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Literature Text
Five Dads
In this life I've had 5 dads
A story behind each one
In this life I've had 5 dads
All of them claimed to call me son
The first couldn't control his urges or desires
So he grabbed a women, and by force I was sired
To this day I look in the mirror,
and I see the scars of his past
I was a child never wanted, it was never meant to last
The second took me in, when I was cast out
He raised me and loved me, till a new wife came about
I guess it goes to show
That with affection you never know
What is real and what is fake
Even if a young boys heart is at stake
The third was a savage, that claimed protection and comfort
So my mother took him in, but only pain did he contort
The first month was great, everyone was happy
But then quickly the beatings
Ended every dream that was sappy
As the police car pulled away
My heart laid shattered and broken
But the story does not end
The fourth nightmare must be spoken
He claimed to be a man of honor and respect
But when he was on the bottle...
I didn't know what to expect
He lied, cheated, and stole
But my mom had climbed aboard his boat
Till one day...she found his hands around her throat
The police pulled away again
It's a wonder I'm alive
.....but then fate had to send...number five
He chased my mom for years
Then seized his opportunity to draw near
She married him two weeks ago
But there are already signs that I fear
I woke up to them screaming,
will the nightmare ever end?
I wonder what lays just around the bend
In this life I've had 5 dads
A story behind each one
In this life I've had 5 dads
Will I ever be able to trust a single one?
Literature
She always fell for boys who needed saving.
She always fell for boys who needed saving.
Giving them kisses in the dark
to numb their headache from
drinking too much and yet
not enough to kill lust.
She was always adored by boys, who,
if given the chance, would rebuild
the world for her.
But she wanted to be the heroine
and refused to see
she needed saving, too.
Literature
R.I.P.
Did anyone notice that she winced if you raised your arm?
Did anyone notice that her eyes were wide with alarm?
Did anyone notice that she never looked you in the eye?
Did anyone notice that her voice was but a sigh?
Did anyone notice that her skin was always bruised?
Did anyone question whether she might be abused?
Did anyone question why she walked in obvious fear?
Did anyone question why one day she did not appear?
Did anyone recognize her face on the six-o’clock news?
Did anyone see her remains pulled from the river refuse?
Did anyone care that this quiet girl no longer exists?
No. No one did. And she will never even be missed.
R.I
Literature
You're Not?
You're anorexic if you're thin
You're not? Then you're obese.
If you're different, you're insane
You're not? Then you're a fake.
If you're happy, you're hiding something.
You're not? You must be emo.
If you're dating, you're a slut.
You're not? You must have no friends.
If you're popular, you're a jerk.
You're not? You're a nobody.
If you're quiet, you must be disabled.
You're not? You obnoxious freak.
If you're you, you're wrong.
You're not?
Then you must be perfect.
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Sorry that all my poems lately have been me venting about my father issues, it's just been on my mind alot lately. Anyways alot of this wasn't exactly easy to say, but I needed to get it out somehow
This is the story of my birth dad, adopted dad, and all of my step dads
:update:
Comments: 76
Favourites: 272
Views: 2,341
Downloads: 16
All in one day....I have to say....I'm stunned. Thanks for all the support everyone, it truly means alot
This is the story of my birth dad, adopted dad, and all of my step dads
:update:
Comments: 76
Favourites: 272
Views: 2,341
Downloads: 16
All in one day....I have to say....I'm stunned. Thanks for all the support everyone, it truly means alot
© 2013 - 2024 SanityFallen
Comments113
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Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
The nature of this poem is truly sad and depressing, but that's what poetry really is: a way to express your feelings with no fears, doubts or qualms. And the reader can ask for no more.
Now, back to the critique:
To begin with, I want to copliment the way you've managed to create vivid images in my mind. This indicates that the poem was quite visual and direct, as it intensely 'speaks' to the reader's soul. The rhyming is... decent. Maybe too obvious sometimes (with this, I mean that I understood what would be said from the previous line, if that makes any sense) a bit forced and sometimes it was 'all over the place', since some lines rhyme while others don't, but it definitely is a nice try.
I particularly like some lines (''That with affection you never know/What is real and what is fake/Even if a young boys heart is at stake") but some others include clichéd phrases, such as "scars of his past" and "it goes to show". If you want the reader to feel YOUR situation, then you should use YOUR words, the ones that come from your heart, and not the ones that are being used the most.
All in all, this piece has really stronge potential. It is clear, direct, it speaks to the reader and it manages to evoke emotions through simple vocabulary. Besides, there are no rules when it comes to feelings. You write what you feel--it's as simple as that.
Great work, keep it up!
I hope for the best for you!