sethron

The piece is written with purpose, and the opening hook is absolutely fantastic. Unlike most of the previous people who are asking for a more showy view of why someone was this or that, I think that it's better written with the ambiguity. It's obviously a "suicide note" of sorts, and I'm not sure the main character came across to me as a poet or a terribly bright girl (no offense intended).

Throughout the story as I pushed on, I realized that the woman, while understandable, was not really likable. Human beings often are not, and there was little to no development in her character as it went--but I find that fascinating. There is no real moral to the story, it doesn't seem, and that, to me, is extremely unique. She never quite associates the two together, never gets past that inherent cultural misunderstanding; even when she goes to get him in the end, it's empty. She says 'it's love; he'll forgive me'. This shows that she's still inherently selfish, placing her needs before his, not really thinking about the effect she had on him.

I cannot express how much this understanding of human thought drives me to worship your feet. It's brilliantly realistic, in stark contrast to the fairy tales we prescribe to on a daily basis.

The only thing I could probably ask for is a bit more.. variance in structure. It seems like, reading it, the story droned at parts without any real emotion underlying it. I feel like the most intense parts could have been illustrated with breaks in the simple sentences that implied her disdain or her shock at hearing them. I feel like, if she's recalling this, there should be a bit LESS of an edited feel around those areas. I can't tell if that's intentional or not, though, as it pushes on.

I also might be incorrect, because it seems like grammar changes often for small rules, but the commas should be inside the quotations, I think.

These complaints are minute compared to the praise I have for the piece, though. I could go on and on about how it felt real, pulled me in--like I had walked in on my sister's unconscious body after being away for months and picked up this note and was reading it. I really wish you had left enough Artist's comments for me to pick your brain on where your inspiration came from and how this story came to be.

The style is quite amazing, it's very fluid motion through the use of the body creating a very unique way. It's almost an exaggerated version of the movie's own elongation in the race you've portrayed. While someone mentioned that the lack of strands in the braid was a bit displeasing, I think it adds to the effect of the Comic-book style you're aiming for and blends VERY well into the way you colored the rocks in the background.

Each shade seems very specifically chosen, very little of it is blurred into the other colors and you can tell with the use of the highlights and shadows on his body that you were very careful in choosing what colors you should fade and which colors should be kept in the traditional comic book style.

His teeth really draw attention to themselves, not quite individualized but just defined enough for you to know exactly what you are looking at.

The size of the braid tail concerns me since that piece seems to be a very important piece of each person in the movie itself, but you mentioned that you were producing this based on previews and not on actually seeing the movie, so that's not really relevant--but if you ever touch it up, I would put a larger tuft there, personally.

I'm digging for something to actually say you did poorly at, but what other people have mentioned before seems irrelevant to me. In example, the way his hand is swung back and spear swung forward seems like he's running vigorously, and the motion of each arm would suggest that they are not stationary during his charge, but rather flailing back and forth as most creatures do when they run.

I'm quite stunned, in honesty. I don't mean to have nothing particularly critical to say, but, wow.