[NOTE: In this comment, I'm a near-sighted Inkling about 5 1/2 feet tall.]
(Somewhere outside Inkopolis)
Me: Inkopolis News is almost on! Better get the lemonade ready!
(Living room; the TV is turned on)
Me: Here we go.
(Inkopolis News starts; a fight between Marie and Pearl is happening)
Marie: DON'T CALL ME A LETTUCE GRANDMA!!! LIME GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!!!
Pearl: DON'T CALL OUR FAN BASE THE SIZE OF MY FOREHEAD!!! WE'RE MORE POPULAR THAN YOU!!!
Marie: TAKE THIS!!!
(Marie runs toward Pearl to punch her in the face, only for Pearl to dodge Marie; the camera then breaks)
Me: WHAT THE FISH FINGERS???
(The screen switches to a Technical Difficulties picture)
Announcer: We're having technical difficulties with Inkopolis News. Please stand by. We'll be back to our show shortly. Thank you for your patience.
(TV is turned off)
Me: I'm going over there; I'll need someone to go with me.
(Clauds' house; Clauds is watching TV)
Clauds: WHAT THE FISH FINGERS??? WHAT HAPPENED???
(Clauds' phone rings)
Me: Hey, Clauds; are you watching TV right now?
Clauds: Yeah. Inkopolis News got cut off by a Technical Difficulties screen.
Me: I know where the studio is at; you want to come with me?
Me: There's only two ways to get in: on the roof and in the back. I'll go in around back; you go in from the roof.
Me: Here goes nothing.
Clauds: Here goes nothing.
Me: Good thing that they turned off the recording light.
Clauds: You get Callie and Marina out of the studio; I'll handle Marie and Pearl.
(Hospital; Marie and Pearl have serious injuries)
Clauds: It's a good thing I had the thing I used to beat Callie in the head with handy.
Marie: CLAUDS, YOU IDIOT; WHERE'S CALLIE???
Me: With Marina cleaning up the mess you caused to the Inkopolis News studio.
Pearl: WHAT ABOUT INKOPOLIS NEWS???
Clauds: It's been put on hiatus until you two recover from the injuries I gave you.
Me: Until then, Clauds and I are doing Splatfest announcements over the radio.
Clauds: We'll have to podcast from an old radio station that we found just a few miles away from Inkopolis.
(The next day; Callie and Marina are in the hospital with serious injuries)
Clauds: We've got bad news for all of you; Inkopolis News has been cancelled.
Me: Your managers have terminated the contracts of both the Squid Sisters AND Off the Hook.
Clauds: The New Squidbeak Splatoon have kicked you out.
Callie/Marie/Pearl/Marina: KICKED OUT OF THE SPLATOON???
(2 weeks later)
Callie: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, CLAUDS; YOU AND YOUR FRIEND ARE IN FOR IT!!!
(Hospital; the next day)
Me: I can't feel my legs, Clauds.
Clauds: Too bad we're in the hospital with severe injuries.