Journey to the Center of Audrey (HSK, joke fic)

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(NOTE: This fanfic was done as a complete joke and will not be held accountable for any feelings of disgust and/or nausea it may evoke. I actually had to edit it so I wouldn't receive too many comments like, "Omg this is gross what the heck is wrong with you" and whatnot, but I still think some more changes may be necessary ^^; If you consider it an Affectionate Parody of sorts, feel free to see it as such - besides, I absolutely love Harvey Street Kids (despite the amount of potential it had that went unused) and sometimes I intend to write stories that are as weird or disgusting as this one. This was written just for fun, not to stir up controversy, and I may write a version 2 if I'm somehow able to retell this story with less disgusting material. Please understand and enjoy the story.)

One day on Harvey Street, Audrey wasn't feeling so good. She had been coughing a lot, she was always tired, and she was sneezing constantly - not to mention, her nose was quite red, runny and stuffed-up. These symptoms made it really hard for Audrey to enjoy her day, whether it be by herself or with her friends. So Audrey went over to Dot and Lotta to tell them about her problem.

As Audrey explained what was wrong with her, however, she kept sneezing every few sentences, with small amounts of nasal fluid from her nose. Dot was disgusted, but she knew what she had to do: she quickly put her to bed and placed a thermometer in her mouth. When she pulled it out, she inhaled and sighed in dismay.

"Well, you definitely have a fever," said Dot. "I can only conclude that you've caught a terrible cold."

"I kdew it..." Audrey lamented as she sulked. But then she sneezed again, along with a burst of mucus. "Aaaaah-shooooo!"

Dot handed her a tissue, which Audrey blew her nose loudly into before she wiped her nose.

"There are two possible ways to treat the virus," said Dot. "We can wait one week for it to pass on its own, thus leaving you with at least seven days of sneezing, coughing and feeling miserable... Or I can shrink myself to microscopic size and travel inside your body to fight your germs from there."

Audrey sniffled loudly. "Cad we try that last wud? I just want to play with the others... HAAAAAH-CHOOOOOOO!!"

Another burst of mucus emerged from her nose. She sniffled again as she rubbed her nose with her forefinger, and Lotta pulled out a tissue so she could wipe her nose for her.

"Very well, then," said Dot. "That being said, I'll need a partner in order to successfully rid you of your cold." She turned to look at Lotta, who had finished wiping Audrey's nose. "And Lotta, I think it's best that you accompany me on my mission."

"Me?" Lotta asked in a bit of disbelief. "But I don't know anything about fighting germs..."

"It's alright. I have a vehicle in which we can fight them off together, and it's not hard to use once you get the hang of it."

Lotta thought for a bit, and then nodded in acceptance. Hopefully her friend's words would be true. Dot brought the rocket ship-like vehicle out for Audrey and Lotta to see, and then she and Lotta stepped in. Dot pressed the "Shrink" button, the vehicle vibrated for a long moment, and at last it had shrunken to an almost invisible size. It then flew around in the air for a moment, and then approached Audrey's face.

"Let us begin our fantastic journey to the center of Audrey," said Dot.

With that, she and Lotta flew directly into Audrey's nose, causing her to wince. The moment Dot and Lotta made it into her nasal passages, they saw large amounts of mucus everywhere. Lotta had to cover her eyes in disgust.

"I think I'm gonna be sick...!" said Lotta.

"I know it's gross, but it's a short trip from here to Audrey's circulatory system," Dot reassured her.

But while they made their way through her nose, Audrey felt a sneeze coming on. There was no doubt that Dot's vehicle was tickling her nasal passages.

"Aaaah... Haaaah..." Audrey inhaled.

But Dot and Lotta gasped when they heard the inhales, and then Dot spoke into a microphone that allowed Audrey to hear her.

"No, Audrey! Don't sneeze!"

Lotta spoke into the microphone as well, suggesting a way of stopping the sneeze.

"Put your finger under your nose, Audrey!"

Audrey did that, and just like that, her sneeze was stopped. She sighed with relief, along with Dot and Lotta, and wiped her forehead with her hand.

"Phew. Thanks, guys," she said with a light cough. "That was a close one."

Dot and Lotta made their way into Audrey's lungs - as slowly as they could so they wouldn't cause her to cough her out, and then flew through one of her alveoli, then into one of her capillaries in order to make it to where they were headed.

"This is it, Lotta," said Dot, "our destination: Audrey's bloodstream."

Lotta could see that there were cold germs everywhere in this part of Audrey's body. Some of them were being confronted by white blood cells, but most of them were just wandering about.

"Who would've thought germs could look this yucky?" Lotta whimpered. "They're even more yucky than I imagined them being..."

"Indeed, they are," Dot agreed. "Luckily, my machine has two lasers ready to atomize them."

She pushed a couple of buttons, and two lasers came out of the front of the vehicle.

"Just follow my lead."

Dot placed her hands on the handlebars that controlled where her laser would fire. She followed her target panel closely until she had focused on one of the germs. Then she pressed the buttons on top of the handlebars, and a laser was fired. The moment the laser hit the germ, both it and the laser were gone. Lotta was in awe.

"It's that easy?!" Lotta asked. "Let me try it!"

She placed her hands on the handlebars that controlled where the second laser would fire, then focused on another germ. She pressed the buttons, and fired a laser that vaporized that germ as well.

"Wow!" said Lotta.

"Yeah. Wow," Dot said in agreement. "Now let's combat this cold."

With that, Dot and Lotta flew all over Audrey's circulatory system, firing lasers at germs and making them disappear. It didn't hurt Audrey much, although she could feel a weird sensation that lasted for about a split second at a time. Finally, after almost ten minutes, all of the germs in Audrey's bloodstream had been destroyed. Dot and Lotta shared a high-five.

"Mission accomplished!" said Dot.

"Thank goodness," said Lotta. "But how do we get out of here?"

"Well, we could always pull a Pinocchio," Dot suggested as the vehicle began to make its way out of the circulatory system.

Lotta's eyes widened and pupils shrunk from the idea. "You mean...?"

"Yes. We'll get ourselves out of here by making Audrey sneeze like the whale in Pinocchio. Luckily, if just flying around in Audrey's nose almost made her need to sneeze, then that shouldn't be a hard task."

Dot made her way back into Audrey's lungs, and then flew her way back up into Audrey's nasal passages. Seeing the light from Audrey's nostrils up ahead, she started towards them.

Audrey's nose began to twitch as her nostrils flared up. She was going to sneeze again.

"Aaaaah... Aaaaaaaaah... HAAAAAAHHHHHHHH..." Audrey tilted her neck back as her eyes squeezed shut.

"Brace yourself, Lotta!" Dot said as she held on to the steering wheel of her vehicle.

"Way ahead of you...!" Lotta whimpered as she put her hands over her eyes.


Massive amounts of mess, both of the nasal and oral variety, fired out of Audrey's nose and mouth as she released the sneeze, which also fired Dot's vehicle out of her body. As soon as it hit the ground, Dot hit the Grow button so that it became normal-sized. Then she opened the door and headed out of it along with Lotta. Audrey was rubbing her nose constantly with her forefinger.

"Gesundheit," said Dot.

"Yeah. Gesundheit," Lotta replied in agreement.

"Thanks..." Audrey replied. She then sniffled and pulled her forefinger away from her nose. "I don't know what you did in there, but I'm feeling so much better now!"

"Oh, goody!" said Lotta.

"Wonderful!" said Dot. "Our hard work has paid off!"

"You know, maybe we should do something to celebrate," Lotta replied.

"Yeah, that's a great idea!" Audrey then came up with an idea of her own. "I know, let's--"

But before she could get another word out, she suddenly released another massive and extremely messy sneeze. Was that one sneeze before it not enough relief? She couldn't tell, but she couldn't help herself.


A good amount of mucus and spit exploded out of Audrey's nose and mouth like a cannon, and unfortunately, both of the fluids hit Dot and Lotta squarely in the faces. Aside from that, the sneeze echoed all throughout Harvey Street, as well as a few miles away from it.

Dot and Lotta stood where they were, their eyes widened and pupils shrunken in complete horror as their faces were covered with thin layer of saliva, mucus and goodness knows what else. Audrey, meanwhile, sulked as she rubbed her nose with her forefinger again.

"Uuugh..." When she saw what she had done, her eyes widened briefly in shock, which quickly faded. "Sorry, guys. Either I still have some cold left, or I forgot to blow my nose after I sneezed you out..."

"I'm going to go with that second possibility," Dot snarked, struggling to contain her sanity.

"Yeah, me too," Lotta replied. Then she inhaled and doubled over with a sneeze, which thankfully didn't have much mess compared to Audrey's sneezes. "Aah... Hah-chyew!"

At the same time, Dot also gasped and sneezed due to the germs Audrey spread to her. "Haah-- Hehhh-tchuu!" Then the two of them sulked.

"I need to wash my face and blow my nose..." Dot lamented weakly, and Lotta nodded in agreement.

Audrey sniffled again. "I'm probably gonna need to blow my nose, too..."

Lotta handed her a tissue, which Audrey blew her nose for a few seconds into. She then wiped her nose and thanked her with a weak smile on her face. She couldn't focus on the relief she was feeling for much longer, though - it was time for her to help her friends.

A few minutes later, Dot and Lotta had cleaned the mucus from their faces, but now they had come down with Audrey's cold - or they thought they did. Now they were sitting on the couch, with their noses red, a couple of blankets wrapped around their upper bodies, and a couple boxes of tissues within their reach. Luckily, Audrey had agreed to take care of them as gratitude for their help.

"Hh-chu! Ah-choo! Tchu! Tchiu! --Chew!" Lotta released five quiet, mild sneezes into one of the tissues that she'd gotten, and then sulked once more. "Ugh..."

Not long after her fit had finished, Dot coughed rather audibly into her arm. Then she sulked, too, albeit with an audible sniff.

"Well, our celebration will have to wait on account of us feeling terrible," Dot said.

"But it was worth it to get rid of Audrey's cold from the inside," Lotta finished.

"HAH-TCHEW!!" The two of them sneezed again, rather loudly this time, and then each pulled out a tissue from a box and wiped their noses with them.

"Bless you, guys," Audrey said with a smile. Neither Dot nor Lotta could tell if it was a forgiving smile or just her trying to be polite, but seeing it made both of them smile as well.

"Thank you," they said in unison as they continued to wipe their noses.

Please read the disclaimer at the beginning of the story before you do anything else regarding this fic.
And don't worry, my next fanfic (whether it's based on HSK or otherwise) will be nowhere near as gross as this one. Promise. ;)
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