/etc. soon ;v;

Created at

September Sapphire

Mon Sep 10, 2018, 6:08 AM
Tiny star~Life, Medical & Health stuff~ Tiny star 
Wow, my last update was June? Sheesh... Couldn't think of a good title, but, reason I chose it is because my birthday is this month and Sapphire is my birthstone. Ahem, anyway... apart from my status updates, I've been tired lately. My mood has been up and down, I've been feeling subconsciously stressed again, been feeling emotional and many other things. Physically? I'm okies. Mentally? Eh. Apart from the whole friendship thing crossing my mind, I've just been feeling guilty over silly little things. I still feel bad I've not been commenting much or replying to comments, I feel bad for being unproductive with art. Sometimes I just feel numb or dazed, my tiredness is making me a bit snippy/grumpy and I apologise if I've been rude or blunt with any of you. It's not you, it's me.

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
Fairy sparkle_Batchig~Arts, Writing & Motivation~ Fairy sparkle_Batchig 
Still trying to regain motivation. Can't even bring myself to force myself. However, I am still taking the advice you've all given me into consideration. Though I have had ideas and urges, I guess I'm just not ready yet.

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
sparkles~Stuff, Stuff & Stuff~ sparkles  
Lately, I've just been playing games, watching youtube videos or listening to stories and what not. Though I have been thinking of cleaning out my watch list again, I dunno. I even thought about taking a break from DA but considering I'm kinda inactive here for the most part, what would be the point? I guess sometimes, I just feel lost. 

I do feel like doing more surveys/quizzes/etc. Can any of you link me to some good ones here on DA?

Oh and thank you to the following people/friends who have been a wonderful help (with their advice, suggestions, talk, etc.) whilst I'm in this rollercoaster funk ♥~
[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
 Heart Emote Rainbow 2 ~Art Features~  Heart Emote Rainbow 2 
27 selected Arts~
Be sure to check them and the artists out~! <3
high superstition dragon by DragonHF (Commission) Luna by SaphirahH jenny darling by freekaboo Freedom of Emotion by Eveski Colour Palette Meme: Lara by raygirl Let's listen to the sea together by MamaJebbunFanart feena forest by sugar-n-spark I ATONED!!! by GraWolfQuinn OC | Diana n Rosalie by Pattikou Sisi the plush pony (Request) by WolfyWolfHUN Yours (artwork) by AoiRemArt West coast Mermaid by HASBEAN Antisepticeye by Leda456 The fragile roses by Mizuki-T-A
Rainbow Ride by Catknap CE: Enjoying the Scenery  by Togekisser Twilight Princess Zelda by MetalPandora Minta's World by Catcoalatte i wanna slow dance with you by cozycoffee

Mature Content

Sammy??!! by X-SoniaTyler-X
The Princess And Her Beast Cover 2 (old pic) by Chocoecaramell The Prince with the Frozen Heart by PixelRaccoon Time's running out by Kirbypuff326 Land of the Lustrous by WalkingMelonsAAA<da:thumb id="758484819"/> Carousel Unicorn by Sugarcup91 Loves a Dragoness .:Commission:. by Amanddica
[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
That's all for now~  
Take cares! ~   
Faeriesprite by AstraAurora~Shelli

Created at

A thing called 'Honesty'

Sun Aug 12, 2018, 5:52 PM
Just a random thought that popped into my mind just now. Pardon if I ramble on a bit...

Honesty is something we all want and ask for. However, the following can/could happen;

1. Someone asks for your honesty or to be honest with them. And when you are honest they get upset/mad at you.

2. You're being honest but they think you're being more of an arsehole.

3. Some say your honesty isn't honesty at all.

Okies, so lemme talk more on these 3 things; 

1. I will never understand why people get mad when they've told you/asked you to be honest with them. Because honestly? You'd be even more mad if the person lied to you. I'd rather be hurt by the blunt truth than a lie.

2. There's a difference between being an arsehole and being bluntly honesty. It's not what you say but how you say it. For example;
Being an arsehole would be like saying to someone that they suck at crafting and should just give up.
Being bluntly honest would be like saying to someone that whilst crafting is not their strong point, they could consider trying something else.
See what I mean?

3. This is another 'its not what you say but how you say it's scenario's. Sometimes someone's honesty can sound whiny or immature depending on how it's worded. Words can be taken the wrong way. For example;
'I'm jealous that your art is better than mine and sometimes it feels like your making a show of me'
But this can also be worded into;
'I'm just feeling jealous that your art is better than mine and sometimes it feels as if you're making a show of me, but I know you're not'
Sadly, though those sentences are worded differently, they can both be taken the wrong way. Some may point out the first sentence sounds like shining, but others could say the same for the second, reworded, sentence. Yet both sentences are being honest.
I hope that makes sense?

Now I'm not saying no-one shouldn't get upset if someone is honest with them, if it upsets you, that's fine. But do take into consideration that the person was honest with you, even if they were blunt, that person could've easily told you a lie. 

So, I don't understand why people get upset over honesty when they've asked for it. If you want to be told lies then ask for lies. Don't ask someone to be honest with you then get upset when they do. If the person asks you if you want them to be honest, then say no. Don't say yes and get hissy about it.

Honesty can be a, let's say complicated, thing. Cause people want it but at the same time they don't want it. Or it's all down to what you say and how you say it or word it. It's like saying 'be honest with me but not too much' but how much is 'too much' ya know?

Anywho, I think I've rambled on enough. Hope some of this made any sense xD

Created at

Thoughts and Things

Wed Jul 25, 2018, 7:19 AM
Hey everyone~

This may be a bit of a long journal so, grab some drinks or snacks or whatever for whilst you read. I'm also gonna apologise in advance as I'm tired/still waking up so, hopefully what I'm saying will make some sense. There will also be some questions I'd like to her your answers and opinions on too~
[FOOD] Sugar Star Divider (F2U) by Zombhood[FOOD] Sugar Star Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
Anywho... Ahem!
I've been thinking about my arts lately, not in a bad way kind of but, let me explain; I was looking at my two art statuses, I'm not talking about these;
Statusicons by ShelliStar
I'm talking about these stash journals here;
*~Art Status/Progress (Check Back for Updates!)
Personal Arts of Mine~

Now, in the first one, there's still some arts I feel I owe people/friends (gifts and wishlists don't count since that's of my own choosing). Collabs I feel guilty about since I haven't started my part on some of them and feel like I've just robbed those friends of art because I've just had no motivation to do my part. I even feel guilty about the premium membership I still owe! ;-;

In the second one, this is all my personal arts, to help me keep track, etc.

Now, here's the thing. Both journals are their to help me keep track of what I want to do so I don't forget. However, there's this teeny tiny nagging little voice in the back of my mind saying the following;
You've overloaded yourself
Look how much you owe!
Look how much you need to do!
You'll never get this owed...
You'll never get this done...
I've tried my best to keep telling myself that that is not the reason why I have the journals there. I know I still owe stuff, I know I still have arts I wanna do and stupidly enough, even with my own personal arts, its making me feel a little stressed and it shouldn't. It's only there to help me keep track so, why is this nagging little voice telling me otherwise?

I've been debating whether to just remove those two statuses and see if that changes my mood perhaps?
I dunno, have any of you ever felt like this? Even with your own arts?

So, to the following people (mentioned in *~Art Status/Progress (Check Back for Updates!);
Could you please let me know if you'd still like the arts/part of my collab(s) I owe you?

[FOOD] Sugar Star Divider (F2U) by Zombhood[FOOD] Sugar Star Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
The other thing is my characters journals, not just this one;
*~My Characters~*
But this one too;
*~List of My Characters

I have A LOT of characters, some I hardly use, some I haven't even made or revamped or whatever!
I was considering putting some up for adoption but...
I had a phase were I adopted a lot of pony characters which I still haven't done anything with or drawn them and I'd feel bad putting them up for adoption ;-;

The other idea I had was making a 'stash scrap journal' this would be for characters to be put aside until I decide what I want to do with them. This is just to condense them down. I mean There are characters of mine I'd love to draw again, its list in my personal arts but considering how my mood has been from what I can see has consisted of; Chibi's, poems, FNAF, the odd anthro or FC or pony, etc. Its not set on working on just one thing right now.

Of course, I'd leave the main widget and such on my page, it's just with so many characters, trying to develop them and their stories is just.. a lot. 

So, what do you all think of this idea?
Would a 'stash scrap journal' be a good idea? At least for now?

[FOOD] Sugar Star Divider (F2U) by Zombhood[FOOD] Sugar Star Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
I've also been feeling a bit guilty about my 'm'dears and inspirations' widget again. Having removed some people only to end up putting them back again, removing them again and then putting them back again...
I know I shouldn't feel like that since, inspirations and all that change and all but, ugh.

I just always feel so bad, why is that? Do any of you feel the same?
[FOOD] Sugar Star Divider (F2U) by Zombhood[FOOD] Sugar Star Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
Also, been feeling envious of other artists and friends. Not in a bad way mind you! I'm happy to see them doing what they love and develop x3
The reason I'm envious is because I wish I had their motivation and inspiration... I used to do art every day myself and now, I'm finding it hard to do so. I've been trying to keep a PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) as best I can, listen to music, stories, anything for motivation and inspiration but, nothing... It's like my muse has buggered off again. 

I wonder how they're able to do arts every day, find the time and motivation, what keeps them motivated, etc. I'm not thinking this on purpose to make myself feel bad. As I said before, I'm happy for them they're able to do what they love and what not. I just wish I could do the same.

Whether it's been this bloody warm weather frying my brain or struggling to sleep or a lot of shit on my mind, etc. Maybe a bit of everything making me feel like this? I dunno. 
Hell, I used to comment a lot on people/friends arts and now I find it hard to even do that! 

I guess I just feel at a loss right now. Markiplier - Eh, whatever 
And the following gif sums up perfectly how I've been feeling;
tumblr mn4ti15z0T1qcnan3o1 400 by ShelliStar

Created at

June Moon

Fri Jun 1, 2018, 4:58 AM
Tiny star~Life, Medical & Health stuff~ Tiny star 
...Don't ask about the title, I dunno myself xD Anyway, when was the last time I updated? //checks// ...March?! Soo I didn't update for 2 months? Whoopsie ^^; Anywho... Since I've gotten out of hospital (most of you would've known this from my status's) I've been getting into a routine, such as sometimes going downstairs to eat with my family and watch some TV, maybe go outside and get a bit of sun (which is rare in the UK xD) and of course going to bed at an earlier time and getting up early. 

I do have times were I struggle to sleep but it doesn't stop me getting up in the morning. Mum has been a great help getting me into the routine. As for walking, I can't walk too far but I can for a little while before I get tired. I use my walking stick and Mum brings the wheelchair with her, so when I do get tired, I can sit in the chair.

Of course, I've been having a bit of subconscious stress and had a breakout on my body, which in turn brought my folliculitis back but we got it under control. I'm able to dress myself and brush/do my hair with no problems (so far) though mum still helps me with other stuff when I need it. She wants me to get my independence back after all~

So, I'm not 100% but I am doing better than I was before~ My appetite has gotten better, though my mood seems to be up and down but I keep myself busy with something the best I can.

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
Fairy sparkle_Batchig~Arts, Writing & Motivation~ Fairy sparkle_Batchig 
I've had no motivation for writing (this doesn't include Rping with friends)  or poems. Motivation for art is there just slowly. I seem to do a bit of art, take a break for a while and then come back to it. I have a lot of arts lined up for what I wanna do. I've got friends birthday's coming up and of course, still doing arts for myself~

If ya wanna know what arts I'm doing/got upcoming, be sure to check here~
Personal Arts of Mine~

I'm sorry If I haven't been posting arts as much but I am slowly working my way through them ;v; There were some art challenges I wanted to do but, haven't the chance because I've been focusing on my own things. 

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
sparkles~Stuff, Stuff & Stuff~ sparkles  
When I'm not doing art I'm playing games, just something to keep my mind busy. Been listening to music, true stories and gotten back into listening creepypasta stories. I also began retweeting on twitter again. I'm not much of a tweeter, just a retweeter x3 

And I still apologise for faving and runnin and not commenting much ;-; I do keep up to date and comment on what I can if I know what to say but just know you all have my love and support in whatever you do! Heart 
[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
 Heart Emote Rainbow 2 ~Art Features~  Heart Emote Rainbow 2 
20 selected Arts~
Be sure to check them and the artists out~! <3
::Taste my style!:: by DragonHF [AT for RuffleTruffle]- Love wolfs :. by Chocoecaramell Water Bird by varron-flare YCH Commission for Terra854 by bunnyb133 Dirra by Ashen-Blue

CM | Korean Garden by Pattikou<da:thumb id="746032599"/> Do And Dont For Deaf Awarenes 2018 by sheezy93 Stars watching by Mizuki-T-A (Commission) Mallowglitz by Wynnchi The blanket! by HorsesFunn

Mature Content

Suicidal Dream by Victoria2037
Steampunk Style by AoiRemArt berry garden by sugar-n-spark Literally a Stargirl by Kirbypuff326 Souichi Tsuji by MCA-art Bonnie and Dylan by eliana55226838 Untitled 05 by PrettyLadyCosmos Riveting by Catknap Centaurettes 2.0 by Honeykitten
[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
That's all for now~  
Take cares! ~   
Faeriesprite by ShelliStar~Shelli

Created at
My big sis :icondarkest-of-days: has sent up a patreon page
She is in need of moneyz and even though you'll see the rewards when you click on the link, I'm gonna show you them here too!
Pledge $1 or More a Month...

A hearty thank-you to you for this! Every bit helps and I appreciate it so much.

Pledge $5 or More a Month...
I'll make a detailed pencil sketch for you!

Pledge $10 or More a Month...
I'll create a detailed inked picture for you!

Pledge $20 a Month or More...
I'll create a detailed colored picture for your (and also send along the inked image as well for your use)!
Her goal is 50$ per month since her financial situation has been hitting some bumps and rocks along the way. You'd be helping her get by.

So if you can, please help her out and show some support. If you cannot become a patron, please consider spreading the word via journal, status, twitter, tumblr, etc. Just to get the word spread, you'd be doing her a BIG favour Heart 

Created at

March on again (updates)

Sun Mar 25, 2018, 8:02 AM
Tiny star~Life, Medical & Health stuff~ Tiny star 
Haven't updated in a while, sorry about that ;-;
Let me just say that, I'm hanging in there. My mood has been up and down due to my health and... lets just say it's gotten pretty bad :c
In the past few weeks, I have fallen 7-8 times now? Last night was the worse, I collapsed and couldn't get up (my first worse one was when I fell when going to bed) my mum had to ring an ambulance to come out to get medics to come see me. I think the scariest part of my fall was my head/neck; it was like this huge weight pushing down on it and I just couldn't keep my head up. Mum had to hold it up for me and if she let go, it just flopped.

I'm okies now, apart from being achy and sore but... yeah. I'm taking folic acid and vitamin D meds because I have deficiencies and I wish they'd kick in faster >>;
I've been feeling helpless, useless, pathetic... even though I know it's because of my illness. However, I am trying to pace myself slower, mum is helping me around. 

The medics told me its just general muscle weakness which could be brought on by my fibro and deficiencies and should I have another fall, we can call them again for help.

Right now, I'm just trying to get on with things the best I can~

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
Fairy sparkle_Batchig~Arts, Writing & Motivation~ Fairy sparkle_Batchig 
Motivation for writing stories has been... eh. Apart from rp writing with my big sis :icondarkest-of-days: pink heart  that's all I have motivation for.
Motivation for art is still there, I'm just taking a lil break after doing 2 chibi's and a flat pic. I'm deciding what art I want to work on next~

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
sparkles~Stuff, Stuff & Stuff~ sparkles  
Shout outs to;
:icondarkest-of-days: & :iconscarzzy:
These two have been keeping me sane during the nightmare that is my body >>;
Thank you so much; the talks, videos, games and Rp's have helped to keep me at ease pink heart 
[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
 Heart Emote Rainbow 2 ~Art Features~  Heart Emote Rainbow 2 
20 selected Arts~
Be sure to check them and the artists out~! <3
Storyteller by Victoria2037 Surround Yourself by sanitrance Love is love by raygirl Love me I beg by Mizuki-T-A Aquarelle VS Liquid water colour by MCA-art

Stars are pretty much anywhere by Kirbypuff326 snowy town by sirfluff-thefluff Where Have I Been? by keh-arts Cold shades *Art Trade* by Jam-Graphics Doggo Girls by luna777 Key to My Heart 10 yr anniversary by S-D-F-Studios ::AT:: Diagon fight by DragonHF [CONTEST ENTRY] Inner beauty by HorsesFunn Fill the Sky with Sweet! by bunnyb133 rose mistress by sugar-n-spark As charming as a... +Point Comm for Kova360+ by Darkest-of-Days Leaping Hare by Fayven .:Server Challenge:. Blue Suns, Sapphire Skys by m1tchi3Du5k Little rainbow queen by Ashewness Underwater Pixel Attempt by sheezy93

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
That's all for now~ :bademoticon: 
Take cares! ~  :bademoticon: 
.:Tiny bunny love:. ~Shelli

Created at

JustGiving Donations~

Thu Feb 8, 2018, 12:52 PM
Thank you for all the kinds words and cards received on the sudden passing of my Nan ♥
If you could please make a donation to our chosen charity, in my nan's name by following the link below;…
It would be very much appreciated~
Both my Nan and Grandad had diabetes and I lost a cousin at a very young age years ago to a rare case of diabetes. This is why this charity is important to me and my family.

If you cannot donate, I ask to please spread word of this~  

Thank you so much for your love and support everyone, it means so much to me Hey Arnold Icon - Happy Tears 

Created at

Goodbye Nan...

Sun Feb 4, 2018, 10:03 PM
I wasn't the only one having body problems, so was my Nan. She been going for blood tests and other tests and the other night she was sent to hospital for more tests and had to keep her overnight. She'd gotten pneumonia... and I suddenly had flashbacks to my Grandad who passed away from the same illness.

My nan was doing very well until about 2am this morning the phone rings and we're informed my nan had took a turn for the worst...

It was like watching my Grandad all over again... and just like how the pneumonia took him, it took my nan too...
I watched her pass away... ;-;

However, I know she'll be reunited with my Grandad now ;v; 

Goodbye Nanny, I love you so much... You may be gone but never forgotten ♥

I also apologise in advance, I haven't been feeling my best and now this happens and... //sighs// I'm just sorry if I seem quiet, distant or 'off' :c

Created at

Jan-Feb Updates~

Fri Feb 2, 2018, 10:02 AM
Tiny star~Life, Medical & Health stuff~ Tiny star 
Sheesh, where do I even begin? //sighs// Okies... so, through January and now into February, I've been feeling really drained of energy, like, lethargic. I feel so weak, I have a hard time getting dressed or brushing my hair and lots of other things. I did make a list for the doctor (which I had an appointment with today) so, I'll list you a few of the things;
Bullet; White Swelling joints (neck is the worse & legs swell)

Bullet; White Shoulders stiff, arms weak (sometimes go numb + Hands going numb) 

Bullet; White On my right arm, the numbness happens on the following parts;
Bullet; Black My forearm (along one of my bones)
Bullet; Black My upper arm (just above were my elbow bends, this is recent)
Bullet; Black  The palm of my hand to my little and ring finger, sometimes my middle finger

Bullet; White On my left arm, the numbness happens on the following parts;
Bullet; Black From my wrist and just slightly onto my forearm
Bullet; Black  My forearm (along one of my bones)
Bullet; Black One side of the palm of my hand along with my little and ring finger

Bullet; White Swollen tongue, difficulty opening jaw & tongue sticks out to one side (left side)

Bullet; White Throat feels dry and gritty (Things gets stuck at the back of it, making me cough and sometimes I struggle to swallow)
Bullet; Black When I've been talking a lot my voice seems to get quieter as if I'm straining to talk

Bullet; White Disturbed sleep, I wake up coughing. (and eyes get all teary)

Bullet; White My body feels weak and as if I'm carrying lead in me.
Bullet; Black My neck feels as if it's being pushed down and I have to straighten myself up to ease it.
Bullet; Black Legs feel as if I have a ball+chain attached to them so I'm dragging my feet.
Bullet; Black My arms feel weak and lock up, causing me difficulty to get dressed and do my hair.

Bullet; White I've been panting and seem out of breath even when I've not exerted myself that much. (My heart is pounding against my chest when this happens)

Bullet; White I've had difficulty getting up when I bend down, so bad to the point that even my mum struggled to get me to stand.

Bullet; White I've also had 2 falls or more so my legs 'gave out';
Bullet; Black One is when I got to the top of the stairs whilst going upstairs (I was carrying a plate of food and a cup of tea)
Bullet; Black The other was just as I was about to go downstairs, my legs gave out on the top step. 

Bullet; White I feel like I'm drained of energy, I feel useless.

Now the doctor says, obviously, my fibro plays a big part in this and I could possibly be anemic, lacking vitamin D and possibly other things my body needs. As for my swollen tongue and such, it appears to be oral thrush, so he's giving me meds for that. I also have to go for blood tests to check my vitamin levels, Iron, glucose, thyroids, etc. 

He can't do much until they've run some blood tests and then we can pinpoint the problem and work through it. Til then, I just gotta keep going and pull through~

Though, I will warn you all that all this body kerfuffle is affecting my mood, which has been up and down. This is why I haven't commented much or replied back to anyone yet ;-; plus, I may not seem as talkative or go quiet on you, I don't mean too. I'm just trying to distract myself and get my mind off things. I still love and care about you all ;v; :heart: (Honestly, typing out this journal is tiring my arms out, I'm having to stop, rest and continue...)

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
Fairy sparkle_Batchig~Arts, Writing & Motivation~ Fairy sparkle_Batchig 
Been lacking motivation but wanting to get it back. So at the moment I've been playing games to ease my mind, one being 'Pocket Mirror' recommended to me by the lovely :iconvictoria2037: :heart: and I also recommend it as well~ ♥

I managed to type a poem as most of you saw but that's the only lil bit of motivation so far :c

Oh, remember that poll I did awhile back if I should do a list of my own personal arts so people could see/ Welp~
Personal Arts of Mine~
It can be found on my front page in my 'about me' widget. Not only does it help me keep track but you can see what I have planned/Ideas I have ♥

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
sparkles~Stuff, Stuff & Stuff~ sparkles  
Please Commission/Help Spread word!
Please go and commission my big sis :icondarkest-of-days: 
she could really use the help and money right now ;v; 
Look at all these lovely commissions she did for me~
Commission  Compilation #2 for ~AstraAurora~ by Darkest-of-Days  Commission Sketch Compilation for ~AstraAurora~ by Darkest-of-Days
If you can't, then all I ask if if you can please spread the word, thank you~ ♥

I find this song inspiring and motivational~

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
  tick ~Questions for you Allx 
And here are the questions for you~
Note: You don't have to answer them if you don't want too x3

1. How has your motivation been?
2. Are you proud of how far you've come in life?
3. Have you ever seen an Elephant fly?

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
 Heart Emote Rainbow 2 ~Art Features~  Heart Emote Rainbow 2 
15 selected Arts~
Be sure to check them and the artists out~! <3

Mature Content

Viola by MCA-art
-I Can Show You The Stars- by SaphirahH Griffins by Honeykitten<da:thumb id="727876782"/> Sunny day/watercolor practice by Jam-Graphics ::Contest Entry:: Picking memories by DragonHF

Mature Content

precious death by varron-flare
Dat-calm-boi by sheezy93 [EGYPTIAN CARDS/Seth]Victor,god of the violence by HorsesFunn

joyful pinks by sugar-n-spark Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by kai-luver Hedgehog Princess by raygirl Mommy look, a dragon :D by MegiW Come here, little Jack, and let me love you by AoiRemArt cuddle by Ashen-Blue

[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
That's all for now~ :bademoticon: 
Take cares! ~  :bademoticon: 
.:Tiny bunny love:. ~Shelli

Created at

Please Commission/Help Spread word!

Fri Jan 12, 2018, 3:03 PM
Pink Heart Icon :icondarkest-of-days:Pink Heart Icon 
This lil sweetie is in need of some help and moneyz~
She takes point commissions and Paypal commissions
(Honestly though, she needs real moneyz than points right now)
[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
Here is some samples of her arts;
Let's play a game, you and I... by Darkest-of-Days  Ciao amore mio +Gift for fnafmangl+ by Darkest-of-Days  Frank's Christmas 'Party' +GA+ by Darkest-of-Days  Best Friends Forever! +For Shelly+ by Darkest-of-Days
She is a talented artist with a lovely unique style ♥
She works very hard putting details into her work and she's a traditional artist too! >w<

and yes, she does writing commissions too! Here's some samples;
Where There's Smoke - Chapter 1
‘Just how much longer are you going to tolerate all of this…?’
He’d forgotten how many times his brain had mulled over that question in the past. It was an inquiry that often rooted itself in his mind any time it felt pertinent to, oftentimes at night when he laid awake, wondering how he was going to sleep with all of the stress welling up within him.
Today, for some reason, it was plaguing him far more than it had in the past. It was like the more that his mind asked him this and he couldn’t answer it, the stronger it would return, demanding an explanation. Even a successful departure from his home down into the city for some fresh air and a change of scenery was doing little to nothing to ease the unsettled knot in his stomach.
‘Are you really too weak to stand up for yourself? It’s no wonder they can be so cruel to you, when you don’t even bother to protest anymore…’
Fin winced; they were becoming so insufferable. It was li
  Where There's Smoke - Chapter 2
Irene kept her eyes peeled for Fin the next few days, and was happy to see him around a week later. She hadn’t been able to scrounge up much the last couple years, but she brought along a small ‘brick’ of chocolate for them to share while they talked, as a means essentially of apologizing for taxing him when they’d first met.
Thankfully, he seemed relieved that her hands had healed up about fully; she only had a blister on each hand that was callousing up. “See? I told you I’d be fine. I can be resilient when I want to be,” she said light-heartedly as she broke off a piece of chocolate for him. He accepted it and they ate for a moment in silence, just enjoying the company.
“I’m sorry…I guess it’s just in my nature to worry all the time,” Fin replied after a bit.
“It’s all right, I’m just teasing you…to me it just shows you have compassion,” Irene replied. “Was your family really
  Where There's Smoke - Chapter 3
‘I think I lost them…for now. Who knows how long it’ll be before they find me again…’
Irene finally allowed herself to take a small rest, as all of that sprinting around had worn her out. ‘Probably should have just stomached that tossed-out Chinese food I found earlier…” she thought to herself a bit wearily as her abdomen twisted with hunger. She’d have to worry about that later, however; now that she had some space, she had to return to her search for Fin.
She walked slowly, trying to muffle her footsteps as best as she could, though despite her efforts they still echoed a bit through the hallowed halls. She stayed close to the wall as well, hopefully that staying in the shadows would give her some extra cover. As she crept along, keeping her eyes and ears open, she suddenly heard what sounded like footsteps behind her. It was hard to tell at first if she was just hearing an echo of her own footsteps, but she realized that someone

Click Here for more of her stories!
Her stories are friggin fantastic! If you have any time, please read them ♥
She's an english teacher, so her stories are well described and really pull you in x3
[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood[FOOD] Teacup Divider (F2U) by Zombhood
You will have to ask her about the prices, I am also helping her out with prices <3 

If you cannot commission her, I ask that you please spread the word for her as she really needs the money right now ;-;

Created at

My Mental Illnesses and Me

Fri Jan 5, 2018, 2:48 PM
I've been debating whether to speak about this or not but, I soon thought 'Fuck it'
For one, my good ol' Divah Sistah :iconhoneykitten: has told me I/people need to speak/talk more about mental illnesses, which is what I'm gonna do. But, I'm also gonna talk about the kind of person I am (Not in a bragging manner though~)
Pink stars divider by MissToxicSlime
Tini Pill ~Mental Illness~ Tini Pill
Having a mental illness isn't easy. You have people who believe you're faking it, people pretending the have it like it's some sort of trend or 'cool' to have it, You have those that say ''But you don't look sick'' etc. Mental illnesses are invisible illnesses, we don't need to look like we've been through a minefield to prove it. 

Whether you let your illness define you or not is up to you. At the end of the day, you are still you. Even before you got diagnosed with your illness. Yes, some people with an illness can be hard to handle but, you just need patience with them. Easier said than done but, it can be done. People have lost family and friends due to their illness (Like myself) because they just can't deal with the person who has said illness.

What people need to understand is that, whilst our illness doesn't excuse our actions or words/what we say, it does contribute to our emotions/feelings. Think of it this way; when we get angry, we say things we don't mean right? That's the same way with a person who has an illness. For example, myself; I said hurtful things but that was not my intention. I was having a bad day, no excuse of course but I said wrong things and such.

People with mental illnesses know that sometimes they gotta help themselves, but, we still need that reminder/push from others to help us. I know people hate sounding like broken records and feel their help isn't helping but, trust us, it is. 

I had a friend recently (won't say her name but, I hope she doesn't mind me using this as an example) who was in tears, yelling at me, telling me it was hopeless, this won't work, beating herself up and being hard on herself, even when I threw positive words at her, she threw them back at me... I stayed up til 6am with her because I wanted to make sure she'd be alright (I know I've cleaned myself of regret but, I must mention one regret was not staying with a friend when she was having some anxiety and told me it was okies to leave, only to learn, it had gotten worse and I felt bad afterwards :c ) and you know what? My friend felt better, not 100% sure but, I'd helped her through the negativity.

With mental illnesses people can tend to stress over the same things, even if things have been resolved, our minds just like to bring back past mistakes, it likes/loves to taunt us. Having a mental illness can be hard to understand but, please try to understand some of it at least. It's not easy at all...

We don't want to think like this, even when we know it's not true, it's not easy to switch our brains off. People learn to manage their illnesses differently and some learn quicker than others. Here's a few more quotes I found;
93b0d533b078e85ac8472b9d8293f378 by ShelliStar C63edb067cd9197db5db2bd622d3efe3 by ShelliStar 25c0e1bebdd359ffd1966e7a37a1714b by ShelliStar
Pink stars divider by MissToxicSlime
:bademoticon: ~Anxiety & Depression~ :depression:
My anxiety and depression is always at war with itself. It's like this thing I found;
6209f47b87db9f32a8adb003dd694a56 by ShelliStar
Here are some symptoms of anxiety & depression;
Anxiety Depression by ShelliStar
I have Generalized Anxiety disorder 
Now, though I've learnt to control and manage my GAD, I still have my worries. I still have the worries of;
'Shit, I need to get this done'
'I must've worded that wrong...'
'Did I say that right?'
'I can't help, I'm useless...'
Sometimes I tend to overthink things, this explains it best;
Efa7bb6dd50112019e06736415213a96 by ShelliStar
Thankfully, I'm managing this now but, it does still slip through the cracks now and then.

I also have Depression
I seem to go from mild-severe. Severe being self harm/suicidal thoughts.
Like my anxiety, I'll have my moments even though I can manage it. Like recently on my break in December, I was having some SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and these were some of the thoughts running through my mind;
'I'll never get all the arts I want done finished...'
'I feel so lazy and unproductive.'
'I don't wanna get outta bed...'
'Others are doing so much better than me...'
'Ugh, I don't wanna socialize.'
Again, lead to overthinking;
Overthinkinghappiness by ShelliStar
But I managed to keep myself distracted.

Having both of these, is hell. It's a war. Even when I can drown it out, it's still going on in my mind like background noise. Even now as I type this~
I think this quote applies how I feel;
Tabs by ShelliStar

and here's some more;
4791ca7257de1c9db0769350cb112eba by ShelliStar F4e96d2232850334fb1f07ff91f3fd86 by ShelliStar Cd05873a5e6dae3d74f86dbd66d2b877 by ShelliStar If-someone-trusts-you-enough-to-tell-you-personal- by ShelliStar 96b0ca57c95bba975bd0a3a4733d4168 by ShelliStar
Pink stars divider by MissToxicSlime
:pain ~Fibromyalgia~ :pain
Not a mental illness, more a physical illness but it can affect my mental health too.
Fibro is hard to explain, so I'll leave this here;…

It flares up in the winter. I feel so tired, stiff, achy, my legs feels like they have lead in them, my shoulders felt locked up, so I struggled to to get dressed and brush my hair. I struggled to get up the stairs and just... you can see why this would affect my mental health. It makes me feel useless, helpless, as if I can't do anything or help much even though my family and friends understand.
Fibro is a bitch, it sucks :c

Here's some quotes on Fibro;
Images by ShelliStar 94d6b668689685575ac55ee973e18bf2--fibromyalgia-quo by ShelliStar 74eb8d694e19eaa7182ea2f887b76146--fibromyalgia-quo by ShelliStar 297eee5a441b29a664593aeabcf31924--chronic-migraine by ShelliStar 3d10166f2dd20ddeae529cdbddb3cf91--fibromyalgia-quo by ShelliStar 60ec7e2683e96fddeec970e2bf04e651--fibromyalgia-quo by ShelliStar 7154b77a052866504e1627ec13814af9 by ShelliStar 29dd1404d5dd31d6f45755e4de08de84 by ShelliStar 533cdf29f2efd19b1b1c387d1f37c0ce by ShelliStar 9f5c6124c9c980cafba19e46ff2e38f4-1892172-9-1462615 by ShelliStar 37cbaa10b860f5db0f2a9d6180c11bef--fibromyalgia-quo by ShelliStar
I have my good days and I have my bad days, yet when I have my good days, it doesn't mean I'm not in pain still.
Pink stars divider by MissToxicSlime
Day4 - Bunny ~The kind of person I am~ Day4 - Bunny
Taking some time to myself to learn self care and self love has helped me reflect on who I am. Thought back to how I've grown... Believe it or not, back then I was quiet and shy. I couldn't say 'no', I felt like a bad friend if I turned them down but soon, I started to gain confidence and able to speak up, able to say 'no' but... it was tough. There were times I'd revert back to how I used to be, I was torn basically. Yet, through all of it I stayed strong willed, just like I am now.

The one thing that always hurt me whilst growing up and through friendships was that I was always the bad guy.

Now, I have been the bad guy in a recent friendship. I hurt their feelings and I apologised. Admitted my mistakes, took responsibility and suffer the consequences. 

I was accused of being something I am not. Something I would never, EVER do!
I've been accused of many things in my past friendships that went downhill.
Lies is one of them.
It's always the common lies everyone tells 'I'm fine' when you're really not because you don't want to seem like a burden to people.

My words are normally taken the wrong way as if I'm implying something, when that isn't the case. I'm not saying I'm innocent though. I've done a bad thing but that doesn't make me a bad person. I could've kept my feelings all bottled up until I exploded, which would've been MUCH worse.

I wrote down my feelings to explain how I felt; feelings of jealousy, envy, criticizing, yet beating myself up after each section feeling it was stupid. That I was stupid. 
Yeah, I hurt people close to me, those I loved and cared for. Who hasn't?

I mean, long ago, I had a friend who was saying crap behind my back (we've all done this to someone in our lives, even me) me, I only found out from another friend. I tried to talk to this friend but, nothing seemed to work. In the end, me and that friend met up and talked about it all. I forgave her and whilst I can remember what happened, I'm willing to put it behind me and forget.
Because Friendship is more important!
Gipjfghy by ShelliStar
I'd rather have friends than enemies. If someone makes me their enemy, that's their problem. 

We all hurt someone we love and care for but it IS worth fighting to fix things.
However, it'll only work if the other person is willing to fix things too.
Sadly, that didn't happen for me even though, I still wish to patch things up.

I am a strong willed person, I always have been. I can be too generous sometimes but, I'm always nice and friendly to those I meet.
I would never intentionally cause harm to anyone.
I care about people, I empathise with others, when I hurt them I feel their pain. I can put myself in other people's shoes. I hate conflict, but if I have to face it, I will. 

There's been many times I've questioned/thought to myself;
'Am I really a bad friend?'
'I really am a bad person, aren't I?'
'I shouldn't make anymore close friendships...'
'I fucked up bad...'
'I'm slowly being forgotten...'
'Maybe I shouldn't speak my mind anymore or be honest and truthful...'

I'm sorry I've bombed this journal with quotes but, I do have some more when I've been reflecting on myself;
Honestenemies by ShelliStar Honestyexpensive by ShelliStar Sometimes-its-better-to-move-on by ShelliStar Prettywords by ShelliStar Havingabigheart by ShelliStar Seelookfor by ShelliStar Dont-count by ShelliStar Explanation by ShelliStar 65years by ShelliStar Hardestlanguage by ShelliStar Cold by ShelliStar Mouthshuteyesopen by ShelliStar Notafriend by ShelliStar Pplhurtyou by ShelliStar Stressingshitty by ShelliStar I-respect-people-who-tell-me-the-truth by ShelliStar Beingsensitive by ShelliStar Bepatient by ShelliStar Dontcare by ShelliStar Updownfriends by ShelliStar Tellhowyoufeel by ShelliStar okaytodislike G by ShelliStar Somepplappr by ShelliStar Distance-doesnt-separate-people by ShelliStar Ive-had-a-lot-of-worries by ShelliStar Im-sorry-if-you-dont-like-my-honesty by ShelliStar

I know I'm not a bad person, illness or not. I've made mistakes and bad decisions, said things I didn't mean and anything else that involves this thing being called 'Human' I've tried to fix things. I tried making effort.
Bottom line is; I tried.
And that's all I can do. I can only do my best, I'm still learning. I'm not gonna get things right first time, nobody's perfect.
I'm flawed. 
I'm learning from my mistakes. I'm bettering myself, improving myself. I'm a person who just does what she can even with these illnesses of mine. I'm a lot of things as a person but, I'm always determined and strong willed. I'm a trooper. I've gotten through many things before and I will do it all again...
Pink stars divider by MissToxicSlime
Thanks for taking the time to read this everyone~ I hope the section about me didn't come off as bragging or blowing my own trumpet ^^; and apologies once again but the bombardment of quotes, they just help along to explain what I'm talking about. 

To anyone suffering with a mental/invisible illness and/or disability, do your best to stay strong and keep going! Keep fighting everyday!
I believe in you~! ♥
Cheerleader Bunny Emoji-89 (Cheer) [V5] :love: Cheer Jacksepticeye Cheer (F2U) Chili Anime Emoji (Yay Cheer and Fight ) [V2] Kaori Cheering Icon Chinatsu Yoshikawa (Good Job) [V3] :cheer: Cheers Cheering with Paper Fans Three cheers for family! 

Created at

2017 Year Overview/Reflections

Thu Dec 21, 2017, 12:18 PM
I normally always do a journal around christmas, usually its shout out's but, not this time. This time I wanted to take some time to give an overyear of my year and reflect on it. I know this seems early but, I wanted to get it all out before I forget x)

Now, before I get into things I want to give a few warnings; 
Trigger warnings, I may give too much information/details and I will be openly, bluntly honest.

So, overall this year for me has been, bad. That's not to say good hasn't happened but, considering what I went through and still am going through but now improving, it was still mostly kinda bad.

From February between March is when everything for me went downhill. My anxiety and depression was already hitting me hard in January (which carried on into Feb and Mar) and due to this, I hurt my friends feelings. 
That's not to say I'm using my mental illness as an excuse because, I've read stories of how people who have mental illnesses have hurt/lost friends due to their illness(es). Either because the friends don't understand and/or can't handle it/deal with it.
I was openly, bluntly honest about my feelings because I trusted them, I could talk to them about anything and, I ended up hurting them... GIF Star vs. the Forces of Evil -  Sad 

From that point on, I was filled with guilt, constantly apologising, beating myself up and being hard on myself. sigh 

I then tried to confide in another friend I was already rebuilding a friendship with but... that was a mistake and I hurt that friend too.GIF Steven Universe - Facetable  
Which just added on to the pain I was already feeling, I was an emotional mess!

What's worse is when the BAD thoughts started creeping in... 
I started thinking about harming myself and even thinking about suicide. I even planned out how I was gonna do it; 
By overdosing... onion head 'shame' 
That's when I knew I needed to get more help and refer myself to therapy.

It helped me greatly and during that process, I tried to rebuild the friendship I had broken. I tried to put what happened behind me and let it go, move on but then... when my kitty Cash had to be put down, everything, even past things, were just brought back up again in my mind. Trevor WTF - Icon 

I tried talking to one of my friends but, ended up making them sound like a careless/heartless demon, which was not my intention. Wander sad sigh  

So... after another talk to find out where I stand, the friends wanted to keep me at a distance since they'd lost their trust in me. 
So, I figured after trying so much/making effort and still made some mistakes whilst trying to rebuild the friendship, I decided it was best to give them that distance... 

It's not that I didn't wanna talk to them anymore, I figured It's better to give them more time and space if that's what they needed.
Over time however, I noticed they were slowly removing/blocking me from social medias for no reason. This did hurt me, but, I tried my best to let it go because they'd made their choice. 
I'd lost their friendship. Mitsuki Nase (Pillow Hug Worried) [V1] 

Overtime, This is how I felt;
Bullet; Black As if I was slowly being forgotten & replaced
Bullet; Black As if I wasn't worth fighting for
Bullet; Black As if I wasn't worth the effort
Bullet; Black  As if I was being treated as a backstabber just for being openly honest
I tried to push these thoughts aside. I'd been growing thicker skin (and still am growing), I just got on with things and fought any negative thoughts I had every day.

I lost close friends and a very good friend I was rebuilding friendship with, those who I loved and cared about, now gone because of me... Higurashi Kai - Rika Depressed 

I miss them. And yet, it makes me wonder if they miss me? Tmnt Raph sad sigh GIF 50px 

Still, as much as I miss them and we don't talk/not friends anymore. I still wish them all the best for the new year~ Judy - (Crying) Icon 

However, when there's losses there are gains and I made new friends, those who understand what I'm going through, what I deal with everyday. I'm glad I referred myself to therapy, it helped me SO much, it helped me get better and of course, friends who stuck with me also helped me with their kindness, love and helpfulness Nichijou - Yuuko Happy Cry 

To describe this year for me, I'd say it's been one big storm with thunder and lightning now and then, rain washing away any negative feelings before more thunder and lightning roll in. Yet, there's always calm after the storm and I seem to be slowly getting there~ Cat nods 

I've been/still am learning to better myself, manage my illnesses, do more for myself, try not to worry so much, practise self-love and self-care, being more positive and I'm proud of myself with how far I've come. 
2017 has not been my year for me but, I hope 2018 will be better for me~ :bademoticon: 

I wanna thank everyone/my friends for their constant support, love, help, advice and kindness. 
Hell, thank you for everything you've done~! :bademoticon: 

I had to handle things alone sometimes but, you all stood by me and helped me along the way. Even at my worst and when you saw me for who I truly am, you stayed with me and I really, REALLY appreciate that~ Hey Arnold Icon - Happy Tears 

You all reminded me that;
Arrow left I'm not a bad person for making mistakes, even with my illnesses, I'm still human. 
Arrow left Everyone has hurt someone they love/care about sometime in their lives. 
Arrow left There's nothing wrong with being honest, even bluntly honest. 

So, here's my new year resolutions;
Bullet; Purple Continue bettering/improving myself   
Bullet; Purple Keep practising self love/care
Bullet; Purple Try and finish arts I owe (Check here for that~)
Bullet; Purple Continue with my own arts that need finishing (In my own time and pace, same for arts I owe)
Bullet; Purple Try and do some art challenges  
Bullet; Purple Keep managing my anxiety/depression/fibromyalgia
Bullet; Purple Let go of regrets, mistakes, guilt and anything else negative. Put it in the past, move forward, fresh start.  

Here's 20 quotes/simple reminders for you all/ones that helped me/stuck with me through this year;
Ooc Quotes On Tumblr by AstraAurora Optimistic-Quotes-To-Keep-You-Going-3 by AstraAurora Picture-Quote-Success by AstraAurora Friendship-Quotes-Tumblr-Sad3 by AstraAurora 263434 295343097249792 1713393441 N by AstraAurora Dr-suess-motivational-quote by AstraAurora Im-just-me-card by AstraAurora John-lennon-being-honest-friends-6o9f by AstraAurora 06846921ee078f5acd330dec0d7566f1 by AstraAurora Friendly-Reminder by AstraAurora 2362d9cba40f133d608ad71064f6559d by AstraAurora 57d544f4f474a113c3aa777c96331332--funny-love-quote by AstraAurora 5409fc9ebfbae91e16a8f0c1fac6b34d--monday-inspirati by AstraAurora 1119929c74c71a2c58af093f5b0537fc--friendship-appre by AstraAurora Mandy-hale-bad-decisions-move-on by AstraAurora Images (1) by AstraAurora Unknown-author-black-with-white-text-good-people-m by AstraAurora Positive-quotes-141 by AstraAurora B7b5e0d3bf0504218c5fd919c238feb7 by AstraAurora 3d7665d087387567a7a887b37778fcce by AstraAurora

And lastly~
Kerstkaart-merry-everything-and-a-happy-always-zwa by AstraAurora

Created at

Comic Features~!

Mon Nov 13, 2017, 10:30 AM
Orange wing left~♥ ♥ ♥~Orange wing right
Of course, I can't display -all- the pages of the comics (even though I wish I could x3) I've chosen to feature 3 comic pages ( My fave pages so far) from each artist and trust me, it wasn't easy picking just 3 pages to feature! xD

f2u cloud divider by clepsydree

Rainbow Bullet (Outline) - F2U~Comic Features~ Rainbow Bullet (Outline) - F2U

Time Scar

By :iconc-puff: 
Time Scar - 79 by C-Puff  Time Scar - 37 by C-Puff  Time Scar - 19 by C-Puff
Read it all here:…
Look. I may not be a big fan of Undertale but, I do have an interest in some of the AU's people do for it and this is one of them c:

Sans comes to find a scar on his bones, with no idea where it came from and of course, his Bro Papyrus starts to panic and sends him off to see Undyne. Whilst the bro's are on Patrol, Sans comes across a kid. They chat, the kid leaves... only for Sans to see the same exact kid appear again.

It captured my interest wanting to know how Sans got this scar and him trying to figure out why he just saw the same kid twice but with different personalities. I love how it's written, how it still keeps a mystery and keeps you guessing and of course, the humour x3 

If you're a fan of Undertale, I'd definetly say give it a read~ ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree


By :iconcristalwolf567:
FNAF - Chapter 1 - 8 by CristalWolf567  FNAF - Chapter 1 - 4 by CristalWolf567  FNAF - Chapter 1 - 2 by CristalWolf567
Read it all here:…
Though this has been left on kind of a cliffhanger, it still has me wondering and wanting more. What is Happening to Freddy? Why aren't these guests returning? Even Foxy has me feeling like he knows something... >w<

The mystery is just beginning but I love the relationship between Bonnie, Chica and Freddy. Chica is still hoping for these guest's to return, even though she knows they may not. I'm really liking the slow pace, the build up and I'd recommend giving it a read of it's story so far~ ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree


By :iconmelodyclerenes:
Constellation. Part 4 Page 141 by MeLoDyClerenes  Constellation. Part 4 Page 133 by MeLoDyClerenes  Constellation. Part 3 Page 71 by MeLoDyClerenes
Read it all here:…
If there's one thing I love and inspires me about this comic its when you start from the beginning and just seeing the art and style change and improve, not only that but the story evolving along with it. :3

It's like watching the characters grow and change, speaking of characters, they're adorable! Lovely designs and personalities and of course, this story is based around astrology/zodiacs. In some parts, it gives you information on the zodiacs as a little break away from the comic itself and I like that. I like how it stops to just fill you in on some things. ^v^

Honestly? I can't wait to see which Character is 'Libra' as that's my star sign/zodiac x3 
Definitely give this a read, especially if you're into astrology, and watch the artist and her story grow before your eyes~  ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree

FNAF 4: What Lurks In Shadows

By :iconvictoria2037:
 <da:thumb id="704734878"/> <da:thumb id="697116633"/> <da:thumb id="688385331"/>
Read it all here:…
Oooo, so much mystery with this one it leaves me wanting more! >w<
It leaves me asking many questions; Why are the nightmares after this kid? How does Plush know so much about them? What exactly does lurk in the shadows?

I gotta say I love how Plush is a badass and a guardian to the kid. x3 I really like how this is written, the perspective of some panels and of course, there's humour mixed in too. 
This story is still growing and is an interesting read. :3 If ya got time, and are a FNAF fan, do give this a read~ ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree

Springtrap & Deliah

By :icongrawolfquinn:
Springtrap and Deliah (Page 72) by GraWolfQuinn  Springtrap and Deliah (Page 31) by GraWolfQuinn  Springtrap and Deliah (Page 19) by GraWolfQuinn
Read it all here:…
This comic is a mixture of cute/adorableness, dark elements, mystery and humour.

A lil girl has an Animatronic rabbit in her home, who is a killer, which she has no idea but he is her friend and also a father figure. Her actual Father Nick, isn't too keen on Springtrap. Springtrap himself is haunted by the ghosts of children who seem to taunt him and in recent pages, Deliah is now having nightmares about Springtrap.

It goes from charming, to funny, to cute and to dark and that's what I love about it, the mixed elements <3 And like the 'Constellations' comic, when you start from the beginning of the comic you see the art, style and artist grow and improve. The change as you read on is inspiring ^w^ I love the characters in this, especially Springtrap and Deliah. 
It's such an interesting story and I'd say give it a read~ ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree

FNAF 4: House Party

By :iconmattartist25:
FNAF4 Comic 10 - Nightmares Come - 12-14-15 by Mattartist25  FNAF4 Comic - House Party - Page 05 - 4-21-16 by Mattartist25  FNAF4 Comic - House Party - Page 12 - 6-13-16 by Mattartist25
Read it all here:…
Omg. This comic had me laughing at some parts xD The humour is great, I love how the characters are portrayed and how some of them break the fourth wall. Not only that there is lil secrets/easter eggs hidden throughout the pages x3

This all starts off just because Freddy wants his hat and Microphone back as a lil Freddle stole it xD The lil girl, Lucy, I love her. How feisty she is and she's not afraid and has Mangle protecting her which I found adorable x3 There's also cameo's in this comic of Youtubers who played the FNAF games. I don't think I need to tell you who they are ;3

The art style and expression in this are just fantastic. The comic is now completely finished and like the other comics, I do recommend giving this one a read~ ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree


By :iconnegaduck9:
Springaling Halloween Fling 06: The Missing Mass by Negaduck9  Springaling 276: Driving the Author's Fiat by Negaduck9  Springaling 235: The wrong week to quit drinking by Negaduck9
Read it all here:…
This comic is mixed elements; humour, cuteness, bit dark, sometimes random but, I really love how it plays out.

I like the portrayal of the characters such as Plush and how Nightmare is the 'Mother' to her <3 I even enjoy the banter between the Puppet and Springtrap sometimes xD What I really like about this comic is how the artist also sneaks in cameo's, secrets and easter eggs. They have you guessing but, get you involved with the story that's going on.

The artist will sneak in quotes from cartoons and give you lil hints to figure it out. Of course, there is fourth wall breaking in this comic too x3 
There are a lot of pages to this comic but, I swear it's worth the read~ ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree


By :icontc-96:
Endertale - Page 15 by TC-96  Endertale - Page 6 by TC-96  Endertale (prologue) - Page 5 by TC-96
Read it all here:…

Another Undertale AU that's grabbed my interest.

Frisk is being, I think, 'Haunted' may be the right word? By Chara. Going on that Frisk will eventually 'Reset'. Sans of course knows something is wrong with the kid. At times Frisk starts to become violent, even punching a kid in the face :o

I like how it keeps the mystery going and make you wonder if Frisk is gonna give in and 'reset'. I love the relationship between Frisk and Asriel, The brotherly relationship and how they play and help on another x3 The humour is brilliant, the story is well written and I look forward to seeing more of the story.

Definitely check it out and give it a read~ ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
Bendy & The Ink Machine: Origins
By :iconscyrel:

Bendy and the Ink Machine: Origins pg8 by Scyrel  Bendy and the Ink Machine: Origins pg5 by Scyrel  Bendy and the Ink Machine: Origins pg2 by Scyrel
Read it all here: 
Bendy and the Ink Machine: Origins pg1
This is a short 8 page comic (whether it's complete or not I am unsure)
It's interesting and dark. Portraying how Bendy came to be and what happened to Joey.

The comic captures good perspectives, well written and I love how the characters are written. Bendy so concerned for Joey and trying to talk him out of it but, Joey has just had enough. Done. Wants to be healed by the ink machine. It makes me feel sorry for Bendy ;-; 

If ya a BATIM fan, be sure to give this a read~ ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
So, these are all the comics I've been reading/keeping up to date with so far and I wanted to feature them for quite some time. I do apologise if my commentary on them isn't much but, I do not want to give too much away about them. You have to read them for yourself and find out, that's the joy and beauty with these comics ;3

I love how they leave you in wonder, guessing and leave you wanting more to find out more of the story and it's characters~ I'm so glad I've finally gotten round to feature these comics as I have been wanting to do so for some time now x3

Anywho, have a good read and enjoy~! :heart:
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
That's all for now~Tea
Take cares! ~:bademoticon:
Day4 - Bunny~Shelli

Created at


Sun Nov 5, 2017, 3:58 PM
Orange wing left~Life, Medical & Health stuffOrange wing right  
The title I'll explain more about in my 'stuff, stuff & stuff' section.

So health wise, I think I may be having a fibro flare up because, when me & kai-luver went to see game grumps & jack a while back, my legs gave out. Turned to Jelly and I literally fell into the back seat of the taxi, My legs were heavy and I was having a hard time trying to move over so my friend could get in.

Even yesterday when I went shopping with the family, my legs just felt like lead, as if I was carrying weights but, my arms have also started hurting too I can't hold them up for too long and just become tired. Whether it's the cold weather along with the fibro flare up, I don't know. 

I feel muddled/mixed up, not sure how to feel sort of thing. However, I'm just trying to get on with things, distract my mind, etc. 
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
 Pink wing left~Arts, Writing & MotivationPink wing right 
Firstly, I finished my Charlie group sketch;
SoManyCharliesRS by AstraAurora
It's rough as heck xD and I think some details are 'off' and/or missing but this will all be fixed up when I get to inking it x3 
However, there are two more versions of Charlie that I haven't included; Funtime Charlie and an Alt Charlie. Alt Charlie is all sketched in Chibi form. Funtime Charlie I am still brainstorming her design.

I do have other arts in the works, inking a chibi, sketching chibi's, etc. There will be more poems too, should any come to mind x3
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
 Orange wing left~Stuff, Stuff & StuffPink wing right
Firstly, the reason the title is called 'No-vember' is with what's happened lately and how I've been feeling recently. Not only that, I want to give some shout outs to people due to this, so here we go;

As I've said before, you have been my rock Rock Emoji this whole year and I cannot thank you enough ;v; You've kept me strong and kept me going and I truly appreciate your support, love, care and kindness ♥ Thank you Twinnie, you've always been there for me and I'm so grateful to have you You Rock! 
 Teal Star Divider by AlbinoSeaTurtle
I appreciate all the advice and support you have given me. Your kind words, love and care is so sweet I swear you'll give me cavities xD You always listen to me, no matter what it is and I appreciate that, heck I appreciate all you do for me ♥ Never stop being your divalicious self, Divah Sistah Divaplz 
Teal Star Divider by AlbinoSeaTurtle
You... are a Wizard! xD Ahem. No seriously, you have been so sweet and awesome and I appreciate you listening to my ramblings. You know how to cheer me up and take my mind off things, make me laugh and I am so grateful for that ♥ You've been so caring and I cannot thank you enough ;v; and that is why you're a wizard Tom Magic 
Teal Star Divider by AlbinoSeaTurtle
You have been so sweet and so understanding, I just cannot thank you enough for your kindness and caring attitude ;w; You're always so supportive, even when I'm not having the best of days, you still bring a smile to my face. I appreciate it so much ♥, I'm so grateful to have you as a friend, no, squishy butt buddy! Jacksepticeye and Markiplier hug icon 
Teal Star Divider by AlbinoSeaTurtle
Your support and caring attitude is so sweet, you've no idea how much I appreciate it ;v; I know we're still getting to know one another but, you have been such a sweetheart and I thank you so much for your advice and all that you've done for me ♥ Thank you for standing by me Rockman and Roll (Mega snuggy) [V1] 
Teal Star Divider by AlbinoSeaTurtle
Thank you so much for your kind and sweet notes ;v; I really appreciate your support and your words. They made me smile and warmed my heart ;v; I'm so sorry if I didn't have much to say in return but, just know I appreciate your love and care very much ♥ You two are sweethearts, thank you K-On (Frienship Snuggles) [V2] 
Teal Star Divider by AlbinoSeaTurtle
Thank you so, SO much for your words of advice, kindness and overly sweetness ;v; I know this may sound pathetic but, I seriously wanted to cry. All the support I appreciate so, SO much I want to give you all hugs ♥ I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words mlp mane 6 (group hug) #3 plz 

Secondly, I also like to point out, I'm so, SO sorry for not commenting on your arts. I had A LOT to go through, so I basically just faved and ran ;-; sorry, still! I love the arts you've all done and I've even featured some at the bottom of this journal ♥

I know I've been lacking in commenting, I had my friend kai-luver with me for a week from Halloween and onwards. I have read your journals and statuses however, my mood to comment isn't there and I apologise ;-; still, I hope all of you are doing well and everything is going okies for you.

Thirdly, I've been thinking about that 'taking a break' again but, another thing sprung to mind as well... Making a new account. I've no idea why, maybe just wanting to start fresh? I dunno Shrug I've been on this account for 14 years now. Of course, if I did make a new account, I dunno whether to just display it on my page or only give it to those I trust. It's an idea that crossed my mind a few times actually. I'm just unsure which would be better; taking a break or making a new account? Or perhaps taking a break to set up this new account? Shrug 
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
  tick ~Questions for you Allx 
And here are the questions for you~
Note: You don't have to answer them if you don't want too x3

1. Is it better to be hurt by the truth than to be comforted with a lie?
2. What are you procrastinating on at this moment?
3. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
4. In 3 words, how would you sum up this year so far?
5. What is your favourite one-liner from a book or movie?
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
 Rainbow Bullet (Outline) - F2U ~Art FeaturesRainbow Bullet (Outline) - F2U 
20 selected Arts~
Be sure to check them and the artists out~! <3
Autumn Magic by Kaya-Snapdragon Tony Chopper-TS Hornpoint cosplay by S-D-F-Studios Happy Halloween by varron-flare Happy Halloween! by MCA-art Harmony by sanitrance Genocide or Pacifist by HorsesFunn[PC]- Icon for Rubyperl by Chocoecaramell Part 16 Preview! by TonyCrynight

How Preposterous by sheezy93 Lord of Shadows by RodBMReis Run from the Devil by Mizuki-T-A Sparky by kai-luver 29 by Mochiyy The Jewel Carriers by chibi-jen-hen<da:thumb id="710067931"/> ''Jenny'' (Studio Killers) by xXxLorenaxXx The Ink Demon by Scyrel

Hipnotizer by Ashen-Blue FNAF Parade Proud and Mama! by MamaMangle
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
That's all for now~ Tea 
Take cares! ~  :bademoticon: 
Day4 - Bunny ~Shelli

Created at

Reflections of The mind

Sun Oct 8, 2017, 2:24 PM
Feel free to skip/ignore this as it's just me rambling on about things like; letting go, forgiveness and blah, blah, blah.
If you do read, I thank you for taking the time to read all of this~ ♥

I've probably said this many times before but, looking back at how far I've come once again, I can say I'm quite proud of myself.
Now, have I done things I'm not proud of? Yep.
Made mistakes? Yup. 
I looked back on how hard I was on myself, beating myself up over something I couldn't fix. Over something I couldn't solve.

It can be hard to let go, move on, walk away and forgive. And I've forgiven myself even though I've made mistakes and done things I'm not proud of. However, I can't hold onto them, they weigh me down and I wanted to free myself from that. So, I let go of resentment, bitterness, jealously... anything negative. That's not to say I don't get negative thoughts, I still do. But, now I have them somewhat under control.

I'm still learning, improving and I will still make mistakes because, I am only human. Things change and we just have to deal with it somehow. Things are never the same again and sometimes change is hard for us. 

I've been focusing on myself, self care, self love, yadda, yadda, yadda. And I know you'll tell me I don't need to apologise but, I will.
I'm very sorry to all my friends I haven't spoken to in some time. That doesn't mean I don't care about you all, I do care and I still think of you ♥ It's weird how you can get so used to talking to someone everyday and then it suddenly dies down. It's like, hanging out with friends all the time, you become used to it and once it dies down, you're just left with 'What do I do now?'

Heck, I used to be constantly up to date cleaning my messages out here on DA and leaving lots of comments. Now, I can only manage doing what I can. 

It's like they say; what's done is done. You can't take back when you said and did, you can only learn from it and move on. However, carrying the weight of your past on your shoulders isn't gonna help. It weighs you down and can get you stuck in a rut. Free yourself of it and you'll be able to regain control and move on.

I've forgiven myself, even if I've done bad/wrong.
I've let go of any negative feelings such as bitterness.
I'm learning to move on slowly but surely.
I'm still learning to improve and better myself.

So, am I still the Shelly everyone knows? Course I am!
Am I still generous? Kind of. I'm not overly generous as I once was, I've been getting more things for myself but, if I do see the odd thing or get an idea, I'll get something for someone else.

Here's another thing I learnt/found hard to do;
Acting like everything is okay, when you know it's not.
It's, in a way, kinda horrible because you don't wanna act like that but in a way you have too? And it's not easy either...
Because you don't wanna talk about it or drag anyone else into the problem. 
It helps does you get on with things rather than moping around and causing more trouble. 
For me, I didn't want to mope around when I did something wrong. Maybe in private I did sure but, publically? I put on a front, a mask to hide my true feelings. 
No one wants to act like everything's okay when they know it isn't. But, what else can they do? All they can do is stay strong and keep going.

There's a quote I found for this particular journal;
Mandy-hale-bad-decisions-move-on by ShelliStar

There's another thing I've been thinking about;
Taking a break from DA: I kinda got this idea from Markiplier and Jacksepticeye who are taking a big break from doing videos. But thing is I'd still wanna check my DA messages, especially notes. I'm still unsure. Of course I'd still be doing arts whilst on break but, hm :shrug:
When you guys take a break from DA how do you do it?
Do you make any exceptions or anything?

Apart from that, I couldn't get this far on my own. As much as some of the stuff I've had to do by myself, I had the support of family and friends to help keep me going and I appreciate that SO much! 

I've always been a strong willed person, even when I fall into the dark pit I will be determined to climb out. My anxiety and depression may try to pull me down but, I'll fight back even at my lowest point. I've learnt to know when to seek help, when I need help. Ever since my therapy course ended, I'm quite proud of how how I've been doing without it so far. Of course, I still get my ups and downs, who doesn't?

I'm a work in progress~
And with time, when I get better and improve, hopefully I can fix things that I broke... If not, then at least I can say I tried my best as that's all I can do.

Although my anxiety and depression is constantly at war in my mind, I won't hold on to the negative thoughts, I'll throw them away. If they stick , then I'll do something to chase them away. I'm not the gal I used to be, but I am changing for the better whilst still being myself. I don't change for anyone, only me. 

Which brings me to this gif I found~
Giphy (52) by ShelliStar

All this reflecting has been due to my mind being out of sorts lately and sleep being a bitch. So, one moment I can type out something like this journal and the next minute my mind is like 'Duuuhh...'

Anywho, I'm gonna continue improving and bettering myself.  Learn things and take care of myself, in a non selfish manner of course. There are friends I miss seeing/talking too ;-; and I hope we can talk again/see each other again when we get a chance. And hope you can understand why I've been so quiet/distant lately, as I understand you all are busy and have stuff in your lives too~ 

Anywho, thanks for taking the time to read my rambling. I just wanted to get it out my head before my mind goes blank x3 and I wanted to share in hopes it may help others learn too~
tumblr og6rnglCAr1uv84v0o2 400 by ShelliStar

Created at
tumblr mbb0f2ZPMD1qa9wiqo1 250 by ShelliStar
Orange wing left~Life, Medical & Health stuffOrange wing right  
Good ol' Freakazoid and the 'scream-o-vision' x3 and yup, no pun again this time so a little rhyme instead xD

Anywho, recently my sleep has just seemed to go to crap which doesn't help my fatigue either >_< My brain seems to active to go to sleep, I end up sleeping in which makes me feel groggy and bleh and yet sometimes, I get bursts of energy out of friggin nowhere xD

So, it doesn't help my mood, but! I am just doing what I can to keep myself distracted and my mind busy though it has made me feel really lazy and 'can't be bothered to do this' yet, I tell myself, that's okay. These things happen and we just gotta work through it.

Negative thoughts have crept into my mind but I've been telling them to bugger off and flipping them the middle finger Markiplier middle finger 

Apart from that I'm doin okay and just continuing to get on with things x3
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
 Pink wing left~Arts, Writing & MotivationPink wing right 
I say it all the time, so I think this time it goes without saying how arts are going xD
However, I am brainstorming a halloween pic to do for this month. So far one idea was Reather with a pumpkin on her head trying to be Jack the pumpkin king or in this case queen xD But, I am not so sure yet x3

For writing, I did surprise myself yesterday... I can't recall what I was looking for though I know it was a wordpad/notepad file and in my computer folders, I stumbled upon a story involving 2 of my characters but what surprised me was... I had done 6 parts to this story! I began skim reading it, getting caught up in some parts. Of course, my old style of writing was mostly walls of text back then. However, after reading some of it, it just made me wonder... what made me lose my spark?

Granted, I have done long written stories before though, they were for my friends, even if some involved my oc's. Back to the story I found, I think I did upload it to my DA gallery, but upon checking, I must've deleted it from my gallery as well over time. 

I love writing stories whether it's for myself or others and perhaps maybe I've not lost my spark? Maybe I just need something to relight the spark and regain it? What exactly that is, I don't know. Perhaps when I get around to/start brainstorming some of my character stories, it might bring me the spark I need, who knows?

For now, my motivation and focus is on Arts and sometimes poems
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
 Orange wing left~Stuff, Stuff & StuffPink wing right
I'm trying to learn to break my routine or at least change it up a bit with what I do online. Sometimes I become so distracted and forget. When it comes to my DA messages like say, commenting on arts. If I feel I can leave a comment right away, I will. If not, I keep it in a DA folder and come back to it at a later time or set myself a day to leave comments and such. That being a Sunday, like today x) Of course, I won't be able to comment on everything and will just fave. I just do what I can manage and even take a little break here and there before continuing.

I've noticed people doing the Inktober/Goretober thing, which sounds and looks pretty cool x3 It's something I'd kinda like to try but, I feel with me being a mouse artist I wouldn't manage to do a pic each day or even a bundle for that matter xD This is probably one of the reasons I don't do 'character asks' either. I'm a slow working artist but, that's okies. There's nothing wrong with that <3

I'm gonna see how this month goes as I still have my positive shoutout pic I want to do/finish and of course, once I have an idea sketch out and work on a halloween pic. There's horror kinda games I have too on my steam I want to play. So, Just gonna see what I can do and manage~ <3
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
  tick ~Questions for you Allx 
And here are the questions for you~
Note: You don't have to answer them if you don't want too x3

1. What are you plans for Halloween?
2. Will you be dressing up for Halloween?
3. Doing any trick or treating for Halloween?
4. Ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?
5. Who ya gonna call?!
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
 Rainbow Bullet (Outline) - F2U ~Art FeaturesRainbow Bullet (Outline) - F2U 
10 selected Arts~
Be sure to check them and the artists out~! <3
The holograms by Honeykitten Hypnotic by GraWolfQuinn Down the rabbit hole by Victoria2037 Shiro Fukui by R-no71 |-Cuddles-| by MegiW AT: Negra Waridi by xGGlitch Wacko Warehouse - September 2018 by Leda456 End my suffering [ Traditional AT ] by Aunty-chick Draft Doodles From Gmod by sheezy93 Persona ref sheet 2017 by DragonHF Moon Calling by PrettyLadyCosmos<da:thumb id="705516359"/>
Rats Give The Best Cuddles by MrEchoAngel ECHO by XxX-Cookie-chan-XxX Perfected Trap by RodBMReis

f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
That's all for now~ Tea 
Take cares! ~  :bademoticon: 
Day4 - Bunny ~Shelli

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Birthday Thank you's and More!

Thu Sep 28, 2017, 3:33 PM
Orange wing left~Birthday Thank you's!Orange wing right  
Thank you so much to the following people~
This lil buggering twin of mine was sneaky and got me a Mangle/Toy Foxy & Foxy plush ;w; Annnd she got me FNAF SL plushies, so now I have the whole SL plush set! >w< Thank you so much twinneroo~! Also, thank you so much for staying with me on my birthday too, twas fun~! ♥

I've only known her for a short while and yet this sweetie went out of her way and got me a Funtime Foxy & Toy Chica plush ;w; Thank you so much hun, I love em~! ♥

Gave me +50 points, thank you so much m'dears ;v;

Bought me Bendy and the ink machine Chapter 3 on Steam, Thank you sweetie~! ;w;

Bought me the game 'Even the ocean' on steam, Thank you Hun~! ;v;

Thank you SO much for all the birthday gift pics and sweet words! ;w;

because she has been awesome and amazing to us all and is an artist who always brings a smile to ones face with her nature."

"Aways have been a really kind and friendly person to me and everybody! You deserve everything my friend! <333 Guys go send some love to :iconshellistar: because she is a lovely person and a amazing artist!"

"look at her stuff and whatnot, she's an incredibly kind hearted person who is even kind to people who do her wrong. she's a real cinnabun, so go show her some love!"

I just had to quote some of your sweet words because, they really brought a smile to my face, made me go 'awww' and blush >w< Really made my day/birthday as well ;v;

Also, thank you to everyone else for all the lovely birthday wishes, sweet/kind words, cake and llama badges~! ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
 Pink wing left~Upcoming Birthday/Birthday Shout Out'sPink wing right 
From left to right of their birthdays;
27th Sept, 28th Sept, 29th Sept, 30th Sept & 3rd Oct
Happy Birthday to you all~! 
(If ya birthday has already passed) Hope you had a wonderful day/Birthday~! ♥ 
(If your birthday is coming up soon) Have a wonderful day/birthday too~! ♥
:bademoticon: :bademoticon: :bademoticon: :bademoticon: :bademoticon:  
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
 Orange wing left~Shout Out'sPink wing right
Twinneroo, what can I say? I can't thank you enough! ;v; You've been so understanding and kind, not only telling me what I want to hear but also, what I need to hear too. You've been such a star and it's always lovely to see you x3 You've been so helpful and been there for me so much, I just... Thank you ;w; //big squishy hugs of love// ♥

Scarz, it's always a joy to talk with you~ I enjoy when we just mess around in GMOD or Twin saga or any game we play xD It's fun, never ceases to make me laugh x3 You're always honest, even if you have to be blunt sometimes still, I appreciate it very much~ Thank you ;w; //big squishy hugs of love// ♥

Divah Sistah, I dunno how you put up with me but you do and I appreciate that so damn much ;v; You've been such a sweetheart and been so helpful, you're always wise with your words and they have helped me greatly~ I'm so grateful to have you as, not just a friend, but a Divah Sistah too~ Thank you ;w; //big squishy hugs of love// ♥

Bunny Buddy, You've given me my space and time when I needed it and been so understanding about everything, you've no idea how much I appreciate your words ;v; You're always so supportive and kind, you know just what to say to make me smile/laugh~ Thank you ;w; //big squishy hugs of love// ♥

And also~
All of you; Your kind words, your support, your friendship and just being so damn sweet ;v; Thank you all so much, I really appreciate all your help and support~ You're all so kind-hearted and absolutely lovely~ I'm grateful to have you as my friends x3
Thank you ;w; //big squishy hugs of love// ♥
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
Tea ~Birthday RamblesTea 
Nah-Nah I didn't have a bad birthday or anything like that, this rambling is more reflecting back on this year so far. Please feel free to just skip/ignore this x)

So as you all know from journals/statuses the first half of this year has been a nightmare/hell for me. Though thankfully I got some help from therapy as well as family and friends ♥

As my birthday grew closer, I was just feeling 'meh' not because I was turning 30 or thinking 'OMG I'M SO OLD!' 
Nah. It was thinking back and reflecting on things, how far I've come, how strong I've been, what I accomplished and of course, though I had friends and family by my side helping me. Which I am VERY grateful for, there were things I had to do on my own such as self care, thinking of myself more than others (not in a selfish way), reminding myself that its okay not to be okay. 

There are things I've been proud of and things I'm not so proud of.
However, I cannot hold on to guilt, bitterness and regrets. I've left them go to free myself of them. I have forgiven myself so I'm able to move on, keep going and to better/improve myself~

So far, I'd say I've done well. I'm doing things at my own pace, I'm not worrying over my art as much, my art may still be slow but I'm doing more of it at least. I'm playing games a bit more and working on losing my perfectionism, especially with art. It's popped up a few times so, I'm still a work in progress x3 

I am who I am, I have my flaws, love me or hate me~ 
The things people/friends have said about me (as shown above in the birthday thank yous) back then I'd probably think; 'Nah, you shush I'm nothing like that' but now? I think 'Yeah, I am like that.' Not in an arrogant or cocky manner, since a while back I discovered I have low self esteem and I want/am learning to love myself more, believe in myself more, just try to gain more confidence in myself.

I just hope the rest of this year will be better than the first half of this year and I'm sure it will be since my two fave holidays are coming up; Halloween & Christmas ♥

If you read all this ramble, thank you so much >w<
Have a golden star, a cookie and a piece of birthday cake~
Gold Star Sticker Icon PLZ Wicket No 11  Piece Of Chocolate Cake 50x50 icon 

f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
 Rainbow Bullet (Outline) - F2U ~Birthday Art FeaturesRainbow Bullet (Outline) - F2U 
[GIFT] Happy birthday AstaAura! by HorsesFunn Happy Birthday Shelli!!! by MamaMangle Pretty Coyote by RodBMReis Birthday gift for AstaAura by FireballStardraco charlie the coyote (Gift) by NinjaShadowPenguin
Thank you all so Much~!  (I will be leaving comments on these As soon as I can ;v; !)
:bademoticon: Takeo Hugs Suna Icon
f2u cloud divider by clepsydree
That's all for now~ Tea 
Take cares! ~  :bademoticon: 
Day4 - Bunny ~Shelli

Created at