The Thing-That-Goes-Bump-in-the-Night

It’s 12 pm and I’m getting prepared,
to give some nice people a fright.
I’m such a big lump
and I’m going to jump,
‘cos I’m a Thing-that-Goes-Bump-in-the-Night.

It’s a limited occupation,
with quite a rigid routine,
Just a bang and a groan,
in some person’s home
and it helps if you sound a bit mean!

Quite effective if one’s a bit heavy
And doesn’t mind bruises or sprains.
Not scared of dark,
or a rottweiler’s bark
For there’s much to be said for the gains.

For one thing there is no long training,
And no heavy taxes to pay.
Hours are short
They are near enough nought!
And you’re off on leave all the next day!

Now there is no lack of good Bumpers,
But always there’s needed some more.
I hope I’m persuasive.
Please don’t be evasive.
C’mon and just knock at my door.

I’ll give you a job application
then assess with regards to your noise
by viewing you jump
and hearing your bump
with hopefully no lack of poise.

So, to all you wannabe ‘Bumpers’
Fill your work application in, right.
Cos there’s quite a big mob
Who are after a job
of a Thing-that-Goes-Bump-in-the-Night.