I look at my pictures old and new, read my journals most deleted. Flips to documents on google same results. No comments no edits, no views. I laugh a sad laugh, I am a ghost. An ant in society with no purpose no reason to stay.
I promised a friend my future wife I would hold on. A promise I can't keep, even her voice has drifted to silence. She is untouchable and angel. Tainted as she may but still high above me to far for me to reach and drifting higher as I sink lower.
I know I'm a weight , useless bagaded that ways her down and keeps her from soaring high into the sky. She won't drop me, even as a pull her down. It's time I let go let myself fall into the sea of darkness bellow.
Forgotten, used, thrown away, rejected, beaten, left to die. I'm a rag doll, my clothing are rags and ill fitting. My hair a mangle mess of locks. Washed over and over and yet I still feel dirty, my skin itchy and sticky my stench making others turn away. I know even she will leave in time, see that I'm just a rag doll a piece of trash. August 18 2017. The last day I am allowed to breath, I was never suppose to make it to my. 20th birthday. The cycle wouldn't allow it, neither would the puppeteer. On repeat over and over I watch the world outside my own. Tonight I end the cycle tonight I face the darkness. Tonight I let go.
I won't hold her back
I won't hold her still
I will slip through the cracks
I won't break her heart
I won't let her die
I must leave so she can heal
I won't be remembered
I won't be alive
In time she will forget me
I want to watch her fly
To you my love. Please forgive my transgressions, my mistakes, and for hurting you. I love you more then anything. Which is why I must leave, I have held you back for two long. I see why your family pushes me so, I didn't mean to harm, I didn't mean to cause you to fall. I love you so much and I have missed you and will always miss you. So don't cry, fly and soar become who you want to be. I won't be holding you back any longer.