Day by day, I fill my head with tales of magick or something otherworldly because I can't stand how boring and mundane all of our lives are... such a first world problem, but it is how I feel.
I want to experience a roller coaster every day. Not an emotional one with this dance we all do with people, but to climb mountains, ski down them, and feel ALIVE.
I am someone who strives for reliability in schedule, yet I'll be taking on more and more responsibility until it covers me up to my eyes. Keeping busy in high stress is good for me in some aspects, but it is another form of escapism. What am I running from? Life, itself. The constant Catch 22 of "Did I say this right?" or, "I wonder if they still think about this one specific instance in which I fucked up, because I do."
I am moving away from this mindset, little by little. There are setbacks. My mind starts playing these games as a default. I need to be strong enough to say, "No." To myself, and to others.