So, your humble servant has some personal life (don't look at me in that tone of voice!)... And I used to care about that person a lot. I used to solve problems, help... When that person had trouble, I couldn't sleep, work, study, eat until I solved that problem. Even when that person treated my awfully, I always felt guilty, even though I never did anything wrong... Ok, sometimes, I can ask everyone not to bother me, 'cause I am tired. But I sleep for 4-5 hours every day. I sometimes need rest during day. I helped that person to find job, to study, listened to every problem and found solutions to ALL of them. And this has been lasting for 3 years! When something went wrong I blamed myself, even though I could do nothing!
But things got different recently.
I feel pretty aloof. I no longer care. I try to care and help, but... Nothing helps. I don't know what to do. Anyone had this?
I have fornd a full-time job as a game designer!
So this month was partly dedicated to my exams and partly dedicated to settling into new home and getting used to new schedule.
This means 2 things. First, I most likely won't be able to draw as much as I used to. That's bad.
On the other hand, I will be able to FINALLY buy myself a graphic tablet!!!! Which will make drawing process faster at least 2 times. (Seriously, drawing with mouse is killing me)...
So, I will be back in few days with new page of Paladins and some other arts I've been drawing!
Thanks for your patience!
Sorry for being away this month!
Have a great day!
First, in case you've been carefully reading my previous juornals, you most likely know that I have 2 friends. So the three of us usually hang out. And now the spring has come and... and some problems. One of my friends is pretty stressed out. There are some reasons, I can hear him out, but two months is a bit too much for me! I've been in horrible situations and I was pretty depressed then. And I got myself together in less than 1 week. Even though I wasn't able to eat, sleep or properly walk because of stress. Nevertheless, ok. I thought I can rely on my other friend... But hell I was wrong! He's been getting drunk from time to time during these 2 months and then he starts whining about not having a girlfriend... UGH... It's ok for first two-three times... But NOT SEVENTH TIME! Plus, I can't understand him. I'm not too much into relationships...
Second, my studies were getting the best of me. I was really nervous and ready to kick anyone who dares come close. I tend not to communicate with people during such times. Btw, I'm not done yet, but it's getting better. I just have to write Investments, Innovation Development Management, Modern Economic Systems and Human Resourses Management tests. That's all. Oh, and finish my research!
Third, is more of good news to me... I'm learning the art of swordsfight! I have classes at weekends, 1 class = 2 hours. But I'll be using this knowledge in my Paladins Fancomic and some arts.
Fourth, I'm back to playing Paladins, so I have more inspiration right now! And less time...
Fifth, I had to take care of my dog, who somehow managed to pick up a mite. So I had to take care of that...
But now I'm back in range!
Usually people tend to tell me that I have a lot of ideas and enthusiasm. Some people say, they wish they had so much enthusiasm about almost everything: from drawing to studies. But I wouldn't wish anyone experience what is happening in my head...
Basically, it feels like there are many TVs around me, all are on different channels and have different volumes. They tend to switch off and on on their own. That's why I have an almost permanent (even though light) headache, I don't sleep well as I can't clear my head from thoughts and I am ready to work 24/7 just to mute those "TVs". As soon as my thoughts are turning on, I immediately leave what I have been doing and look for something new.
Moreover, muting doesn't always work. When I close my eyes, I usually can see some pictures, like in a dream, but without dreaming.
Nevertheless, I must say that it is a great thing during exams. I can keep in mind a lot of information due to at least one "TV" being on right channel.
So, why am I writing this? Because today I finally slept well. No thoughts. No pictures.
P.S. I hope to get my drawing done be 14h
I have learnt an important lesson. Now I have changed my phone number for the holidays and informed of that allpeople who might need it: my 2 friends, dean's office and my department at univ and parents, of course. Because, I need some time to REST! I AM A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A ROBOT! AND I NEED A HOLIDAY! A VEEEEERY LONG HOLIDAY! (Btw, they can always message me in social networks)
If everything goes well - I have 4 exams, last one taking place on 4th January - I will upload a whole bunch of drawings and comic pages.
Thanks for reading this!
Btw, how're all of you? Having hard ending of this year (I hope not)? Or this one was pretty cool?
You are not obliged to read this crap, btw
1. I know 7 languages and consider 3 of them to be my mothertongue due to growing up in a multilingual family.
2. I can ride a horse, but I can't ride a bycicle.
3. I have developed drawing and writing skills and learned some ancient languages (such as Latin and Irish Gaelic) because I had no friends to hang out with for a very long time (16 years actually).
4. I can't sing. Well, ok, I can sing Rammstein
5. I used to make myself a bow and climb trees when I was a kid and imagine I'm an elf from Lord of the Rings XD
Well, if you have read this, congratulations! Now you know 5 useless things about me!
1) - You're so slim, but muscular! What's your diet?
- I eat everything I want. I have fast metabolism.
- I don't believe you!
- Why the hell are you asking?!
2) - Dude, you have great marks at univ! How many hours per day do you study?
- I study for 30-40 minutes on my way to univ.
- I don't believe you!
- Why the hell are you asking?!
3) - Man, what music do you like?
- So... ehm... Are you occultist? Or maybe have a depression?
This infuriates me! Especially the last one! I think of myself as of pretty emotional, but nice and optimistic person! What is all that fuss with Metal?
Let us begin! (WARNING: it's gonna be BOOORING!)
1) How old are you?
I've lived through 3 Middle-earth ages, I've lost the count... Ok, I'm 20...
2) What gender and pronouns do you identify with?
None, they (I'm one of many)
3) Your name?
No one asked for real one My friends call me Sauron or Annatar, I am also ok with Seokthih (Seo Kthih)
4) How social are you?
40% online, 60% real life
1) How long have you been on deviantART? (Old accounts included)
1 year (give or take week or two)
2) What are your future plans for the site?
Posting art, managing groups, pretty obvious... Oh, wait! That's boring isn't it? Let's have some fun!
So, I want to gather my own army of artists and spam the world with our drawings!!!! Till they beg us to stop!
3) Do you want to pursue a career in art?
It would be preferable to pursue a career in art-related field, but I don't mind e.g. economy.
4) On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your art skills?
Traditional 8 (I'm pretty self-confident, yes), digital 5-6
5) Do you ever plan on leaving deviantART?
No (where would I get an artist army )
6) Who is your favorite visual artist?
7) Do you use a tablet or a mouse?
With digital art mouse, obviously it doesn't work with traditional arts
8) How long does it usually take you to complete your artwork?
Depends on my inspiration, free time and level of fatigue. So it can take from 1 day to ETERNITY!!! Just joking, I don't have a whole eternity ahead!
9) How well do you handle criticism?
Pretty well. 8 out of 10, putting it to numbers.
1) Are you currently in a relationship?
Do you really want to hear this? Do you think the Dark Lord Sauron would spend time on such stupid things? Obviously, yes...
2) Is your partner/spouse a deviant?
3) How long have you been together?
That's a super secret info, even I'm not sure about it...
TAG EIGHT PEOPLE HERE!! NO EXCEPTIONS!
PLUS, ANYONE WHO WANTS IS TAGGED!
This story shall be divided into 3 parts.
When I was 13, I went in for horse-riding. I loved horses and was very happy to find myself at the stables. After a year of training with almost no result (except gaining ability to mount and trot, but with training lead, so I did not control the horse, but my trainer did) I was assigned to other horse. He was named Gladiator.
He was afraid of almost everything, well, at least he seemed to be. On the other hand, he had character. He did whatever he wanted to do and a rider had to prove themselves as a strong, yet calm, person. Gladiator hated nervous riders. Gladiator hated being hit. Gladiator hated jumping and cantering. He wanted to live a calm life when no one would bother him. I saw some guys trying to make him jump and he made them fall. Only two people could ride him - my trainer (whom he feared) and one woman (who was a bit ill, so he was compassionate). But everyone told me he's the horse no one really wants to ride. Too many riders could not persuade him to obey them... He just turned around and went for the stables.
I chose the most unlikely (at least for my trainer) tactic to get in ouch with him. I didn't hit him when he did something wrong. Instead I guided him into doing what I needed. I fed him an apple every time before and after riding. I talked to him a lot, especially when he was afraid. And in time - almost 2 months passed - we got in perfect touch. I didn't need to do almost anything. He knew what I wanted to do. And I always knew when he would be scared, while he wasn't scared of everything when I was riding him. And then there was time to canter and jump. He never objected. He never stopped instead of jumping.
Once there was a girl - Gladiator's owner's daughter - riding him. And then I came. Gladiator rushed towards me across riding-hall, ignoring everything and everyone else. I doubt there was a creature who trusted me more than Gladiator. He knew I would never hurt him. And there was one special thing about him - he could smile. Really. And every time he saw me, he smiled. Even my trainer said that.
I fell a few times. Because of my foolishness, as even if I was exhausted from previous time, I wanted to get more of myself. And every time he didn't run away. He stopped and stayed near me. I could see a question in his eyes: Why? What did I do wrong? I always patted him and mounted again. And we went for a walk in the field.
But he was pretty old. He was 18 when I started riding him. And soon he turned 21. A horse over 20 years is an old one. Pretty old one. They live till 25 if they are lucky. 22-23 usually. And Gladiator's owner decided that he was too old to do his job. She didn't do anything to him, but took him to countryside, where he was to live the life he wanted to live - with no worries, eating and drinking and wandering in the fields for whole day just to return to cozy stable in the evening. I doubt he's still alive - too many years have passed since we parted, but I'm happy that for last years of his life he did what he wanted to do and not what these humans wanted him to do.
Gladiator, anticipating getting an apple
He had 9 lives. He fell from heights and broke his legs a 2 or 3 times. He got lost in my town as a 1-month-old kitten when he sneaked away and after 2 days of roaming he came back (we've searched for him under every bush, btw). He got ill and was suffocating, so we urged to a vet and he was saved. He got mite, but we managed to cure him. He got wounds from fighting cats and we healed them.
One day, we let him out for a night, for he was restless and meowed, staring at a door. He never came back. He was almost 7 years old. We've searched the town and outskirts. And all in vain.
It's been long time. I still regard him as a part of family. Even though he's gone. I hope he's in his cat's paradise now and is happy. I'm pretty sure, he's watching over us as well. And I still have dreams where he's alive.
Love your pets. Never let anyone hurt them. For their love is selfless.
Viking lying on his favourite rug near an old armchair we placed there for him.
Eric (by T. Prachett)
Othello (by W. Shakespeare)
Kenilworth (by W. Scott)
Time Is The Simplest Thing (by C. Simak)
Headless Horseman (by T. M. Reid)
Ivanhoe (by W. Scott)
Happy Prince and Other Tales (by O. Wilde)
Plus, EVERYONE willing to participate are automaticly tagged!
How many people you watch or those who are watching you really care for your art, without expecting only faves and comments from you?
Maybe you want to find it out?