I see another kindly adventurer has wandered upon my measly hut. I know we don't have much here, but please do feel free to stay a while. I promise you that I am a friendly soul, and my pets do not bite. Make yourself comfortable, pull up a seat, and feel free to look around. Just don't take anything. If my services are required, or you simply wish to have a nice chat, all you have to do is ask.
There's a pretty good chance I am willing to do a request or art trade, so don't be afraid to ask. It's not like I'm going to burn you at the stake for asking.
Okey doke. I finally found a use for points. So, please give me some points, I don't have many.
I take commissions. Uh, I don't need to discuss the prices here because the prices are listed on the other side of the screen and bringing it up twice is just a pointless waste of space. So we're NOT going to do that. You can use the commissions widget or just throw me a comment/note and pay here when it comes to commissions. I don't mind either way.
Please donate some points and let other people know I need points.
No that's not my actual goal. I just wanted to make a crappy pun.
I am a person of many personalities, many interests, and many sarcastic comebacks. The mere existence of this biography is a testament to the kind of person I am, colourful, but simplistic, the one whom tries to be clever, but ends up falling short. Modest to a fault, dangerously witty, and likely to forget important things. I am but one of many artists and writers, and the mere fact that you bothered reading this puts a light in my day, even if I haven't the slightest clue you did so. Just pretend I know. I'm pretending right now. Or maybe not. I have no idea.
Pokemon Dream Team:
Yes, I am a dog. Thanks for asking.
Rissa is back with another smart ass meme.
1. What's your name?
Greetings. My name is Rissa Halcott, assistant to Doctor Eggman and member of the Armada of the Eggman Empire. Pleasure.
2. How old are you?
I am, at this current time, 22 years old.
3. ...What are you?
I'm a human being last time I checked. So, should I insert the joke about how I explode here and somehow survive, or should I skip that part and move on to the next question?
4. Describe yourself.
Physically or personality? I mean, I feel like you'll get the long and the short of my personality just by listening to me talk, so I guess I can go with physical for now. Hmm... I stand at a pathetic 5'3" and weigh 151 pounds. I mean, at least my figure looks good for my... weight. *turns her head to the side* Don't give the boss any reason to make any fat jokes, a'right? Anyways, I have green eyes, long brown hair... I mean, I don't really know what else you want to know. I look relatively normal for a human female, and my personality is being a smartass. If you're looking for a complex description, you really are in the wrong place. Apologies for my failure in that regard.
5. What's your current occupation?
Oops. I might have already ruined that. So yes, I work for Dr. Eggman, and assist him in building his *short pause* questionable empire. So, yeah, that's my career path of choice. I mean, I have absolutely no pay whatsoever, no vacation time, and no benefits - unless you consider getting to bask in Eggman's volleyball shadow a benefit.
6. Where do you live?
Where haven't I lived? Honestly, the boss changes his housing so often. It's always some unnecessarily large fortress - often phallic in design - that I can never find anything in because it has 100 rooms dedicated to apparently nothing. Sometimes they fly, sometimes they're underwater, and sometimes they just... are. He is pretty reliable on keeping some kind of roof over my head, so that's good.
Part II. Faves!
7. Favorite color?
Red. I absolutely love red. And no, the boss isn't forcing me to say this. I liked red before I joined up in this gig.
8. Got any hobbies?
I mean, having hobbies around this place isn't easy, especially not when Eggman lives in front of the television. I have been taking up robotics lately. I've always been fascinated by Eggman's robot designs and how quickly he can craft... frankly amazing hardware. I've always wanted to learn how to design robots. Don't get me wrong, my Wing Drone is cool, but I hardly built it. I'm still working, but I have Widget here. *calls a knee high orb shaped robot to her side* He's not much, and the boss kinda mocks him, but considering I had no assistance in figuring this out, I could have done far worse. I'm definitely not done with robotics yet. I'll one day build something the boss can be proud of.
9. If you had to live off of one food for the rest of your life (pretend this is feasible), it would be?
Lamb. Do I have to eat it straight, or am I allowed to, say, have a gyro. Because gyros are awesome.
10. I'm sure you're stylish...How do you dress?
*loud laugh* Stylish? Seriously? Ha! *seems to be struggling to breathe a little* Oh, gosh. You're funny. Have you seen that horrible red overcoat Eggman wears? Dark blue pants? Horribly tall black boots that should not be this close to my knees? I even have the blasted goggles. *takes the goggles off her head* I don't even use these! *shakes them in front of her* Eggman basically makes me dress like his mini female clone and there's nothing I can do about it. *loud exhale* I guess it could be worse. Sure, I look like a fluffy pillow, but besides the shoes, it's actually a pretty comfortable get-up. It's just not fashionable.
11. Best memory?
Oh gosh! One time, I took down Sonic in a fight, and the boss actually hugged me for like two seconds in his excitement. I mean, I know the boss was thinking about himself more than me, but that fleeting moment was so beautiful, to know that he was proud of my actions, and that I made him happy. You seriously have no idea how much a little moment like that means to me. I may cherish Eggman's happiness first and foremost, but I wouldn't mind receiving some praise and - dare I say - affection, from the boss. For him to choose to physically touch me in a non-violent way is very endearing... very beautiful. *shy blush* I know, it's sad.
Part III. Love life. Also known as the embarrassing section.
12. Got crush?
Actually, I didn't have a crush on the... mouse I'm dating. He approached me first, and he was very forthcoming with his feelings for me. His name is Brixian Umbra, a grasshopper mouse and reverend for the House of Gaia. And since he wants to stay in my good graces, he begrudgingly puts up with the boss.
13. Okay...actually DATING said crush? Married, maybe?
Yes, we are an item. Like I said, he was very forthcoming.
14. (I cannot find number 14, for the person I stole this from was apparently too embarrassed to answer this question... so we are shameful to say we must skip it)
15. If you HAD to rape someone, who would it be?
*long silence* Now I want to know what question fourteen was that the person I stole this meme from removed THAT question, but they felt this question was totally cool to leave in. Or maybe it was... no wait... that wouldn't make sense. This question is about the edge of vulgarity. Maybe... *sits down and tries to think of something worse than rape* Incest, maybe? Hmm... I'd say... no. Oh, sorry, I think I might have distracted myself a little. No. That's your answer. No. I'm a villain, not a rapist for fuck's sake. Just because I'm evil doesn't mean I commit every crime in the book. I attack people, I kidnap them if needed. I'm more the word domination sort. I have no need for things like that. It's not in my list of required crimes, and I thank whoever truly is the divine entity of this world for that.
16. What's your orientation, anyway?
I am bisexual. Thanks for asking.
17. What have you got for friends?
Robots. No, I'm not joking. I'm married to an insane cultist and I work for an egomaniac who has no human underlings besides myself. Or really anything not made out of nuts and bolts. So, yeah, I befriend his robots. They're honestly pretty sweet considering the maniac that made them. I'm still baffled on why he programmed them to be sarcastic to him, but I personally like their sass. Decoe and Bocoe especially are sweethearts, though I've met Orbot and Cubot and they're pretty nice too. Can I stop talking about befriending robots now? I have to preserve what little is left of my self-esteem.
18. Uhm. On a nicer note, do you have a family?
Somewhere out there, yeah. My parents names are Moira and Dalton. I have no idea if they still live where I last saw them, or if they're even still alive. Maybe they're still there, maybe they're dead, maybe they live in the moon. I have no idea. You don't really remain on speaking terms with your parents when you run away to work for a megalomaniac and get into an intimate relationship with an unstable cultist. No siblings. At least not based on what I know.
Part IV. Step onto the shrink's couch. It's time to talk.
19. Let's talk about troubled childhood.
Why do you assume I have a tragic backstory to tell? I mean, my parents and I didn't have the greatest relationship, but we weren't exactly at each other's throats or anything. We had kind of a you don't bother me and I won't bother you agreement. I did my mind, they did theirs. We bickered a little here and there. Mostly we ignored each other. I wasn't a huge fan of school, didn't have a lot of friends, but I wasn't bullied much and I didn't struggle, but I wasn't a star or popular kid. I just... was. If you're looking for a "woe is me" story, you aren't gonna find it in my childhood.
20. Ever killed anyone? Yes or no.
Probably. When you fire ballistic projectiles haplessly at an enemy that can surpass the speed of sound, there's gotta be several casualties.
21. ...Why'd you kill them?
They were unfortunate casualties. Or maybe fortunate casualties. How about we just call them "casualties" and leave the adjectives to someone else?
22. Worst memory?
When I discovered I had a super form. That super form is... painful, terrifying. I didn't ever think a human could attain a super form, and it wasn't like I was trying to do such a thing. I was just trying to do what the boss told me to, to defeat Sonic, to finally put an end to him. I... lost... and my Wing Drone, it reacted to the nearby Chaos Emeralds. The boss programmed it to. But I was in so much pain that I just couldn't do anything about it. I remember the horrible sting of being thrown off the Wing Drone as Sonic slammed into me, hitting my head on the Wing Drone, dirt digging into my wounds. When the Wing Drone reacted to them, it tried to share the power with me to protect me. We... merged. The machine and I. Everything after that was so dark... so empty. I felt like my mind was lost in a sea of digital inky darkness. I never wanted to know what I would feel like to think as a machine, a cold, uncaring, lifeless machine. And those blasts, those energy blasts. Even when I was finally freed from that unholy hell, I collapsed into a coma. When I awoke, I was scared I was dead.
23. Ever done anything important, or are you a loser?
I'd like to think I'm not a loser. The boss might, but I try to be only slightly negative about myself. I'm not a loser, more as I just haven't done anything particularly impressive yet. Except putting up with Eggman. I should get an award for that.
24. How about regretful things, done any of those?
I stopped regretting things a long time ago. Want proof? Eggman is fat. I don't regret that. And yes, I know he's going to be super pissed when he sees that.
25. Your crowning achievement.
Look, I'm an underling. Even if I did have a crowning achievement, it would be the boss's crowning achievement, not mine. Like, even if I did all the work, every last bit of it, and Eggman sat on his ass eating a bagel, it would still be his achievement.
26. You look like you have problems with your life. Do you?
Dude, I work for Dr. Eggman. Have you seen the number of things that have exploded while he's inside them? When you choose to anger Sonic and all of his friends in favour of Eggman here, you're bound to create a lot of troubles in your life. Yeah, I probably do have problems. I'm an adult. I can deal with them. And if I can't, I'll make it someone elses's problems.
27. You also look like you have mental problems. Got any, or am I confused?
Hey, I'll have you know my depression is only slightly horrible! I'm not always a broken down mess seeking comfort from a person whose never going to offer it to me and breaking myself apart by repeatedly failing at everything I try to do. That would be ridiculous. And I don't use sarcasm as a coping mechanism, because that would be a childish way of dealing with your problems and wouldn't actually solve anything.
Part V. I bet you're special!
28. Do you have any talents?
Putting up with the boss's bull? Ok, I'm sorry. If I make fun of the boss too much, I'll really be in a deep hole. I'm not really special, but I am a trained stealth artist. I pride myself on my intellect, which allows me to learn new skills much easier than the average person. In fact, that very intellect is what has allowed me to dabble in robotics and create little Widget here.
29. How about powers?
Is this the part where I make a joke about how stressful my job is? No? Ok. Well, unless we're counting my super form, the answer you're looking for is no.
30. Are you well-known? Loved, hated, hero, villain?
I'm a minion. People don't really give two hoots about me when the boss is nearby. He kinda steals the spotlight - literally and metaphorically. Don't get me wrong, people do not like me in the slightest, but I hardly draw the same crowd of disdain the boss does. Actually, sometimes I'm kinda invisible around him and people will barely notice me. A perk, or a downside? You decide, because frankly I have no idea. In all seriousness, though, I am NOT a liked person. I can't go for a casual walk without someone assuming my footsteps are somehow evil. Sonic charged at me in the streets one time, which frankly borders on ridiculous. You try to conquer the world one time - and by one I mean one a day - and suddenly you can't take a walk down the street without being assaulted for your "heinous actions".
31. Are you considered unique?
I mean, sort of, yeah. When you're a human OC in the Sonic franchise, you do sort of stand out. Don't get me wrong, plenty of people - animals, I guess - try and work for the boss, but it seems like human beings collectively avoid the whole universe altogether. Maybe that's a good thing.
32. Now let's talk about bad-special. Do you do stupid things often?
I mean, if you ask the boss, yes, yes I do. If we discount everything the boss asks me to do that could translate as stupid, he would still think that. As for my own opinion, the only thing I regularly do that I would consider stupid would be my regular insults and snarky comments about or directed towards the boss. The fact that I've regularly insulted him and somehow still work at this place is amazing. Actually, believe it or not, the boss and I are actually on pretty good terms overall. We work relatively well with each other.
33. Ever tripped in public, walked into a pole, ect?
In all honesty, the only way you could answer no to a question like this is if you never leave your house, and in my case, even if I didn't leave my house, I could still run into a pole. There are plenty of questionably placed support beams all over these enormous and phallic bases. And yes, I've slammed my face into them before.
34. Ever been so embarrassed you thought about running for it?
Where would I run, really? And besides, look at my job. Embarrassment went out the window a very long. That's not to say I haven't done embarrassing things, but more that I really don't care what anyone else thinks of it anymore. Even if the boss points it out, I won't really care. It isn't like the boss hasn't said demeaning things to me before. I honestly can't tell if he actually means them sometimes or not.
Part VI. SCENARIOS! The fun part.
35. Oh no. It's your mother, who has just shown up on your doorstep. What do you do?
If my mother went through the effort of tracking down this place and visiting it, this probably isn't a good thing. I can't imagine my mother came to visit the phallic base of an evil scientist to give me a holiday card or ask me how the weather is. Aren't we supposed to have a security system or can just anyone come and smash on our door asking for a cup of sugar? Uh, boss! I think we might have an intruder I don't feel like dealing with. I ain't going out there and hearing a lecture about how I'm ruining my life by working for a villain.
36. A very attractive stranger is making come-hither motions at you, but they're of the same gender. Your response?
Isn't this question a little insensitive? I mean, you asked me my sexuality earlier, so you're clearly aware that bisexual and gay people exist. I don't care, but I'm sure someone would. Nonetheless, it doesn't matter if they're the same gender as me, the opposite gender of me, or one of those questionably convoluted tumblr genders. I'm already with someone, and the only reason I'd approach them is to advice them to drop it before my husband tries to feed them to his dark god.
37. Everyone is laughing at you and you're furious with yourself. Gosh, you've really done it this time. What did you do?
Don't know, don't care. Boss, do you have a robot I could use to terrorize these people a little? They seem to have the misconception that it's funny to mock a member of the Armada of the Eggman Empire.
38. You're upset with yourself and everyone is looking at you like you're a MONSTER. What have you done?!
You assume I've never lived this scenario before. Trust me, I have, and it didn't mean anything to me. When you choose to work for a villain, you accept that your friends, family, and even strangers are going to frown upon your actions and, as they would call it, poor life choices. When I first joined forces with the boss, I had so many instances of people taking jabs at me for joining him. Some people would beg me to leave his service before he corrupted me, others would call me a horrible person. Hell, some even wished brutal death upon me. I don't hear it much anymore. Now the reaction is more like, "Oh no! It's one of Eggman's minions!" which is a huge improvement.
39. Everyone is proud of you, and for once you aren't angry with yourself. What's it this time, lucky you?
Is the boss proud of me? Oh my god, did I finally make him happy? *checks flush and she smiles widely* Oh, yes! Finally the boss is recognizing all the work I do for him, and how much I care about him! Thank you, boss, is there anything else you need of me?
40. You've been invited to be on a cooking show...What happens when you're there?
Am I the one cooking or am I just in the audience? Wait, that's a stupid question. It doesn't matter. As soon as I walked in the door everyone would be all, "Holy crap, it's one of Eggman's lackeys! Run for the hills!" Unless Eggman is hosting a cooking show now. Oh god, please tell me the boss isn't trying to host a cooking show again.
41. You've also been invited on a talkshow. Wait, snap- this IS a talkshow. Nevermind. Uh...Someone has captured you. What now?
*shrugs* Mystery captor, I highly recommend you release me while you have the chance. Not because I care about my freedom or even will do anything about it, but because you'll probably have your skull punched down your throat once Brixian finally tracks you down. I'm not kidding. He has an insane temper.
42. Ring ring ring ring ring... You've got a phone call. Who's calling?
*picks up the phone* I hope you die. *hangs up the phone* I hope that wasn't the boss.
43. EVERYBODY DIED BUT YOU. Oops. Your reaction?
Even the boss? Because if yes, dammit! If no... still dammit, I guess, because now we'd be expected to repopulate. Unless you can invent synthetic life, boss.
44. I've gone and raised everyone from the dead and now there's a zombie army rampaging the globe. Look what you made me do. What will YOU do?
Hey, boss, how do you feel about singlehandedly abolishing a zombie apocalypse? Or should we just ignore it and wait until the zombies all kill themselves? Personally, I can and will go out there with the Wing Drone and take cheap shots at the undead for fun.
45. Blind old lady. What to do, what to do.
Does she have a Chaos Emerald? Because in all honestly, unless she has something the boss wants, she's meaningless to me. You'd be amazed how many villains don't care about the average easily terrorized person. When you're attempting to build an entire empire, one or two little people going unterrorized really doesn't affect you. So, nothing. It's not like she'll notice me anyways.
46. Blind old lady is beating you up with her cane. Now what.
Oh, god dammit! I didn't even do anything! A villain just totally ignored you and didn't so much as call you a derogatory term and THIS is how you thank me? Get off of me!
47. Oh...great. You have to take a new job, but all of the openings are awful. What stupid mall-based job did you get?
Wait, why? Did the boss fire me? No, boss, please! Don't kick me out! I can't live in the real world! *falls down to her knees in front of Eggman* I will do anything to retain my position in your wonderful Empire and bask in your glorious eminence. I am yours to command, just please don't fire me.
48. Blind old lady is your boss and is yelling at you. What do you do to convince her not to fire you?
But I want to work for Eggman. I didn't even ask for this job. No, you know what, bitch? Fire me! I didn't ask to be here and I didn't ask to put up with your garbage! *knocks the blind old lady to the ground* Fire me! I live for it!
49. QUICK. You need to do your most kick-butt action move, and this weird guy with a camera will give you $1000! What will you do? And what will you spend that money on?
Uh... would the Wing Drone doing something cool count? Because I'm a human, and I'm not agile, strong, or skilled in martial arts. I can make witty comebacks, but that's not an action move. Besides, even if I somehow managed to think of something cool enough to where a random stranger would actually give me money for it, the boss would just take it all anyways. Rent or insurance... maybe he'd say that it helps fund his Empire. I dunno, but he would take it. Mark my words.
50. Puffin muffin. Yes, that was the question.
You didn't put a question mark at the end of your sentence. So no, it isn't a question. If you had put a question mark, I would've let it pass.
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