So, as is always the story for me, some crap came up that stopped me from completing Inktober lollll ;;;;. I had work deadlines and I was also a single parent for a few weeks which didn't help. But mostly, I'm slowly spiraling into immobility and utter pain. As I had mentioned before (either in an earlier journal or deviation. I can't remember) this pregnancy has been incredibly difficult on me. Baby girl is perfectly fine, so nothing with her, just all me. I was diagnosed with a pregnancy condition called Symphasis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) fairly early in my pregnancy (I started feeling it around 16 weeks and I think I was diagnosed at 18 or 19) and it's caused me large amounts of pain. For those that didn't see my earlier stuff on it, it's when your pubic bone is out of alignment due to pregnancy hormones. I go to Chiro to get it realigned but it always goes back out within hours. Having your pubic bone out of alignment obviously causes pain and for those who have it, it can be mild to severe to completely debilitating to where you need a wheelchair. I've experienced all these levels and personally feel the wheelchair isn't far off. Because of this, I literally just took my maternity leave from Gaia today, a whole 6 weeks earlier than I was planning.

It's hard to describe the pain adequately. It essentially feels like you've been drop kicked in the crotch at it's dullest moments and that your pelvis is being ripped in half at it's worst. You don't really notice how much you rely on your pelvis or use it until something like this happens. Spolier alert: you use it always. Both standing and sitting is unbearable if I do it for too long. Walking is doable to a degree (it hurts) but I pay for it later if it's more than just a few steps here and there in my house. And because the pelvis is so out  of alignment, your muscles around the pelvis naturally get messed up as well. So, I also have sciatica in both legs which has been making it very scary for me when I stand up because my legs want to give out from the pain so I always brace myself, just in case. Stepping over things, getting out of bed, turning in bed especially, putting on clothes, getting in  and out of the car, lifting anything, bending over and so on all trigger the pain. And even though I try to avoid these things the past few weeks, I've noticed that I can do less and less activity. I took my son to a pumpkin patch, walked a mile (which is not excessive or a crazy amount to walk at all. Most people walk 3-5 in a day) and was incredibly sore and found it incredibly difficult to walk for a week. I spent 10 minutes in the grocery store once I felt better to pick up like 5 things and was in more pain than usual for several days. I had my baby shower on Sunday, where I stood for brief moments, but mostly sat and I'm still in more pain than normal several days later. The further along I get (I'm almost 31 weeks), the worse it gets. My job is a desk job but I can't sit for more than an hour at my desk before my pelvis and sitz bones start screaming in pain, which is why I pulled the trigger on my mat leave today and why I never finished Inktober partially.

So now I don't know what I'm going to do with no work to do and with not being able to leave my house much either. My doctor hasn't put me on bedrest but I just know that I need to do it. I've been talking with him about it and he basically told me that I'm SOL until the baby gets here. Of course, he was very nice and empathetic about it but the message was still the same; there's nothing to be done. If you look up "cures" for SPD there is none. There are things that MIGHT help with the pain (I've tried em all: PT, Chiro, massage, ice, heat, Tylenol, belts, kt tape, essential oils, etc.) but the consensus is that the only real way to fix SPD is to deliver your baby and I'm still at least 7-9 weeks away from that.

Anyway, sorry this became a long rant lol! I would love to spend this time off drawing but that's obviously not going to happen. Once I feel better I want to complete my Inktober series, but that probably won't be until February for March at the earliest.