Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
sitting by the window
legs crossed
with a face
resting  ...  lightly
in a supportive hand,
listening
to repetition:
calm
pattering
patterns
falling
softly
sequentially
subtly —
escape,
blur
and dissolve
into the surroundings,
lost to others
found by the world,
never to be seen
except by those
who look
and find;
fade
      a
    w
  a
y


A poet looks on the ground to find his Muse waiting for him.
He is suddenly taken captive, enthralled in the beauty in which she steps.
She lifts her hand slowly, motioning him to come.
He follows readily, as if the steps are not his own and the movements are in response; he is still.
He is detached from reality and walks into a dream of lands mystical in wonder.
His figure fades into the earth surrounding as he walks through an ethereal dream.
The Poet dissipates in the tangible surroundings;
They become one.




The world is suspended in time, it is motionless
 Except for a random, surreal fall,
  Systematically proceeding.
Reality dissolves into a
  Dream superimposed but never overcoming
   Until now;
     and the World –
      it is a place now serene.
Obvious.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconphoenix-rising:
Phoenix-Rising Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2004
Nice one!! There's some great images there and the structure really works and adds to the effect. Great poem!
Reply
:iconpeppermint981:
peppermint981 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2004
The style really enhances the poem. Speachless...beautiful!
Reply
:iconnotentirelyme:
NotEntirelyMe Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2004   Writer
This flows wonderfully.
I love the use of language eg "The Poet dissipates in the tangible surroundings;"
Reply
:iconsharkoftheday:
sharkoftheday Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
If only it worked as well as it wrote, there's always memories preventing it.
:hug:
Reply
:iconsoul-lozenge:
soul-lozenge Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2004
Wow! This is great. You express thoughts and feelings so well. I love the peaceful mood to this one. It's rejuvenating.
Reply
:iconsharkoftheday:
sharkoftheday Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Peace amidst the chaos in which it was written (literally); the rain has that effect of losing touch with everything.
Humble gratitude

To one who recalls the rain better than the sun:
May they fade peacefully.
Reply
:iconsoul-lozenge:
soul-lozenge Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2004
:w00t!: Cheers! Keep writing.
Reply
:iconsharkoftheday:
sharkoftheday Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Don't think i could stop even if it was desired.
Reply
:iconsoul-lozenge:
soul-lozenge Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2004
That's good!
Reply
:iconsairah:
sairah Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2004
i loved the form here...nice imagery!!

but this line threw me off:
He follows readily, as if the steps are not his own and the movements are forced; he is still.

doesn't the word "forced" nullify "readily"? hmmm... :confused:
Reply
:iconsharkoftheday:
sharkoftheday Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm as well. Details are always revealed in the objective view (unfortunately).

The point intended was that it was a reaction rather than a conscious act of his will, but that does present a power struggle in the meaning. Thank you for pointing that out.
Change concluded:
He follows readily, as if the steps are not his own and the movements are in response; he is still.
......................."a" (above) to be replaced for reasons pertaining to the flow on the tongue.

Perhaps has less effect, but that can be sacrificed.
Reply
:iconsoul-of-fire:
Soul-Of-Fire Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2004
Beautiful. What can I say? Struck a chord in my heart, and I don't know where to start with commentary with this. Excellent. You've once again demonstrated your amazing talent. :glomp:
Keep it real.
~Sha~
Reply
:iconsharkoftheday:
sharkoftheday Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Aww, i don't know for what though, just is. Watching the rain fall is inspiring though.
random thought: the glomps are cute.
:blowkiss:
- Eric
Reply
:iconnyasa:
Nyasa Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2004
Good stuff, love the form keep it up
Reply
:iconsharkoftheday:
sharkoftheday Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconsharkoftheday: More from sharkoftheday


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
June 9, 2004
File Size
1.5 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
73
Favourites
0
Comments
15
×