ScreamPrompt #27, August 2012 + group changes!

We're gonna do something a little different.  Here's the prompt for the month:  

Write a story.  It should be at least 1000 words but no more than 2000.  It can be a vignette or a short story.  It can be any genre.  It can be any POV.  Hell, it can even be in 2nd person!


It can't be that easy.

You're right.  

You can't use any adverbs.  

Remember where you are.  


  Lolwut?  No adverbs?

There are many types of adverbs and uses; the following information is a quick overview.  Read through that and then I will explain further what I am looking for.  I RECOMMEND YOU READ THE SOURCES LISTED BELOW because I don't want to just copy-paste from them and they will explain more in-depth than I want to get into here; this is a prompt, not a workshop.

Sources:
www.grammar-monster.com/lesson…
prowritingtips.com/2008/12/adv…
grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/…
www.slideshare.net/mariabethsy…
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adverb


Okay, you big meanie-head... what's an adverb?

From grammar-monster.com:  "An adverb can be added to a verb to modify its meaning. Usually, an adverb tells you when, where, how, in what manner or to what extent an action is performed.  Very many adverbs end in '...ly' - particularly those that are used to express how an action is performed.   Although many adverbs end 'ly', lots do not, e.g., fast, never, well, very, most, least, more, less, now, far and there."

The adverbs I have the biggest issue with are the ones that end in -ly, and those are the ones you can’t use.  It will be too much to tell you to not use the ones that don't end in -ly and those aren't the ones that are painful in the first place.  For the most part, they can be pretty necessary.  See?


  Why are you such an -ly adverb hater, hater?

Because they do two things that both frickin’ suck:

1.  They ruin your word count (Nanowrimo peeps, pay attention).
2.  They're a shortcut to being creative.

Here's an example:

"Hey, Cletus!  Get up, you're gonna be late for school!" Mom yelled.
"Oh, Mom, just gimme five more minutes," Cletus said, sleepily.

LOL!  Wow.  That sucks.  See that?  Don't do that.  Ever.  Why?  What does "sleepily" sound like?  You don't know?  You've never been sleepy?  Try this:

"Hey, Cletus!  Get up, you're gonna be late for school!" Mom yelled.
"Oh, Mom, just gimme five more minutes," Cletus said, the yawn in the back of his throat melting his words into one big whine.

So you’ve gone from one word to describe how Cletus is speaking to fifteen (Nanowrimo peeps) and it also, hmm... sounds like something that took more than a half-second to write, like you might have put some thought into it!  Your readers will thank you.

”Flintstone!  You come in late again and you’re fired!” Mr. Slate said, angrily.

Ooh.  I’m scared.  I’m shaking in my loincloth.

”Flintstone!  You come in late again and you’re fired!” Mr. Slate said, the vein in his ruddy forehead throbbing like an epileptic earthworm.

He means business.  You can’t “hear his voice” in that description but people who are calm don’t often display their serenity with a red face and a forehead vein threatening to burst.  

I see adverbs everywhere, not just describing the way someone is speaking.  Check these out:  

Jennifer walked quickly.
Jennifer sat uncomfortably.
Jennifer ate sloppily.
Jennifer farted loudly.
Jennifer slept soundly (after farting loudly).

Good for Jennifer.  I don’t care.   

Jennifer sped up on the way to her car, the voice of a Marine Drill Sergeant in her head, telling her to pick ‘em up and put ‘em down, pick ‘em up, put ‘em down.

Jennifer squirmed on the library chair, fearing the hard oak seat would make her butt flatter than usual.

Jennifer loved her grandmother’s mashed potatoes and relished the opportunity to treat her spoon like a shovel.

Jennifer couldn’t help the chance to take a gamble with the gurgle in her gut.  The nightclub was loud; she let it rip and walked away, not wanting to be around for the fallout.

Jennifer promised herself to brush her teeth before going to bed.  She woke up in her clothes and with gravy breath so bad her dog ran away.


So does it make sense why I hate adverbs?  They lack imagination.  They lack spark.  They show me the writer doesn’t care and in turn, I don’t care.  With a few tweaks, I will care about Jennifer and her funny life and want to read more.


  What about dialogue, though?  I can still use adverbs there, right?  You wouldn’t do that to us, wouldja?

Don’t make me peck you.


  What about within the story structure?  What about...

NO!  NONE!  ZERO ADVERBS!  I’m not asking you to write a story without using the word “the” or the letter “E”, I’m asking for you to think harder about what you’re doing!  If you can’t do that, then don’t do it!  Stay a mediocrity!  Improve at your pace, it’s clear that it’s working out for you.

Oh wait.  No, it’s not.


As far as I’m concerned, -ly adverbs suck and should never be used.  If you need to use one, here’s what you do:

1. Read the sentence out loud.  Listen to how awful it is.  Be objective.  Be honest with yourself.  It sucks.
2. Find a way to describe what the adverb is “saying” using your imagination.  Think about how “greedily”, “crazily”, “sweetly”, “desperately” and whatever other stupid adverb you’re about to use behaves.  You can do it.  Now is the time to learn how.  Stop putting off being awesome!  Take pro-active measures to improve your writing!
3. Failing a way to describe the adverb, remove the adverb and see how the sentence sounds.  That should fix it.  If it still sounds like crap and you can’t find a way to fix it, DELETE THE SENTENCE AND REPLACE IT WITH A NEW ONE.  If you can’t improve upon something, just get rid of it.  Then when you have nothing but a blank screen or blank sheet of paper in your face, you can get down to business.

And you 100% CANNOT use throwaway words like:


Actually
Basically
Seriously
Absolutely
Really
Totally
Essentially
Usually
Finally
Particularly
Simply


Those aren’t even words.  You know how fast food tastes “good” but makes you fat?   When you use these words without thinking, they make you (and your characters, which is why I'm not allowing them dialogue) sound stupid (proof:  firsttoknow.com/5-words-that-m…).  Stop sounding stupid.  

In a nutshell, if you need an adverb that ends in –ly, you can’t use it.  Don’t even ask permission because this is the one time I will not budge.  I’m putting my foot down on this issue.  Please, write ONE STORY WITHOUT AN -ly ADVERB.  Please, with a cherry on top?  And kittens?  If not for me, then to show yourself you can do it.  I have shown examples above proving this can be done.  Try harder to be better.

Keep in mind one more thing – you can’t sneak one in on me, either.  I know how to use Word’s find feature and I will be using it on each story I receive.  If I can’t find them with my little eye, technology will, and I will peck you.  Before you send me your story, do a careful double-check for those sneaky –ly adverbs that your little eye might miss, too.

You have until August 31st.  Send me the completed story in a note here or at my personal page.  If you need help, let me know.  I will not leave you alone in the vacuum of an adverb-free world; that would be cruel.  

Now go forth and fight the war on adverbs.



New Group Information You Should Read

I have made some changes to the About Us section, specifically as it pertains to deviations that have been written for one of the prompts and submissions to other groups.  Now, as you'll read, I'm all for getting your work out there and spreading the word, networking and getting all the exposure you can, but if you submit a ScreamPrompt story to more than ten groups, I will not allow it.  Doesn't matter how good I think it is, either.  Ten groups is fine, 11 or more is not.  There are some people who spray their work to hundreds of groups.  I will not allow this group to be a warehouse for anyone.  I wrote a journal about it at my page about groups that allow any and all submissions.  I will not allow ScreamPrompts be that group.  As far as your other stories, do what you like.  Send them to 500 groups if you want.  But don't do it here with a story written for this group.  I have a standard and I owe it to you all to adhere to it.  I'm doing this for your benefit, not my evil jollies.  I don't want to be a group that you delete the deviations from your inbox because of flooding.  This group isn't elite or exclusive by any stretch but it's also not a second storage facility.  There are some other changes there that I'd like you all to read at your convenience, and you don't have to let me know you read them.  Trust me... I'll know.  

Carry on.