The Thing-That-Goes-Bump-in-the-Night

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Literature Text

It’s 12 pm and I’m getting prepared,
to give some nice people a fright.
I’m such a big lump
and I’m going to jump,
‘cos I’m a Thing-that-Goes-Bump-in-the-Night.

It’s a limited occupation,
with quite a rigid routine,
Just a bang and a groan,
in some person’s home
and it helps if you sound a bit mean!

Quite effective if one’s a bit heavy
And doesn’t mind bruises or sprains.
Not scared of dark,
or a rottweiler’s bark
For there’s much to be said for the gains.

For one thing there is no long training,
And no heavy taxes to pay.
Hours are short
They are near enough nought!
And you’re off on leave all the next day!

Now there is no lack of good Bumpers,
But always there’s needed some more.
I hope I’m persuasive.
Please don’t be evasive.
C’mon and just knock at my door.

I’ll give you a job application
then assess with regards to your noise
by viewing you jump
and hearing your bump
with hopefully no lack of poise.

So, to all you wannabe ‘Bumpers’
Fill your work application in, right.
Cos there’s quite a big mob
Who are after a job
of a Thing-that-Goes-Bump-in-the-Night.
humor childrens
© 2015 - 2021 shelleypalmer
anonymous's avatar
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Guinevere-X's avatar
Love this... where do I apply? LOL
shelleypalmer's avatar
Thank you! Guess you'd have to come to London to apply!! Thanks for the fave!
Guinevere-X's avatar
You are quite welcome... and yes, of course I would! :D
oviedomedina's avatar
Very nice!
Love it!
shelleypalmer's avatar
Thank you - it's just a bit of fun after all the sad stuff I've been doing - Thanks also for the fave!
oviedomedina's avatar
No problem!
I had a lot of fun reading this!
Michel-le-fou's avatar
Good form and an apt wit, Shelley,
shelleypalmer's avatar
Thanks very much and also for the fave!
InCenter's avatar
Lovely as Always...!!
And Happy B-Day (in advance)...
+fav Heart Hug 
shelleypalmer's avatar
Pleased that you liked this and thank you for your kind and thoughtful pre-birthday greeting!
shelleypalmer's avatar
Yes you are so right - the poem is an old one that I revamped (wanted something light and humorous as have been putting more serious stuff on lately)- and that line irked a bit but I put it on until I could think of something better - I have now changed and think it sounds okay - I wanted to keep the word 'nought'. Your suggestion was good too, but I thought it sounded a bit grown up, for a child's poem. I actually expected someone to say the poem should be 12am not 12 pm but I googled this and there is whole load of discussion as to which is correct. Thanks though for your nice comment and the fave!
tommyboywood's avatar
funny and nice flow. line 4 stanza 4 a bit sticky. I'm sure you fretted over it, as i do mine.  instead of "almost down to nought" maybe try "by dawn you abort"  just a suggestion :)
anonymous's avatar
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