Truth or Square (LCA)
(Note: Under no circumstances is this meant to criticize the film/special/episode/whatever involved, it is portrayed in a humorous light. Truth or Square DOES have a lot of problems, however, so I wouldn't recommend you check it out after reading this. Otherwise, enjoy.)
It was a lovely day in Multimedia, and Lumpy was looking for something to do. It was one of his many days off, and he wanted to find a way to pass the time. Perhaps a movie, he decided, would be a good way to do that.
While the moose was looking in his cabinet of DVDs and movies, however, he found something that he wasn't too familiar with. He reached over to it and pulled it out to look at it.
It was a DVD of the SpongeBob TV movie, Truth or Square, from 2009.
"Hmm, I don't remember getting this movie," said Lumpy. "I wonder what it's even about..."
He brought the DVD over to his TV, brought the disc out of the case, and put it in the DVD player. He then put the DVD case down, then let the movie's previews play. As he did so, he went into the kitchen to make himself some popcorn and poured himself a glass of soda. He liked to feel like he was at the movie theater whenever he watched a movie, at home or anywhere else.
When Lumpy sat down on the couch with his snack and drink, the movie's main menu had already showed up. But before he could pick up the remote, he heard a knock on the front door. Lumpy stood up and went over to answer it.
Standing at the door were Tootie, Audrey, Dot and Lotta.
"Hey, Lumpy!" they greeted him, almost in unison.
"Oh, hey, girls," Lumpy replied with a smile. "What's up?"
"We were just on a walk together when we saw something playing on your TV," Lotta said. "It looked like a cool SpongeBob episode."
"None of us had any idea which one it was - I personally still don't - but we were quite interested from the moment we lay our eyes on it," Dot replied.
"Yeah. So we were wondering if we could watch whatever that movie is with you," said Tootie.
"Oh, sure you can," Lumpy said. "Although I should probably warn you, I haven't seen it, either, so we're not gonna know what happens..."
"Ah, it's alright," said Audrey. "It's not like we'll blame you if it's one of those bad movies."
Lumpy chuckled a bit at her comment and moved out of the way so that his female friends could come inside.
A few minutes later, Lumpy was back on the couch, with his glass of soda in his his right hand and the remote control in the other, while his bowl of popcorn sat on the coffee table in front of the couch. Next to Lumpy sat Tootie, and next to her sat Audrey, Dot and Lotta, from left to right. All of them had smiles of anticipation on their faces.
"Oh, Lumpy, this is so exciting!" said Tootie. "I can't wait to watch this SpongeBob episode!"
"Yeah, me neither," Lumpy replied. "But are you sure you won't blame me if it's bad?"
"We absolutely, positively won't," Lotta promised him.
"Besides, you weren't involved in the making of this episode," Dot explained, "so there's no need to believe you're at fault."
"But I have a feeling it's not gonna be that great," Audrey mentioned. "Especially compared to that awesome SpongeBob movie from, like, 2004."
"I think you might be right," said Tootie, "but let's make the most of it, okay?"
"Yeah." Lumpy nodded in agreement. At last, he aimed the remote toward the TV. "Okay, everyone ready?"
"Yes, Lumpy!" Audrey, Dot, Lotta and Tootie replied in unison.
Lumpy pressed the Play button, and the movie began. As they watched, Lumpy drank his soda and ate some of their popcorn, while Audrey, Dot, Lotta and Tootie occasionally reached over to have some as well.
An hour passed.
The moose and his friends sat where they were, their eyes wide in disbelief.
"That's it?" Audrey asked.
"The movie's already over?" Lotta asked.
"You've got to be kidding," Lumpy said.
"I don't know about you, but I feel like that was just a waste of our time," Tootie said to Lumpy.
"She does have a point," Dot replied in agreement. "Don't get me wrong, it was interesting seeing the varying art styles throughout the movie, but I think the segments about the pirate went on for far too long."
"Yeah, they did, didn't they?" Lumpy agreed. He then sulked. "Poor Patchy, can't get a break..."
"And in the real SpongeBob episode, they didn't do anything too important, either," Lotta stated.
"Yeah!" agreed Audrey. "Seriously, pretty much all they do is have flashbacks, and reminisce and stuff! Like, I thought for sure we were gonna hear Mr. Krabs tell the secret formula!"
"And about that part where SpongeBob and Sandy got married..." Lotta looked away and blushed, putting her fingertips together. "I didn't think it was a play, either, until the light fell..."
"You know, Lotta, I was thinking the exact same thing," Lumpy admitted.
"I'd say the only other things I enjoyed about the movie aside from the art styles are the songs," Dot went on.
"Like that song when SpongeBob's getting ready for his day?" Tootie asked.
"Yes, that song, as well as the songs we heard during the flashbacks themselves."
"And We Got Scurvy?" Audrey asked, and Dot nodded. "I'm asking because that song was actually kinda awesome."
"And how about the song he sings about how he loves the Krusty Krab?" Lotta suggested. "Oh, and Beautiful Dreamer at the credits."
"Wasn't there also a song he sang when he looked like he was in a 30's cartoon?" Lumpy asked. His friends knew what he was talking about, however. "Oh, and that intro..."
"Yes, yes, yes, and yes," said Dot. "They weren't bad songs, but they seem to have only been added to fill up the amount of time they had."
"Maybe if they didn't have too many of those songs, and focused more on SpongeBob and his friends' adventure, the movie wouldn't have been that bad," Tootie said.
"That's a pretty good idea," said Lumpy. "It's too bad they didn't, though."
"You said it," said Audrey. "There's, like, a bunch of things they did that they shouldn't have done..."
"Not to mention, so many things they didn't do that I really wish they did," said Tootie.
"Me, too," Lumpy said. "Sorry I showed you this movie, guys."
"It's quite alright, Lumpy," said Dot. "You'll be happy to know that we all share any negative feelings you may have regarding this particular episode."
Lumpy smiled at her, and then came to a conclusion. "You know what? I don't think I want to see this whole movie ever again."
"Yeah, me neither," Tootie agreed.
"Me neither!" said Audrey.
"Neither would I," Dot replied.
"Lumpy?" Lotta then asked. "I couldn't agree more - I think it's best that we don't watch Truth or Square all the way through again."
"In that case, we won't." Lumpy stood up from the couch, went over to the DVD player and ejected the disc from it.
He placed the disc back in its case, then closed it up, and finally looked at the cover with a disappointed sigh.
"Truth or Square..." Lumpy muttered.
"More like, A Waste Of Our Time!" Audrey said, catching him a bit off-guard.
But instead of complaining, the moose chuckled a bit at her comment. "Yeah, you're not wrong."
Lumpy pulled out a cardboard box, opened it up and placed the DVD inside. He then closed it and picked it up before he brought it into the closet.
"Every movie I watch that I don't like is gonna go in that box," Lumpy said to his friends.
"As long as it helps us forget we've all seen that excuse for a special, I'd appreciate that decision," Dot mentioned.
"Yeah, probably," Tootie said. "I just hope SpongeBob himself doesn't see it, too..."
"Yeah, me too," Lumpy agreed.
"But you know who I think should see Truth or Square?" Audrey asked, jokingly.
"No, who?" Lumpy wanted to know.
"King Dedede. He hates us, we hate him, and we hated that movie. If anything, he and that weird snail guy he's always with should be wasting their time watching it instead of us."
Everyone laughed in agreement.