[ SERIOUS ]
Grievance has many way's of effecting people differently and without them here it's hell, even though I didn't know them much I knew them enough to know they had many mental problems and they knew me the same. I feel horrible for the way they were treated and I treated them like everyone else but I just hope they know I'm sorry and I saw the look on one of my family members face and i no longer have respect for that family member because even though he did some bad thing's in his life he was still a human and nobody should smile or laugh just because the person they hated is dead and i cannot stand anyone laughing anymore. I saw them once more today and i just can't believe it, they didn't even look the same anymore and i just don't know anymore... I put some rings, change and some keys they gave me in their casket, i gave them all that because i felt like they should have it. I just want them back... If i could give anything up to have them back here i would, even though we never was close i feel like i lost a friend, a friend that was always there for me. I tried to find a reason why i miss them and the only reason i can find is that because they were there with me since i was very young they grew on me somehow and i hope, i really hope they're at peace they deserve it even though they did something's in life they should not have done. I couldn't forgive them in the past but now i have given them forgiveness and i hope they accept it. They left so many people behind and i never knew i loved them until now.
I want to say rest in peace but i can't for some reason but i know i will... someday.
Sorry for the long post i just had to get this off my chest because it's been bothering me since i left to see them for the very last time today.