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a bit closer to heaven
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6 min read
Journal Doll by Soulwithin465

  1. How long have you been on DeviantArt?

    According to my profile page I've joined on Sep 21, 2004.
    I may have registered back then to contact some artist, but I really started to use the site around 2006.

  2. What does your username mean?

    Well "Shark" should be pretty clear. It's an animal which lives in the open waters ... or sth like that. It was a nickname given to me by some friends during my school days .. and I've been using it since then. The "5060" part was something I had to add, since almost all names without were taken on nearly every site. It was the highscore (cleared lines) Imanaged to get on my original Tetris GameBoy game.... a long time ago. =D

  3. Describe yourself in three words.

    pessimistic, competetive, (mostly) friendly

  4. Are you left or right handed?

    I am right handed.

  5. What was your first deviation?

    Something I haven't drawn myself. A (sadly never finished) drawing of my Sniper from the MMORPG Ragnarok Online done by a friend:

    Shinu by Shark5060

    >MY< first deviation was an entry for a contest held by Sayael:

    Left 4 Dead Survivor by Shark5060

  6. What is your favourite type of art to create?

    If I had the time to practice I would love to finally learn how to properly draw digital art - until then you will have to live with my attempts =D

  7. If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?

    I always loved japanese calligraphy. Not sure if this would qualify for an art style but if I could master it instantly I would chose it.

  8. What was your first favourite?

    I really hope the favorites folder is sorted chronologically ... then it would be this piece by ymstr:

    ArtTrade Artea by ymstr

  9. What type of art do you tend to favourite the most?

    usually fan art from various games or furry art.

  10. Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist?

    Oh I really don't have any one specific. There are too many great artists.

  11. If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?

    I have met several of my favorite artists in person already, a "meet the staff" meeting would be nice tho, but usually things like these would be held in the U.S. aaand that's currently out of reach.

  12. How has a fellow deviant impacted your life?

    Hmm kinda, I've moved in with one (even tho I didn't meet her though dA) and lived with her for several years.

  13. What are your preferred tools to create art?

    That would be my PC and my (pretty cheap) Wacom tablet.

  14. What is the most inspirational place for you to create art?

    Err I honestly don't have any.

  15. What is your favourite DeviantArt memory?

    When I received my first finished art piece I've commissioned through dA .. that was a really beautiful moment.

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4 min read
Journal Doll by Soulwithin465

Seriously - why?

I've been ordering several commissions since around 2010 and I've never really had any problems with it. Well okay, except one time when the artist disappeared for nearly half a year and a buddy and I was stuck with our money gone. Due to some pressure of the Ragnarok Online Euro Community the artist however returned our money and everything was fine again... but besides this one time I always got what I ordered in a timely manner.

Lately this has changed however. In 2013 I had my commissions done in an average of 13 (!!) days, which is wonderful and more that I could have asked for - I usually "expect" a turnaround of ~30 days, but I am fine with almost everything if the artist has a pubic queue or tells their customers what's up.

Still, I am waiting for 5 images ordered in 2013, where the earliest was ordered on September 3rd - that's 290 days ago! And I would even be fine with that, if the artist had his reasons or whatever, but since he (and other's I am waiting for) refuse to answer my mails or notes and ignore or even DELETE my comments on their profiles asking for a status that just plain sucks and I feel betrayed.

I won't go as far as publishing their names, since I still hope that I am an exception to their usual practice and they will get back to me eventually, but currently I am just pissed.

I know that drawing and art in general is pretty much mood based and that art blocks or general reluctance is always a problem, but what is so fckin hard to just tell your paying customers that you need some time and that you will get back to them or whatever.

Currently I am waiting for commissions worth together just above 800€ ... let's hope I'll get those :/

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3 min read
Journal Doll by Soulwithin465

Yeah, I've finally decided to draw some more. That doesn't meant I didn't draw anything before, but since I've mostly used poses of already existing images or near-traced other peoples work for practice I never published any of these works. I wouldn't like if someone used my outlines or images and so I won't publish those where I did.

The image I drew for Hashie kinda motivated me to finally get my ass up and draw more. Sooo I hope I can keep up and show you some more of my early steps =D

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9 min read
Journal Doll by Soulwithin465

Yeah, I've started to play a browser game... I know that I said I never would, but my colleagues at work decided that we should start a war. Even my superiors play with us and organize raids and stuff.. it's rather interesting XD

The game itself is, like most browser games, half pay to win - half time investment. Once you have your base to level ~10 (which will take about 1-2 days) you can login twice a day and gather your goods.. so it's not that bad.

For those interested in playing, please register through my reference link so I can get some goodies ^^ (… )
Tiberium Alliances is, like most browser games, simple at first, but if you want some advice and optimization let me give you a little tutorial to make the start easier:

Like the original game, you have several resources to spend in different kinds of units. The "standard" resources would be

-> used to build/upgrade Buildings (your basic buildings and defense buildings)
-> used to repair Buildings

-> used to build/upgrade Units (Offensive and Defensive Troops, Vehicles, Aircraft)
-> used to repair Units

-> used to upgrade Buildings and Units (like, everything)

-> used for Invention

the "advanced" resources would be

Command Points
-> used to attack NPC or Player bases, the further away the target base, the more points are spent on an attack

Invention Points
-> used for Invention

Supply Points
-> 10 Points are used up every time you use a package, this system is in place to limit the pay2win options

Repair Time
-> Time you have left to repair your vehicles, if it reaches zero you can no longer repair your offensive units, this system is in place to limit amount of attacks

Tiberium/Crystal to Energy ratio is kinda large (around 4:1). For example upgrading the Command Center from Level 13 to 14 cost 334,5k Tiberium and 83,635 Energy. Upgrading a Vertigo from Level 12 to 13 costs 354,8 Crystals and 88,704 Energy.

So a perfect production would be 2 times as much Tiberium & Crystals as Energy. This however is quite difficult to calculate since you have two types of production. Once you have the permanent production, which is simply resources over time. This production is affected by the Level of the Building as well as certain connected buildings and alliance boni (more on both points later). The second would be the Packet production, which is the way the games keeps you to login twice a day - or you loose resources. These packages are produced every x hours, capping at a max of 6 hours (so with the non-paid maximum of 2 packages that makes 12 hours of maintenance-free time).

You start with only a few buildings to create and you can place more if you Level up your Construction Yard (1-2 new buildings per upgrade level). But keep in mind that the level of NPC sites spawning around you is affected by the level of your Construction Yard! So you better have a good offensive squad if you plan on raising that level.

The tutorial Missions will explain the basics of placement, which Building affect others and stuff like that, but I will repeat it here as well.

Construction Yard (CY)
-> Main Base building
-> determines the maximum amount of "Basis" buildings you can have
-> affects the level of NPC sites spawning around you
-> if it get's destroyed, all other buildings are destroyed as well
-> UNIQUE building (can not be placed next to other unique buildings - 1 cell distance needed)

Harvester (H)
-> harvests either Tiberium or Crystals
-> permanent production, affected by silo
-> packet production, click to collect
-> MUST be placed on tiberium or crystal field

Power Plant (PP)
-> produces energy
-> permanent production, affected by crystal fields and Accumulator
-> packet production, click to collect
=> best placement would be on 2 or more crystal fields next to one or more Accumulators (see below for examples)

Silo (S)
-> raises maximum Storage for tiberium and crystals
-> boosts permanent production for tiberium and crystal harvesters
=> best placement will affect several fields of either crystal or tiberium

Refinery (R)
-> produces Credits
-> permanent production, affected by Power Plants and Tiberium Fields
-> packet production, click to collect
=> Power plants boost the permanent production more than Tiberium Fields do, so 2 PP are more effective than 2 TF
=> best placement would be beneath several PP or TF

Accumulator (A)
-> raises maximum Storage for energy
-> boosts permanent production for Power Plants
=> best placement will affect several Power Plants

Command Center (CC)
-> determines maximum offensive units
-> determines maximum upgrade of offensive units
-> if destroyed, you cannot attack anymore
-> UNIQUE building (can not be placed next to other unique buildings - 1 cell distance needed) 

War Factory (WF)
-> allows to build vehicles
-> affects repair time of all vehicles
-> UNIQUE building (can not be placed next to other unique buildings - 1 cell distance needed) 

Hand of NOD (HoN)
-> allows to build infantry units
-> affects repair time of all infantry units
-> UNIQUE building (can not be placed next to other unique buildings - 1 cell distance needed) 

Airport (AP)
-> allows to build aircraft
-> affects repair time of all aircraft
-> UNIQUE building (can not be placed next to other unique buildings - 1 cell distance needed) 

Defense Headquaters (DHQ)
-> determines maximum defensive units
-> determines maximum upgrade of defensive units
-> UNIQUE building (can not be placed next to other unique buildings - 1 cell distance needed) 

Defence Facility (DF)
-> repairs ALL defensive units up to 70% since last attack
-> if destroyed, all units will not regenerate after an attack (if they were destroyed, they will respawn with 1HP)
-> UNIQUE building (can not be placed next to other unique buildings - 1 cell distance needed) 

Fist of Kane / Eye of Kane / Blade of Kane
-> assistance artillery against a target
-> ONLY ONE of those can be build at a base, so you would need 3 bases to build all of them
-> UNIQUE building (can not be placed next to other unique buildings - 1 cell distance needed)  

I won't go into details with offensive or defensive units - since those are rather self explaining. Just keep in mind that you better upgrade your HoN, WF and AP to your current unit level, since otherwise it will cost you much more repair time to repair those units!!
I will tell you how you best place your resource producing units however, since that is sometimes hard =)

How your tiberium and crystal fields are distributed is determined randomly when you create a base and cannot be altered. It will stay the same all the time, even when your base gets "destroyed" (a base is never truely destroyed - it will regenerate over time and you may have to place it on a new area, but you won't loose any buildings). So you have to make the best of it.

If you have the luck of 2 or 3 crystal fields next to each other - with several fields free to the left and right (or bottom and top, however it is placed), you can create a very nice energy farm.

A  R  A

the silo is only needed if you plan to harvest those crystal fields, but since ONE silo covers 3 fields that's quite decent. Silos stack - so on the XX fields you could place other silos as well for more boosting. The same works for a 2 CF as well, not as effective of course. If you have a Refinery at a better place, build another Accumulator for even more power output. Btw - ONE refinery is enough unless you are able to farm Forgotten 'Base's on a regular basis, then you will have more invention points than credits, but up to that point you are fine with just one Refinery. 

Okay, that should be enough to get you started - if you would like more advice or need some help let me know. I play at World 34 and I am currently located at the east sector. I would recommend that you install Greasemonkey and some of the several scrips that offer Simulation of fights or let you repair all units automatically and stuff - but that's up to you.

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14 min read
Journal Doll by Soulwithin465

I didn't want to post something that personal here, but meh ... this incident just bugged me yesterday.

Let's start at the beginning: I had a girlfriend with the age of ~13-14, which was my first love or sth. We fooled around, had sex, argued much, broke up, made up with each other again and all this kind of stuff. When we finally broke up at the end it wasn't very nice, I was a huge dick and the whole relationship left some scars on my mind. Since then I've never really trusted somebody or wasn't able to bond in a relationship as I was before. One exception would be my best friend Conny, but I know her since nearly 10 years now - so that would something else I guess.

However, this girl approached me in late 2013 after she had troubles with her husband and was visiting some old, lost friends. Since our breakup was kinda messy I was the last on her list and we talked for some hours. And had sex after. Many things had changed in the past, we both had our experiences - good and bad. Since I am single, and kinda happy with the freedom I have, I didn't mind that at all - actually we talked about stuff like that before we went to bed. Also that I practice some fetishes and that vanilla sex is fine, but doesn't satisfy me very much. She was okay with all of it, kinda shocked first since that seemed like a totally different person from what she remembered, but fine.

She couldn't be much more different than I am - she comes from a religious family, is married, has a well-payed job as a geriatric nurse, many friends, etc. So basically a usual life without much things happening. Her husband was staying home and doing the "house-wife" stuff (I don't know the proper term for it ... but I think you might know what I mean). I am agnostic, give a shit about marriage - let alone children, work at 2 jobs to even pay my monthly bills and most of my friends I have never met in real life. But well, my sexual life it at least somewhat more active and diverse than her's would ever be.

Some days later she was even more interested in that topic, asked me several more in-detail questions about it, and started to read 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. For some people that might be something very normal, but she had vanilla sex for the most of her life and up until she met me again, she never even thought about that side of erotic fantasies. Later, after we had spend some weeks as friends (with the occasional sexual intercourse), she approached me that she would like to try it as well - with me. Since I've experienced (and still do) both sub and dom sides of BDSM, I agreed under certain circumstances, which we discussed. For example I pointed out, that I would always see it as a sexual relationship, and that I don't feel any affection to her, like love or anything related. I knew that it was different for her, but I was fine with it.

I explained many things, showed her others and she was very willing to "learn" (or better experience) all kinds of stuff. Since I started with my first sessions like 10 years ago it was quite nice to see some reactions from a first-timer again ... it had been a while. As far as I can tell she enjoyed it also and judging from her reactions and questions it was always consent. Some weeks later she admitted that she is in love with me again, but she would be fine with our current situation. We agreed to a "safe-word" in case the emotions would be too much for either of us (well, actually for her - since I don't care), so that we could end the contact without much complications. For me it sounded like a convenient way to get around the fuckup we had the first time we were in a relationship. 

Time went on, we had many things we did together, went to a musical, a wellness park, cinema with friends, some parties and had a pretty good time. Since I don't get paid that much as she does, she agreed to inviting me to most of these activities, because I would be unable to join her otherwise. I refused most times when she wanted to pay for some things I could have bought myself and also refused to take any money from her. She on the other hand sometimes forced this on me when she simply just paid for stuff and said "yeah, it's a birthday present" or "it's for Christmas", etc. Oh and on those days I got something from her ON TOP of that. Honestly, I didn't mind much - I feel rather uncomfortable to get everything paid and cared for from a friend, but meh ... it was quite nice.

Some day during this month she visited me, because she couldn't live with her husband any more and it got quite unbearable at her home. So she lived at my place for about a week and while I was at work she spend the time with her best friend, who coincidentally lives right below me. At the evening we would either order something to eat or I would cook something. She watched some movies while I played League of Legends with my friends or she would listen to some audio books or whatever. I warned her beforehand that I would usually play or work till late night every day and that I had always taken the time off to do stuff with her before. She was fine with that, and was happy that she could watch movies on my 2nd Screen while listening to my teammates and me playing. She thanked me for her stay with cleaning my flat, washing my dishes and clothes and keeping it all tidy and stuff, to which I am very grateful for.

Communication between us was quite different however, as she is a very "emotional" person who interprets stuff into every of my sentences, twists them and gives them meanings I would have never thought about. On the other hand, all her messages were quite cryptic to me, since she expected that I would interpret the missing things. Sure - I might exaggerate here a bit, since I'm writing from my perspective, but you will see at the end what I mean. We agreed during these month that we would discuss most things in person, since that might make some things easier, but that turned out hard as well, since she couldn't say the things she wanted when facing me. To be fair, I can be a kinda cold person when pissed off.

This all came to a climax when we visited a comedy theater earlier this week. We ate at a KFC before we went to the show and she said that she was pissed because of how I said that she was at my place since Thursday to my friends. Not that I said it, or whatever - no the TONE I said it in. Please keep in mind, that she was unable to hear ANY of the previous conversation, because she was listening to her audio books and I had the speakers muted - so the only things she could hear was my talking. I was kinda surprised to hear - a day later - that HOW I said something during a normal conversation would set her off. Also how she could possibly be offended, since she didn't know anything about the conversation at all. We agreed that this topic needed not further discussion and ended it right there, however it left a bad taste on my mood that she, again, was offended by something that she knew nothing about. We had talked about exactly that thing earlier and she agreed that she would ask me about it right when it would happen, but failed to do so in this case again.

The show itself was fantastic. I really enjoyed it and laughed a lot. It was about some retirement home and was titled 'sex and crime in an retirement home' - so you might imagine what it was about. For me it was a great evening, and I thanked her 2 times during the show for inviting me there. Right when we left the building she looked at me with some kind of demanding look and I was like "what?" - she replied that she was expecting some kind of "thanks" ... and I was pissed again. Not only that I already thanked her twice to that point, but we would walk together to the train station for about 10 minutes anyways. We would have talked there and I would have thanked her another time when we would have parted. Well.... it didn't come that way and the whole way was kinda awkward. When we arrived at the station she acted kinda strange and I didn't know how to react to it. So we parted in a very... strange way - almost as if we were strangers.

One day later, while at work, I received a text message, asking if she should explain it. Knowing the difficulties discussing anything via text with her, I said that if she really had to do it right now she should, but I would prefer a face to face conversation. Well, she went ahead and talked about like... everything. She singed her last message with her name and then there was a silence. I asked if this was supposed to be a good bye or something, since she didn't mention anything like it. She replied again with several things, that didn't answer my question even close and finished again with her name as signature. I had enough and finally wrote that it's okay, but I wouldn't reply anymore since everything I've said was wrong in her eyes and that wouldn't lead anywhere. For me the thing was over - not nice, but at least over.

Well apparently it was not over for her - even tho she said so. Later that evening, while I was ready to eat my pizza and play some games with friends, I got a visitor. She said that she wanted to talk because "not everything I said [during the last month] was wrong"... yep. She only came to talk face to face because I said this last sentence. And not only was I referring to the previous conversation and not to the whole relationship, I even wrote EXACTLY that. But she interpreted it, as usual, as something totally different, that I would think all the month I had done something wrong and bla. Well it ended in another useless discussion, since she couldn't see that her interpretation of most things leading to this point was way off. I am not someone who says stuff which could be interpreted in several ways easily, I am usually a man of direct words - which works fine EVERYWHERE else, except for her. When she had nothing more to say and the conversation was talking circles again and again I asked if she had something else to say or if she would like to leave now. All she wanted was a "nice expression" on my face, but well... nope - I wasn't in the mood to fake any smile or anything. So I guided her to the door and while she was getting her stuff from the bathroom I was leaning against a door frame. She said that I could leave and play, but I declined. When she put her shoes on she said again that she would find the door by herself. You have to know at this point that the earlier conversation took about 45mins, meaning my pizza was cold and my friends went on to play without me, since I failed to respond to their requests. I said 'Fine, leave without a goodbye... I couldn't care less' and slammed the door to my room. She came back into my room and asked if I really wanted to part like this. I was like 'what the fuck'... and I told her to get the fuck out of my home. I even said our "safe word" to get her to leave, but she stayed. Then she said that she had put some money in my Mailbox and if I could give it back to her. Sure .... so I had to run down the stairs get her money (which I didn't want by the way - as I've said her plenty of times already), when I arrived back upstairs she was out of the flat and standing in the hallway. I gave her the money and shut my door. And so again it ended bad.

That was one day ago, and so far I haven't heard anything from her - with which I am totally fine (and would have been after that text conversation as well). Why the fuck is it so hard to speak normal with certain people? Why is it that hard for me? I mean I get around with so many people, I have a dom/sub relationship for many years and it works like a charm. Of course you can't always be friends with everyone, and I have certain people at work whom I never will be friends with or even talk much to, but things like these always let me wonder why communication has to be that hard. I try to be very clear about the things I write and like 99% there are no issues with it, so far with her it has been the worst.

Thanks for reading, even if you don't reply or whatever I am glad that I've wrote it down - helped a bit =)

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