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Surgery Commissions/Customs

Journal Entry: Tue Sep 25, 2018, 4:15 PM
Have a Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen~

Ooookay.  So.  As you all have noticed I have been vanishing a lot again recently.  I'm tyring not to go on another hiatus, however, I've had a lot of things coming up in my personal life.  I'm trying to still stay active on DA and Discord, but I'm really distracted and worried a lot of the time over things in my personal life.

Things kind of came to a head recently with me dealing with something healh-related, and now I'm actually going to be going into surgery next week.  I've been seeing some doctors lately, and have had a lot of drama with trying to get follow ups and meds, and it's caused me to switch care providers as well as pharmacies.  I'm honestly SUPER nervous about my upcoming procedure.  I've never had anything like this happen before--I haven't even been on anesthesia before.  I'm going to need some help raising money to cover costs and repay my partner for helping me to afford the procedures and appointments.  I don't really want to go into detail about what I'm going through.  It's very personal and I'm just not comfortable talking about it.  Sorry.  I know that looks bad, what with everyone on DA going into some kind of detail about their medical bills, but I'm completely uncomfortable doing so.  Please respect my privacy and don't message me asking for more info.

I've kind of had some fallings out and more unpleasant arguments with friends and family alike (and that's prevented me from telling anyone what I'm dealing with in other areas where I'm active online) and am realizing more and more how much people I knew years ago have changed and am not appreciative of how they disregard me, brush me off, and try to guilt trip me while being fully aware of how difficult it is for me to get help with my mood disorders and cope with shit.  It's prevented me from opening up about what's going on and trying to advertise my commissions and finish some adopt batches I've been working on.  I've made progress in character designs and style, and with the lack of interest in a lof of my commissions and adopts I've been struggling to feel like what I'm doing is worth anything, so that's been hanging over my head and killing my drive to try and build a base of people who want to see more of my designs.  I'm starting to withdraw from all conversations with people IRL and online due to fallings out and stress, too.

Money was already tight recently--had some large bills I wasn't expecting to get, but I just barely squeaked by with a few bucks left before my next paycheck came in, and as I'm paying more bills for this month and the next I'm going to start running low again.  I'm actually trying to gext ahead of payments so I don't have to worry about them, which is what I had been doing for . . . years.  Life just decided to kick my ass and tossed serious shit my way the first time I try to indulge in something I've wanted for a long time, basically.  I also was recently invited to a memorial roadtrip with my partner and his family, and he actually JUST bought a car YESTERDAY, so . . . these medical bills are kind of . . . stressing me out, but like, I can't just . . . not have surgery, so . . . I'm hoping to get a little help.

I've got commissions open as always, and after some event art I'm going to upload a batch of fresh adoptables.  I'm starting a ping-list for anyone interested, and am adding anyone who messages me so that you guys have earliest notice of my available designs.  I'd really like to start doing some custom OCs for people--aesthetic adopts, song-themed adopts, emoji adopts, etc.  (Actually, my next batch is a sheet of emoji adopts, so-)

I still need to get a final quote from the doctor, but it looks like my surgery is going to be between $400 and $500, so I'm hoping to get something around that raised up.  I definitely won't be able to get it all by Wednesday for next week (my tentative surgery date), but it'll help me stay afloat and, again, pay my partner back sooner rather than later.


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Commission Prices and Info


Recent adopts:
Nebula Eaters - OPEN by SavannaEGoth Easter Adopts - OPEN by SavannaEGoth
 

Examples of character designs:
Decapiture OC - Hallowhauntra by SavannaEGoth  Horror OC - Caige by SavannaEGoth  Mental Illness OC - Vent by SavannaEGoth Horror OC - Yew by SavannaEGoth  Axolotl OC - Axel by SavannaEGoth MYO Symph - 2B by SavannaEGoth
MYO Loxxobarian OC - Jim-Jam by SavannaEGoth MYO Loxxobarian OC - Dante by SavannaEGoth MYO Monhera - Kenji by SavannaEGoth MYO Lynumi - Molta by SavannaEGoth MYO Lynumi - Triton by SavannaEGoth MYO Deco Dollie - Neckro by SavannaEGoth MYO Simulic - Dagurim by SavannaEGoth MYO Torabuki - Reaper by SavannaEGoth MYO Fungicrystal - Halen by SavannaEGoth MYO Exyland - Levi by SavannaEGoth MYO Tea Unicorn - Tapioca by SavannaEGoth
(More in my gallery)


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No one is obligated to donate/commission me, of course.  Just sharing a bit of my current situation/mental state.  Not fun having this come up when so many other important things in my life are going on right now, is all.  If all you guys are able to do is share this or tag people, I'd honestly be grateful beyond words.

Also also, for transparency's sake, I have been paying off an OC for about two months, I think, and have one more payment to make next week, but that's going to come out of my next paycheck rather than anything raised as the others have been regularly so the person I'm buying from isn't cheated out of a payment.  Otherwise, all money will go to medical bills, food, and just boring adult stuff.  Yeye.

Thank you guys for reading all of that, if you did.  Sorry for the rambling.  Just . . . tired and distracted.

CSS made by TwiggyTeeluck
Image from www.vivagoal.com/
  • Listening to: Emotional Soundtracks
  • Reading: RP Messages
  • Watching: Philip DeFranco
  • Playing: Flight Rising
  • Eating: Spanish Rice and Battered Shrimp
  • Drinking: Vanilla Coke

New Species MYO Event!

Journal Entry: Sun Sep 16, 2018, 5:22 PM
Have a Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen~

[CLOSED] 72 HR Fuernice Launch Free MYO event!Nov Basia is a fantasy setting centered around closed species! As an adopt based group we're looking to emphasize world building and character interaction but to really get that ball rolling we'll need a community first. So to jumpstart this I'm happy to announce both the launch of our discord and the MYO event for our first species. That's right it's a 72 hour Fuernice MYO event!
THE EVENT IS OVER IF YOU READ THIS YOU ARE TOO LATE!
Don't know what a Fuernice is? You can read up on the entry below!

Some examples I've done can be seen here!

Discord
Our discord is a hang out focused on casual chatting, art and character development for Nov Basia and anything you feel like sharing.
>>>JOIN THE DISCORD HERE<<<
Free Myo
[CLOSED] 72 HR Fuernice Launch Free MYO event!Nov Basia is a fantasy setting centered around closed species! As an adopt based group we're looking to emphasize world building and character interaction but to really get that ball rolling we'll need a community first. So to jumpstart this I'm happy to announce both the launch of our discord and the MYO event for our first species. That's right it's a 72 hour Fuernice MYO event!
THE EVENT IS OVER IF YOU READ THIS YOU ARE TOO LATE!
Don't know what a Fuernice is? You can read up on the entry below!

Some examples I've done can be seen here!

Discord
Our discord is a hang out focused on casual chatting, art and character development for Nov Basia and anything you feel like sharing.
>>>JOIN THE DISCORD HERE<<<
Free Myo
[CLOSED] 72 HR Fuernice Launch Free MYO event!Nov Basia is a fantasy setting centered around closed species! As an adopt based group we're looking to emphasize world building and character interaction but to really get that ball rolling we'll need a community first. So to jumpstart this I'm happy to announce both the launch of our discord and the MYO event for our first species. That's right it's a 72 hour Fuernice MYO event!
THE EVENT IS OVER IF YOU READ THIS YOU ARE TOO LATE!
Don't know what a Fuernice is? You can read up on the entry below!

Some examples I've done can be seen here!

Discord
Our discord is a hang out focused on casual chatting, art and character development for Nov Basia and anything you feel like sharing.
>>>JOIN THE DISCORD HERE<<<
Free Myo


My friend tagged me and invited me to join, and I honestly like the look of the species so I jumped right one that.  You guys should join.  There's no time limit to design your character, only to earn a MYO slot, so if you fill out the info you're good to go!
See you there?

CSS made by TwiggyTeeluck
Image from www.vivagoal.com/
  • Listening to: Crickets and Cicadas
  • Reading: RP Messages
  • Watching: Gran Torino
  • Playing: Warframe
  • Eating: Greek Pizza
  • Drinking: Vanilla Coke

Hurricane Florence Nears

Journal Entry: Wed Sep 12, 2018, 3:00 PM
Have a Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen~

UPDATE 3:  Mega update dump because I suck, oops-
I've been asked if we're in the path of the hurricane, and although it changed directions and is going to partially pass through Georgia, our town is outside/on the outskirts of the storm's predicted path, and our area hasn't received any flood or evacuation warnings so we should be okay.
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Coming back on to give a hurricane update. The storm's path has moved further south and we may experience a little more rain than we thought- we're to be in the tropical depression zone when the storm starts to die and break up, and we're more in the outskirts of the hurricane's range it looks like. Still no evacuation warnings in our area.
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Another quick hurricane update--the storm path has changed a little with the path now curving more once it reaches Georgia and traveling up inland, missing a lot of the east coast while heading through a lot of the areas people were evacuating to. The storm has slowed and lost a lot of strength, dropping to a category 2, expected to be a category 1 in a few days time. 
Storm surge has dropped to 11 feet. Flooding predictions are unchanged, though.

For us personally it was just really cloudy and a little windy today. We're still fine, guys. The change and extension of the hurricane's path may have just inched us slightly back onto the outer edge of the storm system's reach.

Also, to those who have been attempting to contact me: for whatever reason my cell service was super shitty today. Also, I didn't move over old contacts to my phone so please let me know who you are if you're texting me.
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Another hurricane update--the storm has been downgraded to a category one and is now considered a tropical storm rather than a hurricane, however, the storm surge and rainfall is still posing a real threat for people in the storm's path. It's moving slowly, causing it to hit people longer. Unfortunately, fatalities have already been reported for some people who tried to hold out during the flooding.

Things on our end were mostly sunny, then cloudier and a little overcast in the evening.
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Small, accidental hurricane update. Last night while looking at the radar maps I came to the realization that I had a massive brain fart and forgot just how close to Atlanta we are... So we're actually well within the hurricane's (tropical storm at this point) path rather than simply being on the outskirts. Whoopsies. 🙃

Anywho, it's still warm here, and I'm sure we'll be okay.
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Another storm update--the first part of the system has reached us, and so far it's just been overcast and a little drizzly. Also there's some wind.
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The storm has been varied in strength all evening, with bouts of rain and wind.  Everything's all good as the storm's lost a lot of strength and will likely pass over us without event.


UPDATE 2:  Florene has lost some more power and is now only moving five miles an hour, and is right about to hit the coast and make landfall.  Storm surge is expected to be 11 feet at most, and the overall path has changed again.  It's gonna curve up dramatically when it reaches Georgia and is going to go far inland up north, missing the east coast as it heads toward the country's northern border.


UPDATE 1:  Florence has lost a lot of strength in the last several hours and is now a category 2.  The first waves and strong winds have by now reached the coast and skies are dark all over this part of the country.  The predicted storm surge has increased from 13 to 15 feet in some areas, and people are being cautioned that although the hurricane has lost windspeed and is traveling slower the predicted flooding and rainfall is relatively unchanged.  The storm MAY last longer than originally expected, with some areas being hit as late as Monday.  They've also shown that the hurricane's path is now reach higher north towards the very end as it curves back up after hitting Georgia and the furthest corners of the Carolinas, and the depression zone could span several states heading northward.


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Hey, everyone!  If you follow my uploads then you've probably seen my status and poll by now, but I thought I'd cover my bases and throw up a journal, too.  I didn't think my first spoopy-skin holiday journal would . . . be about a hurricane, but life is funny like that sometimes.

What we know so far:
Basically, hurricane Florence's path changed AGAIN and now it's projected to go even further south and Georgia just declared a state of emergency.
This is supposed to be "a storm of a lifetime" with other lesser storms that resembled it having not occured for decades.
It's going to hit as a category 3 and develop into a catergory 4, making it of rare size and threat.
There's going to be a storm surge of about 13 feet (which is a LOT IF YOU LIVE NEAR THE COAST.  IMAGINE SOME SINGLE STORY BEACH HOMES ALMOST COMPLETELY UNDERWATER, BROS).
The storm is moving extremely slowly and thus will linger and drop rains and spawn tornadoes for days over the span of a few states from Thursday or Friday morning until Saturday.
1 million people have already evacuated, with more projected to leave as the storm's path continues to shift.  The evacuation for the storm's center concludes at 8:00 PM (in less than three hours).
Hundreds of thousands will be without power for (probably) a few days.

What does this mean for me?
Well, as most of you who are familiar with me and endure my rambling about home, I recently moved to Georgia from Wyoming at the end of last year (just in time for a record-breaking storm like ya do), and . . . I mean, I'm not actually really worried.  Or at least, I wasn't, but even my housemates who have lived here for their whole lives are getting a little more nervous.  We're definitely going to get heavy rain and wind (wind is no big deal because AGAIN I'm from fucking WYOMING.  Windy city who?), and may have some power dips here and there.  Originally, we were just going to see a bit of bad weather and were just outside of the storm's reach.  HOWEVER the updates today SEVERELY changed the game for thousands of people in the southeast.  The storm's projected path moved a little more southwards and now more evacuations are under way as the storm is only about 400 or so miles away from the coast.  My town is now inside the tropical depression zone and is more within the outer edges of the storm's reach.  We definitely won't get the worst of it, though it'll linger in our area a little longer than in others due to the curve of its path.  We've got food so even if weather does get bad we won't have to jet out to stock up on shit.  Tim and I always keep a pack of water bottles and TONS of snacks in our game room, anyhow.  Our property is on a hill overlooking a deep creek so any water will just flow down and disappear in the woods behind the house.  We're more sheltered where we're at due to us living off the highway and being surrounded huge ass trees.
HOWEVER.  Some of these trees are old, and they're all ENORMOUS (that's coming from someone who grew up in the Black Hills area).  A lot of them lean towards the house, as well, and the house we live in admittedly is already kind of falling apart due to it being a little older and having gone through an entire move--some walls lean, the ceiling and floor sag in places, there are quite a few holes, etc.  We very well may encounter some leaks even if a tree doesn't end up falling on us, though due to a nasty leak a few months ago we still have materials for patching them.

Again, we're probably going to be fine.  We aren't in an evacuation zone, but that being said I may disappear for a few days or be slow with my uploads as we watch the weather and go in and out of possible power outages/surges.

To anyone in the danger zone:
Please leave.  I know in the south you guys are more used to heavy storms and annual hurricanes/flooding, but this storm is something that most people alive haven't seen before, and it's shaping up to be one of the major storms of the century.  They're legit talking about how they've been stocking up body bags on the news for anyone who stays behind.  That's not a joke, BTW.  If you can afford it, don't risk it.  I don't want anyone endangering themselves just because they don't feel like leaving while they know they could.

Please stay safe, guys.


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I may give additional updates as theings continue to develop, but the storm will be here tomorrow or Friday at the latest, and we've already had stormy weather these past few days as it draws nearer.
Until then, all I have to say about our current situation is "ope."

CSS made by TwiggyTeeluck
Image from www.vivagoal.com/

Featuring a few artists in need.

Journal Entry: Thu Jul 19, 2018, 11:58 AM
Call me Essy~

I'm a pretty chill nerd.


Okay, so this journal's a bit different from what I normally do, but I really want to bring some attention to a few artists I follow (and some who are followed by those I follow) who are going through some REALLY scary financial situations and other big life things.  Being someone who was suffering financially myself a few years ago, I haven't forgotten how terrified, sick, and anxious I was all of the time from my circumstances, and I hate to think that others are going through that as well.  If you guys can, please please PLEASE reach out to these people!!  Send them support, commission them, share their journals and profiles!!!

I'm hoping to be able to send some support their way once I get paid again (I think in a week or two), and it would mean everything to them and myself if you would help them out and let them know they're not alone.

Thanks so much.

(Re-upload) I give in. I need help.Medral, who is literally one of the greatest people I have ever met, pushed me to re-post this. I was afraid of asking for help. I'm afraid of being made fun of, or my friends getting mad. But Medral assured me it's important to post.
In short, I am very in debt right now because I tried helping other people get out of THEIR debt. My ex boyfriend, my grandma, my mom, and some friends. I was told by every person I helped that they would pay me back, and then they didn't. And now I'm stuck with $300 a month JUST in debt payment until I get it paid off. I'm doing my best to juggle my bills with the debt, but this month, I just can't afford it.
I was charged twice for one bill thanks to a fault in the company not charging me when they're supposed to, and Verizon, my cell phone, says I owe them $200. I did call them, and I do owe this much.
I hate to ask, but I'm going to, because Medral tells me it's okay to ask for help. If ANYONE can help me financially, I would appreciate it.I do n
Current EventsSoooo
We got an eviction notice. We've lived here complaint free for almost 10 years now, and have never missed/been late on a rent payment. With California law atm it's actually sketchy AF but it doesn't put to bed this awful sick feeling in the pit of my stomach?
I'm housebound to those who are a bit newer to my gallery, and it makes it near impossible to help out the household unless I'm doing commissions, which with recent stress has been impossible. (please don't even ask about their next opening, they won't be, Commissions are permanently closed as they put me in complete panic mode at this point)
Idek why I'm sharing this other than I can't brain for lack of a better word. We'll probably have to move out of our hometown and it's just...weird and painful and exciting and horrifying? I hate it here in this house, we live next to an extremely abusive and toxic (I never use this word but can't think of anything more fitting) person and the thought of finally being free of them feels


I actually already commissioned this deary for a custom recently and, guys, the dinosaur they gave me IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS EVER????  I REALLY NEED TO MAKE ART OF IT SOON, BUT HOLY SHIT.  THEY ARE GORGEOUS.  GET YOU SOME DINOS TO LOVE.
open | emergency update | custom carnosUpdate
on 7/06, my precious Vilda passed away.
I'm now saving up even more, pushing past my previous goal, to take all of my rats to the vet.
I don't want to lose another baby and i can't take the pain it's currently putting me through. That being said, I'm doing anything I can to raise funds quicker -
selling characters, drawing, making adopts/customs, etc etc. I don't know how much the cost will be, but I have 5 rats that need to go to the vet asap. One of them is already showing signs that Vilda and Journey had; makes it seem they're dying one by one and it hurts like hell to watch them suffer.
I've been told that the amount needed is going to be close to 400.
Any amount helps, please spread this if you can.
current savings:
$259/~400
As some of you may know from my previous adopts, I'm trying to gather up some usd in order to take my rat to the vet.
She's suddenly very skinny and frail, only a year and a half old - she lost her sister a couple months ago and sh


Also, this was shared by CrownedSpade :  
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And then hex000000 is trying to rescue some neglected geckos, so commisioning them would rock, too!


  • Listening to: "Someone Gets Hurt" - Mean Girls Musical
  • Reading: RP stuff
  • Watching: Warriors AMVs
  • Playing: Warframe
  • Eating: Peanutbutter Poptarts
  • Drinking: Water

I REALLY NEED ADVICE/TO VENT ABOUT SPECIES/ADOPTS-

Journal Entry: Sat Jul 7, 2018, 12:17 PM
Call me Essy~

I'm a pretty chill nerd.


Okay.  So as many of you know I'm a HUGE freak for creating characters/adopting designs, etc.  However, there are a few things that are really bothering me about the adopt/OC community and I really need to get my thoughts down if I have any chance of coping/moving past these things.

THERE IS A VERY SPECIFIC SITUATION I WAS IN AT THE  BOTTOM (more like, half-way down) THAT I REALLY NEED FEEDBACK ON/HELP WITH.  IT'S LITERALLY BEEN STRESSING ME OUT AND I AM ALREADY SUPER ANXIOUS AND UPSET ALL THE TIME SO THIS ISN'T HELPING-

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1.  OVERLY-COMMON SPECIES/CHARACTER THEMES

SO.  FIRST OFF.  I'm getting a little irritated by how many similar closed species I'm seeing pop up in my notifications.  Like, do whatever you want to do when you're designing a character/species, but if you're literally just taking two animals from nature/popular mythology and you're fusing them and then going on to make them a closed species OF COURSE you're going to see a ton of look-alikes online.  Like, popular animals are popular for a reason--they're easy to draw, are aesthetically pleasing, are popular in many cultures/media, and are loved by a lot of people off and online.

(Random, generic examples ahead--not calling anyone out specifically through these examples, though if you think I am . . . I mean . . . I'm kind of only proving my point. . .)
If you're literally just making a cat or dog dragon-like or are fusing a wolf or a lion with a bear or a bird or something you're bound to see lots of other characters that look like that online.  It's not 100% because people are openly copying you, it's because your designs can be easily recreated.

The same thing goes for species that are just animal combined with a type of food.  I don't know how many times I've seen people arguing about people stealing/copying designs ove something like a dog with sprinkles, a cat made of ice cream, pets or wild animals based off sushi/baked goods, etc.  There are TONS of food-themed spcies out there and it's caused a LOT of drama and in-fighting for the community.

I DON'T HATE THESE SPECIES, AND I DON'T THINK THEY SHOULD BE HATED ON.  I wouldn't even know what to recommend to owners of species like this if they DID want to make them stand out more from the crowd.  I'm not saying they should change their species, ether, but . . . why attack people for honest mistakes and look-alikes?  There are cases of people blatantly copying a design, but there are a LOT of cases of people honestly making a similar character/creature without knowing, and they've been shit on for it.  It's really disheartening to see, and super disappointing.

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2.  CLAIMING MUTATIONS/TRAITS AS ONE-OFFS

Another thing that's really been bugging me lately is how people have been laying claim to certain traits/designs.  I guess I could understand better if it was a specific set of traits used on a character, but if it's one single trait--extra limbs, oddly placed eyes/hands/teeth/ears/wings/mouths, a limb with mouths/eyes/a full face placed on it, stitching, etc., then . . . I don't understand how people can lay claim to it and disallow everyone else on the entire internet from using it?

This is something I've been encountering more and more personally.  I'll see a cool use of a trait and I'll look through the rules/ToS/ask the creator if I could make my own version, i.e., change enough of the species/creature so that it doesn't resemble their design (new colors, new patterns, different body shapes/proportions, different accessories, additional physical traits, etc.), and more and more lately 
I've seen blurbs in descriptions saying not to create anything similar.

(More on this below-)

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HERE'S WHAT I MAINLY NEED ADVICE ON:

I recently was really interested in a particular character whose auction I missed--more so than I have been for literally any character ever--and I contacted the original creator as well as the adopter to ask if I could create my own kind of character using the same trait and species, but with different features/patterns/and an altered color palette (they used my favorite palette to make it).  I was told by the original creator that I could if it was okay with the adopter, and the adopter ended up telling I could not because of the ToS and how unique the character was.  (Understand both people were respectful in their replies, so I'm not claiming they're bad people or anything like that.)

It felt bittersweet and stung, but I conceded and backed off.  I couldn't get the charater out of my head, though, and so I reviewed the ToS again and was trying to think of how I could create something that I could love like that character since it's been haunting me for weeks--months, even, and it's been stressing me out.  Obviously, I don't want to steal the character because theft is shitty and goes against my morals, or make something that looks too similar as that would make the adopter uncomfortable.  Instead, I decided I would change how my own character's pedal stance/species/the one trait I really wanted to use off of the character (I feel like I need to be vague to avoid starting drama, but in short it was a hand in a place where hands obviously do not grow and I thought it looked creepy and appealing) so that there was more of it or so that it would be positioned differently.  Techinically, this would be allowed by the ToS I was shown, but I still didn't feel comfortable making my own character still as I was afraid they (the adopter and creator) would see it with the additional limb/limbs and think I was stealing the idea from them and they'd blast me for it or block me when I respect them both as artists regardless.  Basically, I don't want to be on bad terms with people whose work and personalities I admire.  I'm kind of scared to even be typing this because I feel like they'll stumble across it or something and they'll be like "you're two-faced, wtf, you're so annoying."

So, all in all, I want to use this ONE trait and a similar palette, but am wanting to change the species, stance, patterns, and features of the character so that I have something unique inspried by something I love and really hate myself for missing without the two characters looking at all similar.  I proposed this to both parties despite my better judgement and was only responded to by the creator who (again, was super patient and kind and basically an absolute angel), but was told I'd still be defeating the purpose of the one-off ToS.  But . . . would I be?

One-offs kind of irritate me sometimes, too.  For anyone confused, a one-off is a character/creature whose design is not made for the purpose of creating a species (open or closed), and doesn't resemble common animals/humanoids.  It's a one-time chance to own a design that will not ever belong to a trademarked or copywrited species.  The ToS said as much, and that the purchaser could not create similar characters or adopts based off the design, either, and I get that.  But my spitball idea for a character inspired by the one I really liked wouldn't be created by them, wouldn't become a species, and would have A DIFFERENT BODY STYLE, DIFFERENT SPECIES, DIFFERENT PATTERNS, BUT THE SAME HAND TRAIT AND A SIMILAR THOUGH ALTERED COLOR PALETTE BECAUSE IT IS MY FAVORITE COLOR PALETTE AND I'D LIKE TO USE IT FOR MORE OF MY FUTURE CHARACTERS.

Am I just stupid?  Am I stubborn?  Am I missing the point?  Do I just need to get over it?  Does anyone at ALL AGREE WITH ME THAT IT'S A LITTLE BOTHERSOME THAT ONE SPECIFIC TRAIT WHETHER IT BE A MUTATION OR ODD LIMBS/FACIAL FEATURES IN ODD PLACES, ADDITIONAL LIMBS/ETC., CANNOT BE USED BY ANYONE ELSE ON THE INTERNET EVER AGAIN BECAUSE ONE CHARACTER IS DESCRIBED AS A ONE-OFF?  See, I feel like I might sound really annoying to a lot of people for that, but CHRIST.  In the last 24-48 hours I've seen COUNTLESS cats, dogs, wolves, and humaoids with extra limbs, odd limb placement and body horror, common animals combined with one other animal, food, or an element (fire, water, etc.) and the creators of said designs are saying they're one offs insinuating no one else may ever create a character that is a combination of those two things ever again, or they may never use one specific trait on a particular species or ANY SPECIES AT ALL despite obvious differences in designs.  And . . . that's not what a one-off is supposed to be!!  Like, obviously don't steal the design, don't create anything that could be considered too similar, but not allowing anyone to use any aspect of a character that you used for the design?  Dude-

Does that irritate no one else?  I've seen tons of black or gray-skinned demons that look like my own Bloody, though I didn't bat an eye.  I've seen a fair amount of conjoined wolves that looked similar to a character I adopted in the past, and didn't care.  I've seen lots of other similar gijinkas and anthro pokemon who look like my characters or my friend's characters because they're based off the same Pokemon but it's still obvious that they weren't copied from our characters.
It wouldn't bother me if someone made a dog whose mouth opened at the chest similar to Caige, one of my newest OCs because body horror and dogs are super popular.  IF, however, THEY GAVE HIM THE EXACT SAME PERSONALITY, COAT PATTERN, AND MADE HIM A HARBINGER/DEVOURER OR SOULS THEN YEAH I WOULD HAVE AN ISSUE.  If someone made a similarly-designed demon to Bloody with similar markings, wardrobe, powers, or attitude then yeah, I'd take some issue with that.  If someone completely steals your palette and applies it to EXACTLY THE SAME OR IN AN EXTREMELY SIMILAR FASHION to a character, or copies a VERY UNIQUE design then that's obviously NOT okay.

I want to say this right here--I hate art/character theft, so don't get me wrong.  I have had my art taken and have had people literally threaten to STEAL MY OCs TO MY FACE, and have gotten pissed.  I try to report any and all stolen art I see should something pop up in my notifications (after doing my own investigation), and get really angry with people who don't credit bases or aknowledge they traced someone's work and are uploading it as their own.  I also hate seeing blatant character theft and copying so I don't want to do anything that will making people suspicious of me or will make people hate/accuse me, you know?  I'm just getting really frustrated by how much arguing and debate I've seen recently and have seen for a long time.

Everything's gotten to the point where I'm actually fucking terrified of making ANY NEW CHARACTERS AT ALL BECAUSE NOW I THINK PEOPLE ARE STALKING MY SHIT TO SEE IF ANYTHING I'M DOING IS TOO SIMILAR TO SOMEONE ELSE'S SHIT AND I'M NOT A PARANOID PERSON SO . . . I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS PARANOIA IS COMING FROM.  (Side note: my mental health has evolved a lot and now I think I may have more issues apart from just my depression and anxiety.  Like . . . I'm legit wondering if I may need to see a doctor to see if there's anything else I could be diagnosed with because I'm . . . still mentally unwell and have noticed alarming differences in my thought patterns and reactions so yeah.  I really don't need any more stress right now, and am needing some serious help with this issue.)

I also don't want to make it seem like I'm ignoring what people have said to me because of how upfront I have been in any and all situations similar to this in the past (though I've never really been in a situation like THIS before-).  I don't want anyone thinking I've gone back on my word or I'm lying, but dammit- I just want to make new characters and actually ENJOY IT without the threat of people accusing me of anything or thinking anything bad about me.

I've talked about this extensively with my boyfriend (whom has studied law/business law extensively) and have gone over ToS with him, my messages, definitions, etc., and he's told me I'd still be very much in the right if I went ahead and continued making my own OCs as I've described them to him, and that I shouldn't be so hesitant to make my own designs because what I'm doing/proposing isn't actually copying, but . . . I still feel scared of doing that now.  I briefly considered sending a link of this to the artist I was talking to before, but I feel like they'll hate me or think I'm talking shit or that I'm just two-faced or something.

It's gotten SO BAD that I started going through my old sta.sh lists of character ideas and have started to CROSS THEM OUT WITH THE INTENTION OF DELETING THEM BECAUSE I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK I'M COPYING THEM DESPITE ME HAVING HAD CERTAIN IDEAS FOR YEARS.  This is also a big reason why I've held off on making Pokemon fusions or MLP nextgen projects--a lot of my ideas/interests/headcanons/aesthetics have been used in different ways by many people already and I don't want anyone to think I'm copying them.

Am I in the right?  Is my frustration justified?

Am I an insane, petulant child?

Should I just continue making my own character designs regardless using the palettes and traits that I like/have liked, or should I scrap any and all ideas using something similar to a one-off somewhere on the interent?

Should I contact any specific artists about this who might be able to help?  Should I contact that one artist again anyway and get their take on my issue/invite them to a conversation with me, or would that be too pushy/rude?

I don't know what to do and it's killing my art drive.

Why the fuck does this mean so much to me?  I just want to feel happy and comfortable designing characters again.


MY FIRST ART RAFFLE! (FREE)

Fri Jun 22, 2018, 8:31 PM


WELCOME, EVERYBODY!


This marks the first time I've ever organized some kind of giveaway on my DA, and I'm really excited to do so!  I'm sure a lot of you who watch me have noticed, but I have been uploaded a lot more art lately in an effort to revitalize my account.  Being back has been really nice, and I've already gained some new friends and a lot of new watchers, which is excellent!  I also recently broke 100,000 page views, but unfortunately didn't have any kiriban planned for it.  QuQ


I REFUSE TO LET YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT GO UNNOTICED ANY LONGER!

I have made a lot of friends on DA, and have received a ton of support and positivity from users on here, and so I'd like to engage with you all further and host a COUPLE of events!  ;)



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MY FIRST ART RAFFLE

First up, is the raffle.  Since I've been gaining a lot of attention from submitting character reference sheets lately, I wanted my raffle to be for some custom character reference sheets!  I don't know how many people I can get to enter, but I'm going to set up three winning places.


THE PRIZE:

A character referene sheet consisting of a full body, a second full body/alternate form, and three headshots.  Simple or aesthetic background.  Text blurbs (provide me with some flavor text or facts about your character if you win!)


Examples:
MYO Symph - 2B by SavannaEGoth   Axolotl OC - Axel by SavannaEGoth   MYO Simulic - Dagurim by SavannaEGoth   MYO Exyland - Levi by SavannaEGoth   Adopted OC - Dashiell by SavannaEGoth

HOW TO ENTER:

  1. Be a watcher!  (New or old is fine.)
  2. Have an account older than three months.  (I'll make an exception if you and I have spoken on DA before, but you MUST link me to it.)
  3. Comment on this journal!
  4. Share this journal!  (Must be new journal/poll, not edited.)


HOW TO EARN RAFFLE TICKETS:

  1. Comment anything on this journal  =  +1
  2. Tag some friends  =  +1 per tag
  3. Share in a poll  =  +1
  4. Share in a journal  =  +1
  5. Link one of your favorite pieces of mine in your comment  =  +1
Benefits for widget friends:
  1. Insta +5 tickets from commenting!
  2. Mass-tagging whenever I host an event!
  3. You can opt out of sharing my event journals!

END DATE:

July 31st @ 11:59 p.m. EDT  -  IT'S NOW CLOSED!!!

I am running the tickets right now for the drawing~~


ENTREES:

BlueBlueFox - Tickets 1 - 10
echo9hotel - Tickets 11 - 17
Shalmons - Tickets 18 - 24
GHELP0  - Tickets 25 - 35
Torn-B-I-a-S - Tickets 36 - 42
shimmerdiamond - Tickets 43 - 115
Kal241 - Tickets 116 - 122
Desgeega - Tickets 123 - 129
Ivyonthewall16 - Tickets 130 - 131
LucyFlowers57 - Tickets 132 - 133
AnnaTheWonderGirl01 - Tickets 134 - 143
Amandaconda1 - Tickets 144 - 145
lonely-eel - Tickets 146 - 159
DeadlyHemloq - Tickets 160 - 167
HisBride07 - Tickets 168 - 171
Username - Ticket numbers


WINNERS:

GHELP0  |  shimmerdiamondHisBride07


Proof:  Raffle 001 Winners
Congratulations, you guys!!

EDIT - BONUS WINNER:

BlueBlueFox 


Proof:  Raffle 001 Winners v3
Shimmer let me know that they would prefer a simple fullbody, and Torn wanted to pass his winning spot on to another artist, so I went back in and pulled another ticket to hand off the reference sheet slot to another person since that was the big ticket item.  Congrats to our new winner!


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POST-100,000 KIRIBAN

The second event I'm hosting is a post-100,000 page view kiriban!  Since I missed the milestone, the official one will be 111,111!  If you can screen shot it and send it to me then you win and I'll give you either a free full body piece of your character/persona (colored and shaded), a full body piece of a canon character from a fandom of your choice (if you don't have any OCs/a persona), or TWO custom character designs (my closed species are on the table)!

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Thanks again to everyone who wants to participate, and to everyone who got me this far.  You guys rock, and it really means a lot to me that you helped me out.  <3

Essy-G over and out.



Okay, so technically my birthday is the 6th, not the 5th, but it's in less than an hour, so-  (Actually, wait.. .  I was born at 9:00 AM, so it's really less than ten. .   Whatever.)  But yeah.  This nerd is about to turn twenty-one, and now I shall experience the world of alcohol as I've spent my life avoiding unerage drinking like the plague.  It's probably really silly, but I am honestly proud of myself for abstaining from alcohol this long.  Go me!  Whenever I get paid a substantial amount from work and can get groceries and pay bills and all that I'm gonna get the mixings for a drink I've wanted to try for ages--an Alien Brain Hemorrhage.  Then and only then will I ease myself into other alcohols like a normal person.

Here's to hoping that I make it another year and that I have been blessed with the drinking abilities of my ancestors.

Oh yeah!  And I finally broke 100,000 pageviews!  But I'll post more on that later.  ;D
  • Listening to: "Momotaro" - Wednesday Campanella
  • Reading: Inbox Shiz
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: Terraria
  • Eating: Spaghetti
  • Drinking: Water
I can't make it pretty since my core's up now, sorry.  :'D
Anywho!

Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm going to be working on more of those Nebula Eaters soon, but I really need to think of a good price for them.  Like, I'm not going to have them up for anything less than $10, maybe no less than $15 (with the option to pay in points, as well), but I don't know how high to price them.  My partner suggested to me that I should price them really high since that apparently draws more people in.  Like, they see something expensive, think that means it's high-quality or exclusive or something, and they are more willing to throw more money down on it as weird as that sounds--he even went so far as to suggest pricing them at $100 a pop.  I'm just nervous that will force more people to stay away from my art and adoptables than before.  I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this.

I'd also really like you guys to look at my baby, Veil, and throw up figures for about how much you'd imagine it would run for, or how much you'd pay for an adoptable like it.
Veil - Nebula Eater (NEW CLOSED SPECIES!) by SavannaEGoth

Thanks again for a good year, guys.  Amid all my various hiatusies and life drama, it was nice to return to a friendly community and loyal viewer base!  Gonna be working to get a job and make art money on the side.  Hopefully next year I'll be more active and artsy, and can start making good money again.  This is all stressing me out something fierce.  O~O

Lastly, I'll leave you all with some tunage.  Have a great New Year, everybody~

- With love, Essy

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  • Listening to: "Not Too Late" - Lemaitre
  • Reading: Inbox Shiz
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: Lioden
  • Eating: Toasted Sandwich and Baked Potato
  • Drinking: Water

Life Update-

Journal Entry: Sat Oct 28, 2017, 1:25 AM
Call me Essy~

I'm a pretty chill nerd.


Eyyyyy.  A lot of things have happened since I last formally checked in with you guys.  Let's talk about that-  (Gonna try to keep it short since it's late and I'm tired. . .)

Uh . . . hm.  First off . . . I quit one of my jobs so I would have more time for building relationships, art, gaming, and spending time with my significant other.

I am dating again!  Yeah!  It's been a little over four months now since my darling and I got together, and I know we've been really quiet about it since it happened, but I'll be posting a lot of art of the two of us in the future.  I love them so much and they honestly inspire to do so many things . . . it'd be hard not to make art of them. . .

I adopted a leopard gecko!  She's about a year old, and I named her Tawny.  She is cuddly and loves hunting crickies.  She also enjoys climbing on top of her heat cave to get scritchies and pets, and sometimes when I hold her she climbs up my arms to get closer to my face.  It's . . . frickin' adorable.

I'm trying to improve my mood and reduce stress while my emotions continue to fly all over the place.  I think I . . . might be . . . bipolar after all . . or have bipolar depression . . . but I don't know for sure.  I'm just noticing that I'm angry a lot more than I've ever been in the past and I still have tons of unhealthy thoughts I'm trying to repress.  My partner is helping me through this.

I've been avoiding art.  (No shit.)
I just . . . I accumulated some commissions and a lot of requests from people I know IRL and I have a huge problem saying no, so I keep adding thigns to my to-do list.  On top of that I have those damned pony breedables to do . . . I won't be reopening those, by the way.  I just don't like designing them like I used to, but I still want to make them for the people who've already paid, you know?  I also still have an MAP part to make for some old music video on YT, but because of life and stress I just . . . never got around to it.  See, with all of these things I owe people I just . . . don't feel comfortable putting out my personal work so . . . my DA has been dying.  I just feel so guilty making things for myself or featuring my favorite characters when I should be working on paid work . . . but I don't know. . .  I haven't been enjoying the things people have asked me to work on for them.  Like . . . they just don't appeal to me, so that in addition to a hectic schedule (not to mention my shitty motivation to do anything at all), and emotional conditions makes it super hard to work.  I'm kind of forcing myself to do things now. . .  Which almost makes me like working on these projects less because I want art to be art, and I want to work on it impulsively rather than have it feel like work.  It's for that reason that I may be more selective about commissions in the future.

There's another reason I'm trying to wrap up these loose art ends-

I'm moving!

For the first time in almost 21 years I'm going to be living outside of my home state.  My partner and I are going to be moving into his friends' home half-way across the country . . . so . . . I'm going to be leaving Wyoming and coming to Georgia.  It feels crazy and frightening, but I really think this is for the best.  We'll get to finally be closer together again, we can go to more concerts and comic cons, we can play Warframe next to one another, eat together, see each other at the end and beginning of each day. . .~  I miss them so much. . .  I can't wait to be starting my life with them.  It's been hard being alone in my apartment since he had to go back home after coming to visit me earlier this year, so getting to see my dear again will be everything.

In the meantime, I've been finding a new tenant for my apartment, packing, and cleaning the FUCK out of this place.  I don't have a lot of stuff, and I already keep this place really clean . . . so that's . . . probably not as bad as it seems, but dealing with my building managers is fucking hell.  I hate them.  I hate their office.  I hate everything they stand for.  Those shady, greedy, lying assholes.  But I'm almost gone, so yay!  (I even found someone who can move in next week after I leave and they'll be able to reimburse me for November's rent, so yay!  Just gotta wait on my landlords now. . .)

My partner and I have a few big plans for the future, as well (including going to a monk school in China, and attending university in Germany), but I don't wanna bog this journal down anymore.  I've got to repair my bedroom walls in the morning and I have a full day of work ahead of me tomorrow.

Oh shit . . . just remembered I need to get my new bank card, too . . . kind of need one of those if I'm going to be paying for gas to drive the Uhaul over to Georgia. . .  Yeah. . .  And I need a new bank down there, too. . .  Shit.  And a change of address, also.  Fuck.  Lots of things to do still. . .

So yeah.  Hope you all are well.  Love you~


  • Listening to: "Evelyn, Evelyn" - Evelyn Evelyn
  • Reading: News Articles
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: Warframe
  • Eating: Salt & Vinegar Potatoes
  • Drinking: Sprite

Guess who's joining the Mandalorian Mercs?

Journal Entry: Fri May 19, 2017, 1:51 PM
Call me Essy~

I'm a pretty chill nerd.


Eeeeeyep!  You're looking at the newest pre-approved member of the Mandalorian Mercenaries--an elite group of Star Wars cosplayers who attend conventions, charity events, and other Star Wars' related happenings and celebrations.  They're an extension of the 501st Legion, the storm trooper and sith cosplayers who also do these things, but have a much larger member count.  This was my second year talking to the members of the organization, but unlike last time this time I actually visited them all three days, asked way more questions, met more of the members, and finally joined their forums.  I'm going to be saving up a little more money before I begin to work on my armor, but I've already started designing the character I'll be creating to join their ranks as a full member in the future.  I'm so excited to have been presented with this opportunity, and I'm really appreciative of the cool new friends I made who are already in the group!  They're so welcoming and enthusiastic, and really do seem to be like a family.  (I know a lot of people claim their groups are like one big family, but they actually seem like one!)  I've already received some help and caring convos from some of the members, and they still chat with me a little bit every now and then.  I really think I'm going to love being a merc.  <3

Okay, okay . . now I've got to go to work.  See you guys soon~

  • Listening to: Star Wars Dubstep
  • Reading: Mandalore
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: Sims 3
  • Eating: Spaghetti
  • Drinking: Dr. Pepper

Tag Thingy-

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 31, 2017, 12:27 AM
Alright.  I'm partially worried that parts of this journal might come across as bragging to some people.  Just know that this isn't my intent, and if you want just totally ignore this shit and go on living life.

Tagged by Takai-Yubikiri 

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[x] Mother 
[ ] Father 
[x] Step-Father 
[ ] Step-Mother 
[ ] Step Sister
[ ] Step Brother
[ ] Brother 
[ ] Brother In Law
[ ] Sister 
[ ] Sister In Law 
[ ] Twin
[ ] Half sister
[x] Half brother 
[ ] Nephew 
[ ] Niece 
[ ] Boyfriend/Girlfriend
[x] Mobile phone 
[x] Own bathroom 
[x] Own room 
[x] Have/had a swimming pool (if kiddie pools count, then sure)
[x] Have/had a hot tub 
[ ] Guest room 
[x] Living Room
[x] Own computer 
[x] Own TV
[x] flat TV
[ ] Lots of rugs 
Total: 12 (I live by myself, bruh- course this shit's mine)

[x] Full size/Queen bed 
[x] More than 8 pairs of shoes 
[x] MP3 Player/iPod
[x] PS2/3 (PS4 pls )
[x] Nintendo DS or PSP
[ ] Gameboy/Advance
[ ] Gamecube 
[ ] Xbox/Xbox 360 
[ ] Wii 
[x] Your Own Laptop 
Total: 6

[ ] Basketball net/hoop
[ ] Air hockey table
[ ] Pool table
[ ] Ping pong table
[ ] Football table
[x] sport gear 
Total: 1

[x] Nightstand
[x] Stereo in bedroom 
[ ] surround system
[ ] DVD player in bedroom/portable
Total: 2

[ ] Go shopping at least once a week
[ ] Expensive cologne/perfume
[ ] AIM/MSN (Gmail)
[x] Camera on phone
Total: 2

[ ] Straightener/curling iron 
[ ] Have been to a batting cage 
[ ] Have $100 on you right now in your pocket/wallet 
[x] Credit card or ATM card or debit card or bank card 
[ ] Have a TV in your room 
[ ] Mirror in your room
Total: 1

[x] Window in your room
[ ] Been to Paris 
[ ] Been to Rome 
[ ] Been to Australia 
[ ] Been to Switzerland
[ ] Been to Dubai
[ ] Been to Germany 
[ ] Been to the United Kingdom
[ ] Been to a place written in 7 wonders 
Total: 1

[x] Parents have a car
[ ] Have owned or own a Jet ski/boat
[x] Had/have Camped 
[x] Been to 3+ states/countries/provinces
[x] 80+ buddies 
Total: 4

[ ] Home cooked meals almost everyday 
[x] Been in a limo  
[ ] Been in a helicopter
[x] Own a camera 
[ ] Have been to Disneyland/World more than 2 times
Total: 2

~

Post as:
1-25 = Ghetto! (and tag 3 people) 
26-40 = Average Teen! (and tag 10 people) 
41-50 = Spoiled Teen! (And tag 15 people) 
51+ = Upper Class Snob! (and tag 20 people)

Total: 12 + 6 + 1 + 2 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 4 + 2 = 31
31 = Average Teen

~~~

Boy howdy.
Don't be deceived.  This thing makes even my boring life sound more exciting than it really is.  Ah well.  It was a thing to do to pass time.  Thanks for the tag and the attention as always, Takai!~  <3

Tagging:  I don't know.  Whoever wishes to do this.  I'm a little hesitant to pick people in case this starts a privilege argument or something.  Again, know that this isn't my intent and you obviously don't have to give this info if you don't want to.  Also, if you're my friends then you likely already know I don't really make a deal about backgrounds at all, and I don't mean to offend people.  I love you guys.
GHELP0 , hyperdriive , Shalmons , JericiEiliel , tokoroth-of-chaos , Torn-B-I-a-S , echo9hotel , centaur788 , AsrielMemeurr , butters-butt 

  • Listening to: "Alone" - Marshmello
  • Reading: Kylo Ren Fics
  • Watching: Creepy Countdowns
  • Playing: Minecraft
  • Eating: Shrimp Spring Rolls
  • Drinking: Milk

Don't need surgery!

Journal Entry: Thu Mar 30, 2017, 2:57 PM
Call me Essy~

I'm a pretty chill nerd.


So I'm back with some good and bad news.

Good news is that my tongue has healed and I won't need surgery to remove the previously swollen membranes underneath!  I've also got groceries and some medicine again, so now I'm gaining back a little of the weight I've been steadily losing, and I can kick my migraine's asses before they even come to a full head.  The weather's getting warmer now that spring's more or less here, so walking to work in the early AM isn't as nippy.  I'm getting my personal life and relationships more in order, and have been pushing myself to be more social and open with my friends and family.  I'm still nervous right now, and hella awkward, but things are becoming more manageable.  I've been reconnecting with old friends, and am continuing to hang out with people weekly outside of work and my apartment to try and stay in a healthy headspace.  So that all is going pretty damn dandy.

The bad news is that I had to leave college.  My financial situation got to the point where I couldn't afford school anymore so yeah.  I don't know when I'll go back.  Honestly, I lost so much drive to even pursue my dream career, if it's even my dream anymore.  I for once in my life am questioning my future path and just had a really uncomfortable moment of realization that I didn't like what I was doing, and it was school that largely made me unhappy.  So I'm slowly trying to figure out what to do.  Everyone IRL is telling me to puruse something with art, but I'd honestly rather just give up on life before I spend money and time on art classes.  I really, really despise that kind of setting and the idea of someone grading my work based on their own ideals and preferences.  Not only that, but there's so little to do with an art degree in Wyoming save for business logos.  >_>  I'm still looking for a second job to make ends meet right now, and all of this panic and insecurity is really killing my drive to log on to DA or go on my chat apps so I've been withdrawing from certain places online until I can get things in order again.

Oh yeah, and while this likely goes without saying, my damned lovelife--or rather, lackthereof--is presenting me with new issues.  So slight romantic tension and disgust/distrust of certain individuals are fighting for my attention and I'm just here like "this is all bullshit."  So yeah.  That's also a thing I'm struggling with that I haven't even told my friends on FB due to how embarrassing it is for me.  Woohoo.

Time to go through my inbox--WHICH, BY THE WAY, I'VE ONLY BEEN GONE A FEW WEEKS AND MY FUCKING INBOX HAS OVER 10,000 NOTIFICATIONS.  HOLY SHIT, Y'ALL.
I love you guys so much, Jesus.


  • Listening to: "The Other Side of Paradise" - Glass Animals
  • Reading: Kylo Ren Fics
  • Watching: YouTube News
  • Playing: MineCraft
  • Eating: Applesauce
  • Drinking: Milk

I might need surgery?

Journal Entry: Tue Feb 28, 2017, 8:39 PM
Call me Essy~

I'm a pretty chill nerd.


So . . . I'm not entirely sure just yet, as this . . . . thing is still in its infancy, and hopefully will just go away by itself.  I'm talking about this nasty swollen abscess of sorts forming under my tongue.  Apparently they can appear at random, and may result from drinking alcohol or sugary beverages.  Obviously I don't drink--I'm underage.  But I did have a few sodas recently, and normally I don't drink anything that isn't healthy.  I really try to avoid eating or having a lot of junk food in my apartment.

Anywho!  This thing hasn't gone away and it's already been a few days since it started growing in size and becoming discolored.  I would just remove it myself but there are people warning against that as these things sometimes become connected to the major arteries in your tongue and you can easily bleed out if the bleeding doesn't show signs of stopping.  For those of you who've known me for a good time will prolly recall that while I hardly fear anything I was traumatized by nightmares during my blood tests and now am pretty nervous about bleeding out, so I'm keeping anything sharp the hell away from my tongue.  Problem is the swelling is occuring in one of my mucosa--the little dangly bits of skin some people have that grow along their plica fimbriata, or the mucous membrane folds that run from your tongue to the bottom of your mouth.  They form in such a way that they can line up with the gaps between your teeth so that when you stick out your tongue or lick something these bits of flesh can occasionally get caught and either get pulled or tear.  It's usually painless, but due to this swelling it happens a lot more often and is quite uncomfortable.

Eating hot food bothers it a lot which is unfortunate seeing as how the only food I currently have that doesn't require being heated up or cooked is a bag of salad fixings and some dry cereal.  :/

I'm giving a warm salt rinse a try since that's helped me with various oral health problems in the past, but it hasn't shown much progress yet, either, and supposedly salt in this case can make the white swells disappear after only five rinses.  If this continues then I'll have to go to a dentist and have the infected areas removed.

My spine is getting worse, as well.  Something's wrong with my lower back, like, more than usual considering my back goes out of place in multiple locations extremely often.  The bone and muscle issues have thus been amping up my chronic migraines so being online and doing art is getting a little more bothersome, BUT I'M WORKING ON ANIMATIONS SO THEY NEED TO STOP SOON, PLEASE.

Ugh.  This journal was mostly just me keeping you guys up to date with random shit IRL.  Basically I'm just sore and am eating less again thanks to my dumb tongue.

Oh, and my internet went out again for a few days so everything that my wifi company has done up until this point hasn't really helped my situation any.  Apparently there were multiple "big issues" with the cables outside and whatever else that they have to have some expert come in and fix later this week.  (Aren't you guys the experts, though?  WTH- whyareyouhereifyoucfan't-)

Lastly, and most uncomfortably I must inform you guys right now that if I go on another major hiatus (like I did at the end of 2015 going on through most of 2016) it's because I might have to get a second job to make ends meet.  I'm still trying to work out getting more hours added back on to my schedule at the art store I'm currently employed at, since my time was cut in half after the seasonal sales ended.  I had a really bad scare recently with making, like, 1/3 or 1/2 of what I'd been making before, but I'm confident I'll pull have enough for March's rent, so at least I won't be losing this place within the week, yeah?  :'D

I've been wanting to make more adopts, but those never really sell well . . . and it doesn't make sense for me to spend hours on batches of adopts when I can't make more than a few bucks off of a few of them.  Maybe I'll have to keep trying new creatures or styles or something to encourage people to buy.  I'm not keen on selling out, and I'd like to make things that interest me, but I also want to stay in my home so . . . yeah.

I dunno.  We'll see how things go.  I'm just an anxious little shit when it comes to finances and health is all.  Things'll prolly work out again.  Hopefully.  *Continues to low-key panic*

GOOD NEWS, THOUGH!  I've been, for whatever reason, gaining a little more attention on DA, especially by the staff.  I've been added to the list of deviants who welcome new artists to DA, which is pretty fun, and I've been invited to a group dedicated to constructive criticism (which is pretty funny, I think, considering how nervous and incredibly shy I am giving that sort of stuff, and how I don't particularly like receiving it myself.  I'm more of a "learn gradually as you go" kind of person).  I figured it might be healthy and beneficial more to me and my social anxiety than my actual art, so I'm not shying away completely just yet.

I got to talk with Steve Gabry, the creator of the game Sally Face, and he's given me permission to monetize my cosplay video, which is awesome!  It's steadily gaining attention, too, so maybe I can start earning a little bit of money off YouTube in the future, as well.

I'm still making an effort to leave the apartment and hang out with friends, too.  Every Saturday (and some other week days, as well) I hang out with some people I got to know from work and they've pretty much made me a member of the family.  Literally.  They consider me family.  It's really sweet, and I truly appreciate it.  I've also got quite a few of you guys who check up on me damn near daily whether through text or PMs or whatnot, and I'm thankful for that as well.  It's not easy for me to attract positive relationships like that, and I'm still rather sensitive right now due to the loss of relationships/friendships, but believe me when I say that I think about you guys and my IRL friends pretty much daily.  I might not be a talkative person, and I may not reach out as often as I should, but I care deeply.  I love and trust and worry, I just have a habit of internalizing a lot of it because I don't want to end up hurt again.  I'm sorry for that.  I'm still getting better at this socializing stuff.  And liking myself.  I honestly don't think I'd like myself if I met me as a different person, but that's only because I know all of my dirty little secrets and faults and ridiculous insecurities and just incredibly dark, fucked up things about me that I'm ashamed of.

(Can I be real for a second?  Like, more real?  I honestly think that if you guys got to know me a lot more IRL you'd be pretty sick of me . . . or sickened by me.  That might be my mental conditions talking, but yeah.)

Well this has been another random and scatter-brained life update!  Thank you to those who took their time to look through however much they cared to!  I'm . . . hoping this animation will finally be up in the next day or two, and I have two more to follow it, then another Bloodstuck update that'll require reader input, so . . . yeah.  I'm more than used to things always coming up and delaying my work, though, so take estimated dates with a grain of salt.  Life makes a sport out of trying to prove me wrong, the lil dickens.

  • Listening to: Keaton Henson
  • Reading: DA-Wix Updates
  • Watching: Netflix Thrillers
  • Playing: ARK
  • Eating: Hard Boiled Eggs
  • Drinking: Water

Undertale SOULS Tag!

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 19, 2017, 7:12 PM


Tagged by:  No one.  I stole this from Niutellat 
Rules: 
1. No Tagbacks
2. Tag as many people as you want

TRAITS OF INTEGRITY

  • You rarely lie, and if you do, you admit it later [ ]
  • You get very offended when someone lies to YOU. [ ]
  • When you trust someone, you really trust them, and cannot believe it when they betray you. [X]
  • You keep your word: if you make a promise, you keep that promise [ X]
  • You love being unique [X ]
  • You refuse to change your personality for anyone [ ]
  • You encourage others to be unique [X]
  • You have a very creative mind [X]
  • You have a very serious moral standard [X]
  • You love music [X]
  • Your dream job involves dancing/music [ ]
  • Your favorite color is blue, especially dark blue [ ]
  • You hate being late for anything [X]
  • In the snowball game in Undertale, you tended to get the dark blue flag a lot [ ]
  • In video games, you often point out the music [X]
  • If by some miracle you find a game with a dancer in it, you really, really wanna be that dancer [ ]
  • Your favorite fictional characters are those who stay true to their beliefs [ ]
  • You agree with the statement: It is better to walk in integrity than have great riches [X]
  • You hate stories where people change who they are just to please others [X]
  • You were honest with Undyne and told her anime wasn't real [X]

  Total:  12
(Lying is a tricky thing.  Sometimes I deem it necessary to protect people by telling white lies, and sometimes I'll be honest about them later if the danger has passed.  Sometimes I lie to make others not worry about me or my situation.  I don't always feel good about it, but I don't like making others feel concerned.  If someone lied to me for similar reasons I'd maybe be a little disappointed at most, but I'd understand.  If they lied for any other reason I'd honestly feel really betrayed.  Also, about the personality thing, I don't always let people see the true me unless I've gotten to know them a little better.)


TRAITS OF BRAVERY:

  • You can't stop moving [ ]
  • You are the one that wants to beat up all the bullies [X]
  • You like boxing/martial arts [ ]
  • Your favorite color is orange [ ]
  • You wear manly bandannas and tough gloves [ ]
  • You hate waiting around--LET'S DO IT NOW! [ ]
  • When you get scared, you face your fears head-on [X]
  • Who needs plans? Let's dive right in! [ ]
  • In video games, you enjoy being the guy with the most attack/defense and health--the big tough guy! [ ]
  • Your favorite fictional characters are the brave ones, and the toughest ones [ ]
  • You agree with the statement: the only thing we have to fear is fear itself [X]
  • Your dream job would be something scary, something tough--perhaps a soldier or boxer [ ]
  • You love music that gets your blood pumping harder [X] 
  • You are protective of those you love, and will totally beat up whoever messes with them [X] 
  • You tended to get the orange flag in the snowball game in Undertale [ ]
  • You are VERY competitive [ ]
  • You are athletic [ ]
  • You like muscular people [ ]
  • You enjoy things other people would consider scary [X]
  • You don't like mushy, emotions, and always try to be tough [ ]

Total:  6
(I'm not a brave boy?? :'U)


TRAITS OF JUSTICE :

  • Your favorite color is yellow [ ]
  • You have really good aim [ ]
  • When you get angry, it's usually over some terrible injustice [X]
  • When there are bullies, you tell the teacher so they can get what they deserve [X]
  • Your dream job would be something in law enforcement--police officer, lawyer, judge, etc, [ ]
  • You love firearms/guns [ ]
  • Either you go to a shooting range, or play FPS games []
  • Not only do you play FPS games, but you LOVE being the sniper [ ]
  • You also enjoy detective/lawyer games [ ]
  • You love watching mysteries and adventures where the bad guys get defeated [ ]
  • You uphold the law very seriously [X]
  • You have a strong sense of ethics [X]
  • You agree with the statement: you will reap what you sow [X] 
  • In the snowball game in Undertale, you got the yellow flag a lot [ ]
  • You also enjoy western movies, because of the sense of justice [X]
  • Your favorite characters are detectives, lawyers, etc [ ]
  • You love it when the bad guys get beaten [ ]
  • You hate it when the bad guys get away [ ]
  • When you do something bad, you are willing to punish yourself [X]
  • You have the tendency to point out when other people do something wrong, not because you are mean, but because you want them to do what is right [X] 

Total:  8
(I tend to take rules and laws more seriously than a lot of my friends . . . as they've repeatedly told me.  I don't like doing things that could get us into trouble.  qAq)


TRAITS OF PATIENCE

  • You do not mind reading long lists [X]
  • You don't mind waiting for long periods of time [X]
  • Even when you get annoyed, you tell yourself, "just be patient... be patient " [X]
  • It takes A LOT for you to get angry...a.....barking....lot.... [X]
  • You are willing to listen to other people talk for a long time [X]
  • You love your little siblings, and don't get annoyed easily [X] 
  • In video games, you love being the stealth characters that sneak around and wait for the perfect time to pounce [X]
  • Your favorite color is aqua/cyan [  ]
  • In the snowball game in Undertale, you got the cyan (light blue) flag a lot [ ]
  • You don't mind long cut scenes in video games [X]
  • You don't mind long movies [X]
  • When other people get angry, you calmly wait for them to relax [X]
  • Your dream job would be something other people would consider tedious [X]
  • You agree with the statement: the tortoise won the race, not the hare. [ ]
  • You enjoy long pieces of music [X]
  • You are very forgiving, and don't really get offended at whatever minor thing they did [X] 
  • When you are bullied, you hope that if you hold still long enough they'll go away [ ] 
  • You prefer to let things happen naturally, instead of rushing them [X]
  • You enjoy sitting and watching nature [X]
  • You understand that people take time to change [ ]
Total:  15
(Damn, son.)



TRAITS OF KINDNESS:
  • You are very empathetic/sympathetic [X]
  • You genuinely love people [X]
  • You are willing to be beaten up by a bully if it means protecting someone else [X] 
  • You refuse to fight back, unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY [X]
  • You are good at catching/blocking things thrown at you [X]
  • You enjoy cooking [ ]
  • your favorite color is green [ ]
  • You are very good to your pets [X]
  • Your favorite fictional characters are the gentlest ones [X] 
  • You get REALLY upset when people call your favorite characters mary-sues, because you know in real life there ARE very kind-hearted people--and you are one of them! [X] 
  • You agree with the statement: kindness makes the world go 'round [X]
  • You may sound like a hippy, but you are all for world peace [X]
  • In the snowball game in Undertale, you got the green flag a lot [X]
  • Your dream job is either something related to food or helping other people [ ]
  • You enjoy helping others a lot [X]
  • In video games, you love being the healers [ ]
  • You are forgiving [X]
  • When you see someone crying, you want to make them feel better [X]
  • You hate stories with broken relationships, because it makes you sad [X]
  • You could NEVER do any kind of gameplay that involves killing EVERYTHING [ ]

Total: 15
(My dudes.)



TRAITS OF PERSEVERANCE

  • You try to be optimistic, even in the darkest times [ ]
  • You take a lot of notes [X]
  • You are a nerd, and you are okay with that [X]
  • You don't care what other people may say about you--you will keep moving forward [X]
  • If at first you don't succeed, try, try again [X]
  • When you are bullied, you try to ignore them and keep doing your thing [ ]
  • Your favorite color is purple [ ]
  • in the snowball game, you got the purple flag a lot [ ]
  • You do get annoyed with your younger siblings, but you wait it out [ ]
  • You don't like waiting, but are willing to wait [ ]
  • You agree with the statement: he who ENDURES to the END will be saved [X] 
  • The important thing is finishing what you start, not being the best [X]
  • You enjoy games where you have to endure as long as you can before you die, and you like beating your score each time [X]
  • In video games, you like being the guy with the most stamina [ ]
  • You also enjoy strategy games, and often have a plan [ ]
  • Your dream job would involve some kind of paperwork or using your mind a LOT [X]
  • You want to keep your mind sharp [X]
  • Your favorite characters are the ones that make it to the end, no matter what [ ]
  • You hate it when fictional characters give up [ ]
  • You keep trying, and you keep trying, and you refuse to quit! [X]

Total:  10
(Wh- HOW?)



TRAITS OF DETERMINATION

  • You are a completionist gamer--you want to make sure you get EVERYTHING finished [X]
  • You are VERY stubborn [X] 
  • You don't have one tactic, but adapt to each situation and make up a strategy for each one [X]
  • You are filled with INTEGRITY, JUSTICE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, BRAVERY, and PERSEVERANCE [X]
  • Your favorite color is red [ ] 
  • Your favorite fictional characters are the underdogs who go through hardships and come out stronger [X]
  • You enjoy alternate universe and time-traveling stories [X] 
  • You want to make a HUGE difference in the world [ ]
  • Until your dying breath, you will fight for what you believe in [X] 
  • In a video game, you might be the good guy, but you might be the bad guy--it depends on your mood [X]
  • When you set your mind to do something, you WILL do it [X]
  • You agree with the statement: NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER [X] 
  • You take note of many details-- sights, sounds, smells, estimate sizes of things, etc [X]
  • You are often the one settling disputes [X]
  • You are the one with a lot of authority, and other people know it [ ]
  • You hate stories that feel half-finished [X]
  • In video games, you enjoy being the mage--the one who can do anything they like with magic [ ]
  • In the snowball game, you got ALL of the flags, ON PURPOSE [ ]
  • You played ALL the routes in Undertale, possibly more than once [X] 
  • You do not know your dream job, but you know that you can do ANYTHING if you try [ ]
Total:  14


It would appear that I am PATIENT and KIND!  Haha, I always identified with the KIND soul, so that's not surprising, and PATIENCE is one of my best traits, so that's not too surprising either, I suppose.  I was surprised to get such high DETERMINATION and PERSEVERENCE ratings, like . . . dang.


TAGGUED BUDDIES: astral-buttercups BedCrows hyperdriive 


original skin by slakoths | modified by ChesterPalm
  • Listening to: Keaton Henson
  • Reading: Messages & Wiki Pages
  • Watching: Caddicarus
  • Playing: ARK
  • Eating: Kylo Ren Cereal
  • Drinking: Milk

I'm Leaving My RP Groups.

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 12, 2017, 8:14 PM
So I'm taking a break from my comic really quick to upload this message, but I just really wanted to get it off of my chest finally.  I've been getting busier with college and work and for a long time I had lost a lot of artistic and social motivation and my overall online activity suffered because of it.  Even though I'm making more of an effort to return to my DA and my YouTube channel, I'm still struggling to overcome my art block and a lack of will to participate in as many things on DA as I had previously.  One of the areas where I've been slacking the most is in the way of the roleplay groups I'm a member of.

Don't get me wrong, I really did like the beginning of my stay at each of the groups, but it became too much to keep up with and I started withdrawing myself from the groups and the chatrooms and other problems began to arise when I did finally get time to return to the RP scene.  RPs would die all of the time, and usually after the first reply or to.  I understood that people had their own personal lives and business to attend to, and I was still obviously dealing with a lot of issues myself, but sometimes it would really get to me.  I mean, I've had people express a lot of interest in RPing and then they wouldn't reply to my starters or they'd drop the RP, again, really soon after it had started.  That, or replies would come in every other week or so and interest in the scenarios and characters would start to fizzle out.  I've had a hard time accepting that I just can't be present that much in that kind of way anymore, and that I would eventually have to leave these groups to take care of personal things IRL.

Not only that, but there was a drama component.  I've had issues with other members or even staff in the past for some of the groups I've been in.  I myself started these groups relatively young, and kept turning to new ones when a group would start to die.  I know I definitely had my faults, and creating a balanced character was hard for me simply because I felt that if I gave my characters too many weaknesses or faults that other characters would be able to best and overcome them too often, and that ended up happening more often than not.  If I didn't try to balance my characters I'd receive criticism and even some reprimanding, and if I made them too weak then other members would let their characters kind of walk all over mine or treat mine poorly and I didn't like the way that that felt, either.  It seemed that while I was starting to make more of an effort in creating a fair RP setting others wouldn't really care and were fine with their characters being better than most others.

I've also had issues with being targeted by staff and other RP partners for reasons that I didn't believe should have been reacted to or handled the way that they were.  I've been called out and embarrassed publicly in the past, have been talked down to, ignored, talked over/around, and I got fed up with it.  I started withdrawing a lot more from large chatrooms and would avoid certain members altogether who seemed to take everything too seriously and would play favorites.  Like . . . okay.  After awhile I was in a state where I was so uncomfortable and unhappy with a lot of the OOC interactions and even some of the RP interactions that I would kind of ghost in chats and wait for an opportunity to stand out or shine or say something that would entertain others or would maybe encourage someone to start talking to me, and just my normal sense of humor was sometimes enough, but other times I would still feel really unappreciated by a majority of those who were more active in the groups.  I'm not saying it's their fault I'm leaving, I just knew when I was and wasn't really being responded to and I started stewing over it and obsessing over it and it was not healthy for me by any means to do.

Basically, I just wanted to be acknowledged more.  I tried turning more to art after awhile and hoped that posting more group art would encourage more interactions and notice in the groups, but that didn't really work as well either, so I gave up for a long time.  What pretty much ended up happening instead was I would only become active in groups around event due dates and I only existed in a group to make art--the RPing had stopped.  I didn't really care about events after that, I disappeared on more hiatuses, I avoided a lot of out-of-group RPs because I still felt I owed priority to the group RPs and relationships first, and I felt shitty about that.  I still do.

One of the biggest reasons I stayed, though, was because of the friends I had made in these groups.  I knew they were dealing with their own struggles (a surprising amount of them also relatied to group drama) and I didn't want them to be alone in those settings.  I wanted them to feel that because I was still in the group that they could readily come to me with their issues.  I'm still here for them, of course, and they shouldn't feel that because I have left or because I am leaving that I don't want to talk to them anymore.  Hell, in the future once I become a little more financially stable if they still want to RP I really, really encourage it.  I did have fun meeting them and their characters, and some of those RPs were really beautiful and wonderfully paced.  They inspired me a lot.  I hope that with me leaving I can still stay a friend to a lot of the people whom I am leaving in the groups who aren't leaving with me.

That's sort of another thing I wanted to talk about, going back to the drama.  I have and am leaving certain groups due to the treatment of people in them that I care about.  I don't like seeing them being shouted at or scolded or being called names by other members, and especially not the staff.  I'm pointing out groups specifically here, but on some level this kind of behavior happened in quite a few of them, and I don't think mods were always aware of it.  I was hesitant to bring it up at all, and even if I did things wouldn't get better for long.

So yeah. . .  I'm leaving those RP groups, and I can only say that I wished things would have been different, I know that they could have, but I was guilty of not handling things better, others were at fault as well, and I don't need to deal with that kind of stuff anymore.  I'm really sorry again to anyone who enjoyed having me in those groups, I really enjoyed getting to know you and interact with you as well, and like I said, don't be afraid to contact me because I do miss a lot of you and I would love to hear how you've been.

So I'm sorry for leaving for so long without formally posting a goodbye like this to my friends in OtherWorlde , I'm sorry for leaving during the revival and revamping of Poke-Apocalypse , I'm sorry for leaving Brasswing-Towers without really having done anything, I'm sorry to Once-Upon-a-HS for asking you guys to keep me in the loop although I'll never be joining now, I'm sorry to Worlds-and-Beyond for having to retract my character reservation I made an eternity ago, and . . . I'm sorry to all of the others whom I likely left during their construction or their infancy.

The one exception is Poke-Noir .  Although it is on an indefinite hiatus, I can't get myself to leave this group simply for the nostalgia.  It was my first RP group and it was one of the only two groups where I got to know a LOT of the characters and members in it, some of whom I still talk to today on DA as well as FB.  I never even got to draw Violetta and Meserid's children, but have it lined up in my art queue now so sometime in the near future you guys will get to see their family.

~~~

What's next?  Well, I'm not planning on leaving all of these OCs to rot.  I have lots of music videos and stories planned out for them that I hope to one day actually get to work on.  I mean, I spent a lot of time developing these characters, their relationships, and their backstories, and I'd love to share those things with you all some day.  I am, of course, beginning working on sharing character stories now with Bloodstuck being in the works.  I got several scenes drawn just today and have been considering spriting and pacing for the introduction/first act, so my HS fancharacters are going to be popping up on here a lot more after awhile.

So yeah!  Think that's pretty much all I have to say.  I want to figure out where I want to wrap up my comic update for tonight so I'm gonna vanish again for a few, but I'll upload something on here soon that will act as a sort of comic update notification piece.  Thanks again for reading, guys.  I hope you all understand.


  • Listening to: Shawn Wasabi
  • Reading: Messages & Wiki Pages
  • Watching: The Gabbie Show
  • Playing: ARK
  • Eating: Chicken Ramen
  • Drinking: Water

Whoa, I'm 20 now. Gross! :D

Journal Entry: Mon Feb 6, 2017, 2:28 PM
Yup.  As of approximately 9:00 AM today I ceased to be a teenager.  *Dramatic fist clench*  *Single tear*
It's still . . . weird.  I mean, I still kind of feel like I'm 17, but now that I've reached this age milestone already people are saying that now I'm even more of an adult.  I'mnotthough- let'sbehonesthere.  Also, thanks to the lovelies who've left me birthday wishes on my DA, FB, phone, etc., etc.  It's awesome to see I've more or less kept certain people around through all of my shenanigans and vanishings.  The support and reassurance I've received from all of you means so much to me, and I definitely would have left DA a long, long time ago if I didn't have you all in my life.  Love you guys~

Anywho!  There are some other lovelies who happen to have the same birthday, so shout-out to these awesome artists below!
:icons-nova: :icondot-doll: :iconscyrel: :iconhotarubi-kyoshi: :iconlilinera: :iconmaverii: :iconpolywomple: :iconmadkakerlaken: :iconsecretsonya: :icon7-days-luck: :iconnoctem-tenebris:

~

(( Sorry that this is so short. I 'm just working on several things right now and am trying to decide which I need to get done and what pieces should take priority over others.  That being said, I'm trying to get something special uploaded this evening.  It's not going to major, but I'll be building on it if it keeps my interest/earns yours.  <3 . . .
[FMG]:  So you all better get ready for that!~ ;D ))

(((If y'all want a sneak peek, then go to my new poll once I get it up.)))


  • Listening to: Shawn Wasabi
  • Reading: Messages & Wiki Pages
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: ARK
  • Eating: Valentine's Day Island Cookies
  • Drinking: Milk

Hey, this loser isn't dead yet! ALSO- TAGGED!

Journal Entry: Fri Nov 11, 2016, 7:37 PM
It's true!  I'm still kickin'!  AND I JUST GAVE MYSELF A BLOODY HEART ATTACK BECAUSE MY WHOLE MATTRESS SLID FORWARD ON MY BED FRAME, JESUS CHRIST- ONE SECOND PLEASE, LOVELIES.
Ah, okay~  So I vanished due to wifi issues, in case you haven't done/read my poll yet.  It went out almost for good in late October after having issues for a few months and I went through several appointments and phone calls before I could finally get the problem almost completely fixed.  I'm still sort of avoiding Skype for the time being, but hopefully I'll be more active on there again after I get more catch up homework and art done.  I just lost all motivation to do a lot of things, and even if I wanted to I lost access to my online classes and my character refs/animation storyboards during everything.  (Holy shit my wifi literally just went out right now. . .  So even this journal will be dealyed.  FML.)  So yeah.  Tomorrow I'm having my parents come over to help me move the coaxial cable to the new connection point so that should help restablish my wifi permanently.

So if I owe you art, don't worry, I'm not avoiding doing it I just literally was unable to do a lot of what I wanted to.  I did draw/sketch a few things and made minor fixes to an MAP part.  (Bless the hosts that gave me extensions, omfg. . .)  I also have an art fight entry and goretober to finish. . .  Luckily I have most of the weekend to dick around with this stuff so yeah.  Hopefully my inactivity won't last too much longer.  Thanks to the people who were still sending messages/donations and who were checking in on Messenger and were texting me to help keep me functioning.  My mood's still be deteriorating more than improving lately, but today I kind of got a boost of energy due to multiple things so that's nice.

Blah blah blah.  This depressed asshole has survived thus far and is working on giving people what they deserve from me,  yeyeyeye.

~

Tagged for a thingy by AnnaTheWonderGirl01 <3

Rules:

1. Copy/paste these rules
2. Answer the question given below
3. If tagging, provide your own questions.
4. If tagged, the journal must be completed before Halloween ends. Failure to do so leads to a... rather nasty trick.  (Dude, come at me.)
5. No tag backs
6. Please be creative with the journal title.  (Fight me, IRL.)

---

1. When was your first Halloween? (Can omit year if possible)
I was like two I think, and was still living with my grandparents.  I wanted to be Casper the friendly ghost, so Mom cut up a white sheet and I was a lil boo ghostie who went around my small home town trick 'r treating.  Everyone dug my custome and got a kick out of my excitement so apparently it was an awesome first Halloween.

2. What was your first costume?
Uh . . . Casper.  Yeah.  ^

3. What kind of costume (or costume element) can you not stand?
Ugh . . . when I was still in grade school fucking everyone and their sister dressed up as witches.  I always felt like it was a cop out.  (Though one year I found nothing I liked at all and so I went as a midnight witch with a torn up blue-and-black costume.  It was . . . okay.  I still had fun that night.)  I also really don't like those cheap gag costumes that smaller stores and novelty shops sell.  They're usually really inappropriate or stupid and just make me unhappy in general.

4. What's your favorite candy?
Mmmmm Hot Tamales~  And chocolate!!  Never can go wrong with chocolate.  I rather enjoy candy corn pumpkins, too.  And Skittles . . . and Twizzlers . . . and lollipops . . . and everything.

5. What's your least favorite treat?
Hmmmmmmm I used to have a weird prejudice against Milk Duds, if that counts.  I usually saved those and whoppers for last whenever I went out on Halloween.

6. What's worse: Candy corn or black licorice?
I eat both, so fawk off.

7. Who or what is your favorite Halloween monster?
Mmmmhmmmhmhmhmhmhmmm.  Like, just a generic monster?  Uh . . . I don't know.  Can never go wrong with vampires and werewolves.  Love them.  I love skeletons, too.  If we're talkin', like Halloween characters then I really like the cereal mascots (*laughing*), Jack Skellington and Sally, and Casper.  Yeyeyeyeye.  Ghosts are cuties.

8. Which Halloween monster do you despise? (Be honest with this one.)
Eh.  I wouldn't say "despise," but again I see witches everywhere and it gets kind of dull.

9. What kind of Halloween monster would you be (if given the chance...)?
Prolly a vampire.  Or a reaper.  I mean, I love werewolves, don't get me wrong, but I feel more like I'd be a vamp myself.  But I'd ditch them both if I could be a skelly with a scythe.

10. Do you perform horrific pranks during this time of year?
I used to.  Now I live on my own and I just leave creepy texts to friends who forgot/lost my number.  I suck that way.

11. Do you hate it when people prank you during this time of year?
If it's someone I don't know then yeah.  If it's someone I know then it's okay.

12. Do you still trick or treat at your age? (Not judging!)
Nope.  I stopped after entering junior high, and I only did it afterwards when I dated Josh so it's safe to say that I did not go out this Halloween.

13. Do you love a good Monster Mash (Halloween party)?
If they're with close friends and family, then yes.  I like any excuse to laugh and eat food while listening to good music and enjoying good decor.

Tagging:  No one because it isn't Halloween anymore.  BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING, HA!  Do what you want, I don't own you.


  • Listening to: KAZY 93.7
  • Reading: Messages
  • Watching: Bad Movie Reviews
  • Playing: Animal Crossing
  • Eating: Hot Fudge Banana Milkshake
  • Drinking: Hot Fudge Banana Milkshake

If you comment I'll . . . ~

Journal Entry: Thu Oct 13, 2016, 4:20 PM
I'm sort of sleepy and irritable right now but I wanna remedy this before my mom comes over later.  I've gotten so used to staying up all night and napping during the day or in the early AM.  I get all sleepy this time of day, and sometimes when I'm tired I get grumpy.  This, coupled with the fact that I started feeling kind of pissy earlier is making me feel like a not very nice person.  Makes doing homework before my deadlines really interesting sometimes.  I can't help it, though.  My sleeping habits just kind of changed after I was left on my own.

ANYWAYS.  I yoinked a meme from this cool deary:  Vyess 
Basically you have to leave a comment below, any type of comment, and I'll:

1. Tell you something I learned about you by looking at your dA page for 20 seconds.
2. Tell you a color you remind me of.
3. Tell you what element I believe you belong to (e.g. water, fire, air, etc.).
4. Tell you what animal you remind me of. 
5. Ask you a question, and you must answer. 
6. Tell you something I like about you or your art.
7. Give you a nickname.
8. Tell you what am I watching/listening to right now.
9. Tell you what food/ flavor/smell you remind me of.
10. Tell you to do this in your journal too, if you haven't already.

SUPER SAVVY BONUS:  11.  Tell you what the last song I was listening to was.  I just looked at the last one I listened to in my history and it made me chuckle thinking about what music you guys might catch me listening to.

Cool?  Cool.


  • Listening to: Dubstep Playlist
  • Reading: Calculus shit
  • Watching: Markiplier Undertale Livestream
  • Playing: Animal Crossing
  • Eating: Chicken Parm Pizza
  • Drinking: V8

Holy F***ing S***

Journal Entry: Wed Oct 5, 2016, 4:20 PM
So . . . I'm fucked.  The college denied my financial aid claiming that CLASSES I AM REQUIRED TO TAKE TO GRADUATE aren't relevent to my degree despite the fact that I went in to see an adviser and I chose these classes because I DO need them for my degree AND my transfer to SD.  Now they're saying I owe over $300 for classes this semester and I'm not getting a reimbursement check for unused aid money.  I was counting on that to be able to pay rent next month.  I only have a few hundred in the bank right now, and while I do have another interview on Friday and the college said they were thinking of hiring me immediately for a lab assistant position they didn't call me when they said they would so I had to call them and leave a message.  I'm so fucking pissed and scared I don't know what to do.  At this rate I won't be able to make enough money if I do get a job this month to pay for shit next month.  I have to go in tomorrow to talk to the adviser who signed me up for these classes to see if they can make an exception for me or to see if we can justify me taking them.  They pulled this shit on me during the summer, too . . . and I had to pay over $700 out-of-pocket which would have been nice to use for rent, too. . .  Holy fucking God I'm going to lose it-

Guys. . .  I seriously don't think I'm going to win this one.


  • Listening to: "Fine, Great" - Modern Baseball
  • Reading: Geology Textbook
  • Watching: Game Grumps
  • Playing: Tuber Simulator
  • Eating: Fish Sticks w/ Maple Syrup
  • Drinking: Water

10 Embarrassing Confessions

Journal Entry: Mon Oct 3, 2016, 2:05 AM
Hey, hey, hey~
This is a meme-thing I've seen floating around DA for awhile, and I've honestly been really interested in trying it out for a long time now!  :'D  
Basically all I do is I list embarrassing experiences, facts, and secrets of mine that sometimes make me cringe or feel real silly.  I hope you guys enjoy them, because they're actually pretty funny.  
IF I GET 10 FAVORITES ON THIS JOURNAL THEN I'LL MAKE ANOTHER LIST.  8'D

Also, check out this journal to ask me fun meme questions that I have to respond to:  TWO OC MEMES FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! (Which is free)

~~~

1.  Sometimes I confuse the words "frog" and "bear."  For no fucking reason at all.  I KNOW WHAT BEARS AND FROGS ARE, I SWEAR.  But for some reason whenever I'm trying  to tell someone about something to do with bears and/or frogs I say the other one and sometimes I don't even catch myself and I confuse the shit out of people.  This is especially horrifying as I am a zoology major and it's really awkward when I just go on rattling off informtion without catching my mistake, and even more so when someone questions me like "wait, you sure you're talking about frogs?" and I'm just like "yeah,  o' course," like a dumbass because I imagined they said frog and I pictured a bear.  Someonehelpme-

2.  Sometimes if I'm curious about something and I'm left alone I'll get up and investigate it, only to jump and spin around in terror like I was caught doing something bad the moment I hear someone walk in.  I never do it in a stranger's house, or to the belongings of someone I don't know well, which makes it even more stupid that I'm terrified of being caught looking at a little Kinder Egg toy or one of my cousin's dolls, etc.  And like, the people who catch me doing this are just confused and think I'm embarrassed that I was interested in whatever I was holding moments ago but was trying to be sneaky about it when really I have no reservations about what I find cool in my friends' and family members' homes.  I just  have this stupid relfex.  I'm not easy to scare or startle, so it makes it even weirder.

3.  I thought "Morgan Freeman" was an alternate name for "Gordon Freeman" from Half-life up until my first year of high school, and even then I'd occasionally forget who he was and would think of Gordon instead.  I don't know how this one happened. I was a huge Half-Life fan and for some reason my brain made the assumption that they were the same person.  I mean, I had seen Morgan Freeman in a few movies before then, but didn't know him by name.  It blew my mind a nd made me really uncomfortable when I finally learned the truth.

4.  I still like playing the Nintendo Petz games and Paws n' Claws PetVet whenever I get a chance.  You know, those kiddy games where you take care of pets, run a vet office, or play as an animal yourself and go on adventures.  It's silly, but they were some of my favorite games growing up.  This is coming from the person who plays Skyrim religiously, adores ARK and Minecraft, has played almost every Pokemon game through to completion at least once, and whose first video game ever was Doom.  It's just . . . really fun and satisfying to play with the animals--IDK.

5.  I have really bad social anxiety, and if I stay home for too long without ever leaving my apartment then I literally shake whenever I'm around someone else, and my heart is pounding the entire time I'm in public.  It's even worse when I go to the gas station to grab stuff on sale in the evenings or really late at night and they kinda give me odd looks because I'm shaking almost violently in my hands, my face is flushing, my eyes are usually bloodshot, and I'm super pale and skinny so I look like quite a sight.  I'm most definitely sure this one guy at the gas station down the road is convinced I'm a drug user.  I'm just an underweight college student with severe anxiety and irrational phobias, dude.

6.  Once when I was at Walmart, I was browsing the shampoo and conditioner, got some on my hand due to a broken lid and wiped it all over the side of a cardboard box . . . that a Walmart employee was using and unpacking.  She watched me while I did it.  I briefly made eye contact and lowered my gaze, hurried up with the wiping, and then quickly pushed my cart away.  Because I suck.

7.  Once when I was in my high school French class, I pulled out my phone to get on the internet to show something to my table group (all of them were guy friends of mine) and I had left the browser on google images.  I hadn't looked up anything innapropriate--I was looking up art references for drawing arms.  However, when I pulled the browser up the screen was almost perfectly centered on a (clothed) woman's chest.  They all just stared at me and at first I didn't knwo why but then one of them pointed it out to me like "really?" and then I became mortified that they thought I was looking up dirty things on my phone.

8.  I am horrible at baking/cooking.  My eggs are too salty, baked goods never rise, my meat usually ends up burnt, and sometimes my pancakes are too undercooked in the middle.  It takes me a few times to try and make something that doesn't taste bad (to other people, that is.  I guess I'm just a pig becausee even if I botch something I make myself eat it and never complain about it).  People also usually laugh at the things I make and while it wounds my pride a little I haven't died from my cooking, so. . .

9.  I accidentally convinced my step-father's side of the family that my mother was an alcoholic.  She's a bit of a wine/beer snob, and has glasses of wine a lot.  I make fun of her for it a lot, and it's always in good fun.  I guess when the family was still getting to know us they didn't understand our sense of humor and they were really worried about my brother and I and thought my mom was going to cause Bryan to increase his alcohol consumption, too.  I had to actually address the problem with one of my family members in particular who was spreading their worries/rumors and tell them that I waas just kidding, and I felt like a piece of shit about it because they were all really awkward around me for awhile.

10.  When I was first getting into singing I had no shame.  I mean, I wouldn't sing physically in front of anyone, but I would crank up my speaker system in my room and belt shit out without thinking about who was listening.  Everyone in my household when I was in junior high had to listen to me singing really loudly almost every day from my room.  It was really bad since my room was right by the open dining/kitchen/living room areas and my parents' room.  I was . . . not good then, either.  I've improved since then, thankfully, but now I'm really, really careful about singing if anyone's nearby.  I'll usually just stop or I'll sing under my breath if someone's near me.  I have no shame singing in front of my brother, though.  He's the only person I can actually feel completely comfortable singing and rapping in front of.