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Screamdreams101

Amber W.
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Me and my mother have been looking at apartments up in Cincy and we have come to a decision for a nice apartment flat with a man from Chec. Republic living in the bottom floor, as we live on the top floor. it has a small padio, and it is KINDA tiny, so who knows, I might give some things away/donate! nice Kitchen, nice 2 ROOMS, instead of the usual one to share.

The papers should be signed on Monday, meaning Im renting, with my mother 2 apartments at once. So if I cant go hang out or whatever, probably why.

Even trying to convince mom for me to adopt a dog....not a puppy, a dog. A small to medium sized dog, and I have been looking on petfinder.com (great for looking for certain breeds, and the adoption price isnt BAD AT ALL!) Found a Corgi, Im interested in, but thats all about now.

We dk about that at this point, but trust me Im rather excited. I cant wait to get out of Oxford, and take some control of life, and do something worth a bit.

Wish me luck, I suppose! :D
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Like I promised someone, a while ago...and my poor memory being as it is...Im finally doing something worth while with my DA.

Here's the film Im working, if you can donate a little DO SO, we are close to filming and it is creeping closely, if you cant, you cant, and well that happens.

So if you can help us out! PLEASE DO SO!!! Thank you!

www.indiegogo.com/Half-Fish-Mo…
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yep...you guessed it...I went out and bought a DS....and Soul Silver....AND a used copy of Saphire (PLEASE tell me there is a way to trade from that game!!!! the old game has KICKASS pokemon!!!)

So...you know who you are that is going to help my pokemon witch is like 2...Rattat that is named Willm(I accidently deleted the a after the m) and Flamer, my Cindiquil...

yeppers...
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Ive been looking through my old artwork lately...stuff from way back, maybe all the way back to 4th grade. Really old stuff. I do that from time to time...its good to see how far you have come, based on a few years. The pictures in my life stand for much more than people would think....and I think that's true with anyone's work, in any field really....

But, you know that expression "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie?" Yeah, sometimes they do, for a while, maybe even bite and chew on the way down, but eventually they do. But sometimes they burst from the ground to haunt you...or just remind you of things. My drawings do that sometimes. It helps me reflect, I suppose...sometimes I think we all need to do that, and plenty of people don't.

I was laying down on the futon with a folder, with countless artworks...even some old sketch books I had back in the day, around the time I had been forced by court order, to see my father. Now before I go on, I don't want to be that "emo girl that keeps bitching about her dad," in fact, I don't even talk about it a lot. I have a hard time seeing a lot of people connecting with me on that level. Its just hard sometimes to even, and this is ME thinking this mind you, even to think I turned out the way I did.

I'm just saying, yeah shit happened to me like that...but I really don't fully get why I turned out the way I did. I WAS depressed for the years, and a few after I had to meet him. I did figure out "it sucks to be sad all the time." But, I look back and am amazed with myself....I mean, Im guessing, I was only around 15 to 16 at the time I wanted to feel better...on my own terms.This took time, A LOT of time....I didn't feel comfortable with myself, I thought for a while, I might end up like my father, an animalistic type of person, without a care for family, just surviving for the next "best thing."

I also knew this was going to affect how I feel about people in general. And, going to be honest with you, I think sometimes people fuck up, big time, huge, gigantic mistakes. I even look back and ever wonder if my father will ever regret missing the time he and I could of had, even wonder who I am or how I came out. I seem to doubt it a lot. But, you never know with people. Even had a hard time really trusting men in general, and I feel stupid for that too...

I look back at how much work I put into myself, to feel better...to learn to really give a damn about myself. It took a lot, really, getting used to exercising, and eating better...looking at positives over the negatives. In my life, that's pretty damn hard. I grew up with, for the most part, negative type of people...I even have a theory, but this isn't the place for that. I just, wanted something to care about. If that makes any sense. Had to grow fast as a kid...and the whole meeting my father, reduced me to an infant. I was really scared, curious, and among other undetermined feelings.

And after I did meet him, I didn't know how I should feel about myself as a person. As a kid, I had an innocent to mischivious identity that seemed to be ripped from me, I felt, I suppose, robbed of something...of what, Ill probably never really know (besides the fact of a father, but this felt way worse.) I guess, what he said and done, made me regret for being a real bitchy kid....I was, and still can be, very passive aggressive.

And somehow, after all this shit, over a man that I hope I never have to lay eyes on again, I can still laugh about it...maybe its a way to make me feel better.

I could of came out way worse than I am, I could of been hooked on drugs, a whore, a horrific person really. I guess, I have common sense, thanks to my mature look on things. Maybe, it was because I wanted something better for me...or easier for mom and the family that I have. Maybe because, if I have kids, I never want them to go through the same shit...or if they do, have a softer landing than I did. I honestly don't know exactly made me go, "wait, why the hell am I this sad all the damned time?" Ill probably never will.

I'm very happy with where I am right now, I look back at this rotting corpse of a dog, because...I have to. It sounds crazy, but its very true. I have to remind myself "yeah, life CAN and IN FACT sucks, but you kicked that dogs ass remember?" I guess, I just like reminding myself every once and a while. Specially after a hard year like this.

I mean this year had REALLY good things...amazing things, shit I never thought that would happen...but they did. And I thought, If I ended up as someone else...would I ever get this lucky? Would I ever have my talent?, my friends?, my relationship?, HELL my hamster?

Also really shitty things have happened to me and my friends, and another reason I look at this event in my life every now and then, is because, I want them to be happy and safe...and never feel like shit, or at least as bad as I have felt back then. So, I try my best, I pick myself up, and help others when I can....because of all this shit I felt so many years ago, no one wants to feel like that. It sucks, a lot. And even if this dog doesn't lay down, at least its a reminder....

...Thanks for reading, just needed to share that my art means a lot more than pretty pictures...
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Dear Hot Topic,

I was a huge fan of your stores when I was younger, you know when I was like 12 till like 14, when you gave a rat's ass about to who and what you where selling? Like, when Invader Zim was (and for some reason is, but Ill get back to that later) the shit, because I was a kid, and to me, was and is still funny....but not quote Gir every fucking 2 seconds funny? I have a small list (Okay, its more like a long ass list) of complaints from your fucking lame ass excuse of a "decent" "goth" "pop" store.

1. Your sizes are wrong, and you make me feel fat. <- See what you did? You make your OWN costumers feel like they look huge, nice going Assholes.

2. What the hell is up with your bra sizes (I know this goes with argument 1, but SERIOUSLY?) No way is a Double D 38 is that FUCKING skinny! I mean your bras ARE pretty damn cute, same with your bottoms to go with, but for all the things that are holly, get your shit together...no girl shaped like a twig is going to have the boobs the size of fucking Melons such as DD 38s!

3. STOP SELLING MY CHILDHOOD AS A FAD!!!!!!!1!!! Just stop! What the flying fuck is wrong with you guys? I mean, if you sold it to people who know what the fuck the show was, like ME or people my age, not "tweens" (and what the fuck are "Tweens?!") or "Scene kids" (once again, what the fuck is a "Scene kid???!!!") knows what Rocko's Modern Life, Dexter's Lab, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Power Rangers (or at least the fucking original, with Skull and shit), Valtron, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Any Vintage Silver Age Comic Character that Is or ISNT a movie yet, Video Games that we ALL know they haven't played, video games they only play on easy and wish they could play on expert or higher etc. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK I'M SAYING HOT TOPIC!!! YOU FUCKING KNOW!!!.....THANK GOD, that you people don't know what Megus XLR is....FUCK now you know! and your going to make shit for it, but I'LL buy it, because I KNOW what it IS!!.

4. Gir, ok...Invader Zim is cool and Awesome (and may I mention, one of the most smooth animated cartoons that Nickaloadian has ever fucking had, and fucking hysterical too) But before you sell any "Gir" product or merchandise, EVERY fucking "Scene Kid" needs to pass a fucking test.....so that they know that Gir has a Robot form AND a Doggy Form....I know its stupid, but I hate people who think they fucking know things, and just come out as retarded.

5. Twilight.....REALLY?

6. Tim Burton Shit. Okay, honestly, I loved you guys for the Nightmare Before Christmas Merchandise....why because A. I was like 12 when you guys came out, and B. I've been watching that movie since it came the fuck out of the theater. NOW, with my annoyance, Tim Burton is now a lazy fuck because of you! Are you happy? He could film a steaming pile of horse shit, and sell merchandise at your store....you know why, you sly sick bastards...you know...Because "goth" (and no, when I say goth, I mean more whiny emo kids that don't know fuck about fuck) and "scene kids" will go and I quote: "OMG TIM BIRTON DID A KNEW MOV. ABOUT JHONNY AS HATTER MAN FRO STORY, BUY SIT."

7.Bands that SUCK....is it REALLY all about the music? or shall I say your ass is owned by Satan's hand known as money? Answer me that, dicks.

8.MJ, yes I went there....I have nothing against the music (and I'm not going against any opinions here, I have mine set) But, Hot Topic, you sick fuck, have HELPED changed minds about his motives with those kids, people who YEARS before said yeah, he was a perv and a pedo, are all like "he was misunderstood" Fuck you Hot Topic, and you Media....and you...

9. Making all "Teens" (or "Tweens" or Scene Kids" or what ever the fuck the ages between 11-16 are now called) all look like we are rebels, see that's bad in the sense that your making all the pussys look fucking "hard core" well they are not, and a lot of "Scene Kids" who buy a fucking Rob Zombie shirt, get their asses kicked....nice...

10. If you support music like Insane Clown Posse ( and I want to vomit, considering I TYPED and THOUGHT about that) why don't you assholes have "Bat out of hell" Ts? WHY? where are the Who? or Beatles? or anything decent? you people are mad......and Meatloaf is way better than 3 guys who never grew out of face painting and shitty titty carnival rides.

Now, my Dear Hot Topic, could you please take the head out of your ass, and the devil's hand off your neck so you can reap the bull shit that you have created? Can you please go backwards from your Grimlin State and turn back into a Maugwi? For the love of God, Please...before our way of life is crumbled and destroyed by stupidity of idiotic youth?
We are Fucked arn't we?
With Hatred,
Amber E. Workman
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