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                               PAIN -PT 1
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AngelEyes

BadDreams

BlameMe...

FarAway

HighAndDead

Pain

RestEasyXXX

RestInPeace Pt 1 (WIP)

UntilIDie

Tonight (WIP)

YourMusicIsOnlyOkayWhenYou'reNot

ISpokeToGodInClaremont,HeToldMeEverythingWouldn'tBeOkay
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                               ANZIO:
ALONE-

V I S T A


LOST
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                                15 (WIP)

I spoke to god in claremont, he told me everything wouldn't be okay pt 2

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                               LoveAndHate

Skin

Erika

Jade
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This music will never be released but i hope someday someone finds these files on the internet.
I realize that all of these problems are my fault. Everything going wrong is my fault. I know a way to fix everything but i don't think many people will like it but it's the only way. I'll update this later but i just wanted to get this out for now so i can progress it later.
This is REALLY serious so no, no TypingLikeThis. This is serious to me.

Back in november last year i was in A LOT of pain and i had no one to talk to and this was my fault to be honest... but anyways i had a 'friend' that i though cared but left me because of her ignorance but she doesn't nor never matter to me. She was a waste of my time and just someone who i had there just to see how long she would stay but i guess you could say i was using her but i see it as testing someones loyalty but again i kinda used her but anyway she wasn't the one who made me feel this way.

The real person who hurt me was someone i thought cared, loved and trusted me but no, she lied to me and hurt me so bad. I never fell for someone as bad as i did for her and when someone talks about getting their heart broke then they've never seen what depression, obsession,love and trust could do to a person. I talked to her almost everyday since november until the end of december or towards the end of december anyways. She numbed me of all feelings but yeah i was still depressed but not as depressed as i usually am and she was like the perfect drug for me. A living anti-depressant and no, i'm not calling her an 'object' or anything like that because no matter who you are you are NOT an object, you matter even if you don't think you do. But she made me feel happy, so happy and i wish i could feel that again (i kinda am right now with someone else but i know how it'll end) after so many weeks went by on christmas she started acting real weird. Like she was avoiding me... i wish i could've seen it back then but i was so stupid and i was still numb from her but anyway's. She just acted real weird, she wasn't talking to me as much as she used to and why? because she was 'busy' but she had time to do other thing's with her friends and talk to other's and no, i'm not saying i deserved all of her attention i'm just saying i wanted at least a little bit... but none of that time stuff matters. I was angry and i let me anger blind me like i always let it and after another couple weeks she just completely stopped talking to me and i thought "maybe she really is busy" so i waited another couple weeks and nothing so i waited a month and i got one messaged saying that she's busy and she doesn't have time to 'talk right now' but 'we'll talk again soon' but we never did and i still was hopeful but after two more months i basically told her that i'm done and i wan't nothing to do with her and blocked her and i keep sending her some messages but i know she'll never read them. I don't deserve to tell any of you my whole story, there's parts i left out but basically:


I fell hard for someone i 'loved' and cared about A LOT and she basically hurt me badly and used me, she told me she loved and cared about me and i not we, grew close to her and i let myself fall into a downward spiral of hurt and like i said there's a lot i left out and i don't want anyone to tell me i'm wrong because i know i am or i'm ignorant because i already know but i wish i knew who was at fault here because i blame myself and her, just a little. I might update this later but this is why i do not get close to people or trust ANYONE.
ALBUMS SO FAR:

BetrayedAndForgotten

CSIMH

FAKEFRIENDSDON'TMAKESENSE

FamilyThatNeverCared

NeverEndingNightmare

IT'LLGETBETTERBUTNOTTODAY

ALBUMS I'M WORKIGN ON:

OfficerDown

1999

DBMWD

RestInPeace

April19th-20th

Z3MEMORIEs

SeptemberWasn'tGoodButI'mOkay

NotSuicidalAnymore

I'mStartingToGetBetterAfterFiveYear's

Album's i'm thinking of doing but these are just names:

TECH99

You'reNotFromAroundHereAreYou?

YoungDK

VoDKa

Ignored

REGRETS

09'

19
I can't keep on living like this I thought thing were getting better but now it's not, I've tried to keep my DA page updated but I forget I even have a da sometimes. I just can't living like this anymore I got away from some personal thing's for awhile but now I'm being forced to go back to an unloving family, I don't know if I'll be on much at all so if anybody sends me a message or posts anything it'll probably take me awhile to reply back that is if stress doesn't kill me or worse.
So I'm starting to see the evil in this website :/ Why'd I even join?