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You choke on the meds—
the bitter taste of failure,
the coffee thick in your
indecisive throat.

Downstairs,
a baby howls like
a mistreated coyote
at the vaporizing moon—

the all day affair
of listening to abandonment
thumping in your ears.

Across town,
a man you might have
learned to love
boards a bus
for greener pastures—

the promise of keeping in touch
rolling in your mouth
like a pendulum uncertain
of its true purpose.

& in a tiny town
on the edge of oblivion,
your one-time, for-all-time lover
chokes on the daily defeat—

feeling the chorus
of your blood
burst against her lips,

all the unspoken things
piled up in the alley corners
like last year's
forgotten leaves.
random real life business.

what category would this go in?
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-05-15
Unbound Ties by ~schriftsteller ( Suggested by vespera and Featured by ikazon )
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner May 20, 2014   Writer
I'd love to hear this one. :heart:
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:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 21, 2014   Writer
And so it shall be! :heart:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner May 22, 2014   Writer
:D
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner May 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the way you created so many characters and strung them together with a general view, creating that outsider feel (for me, at least) while still letting the reader close enough to feel somehow unsettled. I don't really know how to explain it... I just feel that there is something great in this piece. Perhaps it shall remain nameless... but sometimes those are the best!
Overall, this poem really conveyed itself like nails down a chalkboard, but it was amazing--if that could make sense. It just showcases the difficulty and pain in life, the heaps and mounds of negativity that lurk beneath first glances and introductions.

Lovely job. :rose:
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013   Writer
You just gave me the best comment I've had in a very long time. You explained everything perfectly-- don't worry. I really appreciate what you said. These are actually things from my own life at that time, but I'm glad that it came across more disconnected and outsider-ish. It means I'm doing a good job, I think.

Anyway, thank you so much. You're very sweet! :)
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad my words could mean so much :hug:.
I would say it means you're doing an outstanding job! When I write from personal experience (which I tend to do about 99% of the time), I think it's painfully obvious. You presented this poem in a way that definitely engaged the mind through curiosity and interest, while still maintaining a mysterious feel. Definitely worthy of the DD it received, if you ask me (congrats by the way! That's wonderful! :party:)

You are most welcome! It was truly my pleasure :love:
I hope to look through more of your work soon!
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2013   Writer
They truly did! :hug:

I write from personal experience 99% of the time too. I can't always pull off this kind of mystery, but I do try haha. I'm glad you enjoyed it, really. And thank you-- I wasn't expecting the DD at all!
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're most welcome! :rose:
I'm delighted this could piece - and you - could receive the recognition it deserves. :heart:
Reply
:iconjskullly:
jskullly Featured By Owner May 26, 2013
"your blood
burst against her lips"

raiding your gallery shortly. expect abject praise.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 28, 2013   Writer
I feel awkward because my new work isn't much like what you've commented on and liked haha. Or my old work, for that matter.
Reply
:iconjskullly:
jskullly Featured By Owner May 28, 2013
looook at all the writers in the groop, draw inspiration, its working for me.

its real easy to hate on yr own work. god knows i have, on my own.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 28, 2013   Writer
I don't really hate my work. It's just different haha. I vacillate between styles, or I grow, who the fuck knows. I do need to read other people's work more, though.
Reply
:iconjskullly:
jskullly Featured By Owner May 28, 2013
oh really? I have hated my own writing more than any other object or person, at certain times.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 28, 2013   Writer
I hate certain poems, but I don't hate it as a whole. Also, I refuse to believe that I'm really talented. That's my own issue, though. I usually write a poem, fall in love with it, then dislike it later haha. Occasionally I'll go back and read a poem from a long time ago and say "jesus, I was awesome!"
Reply
:iconjskullly:
jskullly Featured By Owner May 28, 2013
ha, me too.
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I have to say, this was rather wonderful. I mean, it was painful, real, and made me bite my lip...but, in a way that could be described so vaguely as "poetic" or "beautiful."

I'm not sure why, but this poem unsettled me. It...just felt so--close. So real and mistreated; I just don't know how to put it to words. Very worthy of a DD.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2013   Writer
Thank you for the kind words. I'm sorry that it unsettled you but in a way I'm glad that it touched you in some way. I'm also glad it felt real because this is all based off different things going on in my life at the time I wrote it-- the fact that it actually reads as realistic is a fantastic compliment. :heart:
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, again, I was just saying what I thought and felt. :) You're very welcome anyways, though. XD
Reply
:iconcrossing-ariel:
crossing-ariel Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013
I never know what to say when I like something this much. But I could see the story clearly.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013   Writer
Oh jeez. That's too kind. :heart:

I'm always happy when people can see the images, though. Thank you.
Reply
:iconcrossing-ariel:
crossing-ariel Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013
Very welcome.
Reply
:iconnascitvrdecurro:
NascitvrDecurro Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This definitely deserved the DD :heart:

& in a tiny town
on the edge of oblivion,
your one-time, for-all-time lover
chokes on the daily defeat—

for obvious reasons.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013   Writer
Thank you, dearest.

Oh, hun. I didn't even think about that. But...I love you. :heart:
Reply
:iconnascitvrdecurro:
NascitvrDecurro Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Of course :heart:

I love you too, and it wasn't a bad thing - it just really connects.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013   Writer
Okay good. I worry about upsetting you with certain things. :heart:
Reply
:iconnascitvrdecurro:
NascitvrDecurro Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh love, please don't. I'm really doing alright - and even times when I'm not I have Steve here to help me.
Reply
:iconangemuet:
angemuet Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
af'gmazing. congrats on your DD; absolutely deserving and a definite fav. XD
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 24, 2012   Writer
Thanks! I'm glad you liked!
Reply
:iconjadenperhaps:
JadenPerhaps Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I would say emotional.


This is phenomenal. You are definitely a poet. The definition of it, really.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 24, 2012   Writer
Oh, wow. Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me, it truly does. I'm glad you liked it so much. :heart:
Reply
:iconjadenperhaps:
JadenPerhaps Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:) :heart:
Reply
:iconzatanya:
ZaTanya Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
DD well deserved. This kind of made me depressed, but in a very good and talented way.

Well done!
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 24, 2012   Writer
I'm sorry it made you depressed, but I'm glad you enjoyed it all the same. Thank you very much. :)
Reply
:iconkaciebot:
kaciebot Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
This is great!
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 24, 2012   Writer
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconbad-books:
Bad-Books Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
cool
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 24, 2012   Writer
Thanks.
Reply
:iconbad-books:
Bad-Books Featured By Owner May 25, 2012
Np
Reply
:iconindigo-serenade:
Indigo-Serenade Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Obviously, this would go in the DD category! XD
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 24, 2012   Writer
I can't tell if you're being sarcastic, but thank you!
Reply
:iconindigo-serenade:
Indigo-Serenade Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No, of course it's not sarcasm! (NOT SARCASM I ZARKING SWEAR)
I was just makin' a joke because your desc. said "Which category would this go in?" so I answered. =w=;
And great job! ^FT^
Reply
:iconapplebananafruitcake:
Applebananafruitcake Featured By Owner May 15, 2012   Artist
Amazing. This piece is so delicate becasue it expresses so much. I love it. And congratulations on DD. You've earned it.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 24, 2012   Writer
Thank you so much. I'm glad that you liked it so much and think I earned my DD. That means a lot to me. :)
Reply
:iconapplebananafruitcake:
Applebananafruitcake Featured By Owner May 25, 2012   Artist
Yes, it was well earned! And I loved your poem! It was absolutely beautiful! x3
Reply
:iconarchelyxs:
archelyxs Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
Congrats on the DD! :heart:
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 24, 2012   Writer
Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconxxheartlessbitchxx:
xxheartlessbitchxx Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
Oh my god, this is beautiful! Thank you for sharing! :love:
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 24, 2012   Writer
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
Reply
:iconxxheartlessbitchxx:
xxheartlessbitchxx Featured By Owner May 29, 2012
You're welcome!!
Reply
:iconcmwvisualarts:
CMWVisualArts Featured By Owner May 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Looks to be in the correct category.
Reply
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