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Yeah. Everyone's doing it. I wanna, too.
I'll try to ask for cheap stuff, though. xD
Make a post (public, friends-locked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your DA journal. The post should contain your list of ten holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a ______ icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("all I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV."). The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your DA or link to this post so that the holiday joy will spread.

Surf around your friends list (or friends' friends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now, here's the important part:

If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use -- do it.

You need not spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf -- to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not -- it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Give, and you might receive. and you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

One: A Deviant Art Subscription. (3 months, 6 months, 12 months, doesn't matter.)
Three: Gift art. I guess.
Four: A new icon. My current icon bores me.
Five: HAUGZ. (Hugs.)
Six: Possibly a... new Bible?
Seven: A new book. I NEEDZ ONE.
Eight: Something for Courtney, I guess. She's been going through a tough time, and she at least deserves that much, if not more.
If it's anything material, then note me asking for my address. The majority of you should already know, since the majority of my watchers are local.
So. Uh. Yeah, you know how my past journal entries were filled with words of moping and despair? Well, I don't feel like moping an despairing anymore, simply because I don't really have a reason to do so.
But now I don't know how to make a regular journal entry. ;_; But meh, I'll try.

First thing's first. A friend of mine is undergoing... pretty intense psychological treatment. I'm not telling who, but said person frequents Deviant Art quite frequently. I just... want you all to pray for said person. Said person needs all the prayer said person can get, and then some.

Other than that, nothing much has been happening recently. School is the same old, same old, and Chorus is, of course, the worst class for me in terms of socializing with others. Seeing as they only talk about their cell phones, iPods, music, movies, and their boyfriends/girlfriends. All of which I have no interest in talking about.

Anyhow. I'm stealing the prayer list idea from Hannah. Simply because I also think it's a good idea.
~Prayer List~
-A friend of mine is undergoing intense psychological treatment. Pray that said person will follow through with whatever is going on.
Wow, um... what a week. Or more.

So, uh. How to start...

First of all, I'm grounded. I'm getting bad grades, and my parents decided to take away my computer for the grades I'm getting. So... yeah. I'm also grounded from the internets upstairs in their room. :
But anyway.
I've been feeling worse and worse these past couple of days. Heck, in fact, I'm almost certain that it isn't depression I'm dealing with. Maybe... I dunno. I wrote something in class a couple of days ago that just about sums it up:

Is this our fate? Our destiny?
Is it our destiny to suffer so, just because of our wisdom?
Our wisdom, our knowledge, makes us unique. We are masters of the laws of life. But such wisdom beckons forth suffering.
What I wouldn't give to be a fool, to be oblivious to the laws of life. But once you taste the knowledge, taste the wisdom that is the laws of life, you strive for more.

Yet it hurts.

You become too painfully aware of how corrupt the world is and how ignorant humans are. Mortals are nothing more than incarnations of sin. Incarnations of greed. Incarnations of lust.
Yet such things are simply impossible to defy. Even the wisest of the wise have fallen to greed, to lust, to power... to killing.
Yet the fools think nothing of it. It is their world, their problems. And they think nothing of it. The wise suffer due to their awareness of the laws of life, but the fools are unaware of such things.

To be a fool... would be one of life's greatest treasures.

Basically... I'm too painfully aware of stuff. For example, if I were to get a girlfriend of some kind, I'd eventually have to break up with her. And we'd both be hurt, and it'd lead to unneeded problems. So in my mind, why have any relationship during high school whatsoever when you can just save yourself the trouble?
And another thing. I... *sigh* have some sort of mad crush on someone. I think I do, at least. I'm not saying who, but... *sigh* I dunno. It's not worth it to get together with her, or even try to do so. I mean, what's the point? We'll eventually have to break up sooner or later.

Or maybe it's not a crush at all. Maybe it's just a really good friend... I honestly have no clue. I don't even know the difference between love in an intimate kind of way, and love in a best friend kind of way.
It's pathetic.

...But anyhow. Enough of such things. Over and out.
[x] You watch anime.
[x] You read manga.
[ ] You buy/collect anime DVDs or manga volumes.
[x] You own some other form of anime/manga merchandise.
[ ] You have referred to an anime character as 'hot' before.
[ ] You have cosplayed.
[ ] You have done so in public.
[ ] You have been to an anime/manga convention.
[ ] You have created/joined a fanclub for an anime/manga character.
[ ] You have created/joined a hateclub for an anime/manga character.
[ ] You have squealed when you found out somebody had the same name as an anime character you knew.
[ ] You enjoy drawing anime.
[ ] People you now know you as the 'anime' person.
[x] You know that it is pronouced 'mawnguh' and not 'manga' like it is spelled.

[x] You like art.
[ ] You actually consider yourself an artist.
[ ] When using art supplies, the brand of them matters to you.
[ ] You have a favorite brand.
[ ] You have asked for art supplies as a Christmas/birthday gift before.
[ ] You give people your drawings as gifts.
[ ] People actually ask for your drawings.
[ ] You are known as 'the art person' at your school.
[ ] Instead of just 'brown' or "pink', you'd be specific; it's 'sienna brown' or 'blush pink'. Or whatever.
[ ] You have taken an art class outside of school.
[ ] You have considered a career as an artist.
[ ] Your school papers are always covered in doodles.
[ ] You have a favorite artist.
[ ] Your drawings have been framed.
[ ] You carry a sketchbook with you everywhere you go.

[ ] You play a musical instrument.
[ ] You play more than one instrument.
[ ] You actually really enjoy playing your instrument.
[ ] You've given your instrument a name.
[ ] You've participated in an extracurricular activity for your instrument.
[ ] You are known by what you play.
[ ] You listen to classical music.
[ ] You are wondering whether that refers to the classical music genre or the classical music time period.:-?
[ ] You have a favorite composer.
[ ] All of your friends are from your band/orchestra class.
[ ] You write music.
[ ] You've had discussions with your friends about music; your favorite composers/instruments/musical time periods/key/etc...
[ ] You have considered a professional career with your instrument.
[ ] You are never nervous playing for other people.

[x] You play video games.
[x] You own more than 4 different video game systems.
[x] You've had debates over which system is the greatest.
[ ] You play video games every day.
[x] You have played a video game for over 10 hours.
[x] You have songs from your favorite video games on your MP3.
[x] You love to talk about video games.
[ ] You memorize the dates for when a new game is being released.
[x] People know you as the 'gamer' person.
[x] You spend more time on video games than you do hanging out with friends.
[x] Your gaming system is in your room.
[ ] You have preferences when it comes to what company your game came from.
[x] You've had debates over which company is the best.
[x] You keep playing a game until you beat it.
[x] It makes you angry when you found out somebody looked up cheat codes on the Internet to beat their game.

[x] You use the computer every day.
[x] You have an account/username on some sort of social website.
[x] You go into random Internet chatrooms. (Not the bad ones, mind you. And I don't like to call them "chatrooms". More like IRC channels.)
[x] You spend at least 2 hours a day on the computer.
[x] You use computer faces; : D XD XP D: ^_^ >.> and etc.
[x] It is hard to go a day without using the computer.
[x] You spend time in online forums.
[x] In the forum/chatroom you use, you are known there by everyone else.
[ ] You own a website/forum.
[x] You have friends you have only met online.
[ ] You have/have had a girlfriend/boyfriend you have only met online.
[ ] You have actually met an online friend in person.
[ ]U cn ezly rd 'txttlk.'(If you don't know what this reads as say no.)
[ ] You have said 'lol' or 'omg' in speech that is not online.
[x] You can type really, really fast.

Stolen from :iconsir-pimpalot:. Because I can.


I tag:

Anyhow. Since my ideas on current matters are all jumbled up inside my head and I can't decide on what to say about it, I'll say nothing.
I need time to think.
  • Reading: Twilight.
  • Playing: Rogue Galaxy
1. Smoked. [ ]
2. Consumed alcohol. [x] (Communion)
3. Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex. [ ]
4. Slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex. [ ]
5. Kissed someone of the same sex. [ ]
6. Had sex. [ ]
7. Had someone in your room other than family. [x]
8. Watched porn. [ ]
9. Bought porn. [ ]
10. Done drugs. [ ] (prescription!)


1. Taken painkillers. [x] (It was needed when I had neumonia. Or whatever it was.)
2. Taken someone else's prescription medicine. [ ]
3. Lied to your parents. [x]
4. Lied to a friend. [x]
5. Been to rehab. [ ]
6. Done something illegal. [x]
7. Cut yourself. [ ]
8. Hurt someone. [x]
9. Been to a club. [ ]
10. Seen someone die. [x]


1. Missed curfew. [ ]
2. Stayed out all night. [ ]
3. Eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself. [ ]
4. Been to a therapist. [x]
5. Snuck out of the house. [x] (I had to look for a battery I threw out the window. XD )
6. Dyed your hair. [ ]
7. Received a ticket. [ ]
8. Been in an accident. [ ]
9. Wished someone to die. [ ]
10. Been to a bar. [x] (Dunno. More like Crave, but... whatever.)


1. Been to a wild party. [ ]
2. Been to a Mardi Gras parade. [ ]
3. Drank more than four beers in a night. [ ]
4. Had a spring break in Florida. [ ]
5. Sniffed anything. [ ]
6. Wore black nail polish. [ ]
7. Wore arm bands. [ ]
8. Wore t-shirts with band names. [ ]
9. Listened to rap. [x] (That's all I hear from people's ring tones in Central every day.)
10. Owned a 50 Cent CD. [ ]


1. Dressed Gothic. [ ]
2. Dressed prep.[ ]
3. Dressed punk. [ ]
4. Dressed grunge. [ ]
5. Stole something. [x]
6. Been too drunk to remember anything. [ ]
7. Blacked out. [ ]
8. Fainted. [ ]
9. Had a crush on a neighbor. [ ]


1. Snuck into someone else's room. [x]
2. Had a crush on your friend. [x]
3. Been to a concert. [ ]
4. Dry-humped someone. [ ] (...Whoah, wait, what.)
5. Been called a slut. [ ]
6. Called someone a slut. [x]
7. Installed speakers in your car. [ ]
8. Broken a mirror. [ ]
9. Showered at someone of the opposites sex's house. [ ]
10. Brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush. [ ]


1. Consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper. [ ]
2. Seen an R-rated movie in theater. [ ]
3. Cruised the mall. [ ]
4. Skipped school. [ ]
5. Had surgery. [ ]
6. Had an injury. [x]
7. Gone to court. [ ]
8. Walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping. [ ]
9. Caught something on fire. [x]
10. Lied about your age. [x]


1. Owned/rented an apartment. [ ]
2. Broke the law in the police's presence. [ ]
3. Made out with someone who had a gf/bf. [ ]
4. Got in trouble with the police. [ ]
5. Talked to a stranger. [x]
6. Hugged a stranger. [ ]
7. Kissed a stranger. [ ]
8. Rode in the car with a stranger. [ ]
9. Been harassed. [x]
10. Been verbally harassed. [x]


1. Met face-to-face with someone you met online. [ ]
2. Stayed online for 5 hours straight. [x]
3. Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight. [ ]
4. Watched TV for 5 hours straight. [x]
5. Been to a fair. [ ]
6. Been called a bad influence. [ ]
7. Drink and drive. [ ]
8. Prank-called someone. [ ]
9. Laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex. [ ] (Well, um... I've sat DOWN on a couch with a member of the opposite sex.)
10. Cheated on a test. [x]


-If You Have Less Then 10..write [I'm a Goody Goody.]
-If You Have More Than 10..write [I'm still a goody goody.]
-If You Have more Than 20..write [I'm average.]
-If You Have More Than 30..write [I'm a bad kid.]
-If You have more than 40..write [I'm a very bad influence.]
-If You Have more than 50..write [I'm a horrible person.]
Anyhow. Recently, I've been... worried about a certain friend. She hasn't been making very wise decisions lately, and... I won't tell who it is, but if the person I'm talking about is reading this, and you know it's you I'm talking about, I... really need to talk to you soon.
  • Playing: Rogue Galaxy
Sometimes I wonder to myself... who am I? I rack my brain for answers, but I can't come up with any.
My emotions... are different than they should. Most people, when in love, should FEEL love. I felt... I don't even KNOW what I felt. It wasn't friendship. It wasn't love. It was an emotion without words.
Caring. It's a basic emotion, yet it takes on so many themes. Love. Worry. Happiness.
Why is it that I feel neither of those three?
I strive to care. Really, I do. But even now... I don't know if that feeling of "caring" is fake... or real. I've lied. Lied to my friends, and to myself, for so many years. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I realized that I should be who I am, instead of creating a "new" me.
But I've been having trouble. I cannot feel the pain, the suffering of others. I try to build my own version of the emotion called "caring", but now... I don't know what that emotion is.
It's an emotion, without a word. And it's replaced the REAL emotion. The real emotion... of caring. It's much like a hybrid of that emotion, yet... incomplete.

I don't know what to do.

...I've been feeling like this for a long time. I don't even know WHO I am. I lack ordinary emotions, and in its place, I have emotions that lack a word. Emotions that no one else understands.

And it hurts.
EDIT: You know what? I feel... better. Better than I have in months. I now know what to do. Instead of moping around, complaining about how sucky everything is... what's the point? I need to get some help. If my parents won't pay attention to my depression, maybe I need to try a different approach. And I know what that approach is.
I'm... gonna go talk to a guidance person about everything. Hannah's mom... pretty much helped in every way possible, but it's up to me to take her advice.
Hannah, if you're reading this... thanks. And tell your mom I said thanks. I don't know how to explain it, but... talking it out with you, Danny, and your mom and stuff helped me sort everything out. It's... a lot more effective than just typing everything down on a computer.
Also, Danny... I need to talk to you sometime about something. So, uh... next time we're both online, I guess I'll take that time.
  • Playing: Rogue Galaxy
Okay, um... this is going to sound severe. But here it goes.

I give up. I truly don't see a single opportunity to see Hannah and Danny ever again. What's worse is that they've moved on, yet I haven't yet. They can go on without me. Honestly, I miss them... severely. More than that, really. It feels like a big ol' chunk of me has been ripped out of me. It's pathetic, really, relying on my friends THAT much...

But you know what? I can live on, even without a chunk of me.
I mean, seriously. Don't take this the wrong way, but how can we be best friends when we can't even SEE each other, let alone TALK to each other? I have no form of communication with them, and I just recently got grounded again. And this time, I truly see no loophole or anything of the sort that will let me be able to use the computer again.

Hannah, Danny... I love you. More than I love myself. But if my parents won't even ALLOW me to talk to you guys, even after reading my letter I wrote to them (Hannah, feel free to talk to Danny about it), I honestly see no hope. Don't take this the wrong way... Hannah, Danny, I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry at myself for making the stupid decisions that I made that led up to this.

I'm sorry.

And mom, dad... I'll just flat-out say it: I don't give a rats ass if you're reading this. You'll end up disregarding it and say that it was my fault that I got into this mess. Of course, it is, but you'll just rub that fact into my face.
I hate you, mom and dad. You truly don't understand what you're doing to me, and I don't think you ever WILL understand what you're doing to me.
  • Reading: Pendragon: Book 6 - The Rivers of Zadaa.
  • Playing: Rogue Galaxy
→ Pick your birth month.
→ Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
→ Bold the five-ten that best apply to you.
→ Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months
→ Tag 5 people from your friends list.

And here are the months:

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling. Friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
I tag... no one in particular.
  • Watching: Death Note.
Well. What a week.
A couple of days ago, I went to homecoming. First of all... I didn't like it much. I'll list the reasons right now:

1- When you walk into the shoulder-to-shoulder crowd, good luck getting out.
2- I absolutely kid you not, over half the music was nothing but rap. The crap kind. (Oh, wait. All rap's crap.)
3- WAY too much "bumping and grinding".
4- I was feeling depressed before homecoming anyhow, and it followed me TO the dance itself.
5- No air conditioning and/or air circulation. At all.
6- Er... gonna sound awkward, but during the slow dance songs, I didn't have the courage to ask anyone if they'd want to dance.
And on a completely unrelated note, I see no hope for mankind within the next 10 to 20 years.
Good day to you all.
  • Watching: Death Note.
Been tagged by :iconweakening:
Well, here I go.
1. Post the rules.
2. Each person tagged must post nine interesting facts about themselves.
3. Tags should write a journal of these facts.
4. At the end of the post, nine more people must be tagged and named.
5. Go to their pages and leave a comment telling them they've been tagged.
1. I pick my nails off when they get long and don't have fingernail cutters present.
2. This is the first time I've been tagged.
3. I like to do home improvement in my room. Like replacing plug-in covers, fixing doors, etc.
4. I sneaked cable into my room. 's the truth.
5. I should be doing my homework.
6. I don't know what else to say.
7. There's this one girl in one of my classes who's absolute trash, and tries to flirt with me just to see my reaction. So far, she's failed.
8. I like to write/type poetry when the need arises.
9. If I get an idea for a story/RP, I think it's awesome. But when I put it into action, it sucks.
I'll do the tagging part later on.
Life as I know it still sucks! :D

Anyhow, I'm not going to homecoming. I... er, I got in a fight with my parents. They got all mad, I accidentally let my tongue slip and cussed at one of them, so I'm not going. : Oh well. Should have been expected.
Anyhow, even though the way this journal entry is typed out may say otherwise, I'm in an extremely pissed off mood and honestly see no point in life, not just because of the whole homecoming thing, but because... of other things.
Anyhow. Next time I get some adequate time in the computer, I'll update this journal entry to make it say more or something.
  • Reading: Chicken Soup for the Teen Soul.
  • Playing: Metal Gear Solid 3.
Er... so. I pretty much had a horribly life-shattering couple of days. What about you guys?

Anyhow... honestly, I don't want to go into any detail. Let's just say I hurt someone without even realizing, and I didn't even realize I did so until it was already too late to reverse everything. And honestly, I'll probably never forgive myself for it, despite Hannah's protests. If I forgive myself, I'll eventually forget about it and have the entire situation off of my mind completely. And if I do that... history will repeat itself. And besides, you guys don't understand. I've never, in my life, been so angry at myself as I am now. I'm slowly getting better, but... I don't know. I'm the only one who can fully understand it all, since I'm the one who made the wrong.
Well. Enough talk of such things. I don't think I'm leaving DA after all, anyhow, just to make you guys happy. And if I did, I'd have nothing to do.

Over and out.
  • Reading: Chicken Soup for the Teen Soul.
  • Playing: Metal Gear Solid 3.
I'll fill this out when I have time. I want it to impact everyone in such a way as to know how I'm feeling about myself at this point in time.
Other than that, this is going to be my last DA journal entry. Hannah, Danny, look for notes by me in the near future if you have the chance. I have to tell you guys something about everything.

The doors of life are cruel. What lies beyond them is even worse.
Eh. Honestly, I don't really care if she's reading this right now or not. I'm not mad at her when I say what I'm gonna say later on, but... eh.

Got an email from Courtney saying she just wants to be friends with me. Eh, oh well. Not angry, mind me, but just wanted to tell.
Also, I'm just gonna forget about the whole girlfriend thing. Too confusing/stressful/whatever. For homecoming, I'll probably just go without a date, but with a group of friends or something.


High school sucks. Worst experience of my life. I've given it a try, but NOTHING cool has happened. I've made VERY little friends, and the majority of kids in my classes are either the preppy girls who talk as if they're asking questions all the time, a bunch of (pardon my english) sluts and bitches, "gangsta's", and the like. Overall, my high school experience sucks big time, and I want no more of it.

It's my destiny to be in a box.
  • Listening to: The retardedly loud hum of this computer.
So, uh. You remember the person I was talking about before in my last journal entry? Well, er... I forgot she lurks on DA every once in a while. So she read my earlier journal entry, told me that she did, and I went into an "Oh crap panic" mode. Dunno if I should be happy about the turn of events, or if I should go into panic mode again. Haven't decided yet. So here I am now, trying to decide whether I should avoid her like the black plague because she knows I like her and she might not in that same sense, or if I should just talk to her like normal.
Oh, and in case she's reading this... hi. And stuff.

Anyhow, second official week of high school. I THINK I've made new friends, but I'm not sure. My first class, Computer Graphics and Design, is kick-butt awesome, and I hope to learn more than Hannah knows. So I can mock her for her unintelligence in the field of Photoshop. (Lawl, sarcasm.) Intro to Acting is... so-so. Kinda boring, but I'm in charge of the music in a radio play. 8B Next, is Spanish. The teacher is cool, reminds me of Mrs. Mester, but the class is boring. Next, Investigative Biology. VERY boring.
And I recently got Metal Gear Solid 3. So anyone here who goes to central... you may see me doing stupid stuff, like sneaking around and hiding behind stuff. I've already hid from my grandparents in a cardboard box for the heck of it, and it was a success.
Also... PLEASE write. I'm getting bored, really fast.

Why do dogs bark? It's retarded, especially when they bark at the air conditioning starting up.
  • Watching: Myself playing MGS3.
  • Playing: Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.
Quite a weird journal entry, but whatever.

Well... I've been feeling depressed lately. I've been seeing less and less of my friends due to high school, and quite frankly, they're the only ones keeping me sane. I can't get online, so communicating with Danny and Hannah is out of the question. I rarely ever see my other friends at high school, since the only person I have class with is Philip, and that's only for 2 classes. I very rarely see my other friends in the hallway, and for lunch the only people who have B lunch is me, Darin (Yuck), and Philip.
And... I've been lagging on my homework. I also think I found out why I don't do my homework usually:
Whenever I write, I get impatient and just quit. But if I type... it's a different story. My hand doesn't get tired by typing, but gets tired by writing only a single sentence. And it takes a heckuvalot longer to do so. And because of all of that, I've been somewhat failing.

On a side note, I'm gonna break up with Angie. Dunno when, but it's gonna be sometime this upcoming week. I... don't really have any feelings for her anymore. I was a fool back then. I merely got together with her just so that i could say I have a girlfriend. Besides that, she doesn't deserve someone such as I. I'm too shy, and I'm gonna have to fix that before I get together with someone else.
And frankly, I've kinda gained feelings towards... er, First name starts with a C, last name starts with an S. I honestly don't know why, but... I don't know if it's just me constantly wanting to make sure she's alright, just wanting to talk to her more, or what.  Honestly, I'm confused as to who I like, and... I dunno. I think I'll just live as a hermit the rest of my life.

Random thought of the day:
What makes a human... a human?
  • Watching: Bleach: Season 3
  • Playing: Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria
Who am I? One could assume I am just like any other individual. One could also assume I am a good friend. But then, one could ALSO assume I'm the devil himself.
So, who am I?
The simple answer is: nobody. I am what you make me to be, and that's been the law of mortality since the very beginning. Though I may be nice and kind at heart, I may be completely the opposite. Or say on the outside, I'm cruel and hateful. If that were the case, I could be slowly dying on the inside, desperately wanting to reach out for someone's hand... but not have the courage to do so.
Humans try to put in to words what they are. They may say they're kind, caring, protective... yet some parts of them may also be cruel, spiteful, and devious. You see, words cannot fully express who one is. It's the law of nature.
But... but does that mean life has no meaning? If what you say is not the entire truth of what you mean, then what's the meaning of speech? And, if there is no meaning in speech... what of life? Would that be meaningless, too?

...Ugh. 'Tis what happens when I think philosophical. It hurts my brain at times, but it's actually quite fun to think of such things.

Anyhow. School starts on Thursday. Go me. I just hope I'm ready. :

And on a completely random note, I seriously think I'm high from lack of sleep. I'm gonna hit the hay soon. So if what I said earlier doesn't make much sense, try reading it when you're extremely tired. It may make sense then.
Random thought of the day:
What makes a human a human? One may assume it is all right to kill off what is not like us, say, like, an ant, but... if you truly think about it, what does that single ant who's life had ended by your hands have that you don't? If you really think of it, an ant could also be considered human...
  • Watching: Bleach: Season 3
  • Playing: Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria
What? Austin has a new journal entry THIS fast? Yes. Now listen up.

I... kinda just now realized (Actually, a couple of days ago, but whatever) that... I may never see Hannah and Danny again, besides at RP get-togethers. They're going to a completely different school than I am, and... I dunno. You two are quite honestly pretty much my best friends, and... it's gonna suck going to different schools. It won't be the same, like when we went to Trinity.
Also. Even though kinda everyone else in my class cares for Courtney, I kinda might be the only one able to watch over her. Rachel isn't really her friend any more (Which I think is a foolish choice, but that argument is for another day, and it's also just an opinion), and even though the others going to Central care for her, they don't care the same way me, Hannah and Danny do. So, frankly... I'm gonna kinda be the only one watching her back. Kinda scary, really.
Well. I've seen 2 whole seasons of Bleach in 5 days. Quite an accomplishment, if I say so myself. Next stop, third season.
Well... on to whatever the hell I can do next to kill off time.

Random real thought of the day:
(In other words, I'm not thinking at the moment.)
  • Watching: Bleach: Season 3
  • Playing: Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria
Since everyone else is doing the whole add-on-at-end-of-journal-thing, I'll do it too.

Anyhow. These past few days have been quite boring. Really boring. Seeing as how pretty much every freakin' friend of mine is never online because they're all at school. Other than watching pirated episodes of Bleach, nothing has been happening.
Anyhow. 'Nuff said.
Random real thought of the day:
Destiny won't allow it. If you choose to deny the fact, destiny will rip you apart, without any regret. Destiny has no forgiveness for those who stand against it...
  • Watching: Bleach: Season 2
  • Playing: Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria

-My computer smarts.
-Um... nothing else, really.

-of stuff

-Large crowds


-Fluffy white pajama shorts
-Blue shirt
-Er... boxers? *Gets shot repeatedly*

-Getting rid of a certain "habit" of mine.
-Eat sushi.
-Dig a hole in the backyard.

-I dunno. Same interests.
-Um... just an overall nice person.

-My PSP has firmware version 3.51.
-I have a can of PowerUp Super Mario Bros. energy drink in my room.
-My phone tastes like cabbage.

What? I judge by appearance? Eh, anyhow...
-The eyes. (Yay Asians.)
-The face.
-Um... I dunno.

-Type up stories whenever I have the free time.
-Talk on the phone just for the heck of it.

-Use a computer.
-Go into stealth mode.
-Eat a whole pizza.

-Playing video games.
-Screwing around with electrical appliances.

-Go on an epic adventure, meet some girl who got imprisoned due to some power she has, and save the world from a problem I accidentally inflicted upon it.

-Computer Guru.
-Mattress sledding-er.
-Learn Budo.

-Out of my house.

-Go on an epic adventure, meet some girl who got imprisoned due to some power she has, and save the world from a problem I accidentally inflicted upon it.
  • Playing: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty