Ok, Rachabelle posted these "Curious Questions" that don't really require answers but since I had 10 mins to kill I wrote some anyway, the majority of which are ludicrous but hey, that's what happens when you allow inmates to have access to sharp objects like computers.....
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
(People are usually classed as "assasinated" if they're killed for their political/social actions or if they were REALLY ANNOYING like Pee Wee Herman)
Why do you have to ' put your two cents in'... but it's only a ' penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
(The Govt steals it while you're not looking, just like they steal any good thoughts you might have)
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
(Ever tried making a round box that can be quickly assembled by someone who's barely getting minimum wage?)
What disease did cured ham actually have?
(It was a Capitalist Pig before it died, nuff said?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
(Neil Armstrong on the moon, quote "Someone should of put wheels on these ****** equipment boxes cause even at 1/6th gravity they're still ******* heavy." )
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
(They usually mean that they peed them selves while they were asleep)
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
(Yes and the mean old judge talks gibberish like "woodee rubble bubble grumbly bumrum" and everyone laughs at the DEAFendant when they try and work out what the *** they're being charged with. True story.)
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
(Why is Woody Allen in ANY movie?)
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
(Cause people are inherently ******* stupid and they can't see the forest for the trees and objects in the rear view mirror may appear....)
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
(To set up the Web Cam for their streaming porn site that they're filming for
You know it's true.
Why is 'bra' singular and ' panties' plural?
(you're right, it makes no sense, let's outlaw both of them.)
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
(Cause un-decent people have got to have something to eat and cause some of us are too lazy to bother putting our steaks in a pan.)
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
(Cause Jimmy was the first Emo and instead of cutting himself he just cracked corn, no-one gave a **** so he started cutting himself and things just blew up from there...)
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
(YES, but it has to be strapped into the passenger seat and have enough coins in it's eye sockets to pay the toll)
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
(Because he's over-educated and is waiting for an infinite singularity to occur which will condense all time and matter into one point, thereby rendering the need to repair the boat superflous since he'll then be right next to EVERYTHING and can then just step onto dry land...... I didn't say it was a good theory)
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
(For the same reason that serial killers don't hire contract mercenaries, the pleasure comes from a job well done)
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
(D. all of the above)
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
(Maybe, but if Oasis can just reverse the chord structure of every Beatles Song and pretend they're original then it's not really such a biggie)
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
(Cause i've taken 3 doses of MDMA)
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
(Ok, then if you have such a strong inate desire to blow in your dogs face then only do it when his head's out the window, that way he won't notice and you can get your jollies as well, see, now everyone's happy)