Queer Inn

Creatures of the Night Are Queer Indeed

There was nothing extraordinary with Lloyd Archibald Finch. He was of medium height and weight, his hair had a nondescript brown colour and his eyes had a just as nondescript blue-ish colour. Nothing about him was memorable since he really had no outstanding features to speak of and he dressed very normally - his wardrobe seemed to consist of only shirts, ties and various brown jackets.
Lloyd was called Lloyd by the few people he called friends, he was Archie to his parents and his boss always shouted "Finch" when he wanted Lloyd's attention.
Lloyd had, in his mid-twenties just finished studying Economics and Tourism, something he always told people was more interesting than it sounded. It wasn't. He had, however, a well paid, regular job at the respected establishment by the, perhaps less respected, name of Queer Inn. The establishment was renowned for hosting meetings for politicians and other of that kind, as well as having entertainment for the kind of people with lots of money.
It was a typical office job Lloyd had, he got up every morning, drank his tea and read his newspaper, got out of his nice flat and drove his car out to the Queer Inn, which was placed quite remotely on the countryside. Then he went inside the castle-like building and greeted the one in the reception and went upstairs to his little cubicle and did some paperwork. Then he had his lunch break and drank another cup of tea while watching the fancy folk having a meeting or getting entertained in the great hall just behind the reception. When he had finished his tea he went back to his cubicle and did some more paperwork before he went home again. At home he didn't do much else than reading, making and eating dinner, as well as some TV-watching.
It wasn't an exciting, or even interesting job he had, but it paid the bills.
But sometimes Lloyd wished that he had a job that both paid the bills and was interesting. Of course, these kinds of wishes tend to come true, but in unsuspected ways.

One morning Lloyd woke up and stretched and yawned like people often do when they wake up. He wondered why he had woken up before his alarmclock had rung and glanced at his watch on the bedstand. It was half past ten. His work began at eight. Lloyd cussed, something he rarely did. He threw of his blanket and got up so fast the world started to spin. He sat down on his bed for a moment until it passed and then he ran to the bathroom and started to brush his teeth while he looked for clean underwear. When Lloyd found a clean item of clothing he put it on hurriedly, often in the wrong order. He stopped for a moment and stared at himself in the mirror. Lloyd asked himself why superheroes always had their underwear outside of their trousers, because it looked plain stupid. Then Lloyd came to the conclusion that he simply was not superhero-material.
When he finally had all his clothes on in the preferred order he grabbed his coat, put on his shoes and ran out to his car.
After half an hour's drive he came to a screeching halt in the parking lot of the Queer Inn. Lloyd jumped out of the car and ran inside,  giving the girl in the reception a wordless gasp instead of the usual "hello". He kept running up the stairs and reached his cubicle, gasping for his breath. At his cubicle, standing beside it with folded arms and a file in his hands, was his boss, the manager of the Queer Inn, Cameron Hartfield. Cameron was a nice man, or at least did Lloyd think so, but the only thing that really came to mind when he thought about Mr Hartfield was his nose. It was magnificent, big and crooked and seemed to have a personality of its own. This nose was now accusingly pointed at Lloyd.
- Finch, said Mr Hartfield, this report must be in before tonight.
He handed Lloyd the file, and still panting Lloyd sat down in his cubicle and started working as Mr Hartfield began walking away.
Lloyd stared at the report. It was going to take time.
He brought a cup of tea to drink while he worked. The lunch break passed. It started to get dark outside. The security guy happened to pass by his cubicle and said:
- Hey, man, we're closing this place now.
He got an unarticulated answer from Lloyd who had his blue-ish eyes fixated at the screen as he worked on his report.
- Well, could you lock up after you? I'm going home, said the security guy.
- Sure, sure, said Lloyd and kept typing.
The security guy shrugged and left Lloyd in his cubicle.
Without Lloyd realizing it, the clock neared twelve. He finally finished the report and satisfied he sent it to Mr Hartfield.
Then he closed his eyes, for just a moment. At that moment he fell asleep with his head on the keyboard.

Lloyd woke up to the sound of noises. Confused and disoriented he rubbed his eyes and then his brain started to register the sounds his ears sent it. The sound of music, chatter, the clinking of glasses... it sounded like a crowd of some sort. Lloyd looked at the clock that hung over his cubicle. It was half past midnight. The place should have closed hours ago. Curious, Lloyd got up from his chair and went down the stairs. There was no-one in the reception. He carefully peered around it into the great hall. Lloyd blinked. There was indeed a crowd in the hall - but he couldn't make out any faces as the only thing properly illuminated was the stage in the far corner of the room. On the stage was a woman, who had a microphone in her hand and spoke into it:
- And now, ladies and gentlemen and creatures of undefined gender, please welcome our one and only - maestro Killian Pearlgem Hammerjester!
A storm of applause arouse from the crowd as a short and thin person - Lloyd couldn't make out whether it was a man or a woman - with tousled black hair jumped up to the stage and bowed before jumping down again and taking place at a big piano beside the stage.
- Enjoy the show, dear guests, said the woman with a big smile - let me introduce the Fine Faun Show!
She stepped down from the stage and appearing from behind the red curtains came about five fauns and started to step dance. They were dressed in very short and very pink dresses.
Lloyd blinked again. They really were fauns. There was no way someone could have made fake legs look like goat legs that way.
- I thought you dreamt while you slept, not after you woke up, Lloyd muttered to himself.
- Who says you're dreaming, Finch?
Lloyd turned around. The woman who had been on the stage leaned at the reception and looked at him with her arms folded.
- Excuse me, but do I know y -
The Lloyd noticed the crooked nose.
- Mr Hartfield?
- Please, call me Cameron, said the woman, but if you must, it's miss Hartfield right now.
- Oh, of course, said Lloyd, still shocked. His brain had freezed.
His boss, who apparently was a woman for the moment, looked at him with a smile.
- Well, Finch, or should I call you Lloyd? Anyway, we have two options here. One: We dispose of you -
- We need disposing of someone?
The deep voice came from behind Lloyd. He didn't dare to turn around this time.
- The other options are? he asked with a shaky voice.
- Well, we hire you. Then you won't tell anyone of this of fright for being unemployed.
Lloyd swallowed and looked at the crowd. He wondered if any of the people were actually human.
- Sounds good to me, he managed to say.
- Splendid! said Cameron and brought her hands together in a clap.
The crowd also started to clap, apparently the Fine Faun show was over.
- All right, Finch, said his boss with a little more serious voice, since this is you first night at the Queer Inn, why don't you go and get yourself a drink at the bar, you know, get to know us "creatures of the night", hm?
- Hm, sure, yes.
Lloyd made his way through the crowd, which as a matter of fact didn't contain any humans, to the bar disk and sank down onto one of the green bar stools.
- What'll it be? said the bartender.
- Uh, I don't- Lloyd interrupted himself when he saw the bartender and had to swallow a scream of fright. The man's nose was sewed on and he missed one eye and his skin had a greenish-gray hue and there was a big slash on his right cheek, showing his row of teeth.
- Whatcha starin' at? said the bartender grumpily, you never seen a zombie before?
- As a matter of fact I haven't, Lloyd managed to say with a thin voice.
- Well, hello Ignacio, said a voice, whose owner sat down on the stool beside Lloyd, who's the  cutie?
- I dunno, said the bartender, who apparently was named Ignacio, what can I get you, Killian?
Lloyd glanced at the person next to him. It was the one who had been introduced on the stage and he seemed to be human - until Lloyd noticed the pointy ears that protruded from the black mess of thick and long hair on the elf.
- Hm, I think a Elementally Intoxicated Cocoa will do, we're not actually allowed to drink alcohol while we work, you know - you want anything, honey?
It took Lloyd a while before he realized the elf was talking to him.
- Huh? Oh, yes, sure... um...
- Just pour him a Murderous Special, Ignacio, the elf said with a sweet smile, he seems to be new here. It's on me, love.
Lloyd wasn't used to getting called "honey" or "love" and certainly not by an androgynous, strange elf. He had decided it was a male elf, since the tight leather outfit it wore showed no curves whatsoever.
The zombie bartender brought them two tall glasses and put them down on the disk. Lloyd suspiciuosly sniffed his drink and choked on the fumes.
When his furious cough attack was over the elf patted him on his bak and said with a kind voice:
- It's actually quite good when you've overcome the initial reaction. Just take a sip. My name is Killian. What's yours?
- It's Lloyd, said Lloyd with a hoarse voice, and I don't think I dare. And besides you said we're not allowed to drink when we work.
- You work here? Killian said surprised, why haven't I seen you before? Or have I? I certainly would've remembered a sweet thing like you!
Lloyd blinked several times. Was a male elf coming onto him?
- I... I just got hired, he said uncertainly.
- There's no alcohol in my Murderous Special, said Ignacio.
- Really? said Lloyd and looked at the sizzling beverage in his glass. Then he pushed it as far away as he could.
- So, said Killian, absent-mindedly stirring his Elementally Intoxicated Cocoa with a long and thin finger, what species are you? I can't figure it out.
- Oh. Um, I'm human?
Killian tripped his glass.
- Human!? he shouted with a surprisingly loud voice and a shrill tone.
All the talk stopped and the heads of the various creatures in the bar turned to Lloyd.
- Um. Yes, Lloyd said giving his surrounding frightened glances.
- Is there any problem, Killian?
Lloyd recognized the deep voice whose owner had offered to dispose of him.
- No, everything's fine, said Killian and lifted his glass and drank the remaining liquid, I was just surprised.
The chatter resumed. Lloyd exhaled relieved. He turned his head and met the stone gaze of a very tall, muscular, brown skinned elf with short, spiky hair that was black at the roots but blond at the tops. He was wearing a pink shirt with a name tag that said: Little Black Warrior - Security.
- Lloyd, this is my twin brother Kiaran, Killian introduced.
Lloyd's gaze flickered from the short and pale elf to the tall and brown-skinned elf.
- Twins? he repeated.
At that moment a woman with wavy blond hair in a ponytail arrived to the bar and shouted:
- A Foul Southern Cut, Negatif Coconut Mysterie, Peach Potion and a Raging Vinter, Ignacio, please! the woman said with a strange accent, that sounded half French, half East European. Lloyd saw two sharp fangs sticking out of the woman's mouth and noticed the red eyes. Then he saw the little moustache and beard and was very confused.
- 'urry up, you durak! said the vampire man/woman to the zombie who had his backed turned to them.
- Andrei, watch your mouth! said Kiaran with a demanding tone.
- Vatever, you're just a little bliatz! said the vampire whose name apparently was Andrei and grabbed a tray, on which Ignacio had put four tall glasses, and swept off.
- This is a little much for me, Lloyd admitted and put his face in his hands.
- There, there, said Killian and patted him encouragingly on the back, just wait until you meet Aislinn.
- Speaking of the devil, Kiaran said with a high-pitched and barely audible voice.
Lloyd almost didn't dare to turn his head this time, but curiosity ovecame.
It was a man passing by the bar. He was dressed as a woman. With make-up. Actually, it could have been just a tall, rather heavily built woman if it weren't for the beard. It was a big, brown beard that was connected to the hair via a pair of magnificent sideburns.
- Whatever you do, Killian whispered in Lloyd's ear, don't mention her beard!
- I'll make a mental note, Lloyd whispered back, his mind trying to keep up with what was happening.
The Killian raised his voice:
- Hey, Aislinn, mind if I buy you a drink?
The woman giggled and answered with a dark and snarling voice:
- I'm afraid I don't have time, dear.
And then she disappeared into the crowd.
With a wide-eyed, blank stare Lloyd reached for his Murderous Special and took a deep sip of it.
Lloyd blinked. He blinked again. Then he went down, his head landing on the bar counter with a heavy thump. He spilled out the drink, which slowly started to eat its way through the wooden counter.